39. Porter
PORTER
Islip into the lecture hall moments before class is set to begin, sink into a seat in the front row, and pull the hoodie over my head. It’s probably too warm now to be wearing this to class, but I don’t give a fuck if it’ll help me blend in with the crowd a bit more.
This class is the first time I’ll have to see Will since the dinner with his parents last Friday, and I’m hoping to avoid any actual interaction.
Afterwards he decided not to come over and fuck me.
Well, he said that his parents wanted to take him out for drinks and asked if we could reschedule our private celebrations, but I’m not expecting the rescheduling part to actually happen when that was almost a week ago.
Maybe seeing me interact with his parents made the whole queer thing a little too real for him. He couldn’t see a future with a guy, and instead of waiting until summer, he just decided to cut me out immediately.
I can’t be mad when I knew it was coming. Guys like him don’t pick guys like me. It’s not how the world works. But it doesn’t mean I haven’t started mourning our “relationship” and what we could’ve been.
Sure, he’s still been texting me, little things like how he hopes I have a good shift, sending me funny memes, updates about his day or asking about mine, but the invites to spend time together and the showing up on campus where he knows I’ll be have stopped completely.
There’s been no flirting or nicknames, just polite conversation I’m sure is meant to help me get over the shift in our friendship dynamics.
I’ve tried to be polite in my responses as well, but I really wish I could have ditched this class today.
We’re starting the finals special occasion speeches though, so our attendance for the rest of the semester is twenty percent of our grade.
Not coming would have been completely stupid.
Still tempting though because seeing him today is going to hurt.
I can’t take him trying to be polite to my face when I know what he looks like swallowing my cum.
My speech is next week, so today all I have to do is sit here for the next hour and ignore the blue-green eyes that I feel on me from across the room.
Will’s assigned slot isn’t until two weeks from now, on the last day, so at least I have some time to mentally prepare before I have to listen to his too.
The speeches are only a few minutes long, and I successfully pay attention to the first four or five.
There’s a wedding toast for a sibling, a eulogy for a beloved pet, an acceptance speech at a fake award show, and they’re interesting enough, but then there’s another wedding toast, and then another wedding toast. I’m quickly losing interest.
And regretting my plans for a wedding toast next week.
Over the next few speeches, I distract myself trying to think of a different topic that might stand out a little more, when a familiar voice cuts through my thoughts.
“Thanks so much again, Patricia, for switching your speech slot with me, and to Mrs. Fredricks for allowing the swap,” Will says, turning to our professor.
“You certainly piqued my interest, so go ahead,” she encourages.
“As I was preparing for this speech initially, I had planned to do an acceptance speech for a made-up hall of fame for the best college lacrosse players of all time,” he starts, and despite myself, I realize I’m smirking.
Damn him and his charming confidence. Was he ever actually afraid of public speaking? Or was that another excuse?
“But something happened to me recently that has me reevaluating my priorities,” he continues with an easy smile as he casually paces the front of the room.
“I realized I should approach this assignment as a sort of practice round for something I would actually like to happen one day, rather than wasting time on a daydream. So I thought about what I hope will be the most important speech I ever give—a proposal.”
I scoff quietly at the thought of Mr. No Relationships ever getting married. Maybe the dinner with me and his parents freaked him out even more than I’d realized, and now he’s rethinking having a girlfriend so that no one can question his sexuality.
Still a fucking cliché.
“In order for this to feel as authentic as possible, I’ve asked Porter to act as my partner, who I’m proposing to. Thanks for sitting right up front,” Will adds, then he winks at me.
What the actual fuck? I definitely didn’t agree to anything. My brain short-circuits for a very long moment, and I can’t even begin to comprehend what he just said. He’s… proposing to me?
Why the fuck would he do that? Everyone in this class is going to talk. Ask questions about our friendship and if Will is gay.
Did he not realize that? Or… is it possible that he actually doesn’t care?
He gives me a small smile, takes a breath, and starts speaking.
“Porter, when we first met you accused me of being a walking cliché. And honestly, I kind of was. A student athlete, exercise science major, who only hung out with his teammates, and even though I thought that I was progressive and accepting, you quickly helped me realize that I’d never really thought about anything beyond my own lived experiences. ”
My jaw is hanging open now, but I can’t remember how to shut it. I actually can’t remember how to move anything at all. I’m frozen in this seat as I listen to Will.
“Suddenly I found myself wondering about my friends’ lives in ways that I never had, about their goals beyond lacrosse, their families and financial situations.
I realized while I had considered myself to be a supportive friend, I didn’t actually know much about the people around me.
