Chapter 11
eleven
. . .
Lucien
Miss you
Me
Already?
Lucien
Crazy right?
It’s only been a few hours and I can’t seem to get you out of my head
Me
Probably because you know what I sound like when I come
Lucien
You do make incredible sounds
Especially right before you tip over the edge
Me
Is that so?
Lucien
I bet they sound even better in person
Me
Maybe one day, you’ll find out…
Lucien
Such a tease
Is that an invitation?
Me
Guess you’ll have to wait to find out
Lucien
That’s not the only reason I’m missing you
Even if I didn’t know what sounds you make… I’d still be thinking about you
Me
You’re cute
I miss you, too
1:43 PM
Work has been slower than usual. After suggesting several of my favorite dark romances to a small group of friends, I end up coming across someone in search of a spicy monster romance. I lead the way to the right section and point out a few favorites, ignoring the text vibration from my pocket.
My heart instantly races. Notifications from Lucien have the tendency to make my cheeks fill with warmth. Thankfully, the customer I’m helping is too busy studying the book cover to notice me blushing. She thanks me, reading the blurb on the back as I make my way toward the back of the store.
After sneaking a peek at my phone screen, I immediately freeze.
It’s not Lucien…
It’s Brent…
My ex.
My stomach sinks, and the saliva thickens in my mouth. I tightly grip the nearest bookshelf, fighting the urge to keel over. My heart pounds violently, and my head swims. Through sharp, deep breaths, I open the message reluctantly.
Brent
I’ll be in the area tonight
Wanna grab a drink?
Time halts. A heavy, sick feeling hits me immediately.
On the verge of puking, I shove my phone back into my pocket and dash for the nearest restroom, my vision swimming.
Next thing I know, I’m in a stall fighting back tears.
Immense panic rushes through me, and with numb, shaking hands, I pull out my phone once more.
A rush of painful memories come flooding back to me as I stare down at the text message in disbelief.
As bizarre as it is, there’s a small part of me that wants to reply just because I’ve grown accustomed to keeping the peace.
Although there’s an even bigger part of me that wants to tell him to go fuck himself.
His hurtful words over the years have been permanently etched into my brain.
You’re so fucking annoying.
Can you ever do anything right?
You were nothing when I met you, Nora.
After a year of therapy, I know now that none of those statements are true, but it still hurts to remember. It haunts me, and I feel stupid for staying with him for so long.
In a daze, triggered as hell, and on the verge of tears, I press the phone to my ear.
It rings once.
“Hi, princess,” Lucien answers happily.
“Hi,” I mutter, my eyes zoned in on the tiny black heart drawn on the stall door.
“I thought you didn’t get off work for a few more hours,” he murmurs. “You get out early?”
“No.”
“Twenty on pump three, thank you,” he says to someone. “Sorry if it’s loud. I’m getting gas. Topping off the bike before meeting up with Kae.”
My mind begins to wander as I remain silent.
“Nora?” he asks.
“Still here,” I answer dryly. “Sorry. I know you’re busy.”
“Never too busy to talk to you,” he tells me.
My chest tightens, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
“Is everything alright, love?”
Swallowing hard, I rest the back of my head against the stall.
“Are you okay?” he asks quickly, his tone shifting to genuine concern. “What’s going on?”
Unable to get the words out, I text him instead.
Me
My ex texted me
Lucien takes in a sharp breath. “It’s okay, Lenora,” he says reassuringly, speaking slowly, ensuring I hear every word. “You’re okay. I’m right here, love.”
Me
All of these bad memories resurfaced
I can’t stop shaking
I want to cry
“Listen to me, baby,” he murmurs softly. “You’re safe. Breathe with me, okay?” I take in a small, shaky breath. “At the same time. We’ll do it together. Alright?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Close your eyes, love,” he quietly instructs. “Breathe in with me.”
We simultaneously take in a deep breath, holding it for a moment.
“Now breathe out,” he says, and I exhale along with him. “Again. Breathe in.” As I follow along, my racing mind begins to slow, and a calmness washes over me. “Breathe out.”
Over time, my sweaty, trembling hands become steady. “Breathe in. Breathe out.” My head clears, and I somehow find myself back in my body with each breath. “Breathe in. Breathe out.”
My own yawn takes me by surprise. Opening my eyes, I take in another small breath.
“That’s it. Good,” he murmurs.
“Thanks, Luce,” I say sincerely, my voice no longer shaking. “I think I was spiraling.”
“Understandably so.”
“Yeah?”
“I can’t imagine how seeing his name on your phone made you feel,” he comments, making me feel seen. “I will always be here for you,” he promises. “Kae, too, and all your friends and family. You’re never alone.”
“I can’t believe I let a text get to me,” I admit weakly. “I got so freaked out.”
“I’m sure it brought up some painful memories.”
“It did,” I confess.
“But that’s what they are. Memories. A closed chapter. You’re safe now.”
“I’m safe now,” I echo.
“Your feelings are valid, love. Every single one of them. You know that, right?”
“Right.”
“I’m here,” he says again. “He will never hurt you again. I’ll put him in the ground before that ever happens.”
A slight grin crosses my face at that remark. Wiping away a bead of sweat from my temple, I giggle quietly, loving how he has the ability to make me laugh in such a vulnerable moment.
“You think I’m joking—I’m not,” he says, his voice low.
“Oh, I know you’re not,” I chuckle.
“Do you want me to come there and hold you?” he asks, sounding serious. “I’ll hop on a flight right now.”
My heart swells from his kindness. “It’s okay. Just hearing your voice has helped me more than you know. It’s really sweet of you to offer, though.”
“You’re my favorite person, Nora. I only ever want you to think positive things about yourself.”
With a subtle grin, I sigh. “That’s definitely still a work in progress.”
