Chapter Fourteen
Synamon
“Which rules did you break?” Brad asked.
I’d told him that I wanted him to think of me as Synamon because I always thought it would be liberating. But to be completely honest, it was confusing, because I didn’t know who Synamon was when I wasn’t in front of the camera.
Performing.
Who was Synamon Honey when she kicked off the stilettos and sat down for a meal with her…
I was still having a hard time going all in on that word. But I knew. Sweet moon, I felt it in every fiber of my being and it was scarier than that bear headed creep that broke into my apartment.
My heart was still pounding after telling him about my parents. Or did it ache?
The bun was still warm in my hand, and my stomach rumbled in anticipation. So I slowly brought the hot dog to my mouth and took a slow, deliberate bite. Brad’s gaze followed every move.
I wasn’t doing this for the dopamine hit of the comment section like I just hit the jackpot on a slot machine. I didn’t have dinner with my subscribers or tell them about my folks. And I certainly didn’t kiss them like a preamble to the hottest routine I’d ever give.
Because it wasn’t a routine, and sweet moon, did that ever terrify me.
“I break them all,” I finally said, and instantly regretted it.
Brad’s sigh was tipped with a growl. “Do I have to kiss you again to make you remember who you really are?”
Oh, maybe the bear wants to play a little?
I put the hot dog down. “Let me get this straight—are you kissing me as punishment or because you want to?”
He raised a brow. “Did it feel like punishment?” The growliness was still there, and I liked it way too much.
“I suspect you’re capable of something a little edgier, bear.” I grinned and grabbed a chip.
My whole body had gone into overdrive—the pounding of my heart had turned into a throbbing between my thighs.
I didn’t completely understand what was happening, but I was fully aware that my housemate, my guardian, my—nope. Still couldn’t make myself fully go there—was frustrated as hell.
“You didn’t answer my question, Synamon,” he scolded.
Growl gone, the bear was all business. And hell if it wasn’t even sexier.
“I’d love to play this game with you, and believe me, we will—but the truth of the matter is the Centerfold Slasher was at your live performance and then someone tried to abduct you from your apartment.
No matter who it was, it’s no coincidence you were in the middle of a live stream when it happened.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your life hiding, you need to tell me everything you know about who might have broken into your apartment. ”
My mouth dropped open, but I was incapable of taking in oxygen. Brad nodded, like he knew I was about to choke on the unraveling threads of my carefully crafted life.
He reached for my hand. It was warm and rough and my first instinct was to pull it away. To refuse the comfort, or to acknowledge the electricity that flowed between us.
I forced myself to feel it. To receive it.
“Listen, I get it. I know you want to say I can’t possibly understand, but I do.” His tone softened. “Synamon’s a secret and you spent a lot of time building walls around that identity. She’s scandalous. She isn’t afraid of anything. But she’s not the dangerous one.”
I squeezed my eyes closed and nodded.
“Why did you stop having movie night with your folks?” he asked. “Did something happen to them?”
“They’re still alive, if that’s what you’re asking,” I managed.
“I’m glad to hear that, but I’m guessing there’s more to the story.
” He squeezed my hand at exactly the right time, because if he hadn’t, I would’ve got up and ran.
“I get that your trust has been betrayed. That someone did something that made it feel like it wasn’t safe to be you.
I know we just met, and you’re absolutely right to question if you can trust me.
Finding this guy is my job, but I’ll show you I’m not like the rest of them. ”
My heart did this weird fluttery thing. I opened my eyes to see the gorgeous bear so close to me with nothing but concern and something deeper and primal in his eyes.
“Didn’t I fire you?” I laughed softly as he pressed his lips together. “You’re right. About everything. I’ve spent so long pretending it doesn’t exist it’s hard to talk about, okay?”
“Yeah.” His face brightened. “Maybe I’m asking too much, hoping you’ll let me in—”
“Just because you kissed me?”
“No.” Now it was his turn to take a long blink. “Because I want you, and I’m not sure who you really are.”
“That makes two of us.” I laughed.
“Do you really feel more comfortable as Synamon?” he asked.
It was a totally fair question, and I took a moment to mull.
“I do.” And then I let the relief flood my body. “But I’m not used to being her without…pretense? Without a plan. So I get it—it sounds like I’m acting. And I’m not that good at it. But Synamon is me. The me I’ve never let myself be. So maybe she was never that much of an act.”
“You’ve never allowed yourself to truly be her,” he corrected.
“Bingo,” I said softly.
“What made you think it wasn’t safe?” he asked. “I’m not judging you. It won’t change how I feel about you. But I need the details. There could be a detail that you’ve brushed off as unimportant that could solve this whole case.”
A chill rolled through my veins. “So you don’t think the Centerfold Slasher is after me?”
“Maybe not,” he said. “But if he is, I don’t believe he’s the only one.”
“Thanks for freaking me out.”
The corner of his mouth turned into a grin. “Then let me be the big bad bear and fix it.”
“Oh, you want a character too?”
He chuckled. “I’m always the big bad bear, Synamon. I’m just trying to fit into a world that doesn’t understand me either.”
That was so hot. It took everything I had to stop myself from pushing the table over, climbing into his lap and making Brad prove exactly how big and bad he was.
Why not play with the bear? My own animal asked. Kissing him is the perfect way to get him to stop asking so many questions.
I was trying to play it cool, but the muscles between my legs were pulsing fast enough to qualify for a bonus round of bear foreplay.
“Then show me.”