Chapter 44 A Name
- A NAME
It had been a week since I last saw Clutch.
And I didn’t know how to feel about that.
I think that may be my new normal. This feeling of overwhelming emotion without understanding what to do with it, where to put it.
So I did what I am good at. I took time alone to go over all the information I had been given, to dissect what had happened removed from the emotions tied to it.
Clutch and the Dawnbreakers had killed Razor and then systematically removed every threat to me.
I didn’t know how or why… But I did have Marvin verify the information.
And… they were all gone… Part of me wanted to believe it was loyalty to Clutch, but then I would re-read the messages from Remi, which I still hadn’t responded to.
I wasn't sure if I would. She made it sound as if it wasn’t just Clutch who had changed.
Instead of the usual replaying of the night I left in my dreams, I kept seeing his face… the anguish in his eyes. The way he cried... I had never seen him like that before. And then the sound of his voice, the whisper of his lips on my skin when he said goodbye.
It felt final. And I knew that it was what I should want, but my heart hadn’t gotten the memo.
Marvin told me I looked like someone had kicked my puppy and I should go back to my life.
Trevor told me to stay and make a life for myself here.
But if I were being honest with myself, I didn’t know if either of those options felt right to me.
We were cleaning up from dinner when I heard the unmistakable rumble of bikes. At one point in my life, I loved that sound because it meant that Clutch was coming back to me. Now I had no idea what it meant.
Marvin moved first, grabbing a shotgun. “Get in your spot, Molly.”
I shook my head. “Marv, if they are coming here, it's because they are coming for me, and I am not letting you go out there and face them without me.”
He grumbled something I couldn’t understand but then followed closely behind me, flanked by Trevor as I stepped out onto the front porch.
Dusk was dancing on the horizon as I watched a line of bikes approach the property.
I held my breath as I watched them slow and then Angel turn into the drive, followed by a long line.
They drove about three quarters of the way before a Bronco pulled past them and parked off to the side, then Clutch passed the group and stopped his bike out in front of everyone.
My heart was pounding so hard, I felt like everyone could hear it.
Clutch got off his bike and walked towards me.
Then he did something I never imagined I would see him do.
He took off his cut and threw it on the ground, the dust kicking up around it.
Black leather splayed out in the reddish brown dirt.
Immediately my eyes scanned the group, waiting for someone to react, to tell him to stop.
Demand him to respect the cut and his club, but no one did. All their eyes were on me.
What was happening?
No one said a thing as the prospect, I recognized from the night I ran, got out of the Bronco with something folded in his hands.
He walked up to Clutch, handing him what looked like a bottle of something.
Clutch squirted it on his cut and then reached for the folded item, looking right at me and then threw it on his cut…
and I realized suddenly that it was mine.
He had my cut or pieces of it... The blood smudged Dawnbreakers emblem stood out against the black leather.
Then he squirted the liquid on my cut as well, before stepping back and handing the bottle to the Prospect.
I couldn’t hear anything, the blood was roaring in my eyes.
I was zoned in on Clutch as he grabbed something from his pocket and then pulled a lighter, lighting the item in his hand before looking at me one more time and then throwing the lit object onto the cuts. They burst into flames immediately.
Oh. My. God. What is he doing?
I must have said it out loud because he gave me a sad smile and placed his left hand over his heart… his left hand that still had his ring.
I wanted to move, to do something. But I felt frozen in place.
I watched as the prospect moved towards Clutch, handed him a set of keys and then walked to his bike.
Then he nodded at me and got on Clutch’s bike and with it all the engines revved, and they all started to file out of the drive.
Angel led, and one by one they all left Clutch standing in the dust with the cuts burning at his feet.
Only when everyone was gone, the dust settled and the fire had started to die down, did Clutch turn, walk to the SUV and get in it. Without a word he drove away… again with the feeling of not knowing what just happened.
“What just happened?” I gasped.
“That man made his intentions clear.” Marvin grumbled.
I jumped, forgetting that they were there with me. I heard the screen door open and close and then Trevor came up beside me.
“Well, I think he just got rid of the last person… the last group of people who hurt you.”
And then he turned and I was alone on the front porch.
The setting sky going from orange to purple.
I moved without thinking, walking towards the burning leather and on the top of the pile was his name.
The patch looked like it had been stripped from my cut, but he had thrown it last. I don’t know how long I stood and watched the fire burn our past to ash.
I stood there until the sky turned dark and the fire went out.
When I finally turned back towards the house, rubbing at the ache in my chest that had been bothering me for too long… for a moment I let the small flicker of hope ignite within me. I let myself think… What if?
What if he walked away from everything I told him I couldn’t go back to…
What if he was here for me…
If Clutch and Bex were gone? What then?
That is all I thought about all night… all the what ifs… all the possibilities that I wasn’t sure that I should want… wasn’t sure I should dare hope for.
I thought I was still dreaming when I woke up the next morning and could swear I heard Clutch talking to Marvin in the kitchen. But that didn’t make sense, did it?
I got dressed quickly and hurried down the stairs. When I turned the corner to the kitchen, a site I never imagined seeing came into view. Clutch was at the kitchen table sipping on coffee with Marvin, while Trevor glared at him from his spot leaning against the counter.
Everyone’s attention snapped to me when I cleared my throat.
Clutch stood, wearing a pair of faded jeans and a grey t-shirt. He smiled at me, saying, “Sorry to bother you. I am new to town and wanted to introduce myself to your family.”
Wait…What?
“You’re new to town?” I managed to get out.
He smiled and took a few steps towards me, both Marvin and Trevor with very different expressions on their faces watching him.
“Yes. I am renting the house just down the road from your gym.”
I had no idea what to say, so I just stood there blinking at him…
He took the final few steps towards me and stook out his hand in my direction. I didn’t think, I just reached my hand out in his direction.
He wrapped his big warm hand around mine, a hopeful smile on his face when he said, “My name is Declan, nice to meet you.”
“Declan?” I whispered trying to fight back the tears.
He nodded, taking a small step closer to me, my hand still engulfed in his. “And what is your name?” he asked.
What is my name?
I looked around the room, at Marvin and Trevor. I looked back at Declan and thought about everything I had learned.
I am safe… I can be anyone I want to be.
Who do I want to be?
I thought about the girl names on the computer screen, about the childhood and life I never got to have, about Rebecca and everything I had built.
I am free. I can be anyone…
I… I want to be me.
He didn’t push, he stood patiently holding my hand in his until the name came tumbling out of me. “Molly…” I cleared my throat, “My name is Molly.”
A wide smile broke out across his face, “It is good to finally meet you Molly.”
He gave my hand a squeeze, then turned it and brought it up to his lips. He gave me the softest of kisses before stepping away saying, “I won't take up more of your morning, I just wanted to stop by and introduce myself.”
“Oh… ok.” I felt stunned.
Declan turned and made his way to the doorway, before turning around and saying, “I will be seeing you soon Molly.”
“You will?” I asked, because apparently I was broken and that was the most I could get out.
He gave me a wide smile and said, “See you soon, Molly.”
And with that… again. He turned and walked away from me. I was left confused and rubbing that spot in my chest that was feeling less of an ache and more of that spark… that hint of hope.