Chapter 45 Declan - Promise
DECLAN - PROMISE
When Angel had told me he had found my wife and had possibly made things worse, I had a one-track mind.
Find her, make sure she was safe, whole…
I needed to see her, and everything else would come secondary.
I didn’t think… period. I didn’t think. Not about how she would take the news, about how she would react to seeing me again, I didn’t think about her losing her identity and what that meant.
So while my entire being was focused on getting to her, seeing her, telling her all the things I had done over the months we had been apart… She had been dealing with the loss of her identity, with so many things that I had never even considered, because my focus was on eliminating all threats.
There was a look that went over her face when I had told her I had eliminated every threat to her, that she was safe. And I realized that wasn’t true, because I stood before her as Clutch, as a member of the Dawnbreakers MC… and we had hurt her; I had betrayed her.
I was so consumed, focused on seeing her and what that would feel like for me…
But watching my beautiful wife struggle, seeing her so uncertain in her own skin, I knew there was only one option for me. To finish what I started in eliminating every threat to her, keeping her safe.
It killed me, but I drove away from her because I knew exactly what I had to do.
I knew what I had to let go of so that I had a chance to be with her again.
And what I had learned in the months after she had left me was that I didn’t want to exist in a world that didn’t have her.
So if it meant that I needed to say goodbye to the only home I had ever felt safe in, to the identity that had kept me safe since I was seventeen… I didn’t hesitate.
I drove to the clubhouse, parked and walked straight to Angel's office. I knocked and walked in to Ledger, Cypher and Axel scattered around the space. Angel stood from his desk when he saw me walk in. “How did it go?”
“Well, he’s back already…” Ledger hedged.
I didn’t hesitate. “I need out.”
The room went quiet until Angel broke the silence, “I don’t think I heard you right.”
“I think you did.” I stood tall, knowing that there weren't usually men who walked away from this life.
Everyone in the room was standing now.
“You have every right to decide how I leave this Club, but I will be leaving.” I didn’t take my eyes off of Angel.
“But you did everything to make it safe to come back… we all did.” Axel spoke for the first time.
“That’s what I thought, too. But I showed up at the only place she was safe wearing my cut, from the club who betrayed her.”
I let that sit with everyone before I continued, “I said I would eliminate any threat to her, I would remove anyone who had hurt her, who she perceived as a threat...”
Everyone was nodding in agreement, but they stopped when I said, “Except us. I showed up telling her what a great man I was because I eliminated threats to her but the way she looked at my cut… the way she froze when I told her she could come back.”
No one said anything for a while and then Angel blew past me calling for church. I entered that room expecting a fight, expecting a struggle. What I didn’t expect was support.
Angel asked what I needed and beyond leaving the club and going back to her a different man I hadn't thought about it.
So together the club came up with the idea of showing up as a club and showing their support for me walking away from it.
Showing her that she meant more to me than a patch, my past or my bike.
Marvin and Trevor had shown up that night, after I had set my past on fire… They had showed up demanding answers and I told them everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Marvin had left with a sly grin on his weathered face, but I didn’t think I had won Trevor over so easily.
Every time I walked away from her, it tore something up in me, but when I left that morning after introducing myself as Declan… my wife had a little blush on her cheeks and looked flustered. That gave me hope, hope that even though Clutch and Bex were gone, that Molly and Declan stood a chance.
To say I had never dated anyone properly…
I was seventeen when I joined the Dawnbreakers, I didn't need to date, women were always accessible. It wasn’t until I met Bex that I ever considered a traditional relationship and the more I knew her the more I knew that she was the only woman I wanted.
But to say we dated or that I courted her…
as Ledger suggested. I told her what I thought she wanted to hear and folded her into my life. I expected her to fit in my world.
When I sat with that realization, I decided that I needed to earn Molly’s love the good old fashioned way and even if it made me uncomfortable, even if it made me feel exposed and vulnerable in ways I never allowed before. I would do it.
I gave myself until the next morning when the only flower shop in the vicinity opened to start courting my wife, because no matter what any law said… She would always be my wife.
