Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
CASH
For the past few days, I’ve been listening to Lie’s books on my days—or afternoons—off when Onyx has students. The way I feel both horrified and turned on by how sexy they are is something that doesn’t leave me for hours after. It’s a good thing I have a sexy boyfriend who doesn’t mind fucking me.
“Here,” Onyx says, handing me a couple pillows.
I wrap my arms around them and stand off to the side of his bedroom as he hikes a backpack onto his back and picks up a stack of blankets. “Are we going camping?” I ask, thinking about the long-forgotten camping equipment that Laiken and Nason had in their sheds.
“Kind of, but no,” he says and kisses my cheek. “Let’s go, beautiful.”
He’s the sweetest damn man. Seriously.
We talk about his students and the last tour I worked on as we make our way to the docks. Neither of us has our phones on us, so there’s no need to stop with our full hands at the lockers. The security check assures that we’re electronics-free, and we race to get on the ferry that’s pulled up.
“Where are you headed with all that?” Susan Curtis asks. She lives down the road from Onyx. “Field trip?”
“Kind of, yeah,” Onyx answers with a charming smile.
“It’s so nice of you to take Cash under your wing,” Mr. Tilly says.
I bow my head to hide my smile. My cheeks flush when Onyx says, “Cash deserves all the best things and happy moments.”
“He sure does,” Mrs. Curtis says.
It’s honestly shocking that no one has picked up on the fact that we’re together. On the one hand, the island is used to seeing us together. I was always with Onyx and Benson when we were young. I was the little brother who they adored and spoiled and took everywhere with them.
Everyone knows Benson has been an asshole and bullied me for the past nine years. They’ve witnessed it. They’ve heard about it.
The island also knows that Onyx protected me from Benson almost three weeks ago now. It’s not such a far stretch to imagine that the reason he’s walking me to and from work is to keep Benson away from me.
I’m still the little brother being protected. Except that the older brothers are now in the middle of a rift, and they’ve taken sides. Onyx has chosen to protect me.
We don’t do anything to adjust their perception of our relationship either. Personally, I think the way he looks at me and the way I’m always flushed and smiling like a fucking sap gives it away. But maybe they only see what they expect to see.
I’m still not sure what we’re doing or where we’re going when we get off the ferry on Anapos and begin following the path straight through the resort. Because we’re essentially carrying bedding, we gather a lot of attention. The curious and amused expressions make me smile.
Eventually, we settle in the field at the far right of the airport.
There’s a fence that keeps us off the tarmac, and we set up about a dozen feet from it.
It’s not quiet here. Calling this patch of grass a field is being generous, and the gardens lining the resort paths that we had to pick our way through are only a couple dozen feet behind us.
We can hear the voices of guests everywhere.
But once we’re lying on the blankets, the outside noises seem to fade away. A plane roars and lifts into the air. It feels like it flies so low, and while it doesn’t take off in this direction, I can feel the roar of the engines through the air.
Even though there are several thousand guests on Kala every single day, the airport is really small.
The planes that come here are also small because we can’t support larger planes without eating into the islands’ space even more.
In the plans for expansion, there have also been proposals for extending the airport with artificial land to accommodate larger planes.
I’m not sure where we fell on that topic. While I’m exceedingly excited for new islands and more living spaces, it feels so far off that it’s difficult to get excited about. I feel like I’m going to be bouncing between living spaces for years. Years. And none of them will actually be mine.
Onyx sits and brings a pair of binoculars to his eyes. I watch him examine the tarmac and the planes for a few minutes before lying back down.
“Want to see?” he asks.
I’m not sure what he’s looking at or for, so I take them and look my fill. I’ve never left Kala. I have been as far as the tarmac to see Lie off when he went to college for the first time two years ago. I’ve never been on a plane, though. I’ve never been in the air.
“They look so small from here,” I comment before handing him back the binoculars.
“I’ve seen really big planes in videos. The kind that have bedroom spaces and shit. They’re unreal. I’d love to see one of these small ones beside the giants. Just to see the size difference in person.”
