Chapter 2
Chapter Two
S am finished releasing the dogs that weren’t working that day into the huge kennel run they used to let the dogs play and get exercise. He checked the heated water dishes to make sure none of them had frozen over and were full. Then he headed for the house to talk to Brendon.
He honestly didn’t use Brendon’s therapy services that much. Of all the guys, he considered himself the least affected by his time in the military. He hadn’t seen combat. He only stayed in for a short time. So, instead of wasting time that Brendon could use for people who needed it more, he only went when Connor told him he had to or when, like today, something was weighing heavily on him.
He knocked on Brendon’s door and was told to come in almost immediately. He peered inside, making sure there wasn’t anyone else in the office.
Connor glanced up at him. “Sam? I don’t usually see you unless I get an order from Connor.”
“Am I going to run into anyone else’s time?” Sam didn’t want to be interrupted once he got started. He’d come back later if someone else was on the schedule.
“I’m free for the next hour and a half. Sit and tell me what’s going on.” Brendon closed his notebook and gave his full attention to Sam.
“I don’t know how much you know about Kelly Chambers who just arrived?” He gripped the arms of his chair tightly, willing his words and thoughts to stay calm.
“I have a file started on her. Just like I do every other guest who comes to Wayside.” Brendon offered noncommittally.
“She’s my one regret. Kind of.” How to say what needed to be said and still be sympathetic? Kelly would be one of Brendon’s clients, putting him right in the middle of a sticky situation. His brain wouldn’t let him relax. She’d used him or lied. One of the two.
“Kind of? You’ll have to explain that to me. I haven’t met with her yet, so I don’t know what’s going on in any sort of personal way.”
“She wouldn’t know what I have to say, anyway.” Because he’d never told her, and she was much too wary now. Not to mention hurt, both physically and mentally. The fact that he might never be able to talk to her about their shared past ate away at him worse than he thought it would. “I regret that I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. I was going to propose to her but the day I showed up to surprise her, I caught her with another man.”
Brendon didn’t look surprised, then again, it took a lot to surprise him. “You caught her doing . . .?” He prompted.
Sam felt his neck go hot as he thought back to that day. While he hadn’t caught her sleeping with another man, he could’ve just as well have. That kiss wasn’t platonic in any sense of the word. “Kissing.” He wouldn’t describe the scene in any greater detail than that, even though he would never forget it.
“Hmm, interesting.” Brendon slowly pulled open a drawer on his desk, then flipped through the files, the shuffling sound as his fingers flicked over the hard paperboard edges letting Sam know what he was doing, even though he couldn’t see. He laid open a file on his desk and ran his finger down the front page.
“When did that happen?” He glanced up at Sam.
That was a date he would never in his life forget. “September 23 rd .”
Brendon’s eyebrow rose as he looked at Sam. “Her house was sold at sheriff’s sale in November, the year she went missing. Meaning her house was in foreclosure for probably at least eight months while you two were dating. Did she ever mention financial trouble to you?”
Sam shook his head. Toward the end, she’d preferred staying in to going out, often joking with him that she didn’t want to leave to go anywhere, that she had what she needed whenever he was there. Earlier, she’d been a social butterfly, often begging him to take her to parties. “She didn’t say anything to me. There wasn’t a For Sale sign in the yard.”
Brendon’s mouth flattened. “Interesting. I wonder if she was one of those who are roped into the trade because of need, then trapped and can’t leave.”
“Are you saying you think she was being trafficked while we were dating?” His stomach roiled. How could he have gotten so close to her, yet never noticed any signs? Yet, even thinking back, knowing what he knew now, he didn’t recall anything he was trained to look for.
“I won’t know anything until I talk to her and she may not feel comfortable enough with me for a long time to answer a question like that. I’m just telling you what I see right here in the intake information. I find it odd that you say you saw her kissing another man when she was in love with you?—,”
“She couldn’t have been in love with me,” the words felt like sandpaper in his throat.
Brendon held up his hand. “She was with this other man, kissing. We know that at some point between the last time you saw her and now, she was being trafficked. Correct?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t deny that fact.
“Then it’s possible that, in order to save her house, she was doing what she felt she had to do. It’s incredibly sad, but it happens.”
Why wouldn’t she have come to him? He’d loved her. He’d have given her the world if she’d have asked. “I thought she told me everything. I really thought I knew her. This is actually making the situation worse for me. Before, I thought she was cheating on me with one stranger. Now, you’re telling me she may have cheated with countless strangers, and she did it without talking to me at all, to tell me she needed help. She didn’t trust me.”
Brendon didn’t change his stance or the expression on his face. He was good at making statements without adding his own two cents and letting the person on the other side of the desk infer what they would. “Were you in any condition to help her? Would she have known she could ask you?”
Why couldn’t she have asked him? Wouldn’t talking to him have been better or easier than choosing what she might have, if that’s indeed what he’d witnessed? He tried to think back to their time together. Had he knowingly given her the impression that he would think less of her for needing him? He liked being needed. This whole situation flew in the face of the core of who he really was.