But when I walked in an unsettling reality had hit me, not only had I never bought flowers for a woman before… I had never bought flowers for Bex before. But for Molly… she would get all of me. So I went up to the florist and told her my idea.
With the oversized bouquet in the passenger seat I took off for the farmhouse and with butterflies in my stomach I walked to the front door and knocked. Hoping my wife would agree to go on a first date with me.
Molly came running around the corner in cut off jean shorts and a white tank top, her bare feet on the wooden floorboards, her hair wild around her. Clear blue eyes locked onto mine when she came to an abrupt stop at the screen door.
“Hi,” was all I could get out at first, she looked like a weight had been taken off of her shoulders, something that I had never really known she was carrying.
“Hi,” she whispered back and then to my surprise she stepped out onto the porch with me. Looking up at me with curious, but still guarded eyes.
We stood like that for a moment before she finally looked at the flowers in my hand and then back up at me.
“Oh… ya.” Fuck she was beautiful. “I brought you flowers.”
“Flowers?” She asked, like it was the strangest thing to ever happen. She looked confused and that made me feel like shit, but this was important.
“Uh… yes. I wanted to bring you flowers.” Did I look as awkward as I felt?
I handed them to her and the bouquet looked ridiculously large in her small hands. She studied them for a moment and looked up at me with a confused look, but a soft smile.
“It looks like you got one of every flower…”
My cheeks heated, crap was I blushing?
I cleared my throat and smiled at her, trying to hide my nerves , “I realized I didn’t know what your favourite flower is. So I thought I would get all of them and you could decide. Maybe tell me what you like.”
Her eyes went wide for a moment and then she looked down at the bouquet pulling her bottom lip into her mouth and biting it softly. When her eyes finally came back up to meet mine they were slightly glassy and she had a vulnerable look on her face.
“I… I don’t know. No one has ever bought me flowers before.”
I swallowed the shame that was bubbling up and gave her a smile, “I know, baby. And you don’t have to tell me now. You can take your time and figure it out.”
A genuine smile broke out across her face and the warmth that flared in my chest felt so good. Then she said with a soft content voice, “Thank you Declan, they are beautiful.”
Hearing my name on her lips after so long…
You can not jump her on the porch. Down boy.
I felt someone watching me and I looked into the house to find Trevor standing just in my line of sight, his arms crossed over his chest and an unhappy look on his face.
I knew he wasn’t thrilled with me being around, I knew he was mad at Marvin for allowing me in their home.
But that wasn’t going to change that I had every intention of doing anything and everything to earn her love again.
I looked back at Molly who was still smiling at the flowers, “I wanted to ask you to go on a date with me.”
“You did?” She asked.
I nodded, “There is a small family run Italian restaurant not far from here, I thought maybe we could go this weekend.”
She studied me for a moment, I didn’t want to rush her. But I was terrified she would say no. I pushed down the panic and gave her the patience she deserves. Finally she answered me with a quiet, “Ok.”
“Ok?” I wanted to celebrate, but I didn’t want to scare her off. “Saturday work for you?”
“That sounds nice.”
I didn’t want to push my luck, so I held back the urge to kiss her goodbye. I needed to walk away now before my cave man brain took over and I threw her over my shoulder and took her home. So I forced myself to walk down the steps of the porch and then turned to her.
“I will see you tomorrow, Molly.”
“Tommorow?” She asked with a questioning look on her face, "Tomorrow is only Wednesday.”
“I know, baby. I am going to court you properly.” I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say that out loud, but something about her, about us, about this chance made me want to be honest about everything with her.
Her face lit up as she laughed, and god I missed that sound. “Court me?”
I couldn’t help but smile at her joy, “I will see you tomorrow, Molly.”
And then I turned and walked to my SUV, walking away from her again.
But she deserved space to think and feel, she deserved time to figure out who she was and if that person would want to be with me, with Declan.
So I walked away from my wife again with the promise that I would be back.
With the promise to earn every laugh, smile and ounce of love she was willing to give me.