Chapter 12 Lee
TWELVE
LEE
“I could live here,” Nate said while I worked on his arm.
He’d been having a great first few games, but I still studied his face for any quick winces of pain.
He’d played through injury most of his last season and had told us to go fuck ourselves when we’d notice his obvious pain and ask.
Surgery had humbled him, but Silas and I still watched closely for any reactions he’d try to hide or blow off.
“I don’t know if I’d love a hundred degrees in April. At least in New York, you don’t have to roast until July.”
“Come on, Doc,” Nate said while I felt for any tension in his neck. “It’s a dry heat out here.”
“Right,” I said, examining his profile as I stretched his shoulder back.
“Jesus Christ, Lee,” he grunted out with the same irritated sigh I remembered from my first season with the Bats. “I will tell you when something hurts.”
“I know. Just doing my job and making sure. Looks good. You should stay nice and loose since this whole state is like a big sauna. Dry heat and all.”
“How’s Bennie doing? Your friend is staying with her while you’re gone, right?”
“Your girl is fine. Yes, Stella is living with us for the season.”
I noticed Nate’s shoulders shake on the table while I made notes.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’ve really been friends with her for all this time and never hooked up?”
“Yes,” I said, tossing my clipboard on the counter. “Why is that amusing?”
“She’s hot. Like, really hot. It never crossed your mind?”
It crossed my mind all the damn time lately, and I didn’t need Nate reminding me or telling me how hot she was.
I’d managed some sleep on the flight this morning, but when I’d wake, Stella still owned every damn thought. What was so different about her now?
As much as I hated to admit it, Nate had a point.
It was like a switch had flipped when I saw her again, a charge between us that had never been there before.
Her face was still the same: light eyes framed by long lashes, chestnut hair drifting down her back, and full pink lips that I hadn’t had to force myself not to fixate on until now.
Her body hadn’t changed either, or maybe I’d just trained myself not to notice the soft curves that now cost me sleep.
“Did I say something wrong?” Nate asked with an aggravating smirk curling the side of his mouth. I’d taken a long time to answer his question since it had already been rolling around in my exhausted head.
“No. We’re friends. As much of a surprise as it may be to you, a man and a woman can be just friends.”
“I’m not saying they can’t. I have a few women friends. But I picked up on something between you when she came to see you.”
“You picked up on something?”
“Your face lit up like a Christmas tree, and you grabbed her like you’d just come back from war. She even squealed when you lifted her up. None of my women friends squeal for me. Women who aren’t friends, sure.”
“I was happy to see her. We grew up together,” I tried to explain, mostly to myself. “And she was happy to see me too, nothing to read into, like you’re doing.”
I went back to my notes, trying to avoid the skeptical arch in his brow. It was hard to sound convincing when I didn’t believe me either.
“Everything good?” Silas asked from the doorway.
“Everything is good, Coach.” Nate hopped off the table. “Just chatting with your boy about his hot new nanny.”
“Could you stop calling her hot?” I said, letting go of a long breath when I noticed the edge in my voice.
“If she’s just your friend, why does that bother you?” His wide grin pissed me off as he pointed a finger at me. “There’s that something. She’s got you all riled up, Doc.”
“If Lee cleared you, why don’t you go practice? Put the ballbusting energy into actual balls.”
“All right,” Nate said, holding up his hands. “I think someone needs to loosen him up.” Nate tipped his chin to me and slapped my shoulder. “And since I know you’re going to ask me later, I’m fine. No pain and nice and loose,” Nate said to Silas before heading into the hallway.
“What’s going on?” Silas asked, his brow pinched.
“Nothing. You know Nate, a ballbuster, like you said.”
“He is, but he did get a rise out of you, which generally doesn’t happen. You’re usually a lot more zen.”
“Zen?” I narrowed my eyes at Silas. “Seriously?”
“Well, more than the rest of us. You’re usually all about health and wellness and how to stretch and relax—at least here. Is something up with you and Stella?”
“No,” I said quickly enough for Silas to squint at me. “Nothing has happened between Stella and me. She’s a good friend who’s doing me a big favor. That’s all.”
Silas’s lips twisted, but he stayed silent, bobbing his head in a slow nod.
“Not you too.” I dropped my head back with a groan. “Yes, she’s gorgeous. No, there is nothing between us. There can’t be.”
I clenched my eyes shut and pinched the back of my neck when I realized my slip.
“Why can’t there be? Other than the complication that she’s taking care of Bennie.”
“That isn’t enough? I’ve known her and her brother for half my life. They’ve been like family to me, and I can’t fuck that up. More than friends with Stella isn’t possible.”
“But you’re thinking about it anyway, right? Lee, it’s me. You don’t have to put up a front. How many times did you push me toward Rachel when I said it wouldn’t work?”
“That was different.”
“Maybe a little.” He shrugged. “But I was just as miserable as you seem to be until I finally admitted what I wanted and gave in, as you’d tell me all the time.”
“I’m not miserable. Maybe a little tense, but not miserable.”
“Can I say one more thing? And then I promise I’ll drop it.”
I nodded, my shoulders going rigid from what I knew he would probably say.
I had given him a load of shit when he’d first met Rachel, and I’d pushed him to get out of his head and go for it.
But Silas didn’t have a little girl who’d already suffered from his mistakes, even if she hadn’t realized it yet.
