Chapter 8 #2
“Daddy and I are going to the store to get house decorations since Aunt Deb took them all to Chicago,” Bennie said as she dumped the remnants of the game all over the carpet. “And we’re going to decorate your room too!”
“Oh, you don’t need to do that. I just need some sheets and towels, which I planned to bring with me anyway.”
“But maybe you want pink sheets and towels,” Bennie said. I had to laugh when she winked at me.
“My daughter is very subtle. She says you love her room, so we should make yours pink too.”
“I do love her room,” Stella said as she settled onto the floor, crossing her legs under her. She wore leggings and a snug jacket, her chestnut hair billowing around her shoulders.
She looked casual. Cute. Beautiful.
I averted my gaze when my eyes drifted to where the zipper of her jacket teased her cleavage.
“I always wanted to live in a library, like the movie Beauty and the Beast,” Stella mused as she set up the game cards along the floor.
“Can you really live in a library?” Bennie asked, a confused crease in her forehead.
“In real life, I don’t know. But it’s something to think about since I won’t be living in hotel rooms anymore.”
“Nope, you’ll be living here,” Bennie said as she set one of the crowns from her game on her head.
Staying here, I wanted to correct, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment or think that far into the future.
I pretended to clean up the kitchen while I watched Stella and Bennie play on the living room floor. I couldn’t hear what they were saying beyond Bennie’s laugh as they spun a plastic wheel. A smile ran across my lips when Stella burst out laughing from whatever Bennie had whispered to her.
I smiled to myself, recalling all those afternoons hiding in my basement while we’d pretended to be at the grief group. The three of us would shit-talk one another over old, dusty boardgames, Stella’s belly laugh just as adorable now as it was back then.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t fuck up those memories by giving in to whatever temptations were messing with my head now.
“Okay,” Stella said as she slipped the game pieces back into the box. “You guys have plans this afternoon, so I’ll head back to my mom’s.”
“You can come with us,” Bennie said, tugging on Stella’s arm.
“I have to get a few things ready before I move in first, but I’ll be back and then here all the time.” She tugged on Bennie’s ponytail. “Make sure to keep all the pieces in the box.”
“Okay,” Bennie said before throwing herself at Stella’s legs. “I can’t wait for Sunday.”
“Me too,” Stella said, bending to smooth the hair away from Bennie’s face.
“You get changed while I walk Stella out, okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.” She mouthed pink to me while I held the front door open for Stella.
“I don’t remember the princess games. You were holding back,” I teased.
“They were from before we knew you. If you play, the crowns fit nicely on men’s heads too,” she joked, a sad smile lifting her lips. “My dad used to indulge me sometimes.”
“Bennie is going to want to play all the time. I hope you know the monster you just created.”
She waved a hand at me as she leaned back on her car door.
“I’m ready for all the princess games.” She sank her teeth into her bottom lip—she really needed to stop doing that—as she met my gaze. “I could have waited until Sunday to show her, but I thought it would be a good distraction from Debbie leaving. And I wanted to check on you.”
“It was a good distraction, for both of us. I’d been trying to figure out how to keep us busy for the rest of the day. Which is why I’m about to drop a bunch of money on decorations for the house.”
Stella’s shoulders shook with a laugh.
“That’s good. Make it your house, not your parents’ or Debbie’s. Nice first step.”
“That was the plan. Listen,” I said, inching closer and holding her gaze, her eyes even lighter as the sunlight hit them and trapping me here on the curb.
I pressed my hand against the door and dropped my gaze to the ground for a minute, as if that would reset all the directions my mind and racing pulse were taking.
“Thank you. For this.” I looked back at the house. “And for yesterday.” The warm spring air pulsed between us as I lost the rest of my words.
“You don’t have to thank me,” she said, her voice a hoarse whisper, as if she’d felt this thing I was trying to forget about between us too.
“I was happy to be there for you, and staying with Bennie helps me too. You aren’t the only one who’s spent years avoiding things.
So, thank you,” she said, shoving my shoulder.
I caught her wrist when she tried to pull away.
