19. Chapter 19 #2
With a sigh that holds the weight of the world in it, Arlo drops his head toward his lap. His knuckles whiten around the handle of his coffee mug. The steady thump of his heart skips and trips all over itself.
“Lo, are you—”
“I’m falling in love with you, Gunnar.”
My mind goes completely blank.
Arlo’s looking at me as if I hold his very life in my hands.
Those words repeat themselves in my head. Love. Arlo is in love with me. The very love I’d felt for him in my dream has become reality.
Arlo runs a hand through his hair. His fingers are trembling. “I… I know that isn’t what we agreed on. It’s as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, I’m sure.” A breathy laugh tumbles from his lips. “I don’t expect you to say it back. Not after everything you’ve been through, but…”
His throat bobs, his eyes taking on a glassy sheen. “If you should find that after everything, you’ve still got even a piece of your heart left to give, I’d cherish it. A-and if you don’t, then we don’t have to get married. We can call it all off. Make up some reason why things didn’t work out.”
My heart thuds hard against my rib cage. Once, I never thought it would beat again for anyone. My heart has grown wings like a seagull.
“Even if you don’t feel the same, you will still get your potion. But I can’t marry you unless you love me, too. Calling off the wedding would be less painful than that.”
The desperation in Arlo’s eyes leaves me speechless, when not long ago, this would have been my ideal outcome. Now I don’t know what to say because I never thought I’d find myself fighting back three words I’ve only ever uttered to one man.
I want to say yes.
Yes, I want you.
Yes, I’ll marry you.
I love you.
My lips part, the words on the tip of my tongue.
What about my promise to Leif?
My word is my vow, and I vowed never to forget him.
Arlo sighs, as if he knows exactly what I’m struggling with. “Gunnar. I will never ask you to forget about your family. I want you to tell me stories about them. I love the way you light up when you talk about them. You can keep them in your heart. I just want a part of it.”
Arlo deserves so much more than just a piece of my heart. What do I have left to give him except broken pieces?
“I… I need to go.” I stumble out of bed and throw open my dresser drawer.
“Gunnar, wait. Let’s talk about this.” If it were possible for a broken heart to speak, it would sound like Arlo.
I throw on some clothes and grab my fur cloak. “Later. I need to run.”
The door slams behind me. My feet thunder down the stairs and carry me out through the door. Cold air crashes over me like a wave before I toss my cloak over my shoulders. The furs come to life, crawling all over me until I’m on all fours, my body rearranging into that of a wolf.
Four paws slam the earth and I run until my lungs burn, but there’s no outrunning a broken heart.
The guilt catches up to me before I arrive at the outskirts of the village, not far from Arlo’s home. He told me he loved me, and my response was to run like a craven. How could I do that to him? But how could I respond when I can’t even accept my own feelings?
At a loss for what else I can do with myself, I shift back to my human form and walk until my feet begin to ache. Couples hold hands, smiling at each other as if nothing troubles them. Snatches of a family’s humorous conversation fill my ears, a child’s laugh tinkling in the air like a bell.
A familiar pub is at the end of the street. Memories of Arlo’s lips against mine force my feet to stumble to a halt. I hadn’t kissed anyone in such a long time. I’d been terrified I would make a fool of myself, but kissing Arlo came as naturally as breathing.
Will I ever get to kiss him again or have I pushed him away for good?
An ache thickens my throat.
Gods. I don’t want to lose him. But what if I already have?
I give thought to going inside and drinking myself into a stupor, but before I can enter, my eyes snag on a familiar witch sitting at a table by the window.
It’s Arlo’s friend Derek. He’s got a scowl on his face, chomping on his food like it committed an offense against him.
He shoves out of his seat and marches for the door.
Shit. The last thing I want is to talk to Arlo’s ex.
Derek storms outside, his phone to his ear, before I have the chance to get away. When he notices me, his scowl deepens.
“You,” he growls.
I fold my arms. “Aye. Me.”
“You want to tell me why Arlo called us in tears and canceled his stag do?”
My heart sinks into my stomach. Oh gods. I am the biggest ass in all the nine realms. “He was crying?”
“We were supposed to meet tonight to celebrate with him and now he’s too bloody upset to see me. What did you do, you fucking wanker?” Derek gets in my face and shoves me, sending me stumbling backward.
A growl surges up my throat. “Put your hands on me again, witch!” I dare him, fangs lengthening. I’m in no mood to be threatened. My wolf won’t tolerate it.
Derek curls his lip. “I told him you’d be trouble. Ulfhednar always are. Look at you. You’re practically feral!”
My claws puncture the fabric of his sweater as I wrench him closer. “You think I don’t know that I’m no good for him? I know that, but I want to be. I will be. Stay away from him. The last thing he needs is you taking advantage of his emotions!”
“You motherfucker!”
Heat flares against my chest, scorching through my sweater to my flesh. Fire!
I leap back from Derek, patting my chest to extinguish the flames licking at my clothes. Around us, no one pays any attention. Derek must have cast a spell to keep people from seeing us. My lips curl back from my fangs as the burned flesh heals.
Derek grins, twirling his finger, which is tipped in fire.
“All you will ever be worthy of is a cage. Witches should have wiped you beasts out centuries ago!” He points at me, and I dodge the wave of fire that surges toward me.
The berserker roars through my soul and I charge.
Blood fills my mouth. Bones snap and crunch between my teeth.
Screams pierce my ears as my claws rake through flesh.
“Get off me!”
A blast of wind sends me flying, but I land easily on my paws with a snarl.
The sour stench of terror floods my nose. Whatever spell Derek had used to divert attention away from us has stopped working. Humans look at me in terror, hearts racing, eyes wide. Some run, but many are frozen in fear.
Oh gods.
I lost control. Derek tricked me into losing my temper, and now every human here has witnessed my transformation.
The Council will send agents from the TTA after me.
If they catch me, they’ll never let me see Arlo again.
Saliva floods my mouth as the urge to hunt and feast threatens to take hold.
Shifting to this form has only brought me closer to becoming a berserker.
I’ve got to get away before I slaughter any innocents!
“Run, beast!” Derek hollers after me as I race away, claws scraping the pavement. “Nowhere you go will be far enough! I will see you put down like the dog you are!”