Chapter 46 Molly - Smell the Flowers
MOLLY - SMELL THE FLOWERS
He was going to court me…
I didn’t ever think I would hear that come out of his mouth.
Then again, he was doing a lot of things lately that I never imagined he would.
I hadn’t known what to think when he showed up with the entire club and proved to me what he was willing to do to earn my trust, to be with me.
And then when he showed up and introduced himself to me as Declan.
.. I didn’t think I was a woman who got giddy or swooned…
but a sincere and open Declan. He had me feeling things again that I didn’t think I would ever feel for him. Not after everything.
Tuesday he arrived with a bouquet full of a variety of flowers and colours.
It hit me after he left that day how little I actually knew about myself.
I had lived on adrenaline and survival instincts for so long, never taking the time to smell the flowers.
Or decide what things I liked or not. I drank black coffee because in school everyone did, and then it was a lifeline for long shifts.
I ate food that was convenient and that other people liked.
I didn’t have any hobbies… I had work and then I had Clutch… . And then I didn’t.
So being in this position now where everything is open. Where I was safe and free to do what I wanted, live the life I had been too afraid to live… What did I actually want to do?
The possibilities felt endless and daunting.
So I started with the flowers. I decided I didn’t like roses, but loved peonies.
Lilies were elegant; I loved that they could stand on their own.
I wasn’t a big fan of the smell of tulips but loved the look of daisies…
ohhh and snapdragons. That had me remembering one of our weekend drives where we had gone past a field of sunflowers, and I remembered feeling happy.
Passing the field as the sun set was stunning.
So maybe sunflowers in the summer would be nice to have around the house.
Wednesday he showed up with several bags from the convenient store. Marvin and Trevor were teaching private lessons at the gym, so I was home alone. I joined Declan on the front porch and laughed when he started pulling out different snacks, candies, and chocolates. It was as if he knew.
“I don’t ever remember seeing you with snacks or candy, and I wasn't sure if you didn’t like them or…”
I sat down beside him on the wooden planks, my legs hanging over the edge of the porch.
The bags of goodies between us. I knew I had a choice to make: I could open myself up to him, show him all my pieces, even the ones I didn’t like looking too closely at, or I could keep my guard up.
And this would all be for nothing. Looking at him now, he looked younger than I had ever remembered seeing him and he was trying. So I could be brave and try to.
I cleared my throat riffling through the bags and found a bright bag of what looked like rolled tortillas.
“Those are spicy.” he warned, while still giving me the space to answer him.
“Before coming here I was lucky if I was fed at all. I would say that they fed me enough to appear presentable, but it was never for enjoyment… nothing with them was. It was more about keeping me fed until they could sell me and then once I was sold… I was an investment that they needed to keep alive.”
I heard a low rumble come from Declan, but he didn’t interrupt.
Fuck this was hard to talk about, I don’t know if I ever talked this openly before. Marvin and Trevor knew what they needed, what I was saved from and why I needed to be kept hidden. But that was it.
“And then when I came here Marvin was alone and set in his ways, I didn’t want to cause problems or make it so he would send me away… so… I never asked for anything.”
I let my words settle with me, let myself feel them. I could feel Declan studying me, and he laughed when I popped a blue twisted tortilla into my mouth and made a face.
“Ohhh those are good but spicy. But… I think I like them.”
I was fanning my mouth when he handed me a chocolate milk. I looked at him then, giving him a soft smile.
“What about Trevor?” he asked.
“He was dropped off one day suddenly by Marvin’s ex. No notice. Just one day a boy lived here with us. They were focused on food as fuel, as a necessity and not something that is for enjoyment. Marvin didn’t make a lot of money either, so it was the basics… You know.”
Declan nodded and shrugged saying, “Growing up food was never guaranteed, so I get it. The food as a necessity thing and then when I joined the club there was always someone assigned as the cook. I ate what everyone ate.”
“So this is new for you too?” I asked, holding out the bag in my hands for him to try.
We sat like that for what felt like hours, watching the sun move across the horizon.
Talking about things that may not have been deep but still felt meaningful.
We both realized we liked salty over sweet, but caramel popcorn was delicious.
He told me about a fair he had gone to once when they were on a club run and Mara had made him try a caramel apple. I told him that needed to happen.
Declan laughed, “What does?”
I didn’t realize I was staring, until he had to ask again. But I was so struck by how carefree he looked at the moment. How beautiful his true smile was.
I swallowed hard, answering, “A fair and caramel apples. I think I would like the rides.”
The sun was starting to set and I realized I promised Marvin I would make dinner. I asked Declan if he wanted to stay, not sure if I was ready for this day to be over just yet.
He shook his head, gathering our wrappers and putting everything that was left in a bag, “You enjoy your dinner with them, but can I come by tomorrow?”
I didn’t think, I just breathed out a “Yes.” And his responding smile lit up his face and had me clenching my thighs together.
It had been a really long time.
I stood rubbing the dust from my legs, and Declan tried to hand me the bags of leftover goodies. But, I pushed them back in his direction feeling like if he could be brave maybe I could be too.
“Maybe you can keep them,” I offered, “And I can come over to your place and we can keep trying things together.”
His eyes flared and he swallowed, I watched his adam's apple bob in his throat. Feeling all kinds of warm all of a sudden.
“I’d like that.” He rumbled.
Me too.
He stepped up closer, keeping enough space between us in case I needed it, but close enough that I could smell him.
His scent was different now, without the oil and the leather, he still smelled like him, but cleaner…
a fresher scent. I matched the step forward, unsure if I wanted the space anymore.
“I thought tomorrow we could go for a drive, maybe find a coffee shop. Discover if we are coffee or tea people.”
And that is how I ended up at the stop sign outside of the old mom and pop grocery store.
Declan had found a local coffee shop just in the next town that was known for their variety of hot drinks.
He surprised me when he tossed me the keys to his SUV and offered to let me drive.
I didn’t even think, I jumped in, adjusted the seat and steering wheel and took off.
A lightness to me I don’t think I had ever experienced.
“Everything ok?” Declan asked bringing me to the present.
“I…” I looked over at him, feeling panic start to sneak in.
But the look on his face had me starting to relax, to breathe. This wasn’t Clutch… this was Declan… and he told me I was safe.
I closed my eyes and rushed out, “I… I haven’t gone past this point.”
It was quiet for a moment before he responded, “It’s ok. We can go somewhere else, if you aren't comfortable. I didn’t even think…”
I opened my eyes and silenced him by resting my hand on his thigh and squeezing. His dark eyes found mine and they almost took my breath away.
“I… I don’t want to stay in this bubble. I want to go to fairs and eat candy and try new things.” I could feel tears building up and I didn’t know why.
“Ok…”
I interrupted him again by saying, “With you.”
Declan huffed out a loud breath and then chuckled. “Ok then Molly, you lead and I am here for the ride.”
Turns out I really like lattes and am not a fan of green tea.