We talk about planes and travel for a while as we watch planes take off and land. Every now and then, we take turns with the binoculars and watch people board and deplane. Catching glimpses inside the plane. Seeing the pretty people arriving for an exciting vacation at a gay resort.
Once again, I hand the binoculars back to Onyx and lie down, saying, “There were a lot of women on that flight. Think it’s a bachelorette party?”
“Ohh,” Onyx says and rolls to face me. “Guess what I just heard?”
“Someone getting married?”
“No. Well, yes. Every day there’s a wedding here.” Onyx smiles. “Actually, I just heard that when guests are booking their stay on Kala, there’s a question along the lines of ‘in what capacity do you belong to the LGBTQIA+ community?’ and another to ask what brings them to the islands.”
I nod, not sure how that’s exciting news to share.
“I’ve recently learned that the booking system only allows a specific percentage of identifying ‘cis hetero’ people on the island at one time.”
Okay, now that’s interesting. “Really? How? Why?”
“There are rumblings all over the internet about cis straight people infiltrating gay and queer places. Specifically, gay bars, clubs, and shit. Straight women are becoming far more prevalent because they’re safe there from straight men hitting on them and drugging them.
Which means more and more straight men are heading to gay places to hunt down these women just trying to escape them. ”
“Wow, that’s… fucked up.”
“Right? So Kala has taken measures to avoid allowing that to happen. A small portion of cis straight people are allowed on Kala at any one time. If they try to book and that capacity has already been hit, the calendar adjusts what dates are available to them.”
I laugh. “That’s wild.”
“Right?” Onyx asks and sits up with the binoculars again. “I would love to see the intake questions. I keep meaning to log onto the resort website and just mess around as if I want to book. I’m curious what my options would be depending on the way I answer questions.”
“I’ve never been on the website,” I admit. “Seems like such a weird thing to admit since I’ve lived here my entire life.”
He laughs. “I know.” Onyx watches the tarmac for a long time. Longer than any other time. I wonder if he’s watching for something specific. The longer he watches, the more I think that maybe he is.
Eventually, he lies back down beside me and offers me the binoculars. Because I’m curious, I sit up and take a look. I don’t see anything particularly interesting. More of what we’ve already seen.
“I think we should book a room at some point,” Onyx says as I’m examining the plane through the binoculars. I can barely see through the tiny windshield and the pilots within. “I’d love to experience the different rooms as guests, you know?”
“I always thought it would be cool to stay on Makara right beside Mount Pepper,” I say. “Or the castle on Etsumi.”
“Definitely. We can do that.”
I hand back the binoculars when the doors to the plane are closed and lie back beside Onyx again. We continue to talk about the things we’d want to do as guests as the plane takes off. Onyx gets quiet when the plane flies overhead, and he watches it for a long time.
I’m not sure why, but I have a niggling feeling in my stomach. A whole bunch of dots connect, and I turn my head to look at Onyx. “Ben was on that plane. Wasn’t he?”
Onyx rolls so he’s facing me. His fingers touch my chin, and he nods. “Yep. I watched him climb onto the plane.”
I’m not sure how I feel about this. We watched the plane Benson was on take off. Benson is officially off Kala. He’s not here anymore.
Chills break out all over my body. Tears momentarily sting my eyes.
I’m not sure if they’re sad tears or relief.
In a lot of ways, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Benson is gone. I’m never going to have to see him again.
I’ll never have to wonder when he’s going to show up and start screaming at me for existing.
I can go to the Hinky Dinky Bar and… he won’t tell me to leave. He won’t be playing with the band. A band that no longer exists.
He won’t try to break through my door at one in the morning. He won’t tell me he wishes I was dead again.
He’ll never hit me again.
“I’m weirdly upset,” I admit, trying to catch my breath.
Onyx pulls me into his chest. “I know the confusing feelings you’re feeling. It’s a chaotic mess of emotions—some I expected to feel and others I’m shocked and a little annoyed at feeling.”
I nod. “He’s still my brother, you know? Even if he’s hated me for almost half my life now. Even though I’ve grown numb and indifferent to the mean things he says. I hate that I’m upset about him leaving.”
