Chapter 23
Oakley knowing about Addison and me should make me anxious, but instead it’s like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders.
Every day, it gets harder to keep my feelings for her hidden, especially from Mama and Daddy. I want to tell them, but more than that, I feel like I need to, so they can be adequately prepared for the heartbreak that will come after she leaves.
I can’t keep pretending this won’t affect me. It was naive of me to think, and knowing the pain is coming won’t make it any easier.
The way she touched me yesterday after the powdered sugar incident is still ingrained in my brain.
Her fingers grazing against my cheek, the look of pure adoration in her eyes, and the way she couldn’t seem to pull away had a swarm of butterflies erupting in my belly.
If Oakley hadn’t interrupted us, I would have kissed her right then and there.
I shake off the memory, getting back to double-checking emails. We have a group coming in tomorrow for the rest of the week, and I need to make sure I have all of their information for the welcome packet.
Halfway through writing on their keycards, Mama and Daddy walk into the office and take a seat across from me. The air becomes thick with anticipation.
Uh oh.
I set down my Sharpie and turn my attention to them, my heart starting to race. “Hi… What’s up?”
Daddy clears his throat and looks at Mama, who gives a subtle nod. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Is everything okay? Is it Briar?”
“Briar is the same, as far as we know. I just wanted to make you aware of a change happening next month.” Daddy takes a deep breath. “I’m giving Athena to Addison. She’ll be taking her with her when she leaves.”
The stress dissipates from my body. “You had me scared someone was dying. Is that all?”
They share another look.
“Well, yes,” Daddy says. “If you wouldn’t mind printing a bill of sale for her just so our bases are covered legally, that would be great.”
I click around until I find the document, printing it and grabbing it from the printer. I fill out the necessary information and hand it to Daddy to sign. He does, but each movement is hesitant.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this, June-bug? I know I probably should have asked you, but Addison only spoke to me yesterday, and—”
“It’s fine. You know I love all the horses, but I’m only attached to Honeysuckle and Daffodil. Besides, I've seen the bond between them, and I think this will be a good thing. Does this mean she plans on training to race again?”
“She does. I plan on going to see her first competition, provided it doesn’t overlap with anything else.”
“I’m sure seeing Athena in action will be fun.”
Oh, what I’d give to see her race in person. I had missed the barrel racing portion of the rodeo the night we met. I looked up some of her videos online, but the effect on a tiny screen is different from seeing it in person.
“You could come too, you know,” Mama says in what I call her ‘fishing’ tone. The one she uses when she’s trying to get information. “I’m sure it’d mean a lot to Addison to have you in the stands.”
“Oh, I don’t think—”
“We know, June-bug,” Daddy says, the words bursting out of him like he can’t keep them in any longer.
“Sullivan.” Mama scolds, rolling her eyes. “What your father means is, we’d like to talk to you about your relationship with Addison. And don’t pretend there’s nothing going on. We know she’s been sneaking out on the weekends, and the cameras behind the house are pretty clear.”
Fuck. How did I forget about the cameras? We have them for safety purposes, of course, but it never occurred to me that my parents would actually check them.
Silly.
“Why does my relationship with Addison matter?”
“Because she’s leaving, baby, and we don’t want you to get your heart broken.”
“I’m not a child. Addison and I know what we’re doing, and I’ll be fine.” My words hold no weight. I can tell, and so can they. I’ve never been a good liar, especially when it comes to my parents.
“Oh, Juniper.” Mama sighs. “You’re falling for her, aren’t you?”
“I’m past falling.” The truth spills out of my mouth like a rushing stream.
“I know it’s going to hurt when she leaves, but we both knew it would from the beginning.
It would have been the smarter choice to stay away, but we’re drawn together like magnets.
I know she can come off as a little prickly, but underneath is someone sweet, caring, and gentle.
She… she sees me. All the bits of me that seem to scare others away, she embraces. I…”
I can’t tell them I’m in love with her. I can’t confess that before I tell her, and I won’t be telling her.
“Why don’t you do long distance, or ask her to stay?” Daddy asks. “Or hell, you can go with her! You can do all the admin work from the road.”
Bless him and his big heart, but he doesn’t get it.
“I can’t ask her to stay. She needs to get back on the rodeo circuit, and we don’t have the means for her to train. You know why I can’t go with her. I would hold her back. It’s better this way.”
Mama’s lips thin, and Daddy’s brow furrows. I can tell they want to protest, to talk me out of my decision, but they know me well enough to know arguing won’t do them any good.
“If you’re sure this is the best option, we’ll support you,” Daddy says. “Can I make one suggestion, though?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t waste the time you have. Soak up every minute you can. Tell her to move her stuff into your place.”
I’ve been wanting to do that, anyway. We only have twenty-seven days left together, and I want to make the most of it.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to seem unprofessional.”
“Everyone already knows there’s something going on, and if they have a problem with it, they can take it up with me. You’ve kept things professional thus far, and I have no doubts you’ll continue to do so. Your happiness is the most important thing to us.”
“Thank you. I’ll go find her right now.” I stand, rounding the desk, ready to head out the door.
Addison should be coming back from a trail session any minute.
“Just be careful, Juniper,” Daddy says. “The heart is a fragile muscle, and sometimes it can be hard to heal. We’ll be here for you to help if you need us.”
Emotion clogs my throat. I’m so lucky to have them. “Thank you. I love you.”
“We love you too. Now go on. Oh! Take the bill of sale for her.”