“I’m glad you’re finally realizing that you deserve better.”
“A punch in the face wakes a person up, I guess,” she said with a nervous laugh. “It’s a real eye-opener—”
“I won’t let anyone hurt you like that again. Ever.”
I had no idea where that had come from, but it was true. The thought of Stella hurt and alone still triggered a red-hot rage inside me.
Because she was my friend, because she deserved a man who protected her instead of hitting her, one who would worship her instead of steal from her.
“Lee, I—” Stella started before exhaling a deep sigh, our eyes still locked. I held on to her wrist and felt myself inching toward her, one millimeter at a time, as if some outside force was pulling me to her.
What the fuck was I doing? Panic laced through me with every bit of distance I was about to close. My hand clutched her wrist, her pulse hammering against my thumb.
I couldn’t do this. I shouldn’t do this.
But fuck if I didn’t want to.
“Lee!”
Our heads jerked to Diane, my next-door neighbor, as she rushed toward us with a silver tray.
“I was about to ring your bell,” Diane said, breathless, as she came up to us.
“I made you both dinner for tonight, if you don’t have it planned yet.
I thought, with Debbie leaving, at least you wouldn’t have to cook.
Not that you can’t, but Bennie loves my ziti.
” Diane smiled, darting her eyes between Stella and me.
We’d jumped apart, and I was both grateful and annoyed at Diane for stopping me from a huge mistake.
“She does,” I said, clearing my throat while I took the tray out of her hands. “We both do, thank you. This is Stella, the friend I told you about who will be taking care of Bennie for the season.”
“Ah, yes,” Diane said, taking one of Stella’s hands in both of hers. Diane was in her sixties, her short black hair never an inch out of place. She smiled at Stella, her black-lined green eyes creasing as she examined her face. “What a beauty you are. I heard you and Lee are longtime…friends.”
Diane was sweet and thoughtful, always cooking something for us and babysitting for Bennie in a pinch, but she, along with her husband Jimmy, was into everyone’s business. If you wanted the scoop on anyone in the neighborhood, Diane was always the source.
Nosy was good when I was on the road and I needed someone to keep an eye on Stella and Bennie, not so much now as her mouth tilted in a smirk when her gaze flicked to me, as if she knew what she’d almost interrupted.
Yes, thank God Diane was both thoughtful and curious when she’d come up to Stella and me like she had.
“Thank you,” Stella said, giving her a big smile. “Lee and I grew up together.”
“That’s so nice. I planned to swing by with my husband this week to introduce myself. We’re one big family in this neighborhood.”
“Lee said he had good neighbors,” Stella said, sneaking me a look.
Our neighborhood was more social than you would expect in the city, the younger families mingling easily with the older homeowners who had been there since my parents moved in. Diane always tried to keep the neighbors together, and she and Jimmy watched out for all of us.
But Diane loved to talk, and I was sure in the next twenty-four hours, everyone she met would hear about my new babysitter and how close we seemed. Maybe that would stop her from mentioning her single nieces to me in every conversation.
I had no doubt there would be extra eyes on us now, which was a good thing.
Getting into another dangerous moment with Stella I might not be able to come back from wasn’t.
“Well, it was nice to meet you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing a lot of you once you officially move in.”
Diane smiled and strolled back to her house.
“She seems nice,” Stella said, her gaze drifting toward the path Diane took away from us, waving when Diane looked back.
“And she’s a good cook,” I said, holding up the tray. The ziti was still hot, but I was grateful to have something to do with my hands.
“I look forward to it all.” She patted my chest. “Happy shopping.”
“Thanks,” I said with a chuckle before I shifted back to the house. “And thanks for stopping by.”
“What are friends for? Or babysitters,” she said, her brow furrowing as she stepped into the car, chuckling as she started the engine.
“Or I could be your pinch hitter when you’re away.” She winked. “Whatever you want me to be is fine.”
I tried to laugh, the heat of the tray burning my palms as Stella peeled away from the curb.
What I needed her to be was different from what I wanted her to be, and not only wasn’t it fine, it couldn’t happen.