Chapter 42 Bex is Dead
- BEX IS DEAD
Six months… six months since I ran from my life, from my husband, from the only truth I had ever dared to build for myself, and I was still no closer to finding the new me, deciding what to do next. It was as if I was stuck in limbo.
Marvin and Trevor continued to call me Molly, and that seemed to be closest to the truth as I could get. But if it wasn’t safe for me to be Rebecca Pierce, would it ever be safe for me to be Molly Kent?
It was an unseasonably hot day; the very air felt like it was clinging to me, pushing me. It didn't help my mood.
I had been spending most of my time at the gym, working to earn my keep, or so Marvin said.
In truth, I just think he wanted to keep me close and didn’t know how to say it.
But I could feel it in the way he would watch me from the office with a fond smile.
Or how he would conveniently order too big of a sandwich for lunch and have just enough to share with me.
Trevor had finally stopped asking me what my plans were after I put him in a headlock and told him I didn’t fucking know and to stop poking at me.
Then there was the baby names incident. The look of confusion on his face when he caught me looking at girl names on the computer in the gym office.
He had looked at the screen, at me, back at the screen, at my abdomen and then back at the screen again.
I wanted to laugh because how the fuck did he think I got pregnant…
but I wanted to see how it would play out.
So I leaned back in the office chair, crossed my arms over my chest, and waited.
Trevor opened his mouth, closed it, shook his head, huffed…
took a step back, looked like he was going to leave and then eventually blurted out, “How did you manage to get knocked up?”
Then, before I could respond, he got angry. “Was it the asshole who came from out of state? The MMA fighter?”
At that I finally cracked and started laughing.
It felt good to laugh like that, at something absurdly ridiculous.
Like anyone could get close to me with the way Marvin and Trevor hovered.
When I finally calmed down and wiped the tears from my eyes, I got a little nervous.
Trevor and I talked, he probably knew more about me than anyone…
but how do you tell someone you don't know who you are…
that you don't even know if you have a name that can be used outside of this small bubble of safety.
How do you tell someone who has always known exactly who he was… . That you felt like no one.
I blew out a breath, “I am not pregnant. I am looking at names for… they are for me.”
I couldn't look at him, so instead I kept my eyes on the computer screen.
Trevor crouched down in front of me, twisting the chair so I swiveled and was facing him.
“What’s wrong with being you, with being Molly?” He asked.
“Well, that’s a loaded question and you know it. Being Molly has always meant I wasn’t safe, that I was in danger… needed to hide. I can’t…”
I was getting frustrated, not feeling like I could adequately describe my situation… how I was feeling.
I felt safe and stuck.
I felt known and yet didn’t feel like I knew myself.
“You can’t what?”
“I can’t be Molly out in the world.” I huffed.
Trevor reached out and tapped my chin so I would look at him. “Why not?”
I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or scream. Was he being serious right now?
“Why not? WATERMELON! Trevor… watermelon… I had a code word when I was a kid, in case I had to hide. Marv used to do safety drills with me… I haven’t gone further than the mom and pop grocery store since I got here. I had to have a whole new identity the last time I left…I…”
Between the heat and the frustration I was feeling like I couldn’t breathe, I needed to move, needed air.
I pushed back and Trevor tumbled forward a bit, ending up in my lap.
I heard someone shout and then a commotion in the main room.
I was helping steady Trevor and trying to stand when I heard a voice I wasn’t sure I would ever hear again.
“For a ghost you are looking pretty lively, Bex.”
I didn’t look up, not till Trevor and I were both standing and then I straightened myself and stood tall, then turned to face Angel.
“What do you want?” I crossed my arms across my chest, and looked up at him.
He went to open his mouth and then I decided I didn’t really care what he wanted. So instead of waiting to hear what he said I moved past him and out into the gym where a very uncomfortable looking Cypher was standing with half the gym watching him.
I did a quick scan and didn’t see anyone else, didn’t see him.
Cypher looked like he was going to say something, so I pointed right at him and said, “No. You don’t get to talk to me now.
You had your chance to ask me questions, talk to me before you ran your mouth and pulled at threads you had no business pulling on. ”
He closed his mouth and then went to open it again, taking a step forward. I was not in the mood for this shit. How did they find me?
I grabbed my gloves off of the weight bench and moved towards the ring, I needed to move, I needed to shift some of this energy. I needed to punch something or someone.
“Bex.”
I heard Angel and Trevor following behind me, but I didn’t stop. I pushed on a rope and slid into the ring, trying to find someone to spar with. But everyone was either avoiding looking at me or watching the newcomers.
“Keep your mouth shut asshole, we don’t call her that around here.” I heard Trevor hiss at Angel.
I started to put on my gloves and shake out my body. Cypher came up to the ring, while Angel and Trevor argued. “Be…” He cleared his throat, “Ugh…Molly?… Can we talk?”
I kept moving. What the hell did these two think they could tell me that would make anything better, make any difference? It had been six months. I am sure he had moved on, was exploring his options… Why bother finding me now?
Angel was now standing, beside Cypher, Trevor watching both of them.
I cracked my neck, saying, “You want to talk Cypher? Get in the ring!”
Cypher threw his hands up, backing up a step, when Angel spoke, “Common, he’s not going to spar with you. That wouldn’t be a fair fight.”