“Let’s do some affirmations,” he instructs. “Repeat after me. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I am beautiful,” he begins.
“I am beautiful.”
“I am worthy.”
“I am worthy.”
“My emotions, needs, and feelings are valid.”
“My emotions, needs, and feelings are valid.”
“I am a baddie.”
“I am a baddie,” I chuckle, adoring his humor.
“How I was treated is not my fault,” he declares.
Suddenly, tears fill my eyes, and this moment turns intimate, healing me in so many ways. “How I was treated is not my fault,” I say firmly.
“I have the right to protect my peace.”
“I have the right to protect my fucking peace.”
“Damn fucking right, you do,” he exclaims, matching my energy. “I deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love.”
“I deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love,” I say proudly, a feeling of confidence igniting within me.
“I am enough.”
“I am enough,” I state, meaning it with every ounce of my soul.
“Good girl. I’m proud of you, princess,” he encourages. “You got this.”
“What would I do without you?”
“You’d be okay,” he answers truthfully. “You don’t need anyone. You got yourself, always.”
“Thanks for being here, Luce. I appreciate you so much.”
“Always,” he says. “I appreciate you too. Feeling a little better?”
Without any hesitation, I find my ex’s contact and hit block—taking back full control. The power has always been mine. I just needed a reminder.
“I’ve never been better,” I tell him.
Proud of you, Nor, my inner child cheers.
3:04 PM
Once I’m in the breakroom at work, I make myself comfortable at the table and pull out my phone. A giddy smile claims my face when I see the text notification from Lucien.
Lucien
Hope you’re having a better day, princessMe
Me
I feel so much better
Thank you for earlier
Lucien
Always here
New vid was posted on my page
I think you’ll enjoy it
Me
On break
About to watch it now!
Brimming with anticipation, I quickly search his username and find the still image of his most recently uploaded video. Lucien and Kaelum stand before their sexy, black Yamaha’s, looking as hot as ever in the thumbnail.
My gaze fixates on Lucien’s helmet at first; then it immediately wanders down his body, landing on his black pants..
His sweats are hung low on his hips and it’s impossible to miss the giant bulge that the barbed wire design of his pants seem to highlight.
I feel like a freak staring, but I can’t help myself.
His black shirt is tight, enhancing his masculine body, and his tatted neck and arms are rippling with muscles and veins.
Has he always been this fucking hot?
Kaelum, too. He’s also dressed head to toe in all black and I nearly swoon at the heavenly sight of him in his black tank. The fabric is stretched tight across his muscular chest and his arms are out on full display, muscles rippling under his patchwork tattoos.
I can take them both.
And I don’t mean in a fight.
The second the music begins, I nearly fold.
There’s something about a man dancing that is so undeniably sexy and, shit, they can fucking dance.
They move their hips to the beat, their steps fully synchronized.
With each shoulder roll, chest pop, and hip movement, I mentally scream.
My face flushes as I laugh at myself, nearly dying when I see Lucien begin to shake his ass.
God, it looks firm.
As awkward as it is to watch, it’s also incredibly attractive. At the end of the twenty-second mark, they begin goofing off, fist bumping each other comically before walking off camera. I shoot a text to the group chat.
Me
You guys are fucking nuts
Kaelum
Hahahaha
Lucien
Kae has the moves fr
Me
You both do
Kaelum
You should join us for a vid
We can sandwich you
Me
A new life goal
Lucien
Those hip thrusts were all for you, baby girl
Kaelum
He’s talking to me btw
Thanks daddy
I loved them
Lucien
Anytime, pup
Me
Wish I could dance like that
You literally just posted it like 30 minutes ago and it’s already going viral
Kaelum
You’ve been asking for a biker dance vid for a while now
Me
You’re right, I have
Lucien
You ask and we deliver
Kaelum
Whatever you want, pretty girl
Me
Anything?
Kaelum
You bet your fine ass
Lucien
Anything
Me
Hmmm
I’ll have to think about what I want, then
Kaelum
We’ll be waiting
Should I backpack Luce for the next vid?
Me
Definitely
100% yes
Lucien
Not happening
The spots reserved for Nora
Me
Sounds like fun
Wish I was there
Kaelum
I’ll give you a ride
And I’m not talking about on the bike
Lucien
Ayooo
Me
Looking at helmets rn
Need protection
Kaelum
Smart girl
That’s not the only protection we’ll need
Me
Break is over
Movie tonight?
Kaelum
I have my cousin’s wedding later
Raincheck?
Me
Yes, raincheck
Have fun at the wedding!
Kaelum
Thanks, love
Suddenly, Lucien texts me privately.
Lucien
No stream tonight
Movie night sounds fun
Me
It’s a date
Lucien
Yeah?
What’s the best date you’ve ever been on?
Me
Hmm
Just dinner, but he spent half the night on his phone
Lucien
Something’s fucking wrong with the guy, clearly
That sounds boring though
Not your style
Me
What’s my style?
Lucien
I’d pull up to your apartment on my bike just before sunset. Then I’d start the night off by taking you somewhere with a beautiful, scenic view, almost as beautiful as you. We’d watch the sun go down and talk, and stop at a pub for some dinner
I know pubs are your favorite
Me
That sounds so cute
Lucien
Then of course we’d stop for ice cream
Coffee flavor, right?
Me
Ugh, you know me!
Nothing beats coffee ice cream
Lucien
We’d make a whole night of it and end with a movie
Maybe a drive-in
Me
Would you kiss me at my door?
Lucien
I’d be honored to
Although I’m not sure if I’m deserving enough
Me
I think you might be
Lucien
I bet your lips are so soft
Me
Only one way to find out
Call you when I’m home
Lucien
Later, princess