46. Gage
GAGE
I fucking told her that I loved her. It just came right out, naturally in the moment. I didn’t think about it; I felt it. Seeing her pain earlier in the evening, I only wanted to protect her and let her know, she’s not alone.
She was so despondent after that confrontation with her mom. That woman is vile and the thought of Charli wanting her approval made me rage.
When Charli emerges from the cabin wearing one of my sweatshirts my chest tightens. I love seeing her in my clothes, even though she’s swimming in them. It marks her as mine.
Charli understands me and accepts me. We have a shared trust with each other and I can tell her things I never thought I’d share with a soul. I just like being around her, she’s smart, kind and so adventurous. She makes me into the best version of myself.
Later on that night we grab some beers from my cruise stash and drive out to the beach trail to meet the others.
She’s worn out, so I take the wheel on the way out there.
The bonfire should be ripping by now. I’m looking forward to relaxing with her, sipping on some beers and just watching the fire.
But, I keep replaying the visit with her family in my mind while we bump along the dirt road.
Charli was strong and poised when she faced her mother, even after she tried to bait her multiple times, right in front of me.
That woman has some serious issues. I cannot believe how sweet and caring Charli is with such a bitch of a mother.
I attribute that to her grandparents, although they produced Susanna too.
She cornered me and we discussed sailing, more like she bragged about her accomplishments in sailing and talked about her supposed new position with USA Sailing out of Brighton, Rhode Island.
I don’t usually lose my cool. But— fuck, she deserved it.
Once we get to the bonfire, her cousins and brother are there along with a few of Ian’s buddies who are still local. Sam’s mystery guy, Alec, from the bar is parked next to her. They look pretty cozy. She seems like she can handle herself, but I still want to make sure that that guy isn’t a loser.
I’m grabbing a beer with Ian and his friends when hands touch my waist and turn to see Charli slip beside me. “Hey you guys, Andi brought the fixings for s’mores if you want some.”
“Yeah, I’ll take one,” I answer.
We move back to the fire and settle closer. Charli leans into me as we sit in the sand. “Want a bite?”
“Anytime.” God-damn if they don't taste delicious. I can't remember the last time I had one. The simplicity makes me want to enjoy the moment.
“I’ve already had two.” She laughs.
“Whatever makes you happy,” I say as I lick the sticky marshmallow off her fingertips and she grins at me. This woman lights a fire in me, and makes my whole world brighter. I love her so much.
We all sing happy birthday to Sam with our s’mores. She laughs and Alec gives her a quick peck on the cheek. Koda has made himself comfortable with Charli and is laying by her feet next to us. He must sense that she needs him now.
After snuggling by the fire, Charli goes to chat with Andi; I think they’re gossiping about Sam and her new man, Alec.
They’ve stayed pretty close all evening.
Ian and I huddle up by the fire and he unloads on me about the rest of the evening.
Susanna had a couple more drinks and started ranting more about Charli.
“I’m glad you were there tonight, man.” His eyes are serious, laced with pain.
“Of course, she had it rough when your mom texted earlier this summer.”
“Yeah, I know, she still takes it hard. But you missed out on the scene.” His voice is calm, but distant.
“No, I was there for it when we left.”
“There was more. I haven't seen my Pop lose his shit many times over the years. It was kind of cathartic to watch him lay into my mom.” He swigs his beer.
“She totally deserved it though. She wasn't letting up about my sister.” He takes another pull.
“It was a good idea that you two took off when you did.”
“What do you mean there was more?”
Ian stares at the fire. “She really fucking said it after all these years, that she never wanted to be a mother, but that our dad had convinced her to keep Charli and have me to keep my sister company. But he never helped enough and she still resented him for it.”
My mouth hangs open at his confession and a chill runs through me. “Are you kidding me? I’m really sorry about that, Ian.”
He shrugs and takes another drink of his beer. “Yeah, at least we had our grandparents.”
“They’re really good people.”
“After she spewed that out, Pop let her have it. Then, she sulked off to her room and didn’t return. My Aunt Liz checked on her and she was passed out. My grandparents went to bed for the night and we came to the bonfire.”
My God, I can’t believe it. My Charli, with a piece of shit mother like Susanna. I don’t know how Ian can retell this story about his own mom without breaking down.
“Hey, don’t tell her what my mom said after you two left.”
I nod and stuff my hands into my pockets. “No, of course not, I get it. I’m afraid that she’d shut down like she did when she got those first texts about your mom moving back here.”
“I don’t know how it’ll go with her actually living closer to us. I honestly wouldn't mind if she just stuck to her once a year visit to Seascape. She hasn't changed much. Maybe she’s gotten worse.”
“Do you think she has a drinking problem?”
“I mean maybe? It never crossed my mind.” He scratches his head. “Still, it doesn’t give an excuse for how she treated my sister tonight.”
I hang with Ian and his friends for a while, but still keep glancing at Charli and sharing looks with her.
It feels nice to be part of this group. I hadn’t realized that I missed the feeling of having friends and people who care around me.
I kept myself closed off for so long and only met people superficially in all the places I traveled.
I check my watch and see that it’s nearly ten and I want to get Charli home.
It’s been a long day and she works in the morning, then she’s going on a sail with her family in the afternoon.
I blocked off my Sunday afternoon so I could join them.
I don’t want her to face her mom without me by her side.
When we return to her apartment, she washes up and crashes in bed while I take a shower.
She’s a little sleepy when I climb in next to her, but she turns to me and melts into my body.
I savor her soft skin and silky hair as we show each other our love in the darkness.
