Chapter 21
twenty-one
. . .
Eden
This is not how I envisioned spending Boxing Day. It started with a ranting text from Kris saying that someone slashed her tire and that she thinks it was Felix.
How do you jump to that conclusion?
I don’t know, but I stopped responding when she refused to let it go.
Now, I’m at my checkup already on edge, not wanting to be back at the hospital. It’s depressing, but it’s also setting off a panic attack that I’m working really damn hard to keep in check. The last thing I need to add to this visit is a mortifying freak out in the waiting area.
God, what if they admit me?
Felix links our fingers together.
“It’s alright. I’m right here with you,” he says, so no one else can hear.
“Am I that obvious?”
He gives me that quirky little smile that I love. It’s affectionate and teasing at the same time, and makes me feel warm all over.
“No, I just know you. Plus your bouncing knee is making it feel like I put a quarter in this seat to have a better experience.”
I snort, then look around to make sure no one heard that. Some of the tension eases in my chest, and I’m able to take a deep breath.
“Eden Hale?”
A nurse calls my name, and Felix jumps up to help me stand. We follow her to the office and take a seat.
“Doctor Walker will be in shortly,” the nurse says, and closes the door.
The tension is back, but Felix leans over and places a soft kiss on my neck. Then my pulse spikes for a totally different reason.
“I’m here, remember?”
He knows exactly how to make my brain fry but in the best way possible. A blush creeps across my cheeks when Dr. Walker arrives a moment later.
Am I wrong for having dirty thoughts about Felix in his office?
“Ms. Hale, it’s good to see you.” He glances at the Aircast I’m wearing. “Why do you still have that on?”
I shrug. “No one told me to stop.”
He clicks his mouse and taps his chin.
“I guess with the holidays this is the first checkup the nurses scheduled. How are you finding PT?”
“Better, I don’t need the crutch.” I tap the cane Felix got me. “I just use this.”
He nods.
“We’re going to get you out of that boot and into a lace-up support instead. You can take it off for sleeping and showering. It will give you a lot more freedom,” Dr. Walker says.
Felix’s hand tightens on mine. I glance over at him, but his facial expression is unreadable.
“Let me see your arm.”
I hold it out. I’m not sure what he is looking for, but he mumbles to himself.
“Any pain?”
“No, but the itching sometimes is enough to drive a person crazy.” That gets a smile. So, he does have a personality. “Physio for it is going well. I’m much stronger, and I don’t get worn out like in the beginning.”
“Excellent. This can come off in three weeks.” He turns and gives me his full attention. “Any other issues?”
I really want to say, aside from my parents being dead—no. But I don’t.
“No. No issues,” I say, glancing at Felix while the doctor goes over my next steps.
With Felix around, the nightmares have all but disappeared, and I feel halfway normal. I’m still trying to figure out what normal is, but Felix gives me hope, and right now that is what I need.
By the time we get to the car with my new ankle brace, I’m concerned. Felix is being unusually quiet.
“Is everything okay? It feels like you’re far away.”
He starts the car, and we sit there staring out the frosty windshield as it heats up. Reaching out, I cup his cheek. He leans into me, making my heart swell.
“It’s just…soon you won’t need me anymore, and…” His eyes meet mine, and I can see the worry in them. “Then what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s face it, Eden. I’m only in your life because of this horrible and tragic moment. Soon I’ll be the only thing that reminds you of that day and what you lost. You won’t want me around. As long as you need me…you have a reason to want to see me.”
“Felix…it’s not like that.” I try to get closer and end up grabbing his jacket, forcing him to look at me. “You are so important to me. That won’t change.”
Somewhere between the hospital and the holidays, Felix stopped feeling like someone who survived the crash with me and started feeling like someone to live for. When the change happened…I can’t say, but I feel it as surely as I do his touch.
“Are you sure?” He cups my cheeks, and there is a desperation in his blue eyes that stills my heart. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “People don’t usually keep reminders of the worst day of their life around forever.”
The longing in his voice cuts me to the core. I’ve spent so much time sitting in my own sorrow that I’ve taken Felix’s strength for granted. He is hurting too, even if he doesn’t show it often.
“You’re not going to lose me,” I whisper, and mean it.
He has become everything and more to me. I’m teetering on the edge of feelings I’ve never had before. I’m terrified to analyze them, but I can’t picture going forward without him.
Felix suddenly kisses me. My body lights up, and I moan, opening for him. His tongue invades my mouth and teases me as my heart pounds hard.
His phone rings, pulling us out of the moment. I have no idea how much time has passed. With an annoyed groan, he sits back. All I want to do is grab him and kiss him again. His brows furrow when he looks at the caller ID.
“Who is it?”
“I’m not sure…I think it’s the prison.”
“You better answer it.”
With a nod, he hits talk.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this Felix Blackwood?”
I can barely hear the little voice. Felix notices me leaning in and puts the phone on speaker.
“Yes, it is.”
“This is the Provincial Police calling. I’m sorry for the delay, but it took us some time to locate you.
Mr. Blackwood was being transferred from maximum security when a major accident involving the secured bus occurred.
Identification is underway, and a formal update will be provided as soon as a positive match is completed. ”
I cover my mouth in shock.
“Are you telling me my father is dead?”
“We cannot confirm that at this time, but as Mr. Blackwood’s next of kin, we are required to inform you of the situation.”
“When? When did this happen?”
“Friday, December eleventh.”
I gasp, my eyes going wide as Felix looks at me.
“The nineteen-car pile-up? That one?”
“Yes. We’ll be in touch soon.”
Felix hangs up and stares straight ahead.
“Felix, I’m so sorry.”
He slowly turns and looks at me. His mouth opens. Closes again.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel,” he says softly.
“I know he was a horrible person, but he was still your father,” I say, rubbing his arm. “This must be difficult.”
“He stopped being my father a long time ago, but…” He reaches out and runs his finger down my cheek.
“Feels cruel that the best thing that’s ever happened to me took your family from you.
If I wasn’t sure of it before, I am now—we were meant to meet that night, Eden, and not because you need me… because I need you.”
My heart constricts in my chest, and I want to wrap him in my arms and hold him tight. I hadn’t believed it when he said it the first time, but now…I’m not so sure.
“Let’s go home,” Felix says, putting the car in drive.
I know he means my house, but it also feels right that he calls it his home too. I should probably be more worried by the way my chest warms at his words. Instead, I don’t let go of his hand the whole drive home.