Chapter 9 19 Months Later #2
I tell myself my eyes aren’t scanning the yard for Amber, that I’m just looking for more of my family.
I know I damn well shouldn’t be looking for her.
I’m steeling myself for the gut punch when I finally see her on the arm of her fiance, probably some young tech bro, some ridiculously handsome young man with perfect white teeth and smooth hair that doesn’t have a single strand of gray.
Probably tanned and dressed in fucking Ralph Lauren.
Easy, man. Calm down.
I exhale through gritted teeth, and Felicity looks up at me with raised eyebrows.
“Something wrong?”
I quickly shake my head, forcing a smile and looking out over the yard.
And there she is.
Amber’s standing by the old barn, a glass of champagne in her delicate fingers, talking to a young man who has his back to me.
She’s smiling up at him, her skin glowing against the electric blue of her dress.
Her hair is so long now, hanging down almost to her ass in a curly, swept-back low ponytail.
The dress is short and shows off her long legs, which look even longer in the heels she’s wearing.
She raises the glass to her lips, taking a sip as she smiles and nods, her gaze wandering from the man’s face - and straight to mine.
My heart stops.
The smile fades from her lips, and we’re probably making this really fucking obvious, just staring at each other across the yard. She’s standing next to the man I assume is her fiancé, and she’s staring right at another man.
“Theo?” My sister’s voice jolts me back to reality, and I remember where I am and what I’m meant to be doing.
I clear my throat and look down at my sister with a smile. “Sorry, zoned out for a second. There’s so many people here.”
I cast another glance over at Amber, who’s resumed her conversation with the man, but her eyes flash in my direction. I force myself to look away, and go to greet my family and Mella.
I make pleasant small talk, and someone presses a drink into my hand, which I drink without even tasting it or thinking about what it is.
I try not to look for Amber, because that would be creepy, but I can’t help but somehow be aware of where she is, warm like the sun as she moves around the party.
The man I assumed was her fiancé turns out to be the brother of one of the other boys here, and I can’t help but wonder where her fiancé is. He should be at this party. It’s an important night for Amber. The fact he’s not in attendance makes me irrationally angry.
After making more small talk and drinking more drinks I don’t even pay attention to, my brain starts to feel fuzzy.
I’m almost worn out from being so hyper-aware of where Amber is, and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to try and take a breath and get a handle on myself. This isn’t helpful, or healthy.
The music fades as I move through the house, past the kitchen where the caterers are busily preparing more food.I turn a corner, into a room furnished with just an artfully beige bookshelf, and a desk under the window.
I stand in the middle of the room and look out at the fading light, and take a deep breath.
Calm down, man. You’re putting way too much thought into this. It was one weekend, almost two years ago. The girl’s moved on. You’ll barely see her anymore after tonight. Just let it go.
“Theo?”
The sweet voice makes my heart propel through my body like a tornado.
I spin around, and Amber’s standing there in the doorway, her hand with pretty white-tipped nails against the door frame. Her lips lift into a small, uncertain smile.
“Hi,” she says softly.
“Hi.” All I can say is that one stupid word.
Amber steps into the room, fidgeting with her hands. “You look really nice.”
“I, uh, thanks, I mean… You do… too. Look gorgeous. I mean.”
She giggles, her cheeks flushing pink. “Thank you.” She takes another step closer. “It’s really good to see you.”
“You, too.” I want to apologise for not seeing her, for not talking to her, for not doing anything I should have done in the past…
How long has it been? I had a counter going.
500 days? More? I don’t know. I should know.
But I don’t do that. “I guess congratulations are in order. I heard you made Valedictorian.”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and shrugs. “Yeah. I did. It was, ummm… I guess I really found my calling.”
“I told you, Amber Pope, future bridge builder.” I take a deep breath and look at the ground. “I guess it won’t be Amber Pope for much longer though, huh?” I look back up at her, unprepared for the pain in her face. “I mean… Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound-”
“We broke up.”
I suck in a breath, my brows drawing down into a frown. “I… What?”
“My fiancé, and I. We… We broke up. A couple of months ago.” Amber lets out a short, cynical laugh. “I’m surprised Laurie didn’t tell you. But then why would she? It’s not like we’re anything to each other, right?”