I grab the piece of paper and head out the door, nerves prickling under my skin. What if she says no? What if she doesn’t want to spend more time with me?
I’ve been sitting here for almost an hour, and the longer I wait, the more anxious I become.
Addison radioed in to let us know the trail ride would be a little longer. Apparently, one of the riders was wary about coming back down the hill, so they had to stop to calm them down, then took it a bit slower.
Everyone shuffles into the barn, laughing at something Rusty says, and I can’t tell who was anxious.
Everyone has big smiles on their faces and relaxed shoulders.
I feel for the person who was hesitant. It can be scary to get on a horse when you’re unfamiliar with them, but I hope they enjoyed the rest of the ride.
I help Rusty and Addison untack the horses while they send the group to clean up from the ride. I’m nearly bursting at the seams with the need to talk to Addison.
Once all the horses are put back in their stalls and given a treat for their hard work, Rusty leaves to find Shane and Briggs to set up the fire pit.
The moment we’re alone, I pounce on her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pressing my lips against hers.
She doesn’t miss a beat, matching my energy with the kiss.
“I missed you, too, sunshine. What was that for?”
“Move in with me,” I blurt out.
Addison’s eyes go wide.
I shake my head. “I mean, for the rest of the summer.”
“What about your parents?”
“They already know…”
Her eyes widen further. “How?”
“We have cameras on the back of the house to watch for animals and intruders, and they’ve seen you sneaking to my house. They suggested you move in for the rest of the summer, so you don’t have to keep sneaking out.”
“And you want that? Want me in your space? Every day?”
“Yes. I want to spend as much time together as we can before…” I don’t need to say the words aloud.
Addison cups my face, rubbing her thumbs along my cheeks as her eyes survey mine. “Oakley’s going to be insufferable about this, you know?”
A smile tips my lips. “I know. Does that mean you’re saying yes?”
“How could I say no to more time with you? I’ll bring my stuff over after dinner tonight.”
Giddiness and relief have my body sagging. I don’t know why I was so worried, but having her agree lifts a weight off my shoulders that I didn’t know was there.
After dinner, I go back to my place and shower, anticipating Addison’s arrival. I clear out two drawers for her and make some space in my closet in case she has clothes she needs to hang up. I don’t want her living out of a suitcase for the next month.
It’s laughable that I’m nervous about this, even though we’ve been sleeping together for nearly three months. This is different. Bigger. More permanent.
Even if it isn’t.
While I wait, I sit in my art studio and work on the small, five-by-seven print I plan on giving Addison to remember her time here when she leaves. Inspiration struck me late last night, and the page is filled with rough pencil marks depicting where I want things to go.
A knock on the door pulls me from my sketching, and I open it to find the woman I can’t stop thinking about. She has a bag on each shoulder, her hair slightly damp, like she also just showered.
I stare for so long that I get to watch the slow tip of her lips into an amused smile. “Are you going to let me in, sunshine?”
“Oh, yes, sorry. Come in. I cleared out the two top drawers on the left side for you, and there’s space in the closet if you need it.”
“You didn’t have to do that. I could have lived out my bags.”
“I didn’t want you to. I wanted you to feel comfortable.”
Her bags fall to the floor, and she shuts the front door, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her nose brushes mine, and I’m surrounded by the scent of soap and a hint of mint from whatever she washed her hair with.
“I’m most comfortable between your thighs, but I appreciate your thoughtfulness.” She places a kiss on my nose, then my cheek, before her lips tease mine enough to have me chasing her when she pulls away.
Addison takes her bags to the bedroom and puts her things into the drawers while I sit on the bed.
I grab the paper and a pen from where I set them on the nightstand and wiggle them in her direction. “Oh! I didn’t get to this earlier, but Daddy filled out the bill of sale for you. You just need to sign it, and Athena is all yours.”
She shuts the drawers slowly, then makes her way to bed. It dips as she sits next to me, and she takes the paper, reading it thoroughly. Her throat works bobs on a swallow, and I swear I see a glimmer of tears in her eyes.
“This feels like a dream,” she whispers, her eyes flicking up to mine. “I was shocked when your dad said he wanted to give Athena to me. It still doesn't feel real, even though it’s spelled out.”
My heart gives a sad little thump. “He’s proud of you, you know. Even though you may think of him as your boss, Daddy thinks of everyone who works on the ranch as family. He’ll be the loudest one in the stands when he watches you race. He’s so excited to see you two in action.”
She nods, scanning the page again before she pens her signature in swirling letters. “Do you need a copy of this?”
“I can scan it on my phone and email it to myself.” I do that before handing it back to her. “Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of—”
The breath is knocked out of my lungs as she wraps me in a tight hug, toppling us over on the bed. Her arms are like a vice around my midsection, and my face is squished against her chest, listening to the rapid thump, thump of her heart.
It’s perfect.
She lifts her head, our faces mere inches apart.
A single tear falls from her eyes, and when I reach up to wipe it away, something passes between us.
All the things we want to say but know we shouldn’t are blaring in the thick silence.
We’re both frozen, incapable—or maybe unwilling—to speak for the fear of saying something wrong.
At least, I’m afraid of saying something that I shouldn’t.
“We should get some sleep,” Addison says, her voice thick with emotion. “Extra long day tomorrow with the new guests arriving.”
I don’t want to go to sleep, but she has a point.
“Right. Yeah. Good thinking.”
We brush our teeth and crawl into bed, and Addison flips on her side to face me, pulling me in so I’m flush against her front.
That night, I dream about what it would be like to ask her to stay, and what it would feel like if she said yes.