And while he had gone through a brutal divorce, his loss wasn’t immense enough to almost break him.
I wouldn’t survive another one.
“Well, one more thing after a question. Is feeling something for Stella because of who she’s been to you and how she’s helping you what’s bothering you, or did you not expect to want anyone else after Katie?”
“I…” I trailed off, my chest constricting as Silas managed to corner me.
After five years, I’d finally let go of enough of the anger over losing Katie and raising our daughter alone that I didn’t feel as if I had to run from the memories anymore.
I could tell Bennie all about the amazing mother she had without holding back details because I couldn’t handle sharing them yet.
But truly wanting to be with someone after Katie, not for a hookup or casual night, was its own mindfuck. All I did know was that I didn’t have it in me to love someone, only to lose them again, given I’d barely survived it the first time.
But being alone didn’t seem like such an easy choice anymore. It had been the safest and only option for me for the past five years, until almost kissing Stella not once but twice had made me question it all.
“I don’t know,” I allowed.
“Life has a way of restarting itself. When I blew out my knee and lost my career right after my divorce, I felt so low, I never thought I’d get back up or even care if I did.
But all that changed when I found someone I wanted enough to make me want to actually live, not just function, every day.
If Stella could be that someone for you, is it so bad to try? ”
“Yes,” I blurted out. “I mean, I can’t.”
“So you’ve said. Listen, I’ll drop it for now. Easier than you would with me, if you recall.”
I managed a smile when he rolled his eyes.
“But being this agitated isn’t sustainable. Something is going to have to give. I’d like to see you happy—or at least have a stomach lining at the end of the season.”
“One thing at a time,” I tried to joke.
“Would it help if I made Nate do extra sprints around the field for calling Stella hot?”
“Yes, actually it would.” A real laugh slipped out of me while I followed Silas to the field.
What I was feeling for Stella was as inconvenient as it was terrifying, and I had no choice but to endure until the end of the season.
Silas jogged toward the players on the grass, and I stayed behind when my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Stella
Pickup was as easy as drop-off.
A photo of Stella and Bennie popped on the screen, both with matching wide smiles. I knew Stella would be good with Bennie, but I didn’t expect them to look so good and perfect together.
Lee
I had no doubt. How was the rest of the day? Meet anyone besides the single mom groupies you think I have?
Stella
I saw Lorraine point to me as she huddled with a few other moms, so I’m guessing they’re part of your fandom.
Lee
Fandom? I appreciate the flattery, but I don’t have a fandom.
Stella
Pick up a romance novel sometime. Nothing is hotter than a single dad. And a single girl dad…
Lee
So you think I’m hot? Maybe you’re projecting and the fandom is you.
She’d be the only fandom I want. I’d spot the looks from some of the mothers at pickup, but I’d give them a polite nod and move on. Stella looking at me that way was something different. Something I’d pay attention to, even if I couldn’t do anything about it.
This was our usual back-and-forth and giving each other a hard time. It was normal, but not. Like everything else between us now.
Stella
I meant that you’re a hot commodity. There’s a difference.
Lee
It still sounds like you think I’m hot.
Stella
Anyway, Diane gave me muffins today. Got me right as I came home.
Lee
The blueberry ones? I’m jealous.
Stella
You should be. They’re amazing. She can spy on me all she wants if she makes these every time. I also met Jimmy. He said I won’t have any trouble here, so I guess you told him about Zach.
Lee
I told him you had trouble with an ex and a few of his friends, so he’d keep a lookout for any strange guys getting close to the house. Nothing more, I promise.
Stella
What did he mean by “come see him at the shop”?
Lee
He owns a flower shop.
Stella
He does not.
Lee
He does. At Christmastime, his firefighter son drives the fire truck around the neighborhood covered in red flowers. Jimmy rides in front with him in a Santa suit.
Stella
Stop it. That is the sweetest thing. I thought shop meant mechanic or something else.
Lee
Something else?
Stella
Like something… I don’t know, gangster maybe.
I cracked up, clearing my throat when a couple of people hanging out in the stands swiveled their heads in my direction.
Lee
Gangster? That’s a little stereotypical. You’re from Brooklyn, and your mother’s side is Italian.
Stella
That’s not it. It was the way he said he knew everything that went on.
Lee
So does Diane. In a nosy but helpful way. Nothing else. He’s a big teddy bear but can be pretty intimidating when he needs to be.
Stella
Oh well, that’s good. Not that I think anything will happen or that they care where I am, but good.
Lee
Nothing will happen. I told you.
Stella
I remember.
I’d sworn nothing would happen to her right before I would have slammed my mouth against hers if we hadn’t been interrupted.
Not that I thought about that almost-kiss all the time, along with the rest of the almost moments, or wondered if she’d picked up on them too.
Lee
I’ll call you when practice ends.
Stella
Good. Bennie told me that you always try to tell her goodnight if it’s not too late or if the players need you to snap them back in.
Lee
I do, but today is only practice, so I can call once we finish and get back to the hotel. I’ll even tell you goodnight.
Stella
I feel special.
Because you are.
Stella
I’ll let you get back to cracking the guys’ bones like Bennie says you do. When you call, I’ll give you a full recap of dinner and our day.
Lee
I look forward to it.
When was the last time I’d looked forward to something this much? And why did it have to be the one thing I had to avoid?