“Honey…” I want to punch myself in the face for even calling her that, and I take a step towards her. “Amber, what happened?”
She looks out the window with a shrug. “I realised I was play-acting. Pretending. Pretending to be happy with something that I wasn’t really happy with, because I told myself I should be.
” Her eyes move back to me, and they’re shining, like she’s about to cry.
“We should have been perfect together. He was sweet, handsome, really nice. His folks liked me. And when he asked me to marry him it felt like it was the right thing to do.”
“I’m… I’m so sorry.”
She gives me a pained smile. “I was determined, you know? After we… I was determined to go out and use that confidence to find what I thought I was looking for.” She reaches out a tentative hand to draw her fingertips along my jaw, and her touch is electric, and warm.
“I tried. I really did. Because I told myself that what we had was just one weekend. It’s crazy to hold on to that, right?
Something we said wouldn’t mean anything. ”
But it did mean something. I don’t think it’s the right time to say that to her, not when it won’t help and it sure as fuck won’t stop the hurt that’s lingering in her eyes. She draws closer to me, and I can smell her perfume, fresh and sweet like those apple orchards she told me about.
“Honey…” I lift a hand to her face, and a single tear slips down her cheek. “I…”
“Am-ber!” The insistent call is accompanied by staccato taps of stilettos on the hardwood floor.
Amber and I spring apart, just in time, as Laurie stalks past the door, doubling back when she spots us.
“There you are!” She shimmies in, holding out her hands to Amber with a wide grin. “Come on, babe, it’s time for toasts!”
“Yeah, oh, OK.” Amber clears her throat, and Laurie frowns.
“Babe?” She looks at me with alarm, then back at Amber. “Amber, are you alright? Are you crying?”
“No, no, I’m fine, I mean, um yeah, just emotional.” Amber throws me a quick, forced smile. “Just a lot going on. I told your dad about, um, my new job.”
“Yes, she did.” I smile at my daughter who still looks concerned and now a little confused. “Big things are happening.”
“Ohhhh.” Laurie smiles and shrugs, slipping an arm around Amber’s shoulders. “Are you crying because it’s Boston?”
“Boston?” I ask. “You hate Boston.”
STUPID. MOTHER. FUCKER.
Amber looks at me with alarm, and Laurie is even more confused.
“What?” Laurie asks with a laugh. “How do you know she hates Boston?”
“We should go, they’re waiting for us.” Amber grabs Laurie’s hand and drags her out of the room.
“Come on, dad!” Laurie calls after her.
I stare at the door like an asshole for a minute before forcing myself out into the yard.
The fairy lights illuminate the garden, the sky turning brilliant shades of orange and pink as the sun sets.
Martin hands me a drink and asks me something, and I just nod stupidly. I don’t even know what he asked me.
There are speeches, Amber’s father saying how proud he is of his daughter, and Amber smiles sweetly at him.
My stupid haze is broken for a few minutes when Mella hauls me up with her and insists we both give a speech for Laurie.
We tell her how proud we are, how bright her future is, and how glad we are that we get to be her parents.
Laurie starts to cry into my mother’s shoulder, and my family mills around her and comforts her.
Once our speech is done, Laurie runs into our arms and hugs us both.
Mella and I smile at each other, a little awkwardly at first, but we focus on our daughter, still weeping between us, and relax.
Drinks continue to flow as the other parents get up and give their speeches, everyone cheering on the new graduates.
The mood is light, we’re all having a good time, and yet I can’t help it that my eyes keep drifting in Amber’s direction.
Music starts to boom over the speakers, the graduates and their siblings breaking into a dance as they sing along to a song I recognize but don’t know the words to.
Another drink in my hand, I try to avoid the hundreds of questions my mother throws at me about the last woman I was dating. Martin thankfully intervenes, talking about his latest medical conference in Paris.
Across the garden, Amber disappears down the side of the barn.
The way she glances around before she moves out of sight, checking that she’s alone and nobody is watching, has butterflies swooping through my stomach.
Excusing myself from my family, I try to look as casual as possible, ambling towards the barn.
I pause at the corner, looking over the party, checking no one’s eyes are turned this way right now. Because I’m a fucking criminal and know what I’m about to do is so, so wrong. Sure everyone is distracted, I turn and hurry down the side of the barn, rounding the corner, and stop short.