“I don’t see why she couldn’t, but I’m not her. I’ve never been in that situation before. There has to be more to it than just talking because if talking could’ve fixed it, I’m sure she would’ve.”
Brendon finally smiled. “Exactly. When people are involved, things are rarely as subtle as just having a conversation. There’s always more to a situation than meets the eye. Guilt. Shame. Assumptions. Regret. Turmoil . . . They all play into our willingness to talk with others.”
“So, what should I do? I still can’t talk to her. She’s been through too much.” He still couldn’t fathom why Connor hadn’t let him leave when Kelly came. Having him here could hurt her chances to heal. Her healing was more important than his job or any second chance. “Maybe I should just leave. Connor would probably hire me back once Kelly has been through counseling and therapy. It would be better for her if I’m not here.”
Brendon closed Kelly’s file and leaned forward. “This won’t be like anything we’ve dealt with before. If at any point you feel like your presence really is a detriment to her healing, I’ll talk to Connor on your behalf. You’re right, her healing is important, and I know Connor would hire you back. That said, let’s not jump the gun. I’m not saying you should ask her out or anything, but there’s nothing that says you two can’t talk about what happened once she’s more comfortable. Give me a chance to meet with her, get her side of the story, get her used to talking again. Then you can try to get her to talk, and you’ll need to start a dialog, too. You saw her, but you never said she saw you. That tells me she has no idea why you were a huge part of her life, then you weren’t. There’s going to be trauma there, too. I’ll need to work that through with her before you two work out your past. She deserves the chance to think all of this through beforehand. If you don’t, then rehashing all of what happened will just be salt on her wounds.”
He didn’t want that. He wanted answers, but even with as angry as he’d been after seeing her kissing another man, he didn’t want to see her hurt. If he could go back in time, he’d knock on that door and get answers instead of walking away. But it was too late for that. He’d have to settle for waiting until the time was right.
“Then I guess I’ll just stick to my kennel and avoid the barn and house for a while.” He stood. “Thanks for your time.”
“Sam, you don’t have to wait until you’re so angry you have a white-knuckle grip on my chair. My door is open when you need to come see me.”
Sam adjusted his hat back onto his head. “I know. I also know I don’t usually have a need. See you later.” He nodded his appreciation and headed back outside.
The following day, Kelly shrugged on Lacy’s coat. The scent was strange, not unpleasant, but foreign. Nothing belonged to her anymore. Odd that the fewer things she had, the more out of control she felt. When she’d had a normal life, she’d felt like she had a great life. Right up until her friend turned on her. Though, in hindsight, she now knew why her friend had stolen her money. Nathan had been her pimp and had taken everything. She’d needed the money, but the theft had left her with no choices.
She trudged to the barn, her footsteps sounding loud on the frozen grass. The few flakes of snow from the day before were gone, but cold still seeped through her coat. She’d arrived the day before and she’d yet to see anyone else who lived at Wayside. Would they keep the other guests from her? Was she too broken to see anyone else?
“Stop. Stop taunting yourself. You’re the one who chose to stay in your room yesterday.” She’d always found it easier to speak truth out loud instead of combating the negativity in her mind with more mental words. Giving them a voice gave them more power, at least to her.
Edwyn stepped out of the barn carrying a pitchfork. She only knew it was called a pitchfork because her grandmother at one time had a painting on her wall of an old man and woman standing in front of what she’d always thought was a church. She’d never even been in a barn until the day before.
“Good morning,” he said, far too loudly with a slightly fake smile.
Kelly tried to keep her shoulders straight. If she didn’t shrink away, her heart wouldn’t race and she would be fine, right? “Morning.” She had yet to see any good in it other than that she wasn’t a captive anymore. At least, not until they found her again. Nathan always found those who ran away. Always. Sometimes, like Anna, the friend who’d shared Christ with her, they ended up permanently missing.
“Ready to meet your horse? You’re going to have a great time once we get you in the saddle. I have yet to meet a single client who didn’t respond well to the horses. ”
She snorted. “And how many clients have you worked with?” She didn’t mean to sound so discouraging, but no matter how hard she tried, her life was stuck on empty.
He looked momentarily unable to speak, then furrowed his brow. “I’ve worked with about one client a year since we started. So, about ten in total. My job is usually as the foreman, not as a wrangler.” He headed for the barn.
She was again left wondering if she should follow him or wait outside. Since she was a guest, she assumed she was supposed to follow. “Why are you chosen once a year? Wouldn’t it be better if you just did the job you were hired for?” Especially since he didn’t seem to have the demeanor to work with people like her.
He frowned. “This is the job I was hired to do. I do everything that’s expected of me. Let me introduce you to Bella. She’s a beautiful bay with a black mane and tail. Due to her age, she doesn’t run very often, and she has a very gentle gait.”