We must say I love you to each other ten times each and my heart grows each time I hear the words slip past her lips.
Breaking free of my past hurts is liberating. I’ve been running from committing to one person. But now, I can’t not be with her. I have to make sure she’s safe, happy, and taken care of. And I want it to be me who’s there for her.
I fall into a deep sleep by her side. A cold minty kiss on my mouth wakes me just after four. My eyes can’t even focus. I guess I was tired last night too. “I’m going to work now, baby. I’ll see you later.”
I pull her closer and kiss her again.
“Thank you for being there for me last night.” Her hands slide over my skin.
“Anything for you.”
She drops a kiss on my forehead. “Get some more sleep.” Then she pats my chest and she’s on her way. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” Sleep evades me and I just lie in her bed thinking.
It was a struggle to feel confident enough to tell her how I feel.
It pushed all my other thoughts aside. But now that I’ve opened myself up, so many other ideas are bouncing around my mind.
I need to focus on thinking about major decisions that could change the direction of my life forever.
Should I get a safe job here, or should I ask her to sail with me; should I buy Bill’s boat, or will being online make enough money?
* * *
Sunday afternoon is beautiful sailing weather.
I have the launch drop me off at the Serenity in the early afternoon.
Cap asked me to meet him there and we’ll pick the rest of the group up at the paydock before we take our cruise.
He’s pretty quiet as we go about our checks.
Before we let go of the mooring, he breaks his silence.
“Margaret and I were really glad that you were there for Charli last night,” he says, lifting his hat to run his hand over his head.
“Susanna can be difficult, and Charli doesn’t deserve that. She's the child —well not anymore.”
I lift my sunglasses and nod at him. “Of course. I’ll help her in any way that I can, Cap.”
“You two left at a good time last night. I uh . . .”
I press my lips together. “Yeah, Ian told me.”
Cap sighs and his shoulders slump. “We’re just glad that she and her brother have turned out to be good people.” He clears his throat. “Well, let’s go get them.”
I move to the foredeck to drop the mooring line.
We motor to the pier and they’re all there.
They pile onboard, Ian carrying a large basket that Margaret must have packed.
He and Charli are bickering about something and their grandmother shushes them.
Sam, Andi, and Liz wait on the wooden bench, heads together.
Koda sits patiently, tongue lolling, a bright orange life vest around his middle.
Susanna is off to the side on her phone, dark glasses covering her eyes.
Charli and her cousins lounge with Koda on the foredeck while Margaret, Liz, Ian and Susanna sit in the cockpit while Cap takes the wheel.
Sam’s parents left for home early this morning.
I hoist the sails and cleat the lines. It’s easier to be the mate than to shoot the shit with everyone.
I don't want to deal with her mom being an instigator and honestly, I’m stressed about Charli going on her trip tomorrow. I’m going to miss her.
Cap takes almost the same route as I usually go for my bay cruises. We communicate through a few words and hand signals. Mostly I just enjoy the views of the coastline. The trip south won't exactly be as scenic. There are many dull parts of the waterway and lots of motoring.
A shriek from the girls erupts and I look up. They’re all hugging and Koda looks worried about the noise, but he stays in his position. Andi shouts, “Sam got the project in Port City! She’ll be here for the next year or more!”
Everyone whoops and cheers. I join them on the foredeck and scoot behind Charli and pull her onto my lap.
She wraps her arms around me and her ponytail whips in my face.
The soft strands smell like vanilla. They’re all talking a mile a minute.
I can barely keep up with the conversation as they talk over one another and laugh at the same time.
Cap shouts above the wind, “Gage, prepare to tack.” I kiss her cheek and jump up to get busy. The rest of the sail is leisurely and uneventful. Just what everyone needed I think, since the whole group seemed slightly on edge after Susanna’s outburst last night.
Afterward, they’re going out to eat at the pub.
We pass on that and just order some food to go instead.
Charli and I wait at their table for our carry-out bag.
It arrives and Charli spends time giving each person a personal goodbye before her trip tomorrow.
Her mom is last and they hug awkwardly. Charli simply says, “Bye, Mom. See you soon.” It’s short and sweet and we take our food outside.
The door shuts behind us and we both blow out a breath.
A humid breeze hits us as she leans into me, and I hug her tightly.
I smooth her hair back and kiss her soft lips.
We don’t pay attention when the door opens again, simply lost in the moment together.
A loud cough next to me interrupts us. We pull apart and her mother is standing there stiffly.
I keep my hand on Charli’s back possessively.
She blinks at us and swallows hard. “I just want to apologize for my behavior last night. I was rude to you both and it’s not acceptable. I’m sorry that I spoiled the evening.”
Charli stares at her with her mouth hanging open. “Thanks for the apology, Mom.”
“And best of luck on your trip tomorrow. I hope that it’s everything that you want.”
Charli frowns. “Uh, yeah, thanks for that. I think it’ll be fun and exciting.”
“Well, send me some pictures if you want. You have my number.”
“Okay, I will.”
“I know that we haven’t been close, and I have many regrets. But maybe we can be cordial.”
Charli pauses momentarily and bites her lip. “Yeah, we can try.”
Susanna reaches out and hugs her again and pats her back. She releases her and nods at me. “Nice to meet you, Gage. Good luck on your journey.” She backs up and turns to enter the pub.
Charli pulls her head back and widens her eyes at me. “What the hell was that about?”
“I don’t know, I just met her.”
She grabs my hand and says, “Let’s go home.”
Home. Not my place or my apartment, but home.