This asshole…
I stormed right over to them, glaring up at him, “Ohhh so it’s only ok when there are more of you? You can only watch a woman get hit when it's not for sport, when it’s not on her terms and she’s outnumbered?”
Angel, to his credit, looked horrified. Cypher rubbed both hands down his face, his eyes didn’t hold the light twinkle they used to. And Trevor growled. “Is this who hit you? Is he why you ran?”
Cypher stepped away from both of them, edging along the side of the ring. Smart Man…
Angel turned to Trevor, hands up in defence, “I did not touch B… Molly… And…”
I huffed a laugh, “No you just watched, just facilitated it and stopped my husband from intervening.”
Trevor shoved Angel, “This is their leader?”
Angel shoved back, “It’s not a cult asshole!”
Cypher tried to step into the ring, I pointed at him again, “You step through those ropes and you are fair game and I have a lot of anger to work through.”
Cypher froze, “We just want to talk to you… apologize. Things have changed and…”
Cypher was interrupted when Angel bumped into him, Trevor glaring at him. “We don’t want to fight…” Angel turned to me, “Please we just want to talk.”
So I repeated, but this time to Angel, “You want to talk? Get. In. The. Ring.”
“Fuck…” he hissed.
I swear I heard Cypher murmur, “He is going to kill you.”
Angel put his hands on the rope, “I don’t want to hurt you!”
I shrugged, “Too bad! You already have!”
Angel closed his eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath before he opened them, pinched the ropes and then slipped into the ring. That had me smiling.
Trevor tried to hand him the training mitts, but Angel pushed them aside. He stepped towards me hands up, “Please, we can’t say everything we came to say out in the open like this. Can we speak somewhere private?”
I shot forward, jabbing at his hand, the smack echoing out across the gym which had now gone silent.
“You actually think I would go anywhere with you? That I trust you…”
He stepped closer and I sidestepped, throwing another jab at his upheld hands. The slap was loud and I heard a hiss escape him.
Angel stepped back, “This isn’t why I am here. Fuck… I am screwing this up. Please, however you need to feel comfortable to talk to me… I need to say some things. I am here for him.”
That stopped me, of course he is. Of course he is here for Clutch. In what world would anyone care enough to come for me?
I backed up, not sure if I wanted to hit him again or run… If he knew where I was, who else did? Who had they told?
Trevor wasn’t by the ring anymore, I scanned the space only noticing now that it had been cleared out. Marvin was standing by the front door, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and Trevor was making his way back to the ring, his eyes on me.
Instead of running I started to move again, closer to Angel, “I am pretty sure I made myself clear when I left. I am done with your club, I am done with him.” But even as I said it an ache echoed through me.
Maybe part of me would always love him?
“Please, Bex. Mara told me everything…”
That had me seeing red! Did he drag Mara back into that clubhouse?
I snapped forward, punching his upheld hands, “You asshole! Did you put her in danger?”
I was huffing, trying to breathe through my anger. But I did not stop. I kept hitting his hands until one slipped and I let my anger fuel me, My left arm curving as he stepped into me. I connected before I realized what happened.
Angel stumbled back into the ropes, his hand covering the spot I just hit, while shaking out his other hand. I moved back and we both stood staring at each other breathing heavily.
Finally Angel broke the silence, “I didn’t bring her back. You did!”
My eyes went wide and I was about ready to swing again when Cypher said, “Razor is dead!”
That had me stopping, I looked from Cypher back to Angel.
Then remembered what Trevor had said about the club shooting, the implosion of the Dawnbreakers.
Marvin didn’t want us to dig any deeper, didn’t want us to stumble into a data trap, where someone could trace back to us.
This whole time I never knew what had happened.
“Wha.. I…” I was breathing heavily, trying to control my emotions.
Angel dropped his hands and for about a second I felt bad, then he said, “Mara came back after she found out what you did, what we did. She figured she could help draw out Razor and she did.” He smiled at me, then continued, “That is why we are here, we have been looking for you. It is ok now. You can come back and…”
I started laughing, because that was better than crying, “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
Angel looked confused by my response, so I pushed on, “You think I should… what? Be thankful? Gee… thanks Angel. What a great president you are… you finally got your head out of your ass and did SOMETHING… you finally listened to someone with a vagina… good for you!”
Angel sputtered, “What.. no… fuck.. Listen.”
I took one glove off and threw it at him, “NO! YOU LISTEN! I will NEVER go back! NEVER!”
I was screaming at this point, the rage and pain and helplessness I had felt bubbling out of me, I took off my second glove and threw it at him.
“I will never be a part of your club. I will never go back to a place, to people who allowed that to happen to me, to Mara, to how many others…”
Cypher looked like he wanted to say something, but Angel just kept going. “Clutch has been looking for you and I think if you just come back and listen…”
I ran at him, pushing him into the ropes, he may be more than twice my size but I didn’t care, “Fuck you Angel! You ruined my life!” I screamed at him, “I may have survived your club, but you killed everything I built. YOU! Bex is dead…”
At that I felt the anger seeping out of me and I knew I was moments away from breaking down. So I pushed away from him, ducked between the ropes and moved for the front door where Marvin was waiting with it open, his truck right outside.
Without a word I jumped in the truck and took off. I needed space to think. Mara had gone back to the Dawnbreakers and Razor was dead. But did that really change anything for me?