“I know.”
“But I still hope he never comes back, and I hope he does and finally tells us all what the hell his problem was. Everything inside me feels like a contradiction.”
I press my face into Onyx’s chest and try to push all the emotion away.
It’s a relief. I think, as big as the hurt is, relief is the most prominent feeling.
Which feels really sucky because he’s my brother, and I hate that I feel this way.
He deserves it. Everything he’s done for the past nine years has made it my most pronounced emotion in response to his leaving Kala.
Actually, I kind of really hate that I’m sad at all. He doesn’t deserve that from me.
Onyx’s hand slides into my hair, and for a long time, we lie in the blanket nest on the grass under the flight path of the planes.
Maybe we’re both trying to sort through and make sense of our emotions.
I feel like if anyone is going to be a cacophony of contradicting feelings in the same way I am, it’ll be Onyx.
He understands in a way no one else will. Not even my dads.
His hand in my hair tightens. The sting it causes shoots straight to my cock, and I catch my breath. Fuck. Who knew an instant erection-maker was my hair being pulled? It’s never been a fun experience growing up.
Onyx pulls my head back by his fistful of my hair, and I try to swallow down the groan it creates in me. A muffled sound comes out, and his mouth swallows it.
Our kissing quickly turns heated. Maybe it began heated.
His hand drops between my legs to grip my cock, and I grunt into his mouth. Onyx shoves my pants out of the way and forgoes my dick entirely to mess with my hole.
“Want to get on my dick, Cashy?” Onyx asks.
Lie is almost the only one who calls me Cashy. It’s a cutesy name. One that I don’t feel anything particularly excited about. But coming from Onyx’s mouth, everything inside me burns with need, and I nod.
“Yes, Daddy.”
He snorts, drags his teeth along my neck. I don’t turn my head at the rustling noise beside us. No doubt he prepared for this eventuality.
“You planned to fuck me in the field under the planes to celebrate Benson leaving Kala, didn’t you?” I accuse.
“Maybe,” Onyx says, and I feel his smile against my bare stomach.
There’s something heightened about this moment. A fire under my skin as Onyx touches and kisses me everywhere. His mouth barely touches my dick as his fingers lube my ass. It’s not exactly a tease, but there’s a sensuality to it that has me breathless.
I’m frustrated when there are tears right beneath the surface.
Not because of anything Onyx is doing, but because of the enormity of this new reality.
Maybe a part of me always thought Benson would come back.
My Benson. My older brother and best friend.
The boy who used to build sheet forts in our rooms, and we’d camp out and giggle all night.
The boy who would play board games with me for hours or watch movies with me when I was sick.
The boy who taught me how to read by reading to me every night before bed when I was three, four, and five years old.
Onyx kisses the moisture at my eyes as he slowly enters my body. He doesn’t ask. I don’t think he needs to. When I feel a tear drop onto my cheek, I think he’s thinking the same things I am. Missing the same boy who vanished a long time ago.
Is it weird that it’s my brother we’re thinking about at this moment?
Yes, probably. But I’m not really thinking of Benson.
I’m just succumbing to the emotional upheaval inside me.
Sex does that. It splits me wide open, so any wall I’d built up or any determination to keep my emotions in check is always undone in this moment.
At least for me, with Onyx. Maybe because I give him all of myself and have from the first moment he touched me. I’m his. I’ve always been his. I trust him with all my fragile pieces. With my whole heart. I trust him to protect it and keep it.
“I love you,” Onyx murmurs in my ear. “I love you so fucking much, Cash. You’re my entire reason for living. For everything I do.”
I cling to him as he moves slowly inside me. The pleasure has settled into a simmer while we struggle through the pain of our emotional turmoil.
“I love you too,” I whisper, hearing how my voice shakes even then. “Thank you for choosing me, Daddy.”
He laughs, and just like that, everything we’ve been struggling with concerning Benson leaving fades into the background as we focus on each other.
The pleasure rises. Overtakes everything else as we tease and bite, and Onyx sinks further and further into being Daddy in the way he commands my body and pulls my hair until I burst apart on his cock.