Chapter 34 Nyx
Nyx
Seventeen breaths, that’s how long it takes Lumi to fall asleep. She’s exhausted, and I’m glad I can give her these few minutes of peace, not that I’ll be getting any by the way that Ambrose is staring at me.
“What?”
“How are you doing this? I saw you moments ago. You were losing your mind. You would have killed anything with blood in it. You weren’t in your right mind. And now suddenly, you’re calm as can be, standing guard while she sleeps. How are you doing it?”
“For one, I don’t think I’ve triggered the full vampire curse yet. I think Isolde has used her magic to speed things up so that she can control me. Make it look like she’s giving me a cure when all she’s doing is taking away her magic that’s controlling me.”
“It’s more than that,” Ambrose says observantly.
“From the moment your curse has been triggered, I knew how much control I would have to have to not kill her. My every breath, thought, and existence has been about not killing her. About remaining in absolute control. Carefully deciding how much blood and when, I need to control my appetite while not losing control completely. It’s been my sole focus.
The only reason I’m still alive. Talonis and Amora have been helping me. ”
“Good,” is all he says in response. But I know it’s not enough for him to fully trust me. I don’t trust myself fully. If the curse is now using Isolde to try to get me to kill her, then there is very little hope that she’ll survive this.
We both turn our attention toward Lumi. She shivers slightly in her sleep, and I frown. All I want is to protect her. Provide her warmth. Keep her safe. But that is beyond what I can give her. The only thing I can give her is not killing her.
Ambrose refuses to even sit, but I know it’s best if I do. Anything to keep me away from her. Anything that makes it harder for me to get to her, I should do.
So I sit in the furthest corner from her. But I don’t take my eyes off of her.
She whimpers, my heart jumps, but I remain seated. I can’t have any erratic movements that will get her killed. No intense emotions. Nothing that will harm her.
Ambrose looks at me with pity. Whatever he sees on my face is enough for him to speak to me in my mind, “It’s just a small nightmare, nothing more.”
“What is she dreaming about?” I ask, knowing that he can tap into her emotions, see her dreams.
He frowns. “It doesn’t matter.”
“She’s dreaming about me, isn’t she? I’m hurting her.”
Ambrose doesn’t answer, but I know I’m right. I look at Lumi, my eyes constantly searching for a way I can help her. My hands start to twitch before I rein them in by sitting on them to keep them steady. I can’t risk losing any of the control that I’ve carefully built.
I hate that I can’t protect her. That I’m her enemy now. The villain in her story as much as Isolde is. I’m the monster who could kill her. I’m the love story that betrayed her. The one who fucked another, fell for another instead of her.
“She’s never going to let you go. Not completely.
She may have severed her connection with you.
You may have hurt her beyond repair. But it doesn’t matter.
The connection you share is still there.
It always will be. It’s the same reason why we all share markings on our bodies.
There is something that connects us all.
Something bigger than any of us. Something we might not ever understand, but it’s there.
I won’t fault her for it,” he says, shifting our conversation away from the bond connection we have.
“But you fault me for it,” I say as a statement, not a question.
“I hate you for it,” he says back honestly. And that hatred pours out of him as if he’s been holding back his feelings, blocking them from me until this very moment, releasing them until it’s all I can feel. A dark wave of hot coals stokes a fire through our bond.
I almost jump up from where I’m sitting as the intensity hits me. Sharp. Violent. Unforgiving. And yet, I don’t block him out. I force myself to feel his hatred for me.
I’m about to respond when Lumi stirs.
“Lumi?” I ask, assuming we’ve woken her.
She grips the blade tighter like she senses a threat in the room. I cast my own senses out—both wolf and vampire, trying to determine the threat she feels. But I don’t sense anything. If there is a threat, I can’t feel it like she does.
“Lumi, what’s wrong?” I ask, only to realize her eyes are still closed.
“Is she awake or dreaming?” I ask Ambrose.
He frowns. “Neither. It’s like her mind has gone blank. I don’t understand it. The dream she was having before is gone. And her mind isn’t focused on anything at all. Her eyes are still closed, so she must have just fallen into a heavier sleep, one without any dreams.”
I stare at her intently. What is going on, Lumi?
I hold my breath.
So does Ambrose.
And then we both watch as she slices the blade into her own neck.
Ambrose lunges for her. I try to hold back, staying rooted on the ground, holding my breath so that her blood doesn’t overwhelm me and turn me into a monster.
“I can’t get to her,” Ambrose cries out as he reaches the end of his chains.
What were we thinking? We should have had Lumi sleep near Ambrose so that he could protect her.
Ambrose looks at me, terror on his face. He wants my help, needs my help to keep his mate alive. But this will be the ultimate test of my control. I could kill her before she even has a chance to survive the wound.
She gurgles, the sound does something to me. Suddenly, the choice isn’t mine anymore.
I leap from my spot. It takes me two steps to reach her.
The smell of her blood floods me. A strong, metallic smell like a meal laid out for me on a platter.
I’ve tasted her blood countless times, but never really drank.
Never pulled mouthfuls of her blood. Never lost myself in her blood like I’ve been dying to do since I first met her.
Only ever allowed myself the smallest of tastes—and that alone has told me how deliciously intoxicating her blood is to me.
My entire body is shaking, trying to hold back from giving in to my vampire urges.
Blood, blood, blood…
More tremors race through me, like I’m an addict trying to detox when their drug of choice has just been laid out in front of them. I feel my control slipping.
I toss the blade from her hand, and it slides across the room to Ambrose.
“Here,” Ambrose shouts, ripping off the bottom half of his shirt before balling it up and tossing it at me.
I snatch it and then press it tightly over her wound, keeping as much blood as I can inside her body.
“Stay with me, Lumi,” I say.
Her eyes open as I speak, like she’s just now gained consciousness. Fear streaks across her eyes. She can’t speak as blood spills from her perfect lips. She’s so close to death.
“Isolde!” I yell, knowing I have no choice but to call the witch in. “Isolde!”
Ambrose joins in with me. “Isolde!”
Lumi looks at me. “Wh—?” She croaks, almost choking on the blood that is still dripping from her neck despite the pressure I’m applying.
“Shhh,” I tell her to stay quiet. But if this is the last thing she sees before she dies, she deserves to know the truth of what happened to her.
“Ambrose’s curse…it triggered Isolde to put you in an unsafe position when she never would on her own. And then you—you used the knife to slice your own neck in your sleep.”
Her eyes widen in fear, like she can’t believe what I’m saying is true. She tries to speak, but I shake my head.
“I think the curse has been trying to get you to kill yourself. It’s been you this whole time.”
I can see her processing and coming to the same conclusion that I have.
“But you don’t have to worry now. You’re not going to die. I won’t allow it.”
Her lips thin into a straight line under the blood, and her eyes soften. She trusts me. Trusts my words. I won’t let her die here, even if I have to do the one thing she’ll hate me for to keep her alive.