Chapter 35
To be at the wrap party of a movie about her life was already absurd enough for Justine, but to be there with Sienna Bright, who was playing her ex, was beyond surreal.
Whether they were actually each other’s girlfriend—whether Justine could ever really be someone’s girlfriend—was up in the air, but what was more than obvious was that they enjoyed each other’s company. They spent most of their spare time together—and every single night in each other’s arms.
They didn’t waste a lot of that precious time talking, but Justine felt it in every cell of her body. When Sienna so much as rang her doorbell, her stomach flip-flopped. When she kissed her, Justine knew no one else’s kiss would ever do again. All the while, they did as they had agreed. They let the days pass, lived their lives, and grew closer.
Sometimes, Justine had to cancel a date. Other times, instead of rushing to the shelter the way she’d always done, she asked Darrel to handle an emergency that previously she would have believed only she could deal with. Darrel would finish their management course next week and as their graduation present, Justine was giving them a larger chunk of responsibility as well as a pay rise—thanks to Bobby Bright’s donation. The shelter was still everything to her, but Sienna was quickly becoming equally important.
A hush went through the crowd at the party. They were being silenced.
“Time for the director’s speech,” Rochelle said to Justine.
Mimi St James stepped onto the stage, microphone in hand. She’d never looked the way Justine had imagined a director would, and she certainly didn’t tonight. She was dressed in a stark white pants suit, a fuchsia blouse underneath, all no doubt costing more than a month’s worth of Justine’s salary.
Mimi thanked the cast and crew profusely for all their hard work the past few months, then paused to smile before continuing.
“Directing a movie was my childhood dream. I’ve wanted to become a director since I was a teenage movie nerd. I became a lot of other things in my life. A mother. A TV show producer. Nora Levine’s lesbian lover.” Everyone laughed at that, Justine included. “And it was Nora who planted the seed in my mind that, just because I’m in my sixties, it’s not too late for my teenage dream to come true. It was also Nora who came up with the idea for this movie.” Even Justine felt a twinge of emotion as she witnessed how Mimi gazed so lovingly at Nora. The things love could do—the very thing Justine had run away from for such a long time. Until it came knocking on her door so brazenly, so irrevocably, that she could no longer ignore it.
“But, of course, this movie wouldn’t exist without its amazing subject.” Mimi fixed her gaze on Justine now. “I know you’re not fond of the spotlight, Justine, so I’ll be brief. But make no mistake, me being brief does not mean my appreciation for you, for what you do, and everything you stand for—the message you send every single day by tirelessly doing what you do—is any less. On the contrary. I am merely the director of Gimme Shelter , but you are its undisputed star. Let’s give it up for Justine Blackburn, everyone!”
“Whoop,” Rochelle shouted next to Justine.
On her other side, Sienna grabbed her hand.
Justine felt more than a twinge of emotion now. Nothing about this movie had gone as she had expected. Instead of mostly ignoring that there was a movie, and instead of getting on with her life, Justine had spent a lot of time on set. She’d cried bitter tears while watching some of the scenes. She’d felt her heart open a fraction and perhaps it was no coincidence that, as her defenses had stretched and then softened, Justine had fallen in love with Sienna Bright—helplessly and recklessly so. Against all expectations, she was secretly looking forward to watching the finished product.
Justine did what she wasn’t very good at. She accepted the applause. Not because of her so-called accomplishments, but because of who she was now as opposed to on that day when Alexis Dalton and Sienna Bright had first come to Rochelle’s house. Because of how this movie had changed some significant aspects of her life. Because, girlfriends or not, she and Sienna were in a relationship.
Because Justine was in love.
They were at Sienna’s apartment and, as she always did now, Sienna took a moment in front of a picture of her dad on the sideboard.
“How are you feeling?” Justine asked.
“I’m sad that he’s not going to see our movie.” Sienna had referred to Gimme Shelter a couple of times as ‘our movie’ now, and Justine had stopped correcting her. It didn’t even bother her that much anymore. “And that he’ll never get to know you.”
Justine had only met Bobby briefly and talked to him on the phone once, but she’d forever be grateful to him for two huge accomplishments in his too-short life: donating all that money to the Rainbow Shelter and fathering Sienna Bright.
“Yeah. It’s sad and unfair.” Justine beckoned Sienna over to her.
Sienna crashed next to her on the couch and lay down with her legs dangling over the side and her head in Justine’s lap.
“How are you feeling after that wrap party?” Sienna gazed up at Justine.
“It was okay.” A strange sensation that she couldn’t really place had started creeping up on Justine from time to time. “I quite enjoyed it, actually.” She suspected that, in that dark, shadowy place where she preferred to bury a lot of her feelings, she might actually feel something akin to pride. Because that movie had reminded her how far she’d come. Justine had literally seen her own past come to life before her very eyes.
“Remember when I said we’d walk that red carpet together?” Sienna smiled up at her.
“I don’t know much about the movie industry, but I do know a hell of a lot of time passes between wrapping a movie and the premiere.”
“This one is low on the special effects, but yeah,” Sienna mused. “I’m fully expecting some reshoots. I wasn’t always at the top of my game.”
“How long do you reckon? Ballpark?” Justine didn’t have a clue about the actual time frame.
“Six months minimum, but it could be longer.” Sienna waggled her eyebrows. “Either way, no matter what happens to us, we’ll both be there.”