“Gentle. Right.” She would have to repeat that over and over. “What do I do with her?”
Edwyn scratched the horse under the chin and Bella pushed against him with her nose. The whole interaction didn’t look that pleasant, almost like the horse was pushing his hand away.
“I don’t think I want to work with horses. Maybe I would be better with dogs? Is there any way to work with the dogs without working with Sam?” Her chest tightened and the room seemed to darken in her peripheral vision. She needed to calm down or she’d pass out. This couldn’t happen now.
“You haven’t even tried yet. We don’t have to ride today. That’s fine. But you need to meet your horse. That’s part of the treatment plan.”
Focus on breathing. In and out. “What do you do if people are allergic to horses or just can’t?” This thing was massive. What if it stepped on her? What if it bit her? What if Edwyn forced her to ride it and she fell off? Everyone always forced her to do what she didn’t want to do. Why would Wayside be any different from anywhere else?
“Kelly?” Edwyn stepped closer to her.
She screamed and covered her face as she crumpled to her knees. He would hit her. No doubt about it. That’s what men did when she didn’t do what they wanted.
“Kelly, it’s okay. It’s fine. We can do this later.” His voice was finally calm and quiet, but it was too late. Quiet seemed fake in the light of his usual loud and boisterous voice.
She shifted to protect her face with her arm and opened one eye to see if he was only saying that so she would move her hands to give him access to her face. Smacks to the face had always hurt the worst. He’d moved back a few paces, out of reach.
“I don’t want to be here.” Her voice shook and she hated herself for the tears gathering in her eyes. She would never be normal again. She would never know what people expected when they spoke to her. The last few years of her life would forever cloud her ability to function in society. She hadn’t even lived at Wayside for a day, and she’d already proven that.
“We want you to stay.” Edwyn crouched but stayed too far away to touch her.
He’d probably meant it to sound welcoming, but it was just more of a trap. Kelly backed away and her rear hit something metal. Something slammed forward, knocking her on the back of the head. She screamed and whipped around to see who had hit her.
Edwyn rushed forward. “Are you alright?”
Her heart sped up even faster, painful now. The ring around the outside of her vision grew darker and she reached out to keep her balance. “Don’t touch me!”
He held out his hands in front of him to show her where they were. “I won’t. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Can I look at your head?”
She shook her head so quickly she lost her balance. “I just want to go.”
He reached for his phone and pressed a few things on the screen. “Yeah, it’s me. We’re in the barn. Can you come help?”
He shoved his phone back in his pocket and held up his hands. “Just a second, okay?”
A few seconds later, Sam slowly strode into the barn a few feet away. If Edwyn thought this was going to help, he was wrong. She made a noise in her throat she didn’t recognize and turned to get up and race for the door.
“Kelly.”
Sam’s voice was so calming, so much like her memories and dreams where she’d actually lived the last few years, her life was no life at all. She stalled for a moment, unsure where she should go or what she should do.
“Talk to me,” Sam stayed back, giving her space. “Kelly, you don’t need to be strong right now.”
Her knees gave out and she crumpled hard on the cement floor, her arm the only thing that kept her head from hitting the cement. A cry escaped her before she could stop it.
Sam lowered himself down on the floor and sat about four feet away, his knees crossed, so she assumed he couldn’t get up quickly. “Edwyn, why don’t you find Kelly a bottle of water? I think she could use a drink.”
Edwyn headed off, leaving her alone with Sam, the one man she was terrified to be alone with. Not because he would do anything to her, but because she was ashamed of what her life had become. He was supposed to save her. He was supposed to be her rescuer. She’d relied on him completely. Too much.
“I want to leave,” the words barely registered to her own ears.
“Can you give us two weeks? If not, we’ll need to find another safe place for you to go. We aren’t holding you here. You aren’t forced to stay.” Sam watched her, but his eyes weren’t condemning like she expected.
“Just two weeks? I don’t have to live here if I don’t fit in?” Who was she kidding? She wouldn’t fit in. Why was she even thinking about agreeing to stay when she just wanted to be alone?
“Yes. I’ll tell Connor to look for a place you can stay. Sometimes, the families of other people who’ve already graduated offer to take in someone who doesn’t have a family or who has nowhere to go. We can see if one of those families is available.”
Sam wasn’t supposed to offer to do things for her. She’d convinced herself he would be angry with her. That he would accuse her of all the awful things she’d done. He had to have known. Why else would he leave?
“I . . .” She wanted to go, but staying would mean she might finally find out why Sam had abandoned her. She might finally know for sure and be able to move on. “I think I can do that.”
He slowly stood and offered his hand. She held back but only for a second before accepting the help to stand. She rubbed the back of her head, but it didn’t hurt that bad.
“Did you hit your head?” concern laced his voice.
She gritted her teeth. “It’s only a bump. I’m fine.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
If only that were actually true and ‘fine’ wasn’t a total lie.