It was like you opened my eyes and unlocked a better version of me without even trying.
” Will is standing right in front of me now, a huge, hopeful smile on his face.
But what the fuck is he hoping for? I still don’t understand why he’s saying any of this. Does he really feel that way? Like spending time with me made him a better version of himself?
“I’ve also never met anyone who works as hard as you, Porter,” he goes on, and my cheeks heat.
“You’ve inspired me in so many ways. My future used to seem like such a distant hypothetical.
I thought I’d follow the easy path laid out for me as a phys ed teacher, that I’d probably end up with a wife and kids someday, but that it was all stuff I could figure out later.
I think the reason I could never imagine a future for myself, though, was because I hadn’t met you yet. ”
He pauses, looking right into my eyes, and it’s like we’re the only ones in the room.
His smile softens. “Now when I consider what I’d like to do with my life, whether it’s an hour from now, or next month, or even ten years down the road, I want you to be by my side, Porter.”
I make a very embarrassing squeaking sound at that, but I’m honestly too stunned to care. Could he really mean that?
“I used to think relationships at our age were pointless, a distraction that would only hold me back from making the most of my time in college and figuring out who I want to be. But I’ve finally realized that what I want to be more than anything, is the man who deserves you, P.”
My heart is racing so quickly I fear it may stop. My throat is too tight to swallow, let alone breathe, and Will starts to blur as he drops down to one knee in front of me, and I fight back tears.
He takes my hand in his. “You challenge me and encourage me. You make me smile and laugh more than I ever have in my life. I love the person I am when I’m around you.
You are so genuinely cool and funny, caring and loyal, you’re stubborn and sarcastic, and by far my favorite person.
I am so sorry that I ever made you doubt that you’re the very best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I want everyone to know that I’m crazy about you.
Porter, I love you. I am in love with you.
I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Will you be my boyfriend?”
Oh my god.
This can’t be real. But I think it might be.
He said boyfriend. He didn’t ask me to marry him as some gimmick for his speech. He said boyfriend.
And he loves me? He’s in love with me. Said I’m his favorite person.
I’ve never been anyone’s favorite person before.
I use my free hand to wipe tears from my eyes and search his face for any sign of amusement or humor or anything that might hint at this all being a part of some elaborate and cruel joke.
But there’s none. Will is smiling, eyes shining with hope, full of warmth, affection, and a little bit of fear.
As if he might be nervous that I’ll turn him down.
Still, this feels too good to be true, like a fantasy-come-to-life moment where something I didn’t even dare to dream is suddenly being presented to me.
I’d been so convinced that Will saw me as an experiment, something to enjoy behind closed doors, a secret he was ashamed of.
I thought he had no interest in dating at all.
But he’s announced in front of all these people that I’ve changed his mind about relationships.
He’s outed himself, and he’s claiming to want the future I’ve been so desperate to convince myself we could never have.
I have to ask, to hear it plainly from him. “Are you asking for real? Is the speech over?”
Will lets out a nervous laugh, holding my gaze as he nods. Then he turns to Mrs. Fredricks. “In a real proposal of course, I would have asked him to marry me, but in case it wasn’t clear, I’m trying to get him to agree to date me and be my boyfriend for real.”
“Yes, I understood that,” she confirms with an amused grin.
Will turns back to me. “What do you say, P? You know I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend before, so I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it, but you’ve been really great at teaching me other things, so I think we can figure it out.”
I let out a surprised laugh at him referencing me teaching him about gay sex in front of our whole class.
I can’t believe that he just came out in front of them all so casually.
He squeezes my hand from his position, still kneeling, and it’s like something clicks inside of my brain.
Everything he just said finally sinks in, and I realize I haven’t answered.
“Oh my god! Yes. Sorry I didn’t say that sooner. But yes, Will, I’d love to date you. I—”
He jumps up from the floor, pulling me with him so that he can crash his mouth into mine.
I sink into the feeling of his lips moving against mine as his large hand cups my jaw.
His tongue teases the seam of my lips. Someone catcalls, and the whole class is shouting and whooping.
I push him off me, eyes wide. I can’t believe he just kissed me in front of the whole class.
Mrs. Fredricks stands. “Well, Will, I’m glad yours was the last speech for the day. Class is dismissed.”
Will and I stare at each other for a moment before we break out into a fit of laughter. People file out of the room around us, some congratulating us, others looking at us like we’re idiots. I don’t care what anyone else thinks though, I’m still so shocked that any of that just happened.
When we finally calm down enough to speak, Will takes my hand again. “Can I take you out somewhere? I’d love to talk more, there were a few things I figured I’d save just for us.”