Justine nodded. “Let’s hope we’ll still be on speaking terms.”
“On much more than speaking terms.” Sienna looked deep into Justine’s eyes, and Justine knew what that look meant. Their hunger for each other had only grown. Justine couldn’t possibly imagine no longer speaking to Sienna, for whatever reason. But life was wholly unpredictable, that much she also knew.
Justine bowed and kissed Sienna’s forehead. “If I remember correctly, you said it would be an honor to walk the red carpet with me.” She broke into a grin. “That honor would be very mutual.”
Sienna’s gaze softened, and the hunger in her eyes changed into something else. “Can I tell you what would be an even bigger honor for me?”
“Of course.” Justine couldn’t wipe that grin off her face even if she wanted to.
Sienna took her sweet time saying whatever she was going to say. She gazed into Justine’s eyes. If she was trying to convey with that look that she was crazy in love with Justine, it was working. If she was trying to say something else, Justine was missing it completely—her brain was too saturated with the hormones unleashed at this stage of infatuation.
“If you told me something about your parents,” Sienna said.
Way to kill the mood. Someone might as well have just placed a glass dome over them, robbing the room of all oxygen in one fell swoop.
But instead of reacting, Justine took a breath. She had experience with this question and Gimme Shelter had only increased that experience the past two years. Being a part of this movie was always going to raise questions.
“I wish I’d been there when Nora was shooting her scenes,” Sienna said. “I know you were there, babe. How did it make you feel?”
Justine understood that Sienna had questions. She was in the movie, she was dating Justine, and she’d just lost a parent.
“It didn’t make me feel anything,” Justine said, truthfully. “It was strange to see Nora Levine play my mother. A hell of a lot weirder than seeing Alexis play me, and that’s already been such a trip. But I don’t have any residual feelings for my parents and I honestly don’t know if they’re still alive.” Justine could only assume that someone, although she didn’t know who, would let her know when her parents died. She couldn’t predict how it would make her feel, but she suspected not a whole lot. “I also don’t care. They might as well not be my parents because I clearly stopped being their child.” While your child should be the most precious thing in your life. “It was their choice, not mine. I came to terms with that a long time ago.”
“What were they like… before?” Sienna was a bit too curious to Justine’s liking, but it was easy enough to cut her some slack.
“I guess these days you would call it bougie.” Justine was used to joking about them. When she’d had to describe her parents to Charlie for the screenplay, she’d gone about it the same way—perhaps the only way. “But the worst kind, you know? Everything had to look a certain way for the outside world.” Justine shook her head. “The right kind of clothes and the right kind of car. Until my twelfth birthday, my mother made me wear a dress every single day, even though I made sure she knew how much I hated wearing them. That kind of stupid, pretentious bullshit.” Justine ran her fingers through Sienna’s braids. It soothed her, and perhaps allowed her to continue more easily. “They were always so formal with each other, like they were business associates more than a married couple. With me as well. There wasn’t a huge amount of love on display, only a lot of expectations and, well, disappointment, I guess.” None of this still agitated Justine. “I came out to them in a fit of blind rage. God, I was so angry back then. I was a typical teenager. All out-of-control fury and feeling misunderstood. Although I have no idea who I got my rebellious streak from. I have no idea where I get any of my personality traits from. I always felt like such a stranger in my own family. Like I couldn’t believe these two uptight hypocrites made me.” Justine looked into Sienna’s beautiful face. “I wanted to leave home as soon as I could, but I wasn’t ready when they kicked me out. I was hoping college would be my big escape, but I didn’t even graduate high school. They didn’t give me the chance.”
“I’m so sorry.” Sienna reached up her hand and found Justine’s. “Thank you for telling me.”
Justine shrugged. “It’s all going to be in that fucking movie .”
“ Our movie.” Sienna squeezed her hand.
“I think Mimi might disagree with you calling it that.” Justine was more than ready for a change of subject.
“Maybe.” Sienna narrowed her eyes. “Did you really only agree to it for the money?”
“Of course, what other reason could I have had?” Justine intertwined her fingers with Sienna’s. “When I said yes, I didn’t yet know that Sienna Bright was going to play Rochelle, otherwise that would have definitely swayed me much earlier.”
Sienna chuckled. “I know for a fact that you’d never heard of me before I was cast. You certainly hadn’t seen any of my movies.”
“I’ve seen them all now.” Some even more than once.
“You didn’t agree to the movie because, deep down, you were hoping for some sort of closure?”
“Closure of what?” Justine shook her head. “I made my peace with what happened a long time ago. I don’t need a movie for that. I did it for the money because funding a homeless shelter for queer kids is very expensive.”
“You do realize that I’m hella rich now, right? Half of Bobby’s money puts me in the 1%.”
“Good for you.”
“Once all the paperwork is done, I will definitely donate more to the shelter.”
“Really?” Justine’s insides fluttered like a field of butterflies in the wind. “I do vividly remember that’s how you seduced me last time, but you’ve already got me now.”
Sienna burst out laughing. “There’s so much to unpack from what you just said, but I choose to only focus on that I’ve got you.”
“You have.” She bowed down again, to kiss Sienna fully on the lips this time. “You’ve totally got me,” she whispered, before letting her tongue slip into Sienna’s mouth.