25. Christian
Ican’t wait to tell Raven the news.
I know I told her practically everything during our recent phone call, but it doesn’t feel like enough—and that’s because I haven’t told her the most important news yet. I needed to figure it out during my stay in Nashville and in between all the work done for the land I acquired, but in the end, my heart was stronger than my brain, and it had already figured things out beforehand.
Shit. Even as I think it, I can’t believe it. But just the image of her beautiful face smiling at me is enough to change all that and cement one fact: that I have feelings for this woman.
“Don’t mess it up. Just state things as they are and be honest about everything. It’s all going to work out.”
“Are you talking about business negotiations?”
I blink, forgetting that I have my sister on speakerphone. But that’s because she put me on hold for a bit. I think about what I just said and clear my throat when I’m sure that I didn’t mention a name.
“Yeah. Sorry. I got distracted. What were we talking about again?”
“Nothing. You told me about the property you got and how excited you are about it.”
“Right.” The excitement’s waylaid by other thoughts, but I don’t tell her that. “How are Nick and the kids?”
“They’re fine. Jazzy wants to return to Sweet Haven so she and Raven can exchange stories again. How long is she staying in town again?”
Longer, if things go well. If not…
“I don’t know yet, actually, since we have an open contract, but I’ll keep you updated. Tell the kids I said hi.”
“And Nick?” She sounds amused. I grin.
“Tell him he doesn’t need my hi, but if he’s that needy…”
Nick grumbles in the background. “Screw you, Benson.”
“Hey!” Clara giggles. “That’s also my last name.”
“It was your last name. I meant him, sweetheart. But I do screw you?—”
“And this has officially gone into weird, hell-no territory.” I groan. “I’m out, you two.”
I hang up just in time as Sweet Haven comes into view. Then I’m nervous all over again and fighting it with every street I cross, recalling Clara’s words earlier when I first announced the expansion news and my worries over it.
“Grab it by the throat. That’s how you always are, aren’t you? You don’t let opportunities slip out of your hands. I know this will be just as successful as the first. You just need to trust in yourself.”
And it’s how I should deal with this other thing, too, isn’t it? I need to be straight with Raven about how I feel, especially if there’s a chance that she feels the same way. And with her ex truly out of the picture, that includes asking her out on a proper date.
Date, confession, see how things go. Easy peasy.
My palms start sweating at the idea, but the mantra goes on in my head until I arrive at my house, where Raven said she’ll be as Honey Lee dropped her off earlier. I don’t even park the car properly. I abandon it on the sidewalk and hurry toward the house, no longer able to wait to see her after missing her for a damn week.
The door opens as soon as I knock, and I step in and immediately engulf her in my arms. She squeals when I do, then laughs when I twirl her around in my excitement. I place her back on the ground, anticipating the moment my mouth can capture hers in the kiss I’ve been dreaming about all week.
But my gaze lands on the suitcase behind her…then the outfit she has on, and my anticipation turns into puzzlement.
“Raven, what’s with the suitcases and why are you all dressed up?”
Her smile dims, but her shoulders straighten. My puzzlement shifts into a coldness washing over my body as it already understands what’s going on, but my mind is still catching up.
Raven, however, makes sure there’s no confusion as she visibly gathers a breath and lets out words that pierce right into me.
“This is me with my things all packed…because I’m ending our contract.”
I know about the contract ending. We texted about it briefly on my way home. I was counting on it and wasn’t going to make a move until then, but…
“What?”
She sighs, sheepish but determined. “I know I should have told you over the phone, but I think it’s better to let you know in person. And I know I should have waited, but Honey Lee found a cheap flight and I couldn’t let the opportunity slip away. So, we booked it.”
It’s strange how Clara said the words, too, about not letting the opportunity slip away, and I reinforced it in my mind. But this…this isn’t what I expected. I stare.
“Tell me what?”
“That I’m all packed up—obviously—and I’m ready to leave. The flight is in Nashville and it’s tonight, which means I have to get there now. With my ex and stalker gone…I’m free.” She softens at that, her emotions coming to the surface, and it touches something deep inside me as I understand how much this means to her.
“Where are you headed?”
My voice is quiet and calm. It’s the opposite of how I feel, but it must be convincing as she brightens.
“I’m headed to visit my parents, but maybe I’ll return to San Francisco after. Not right away, but…”
“You can return anytime you want now.”
“Exactly.” Her voice quivers. “I can return anytime I want. I can return to my apartment, my workplace…I can return to my life there, Christian, with no consequences. I’m free. Isn’t that amazing?”
Every word slices up my heart until it’s bruised as hell and no longer functioning…at least, that’s what it feels like. But a word sinks into the crevices of my muddled emotions, perhaps the most important one for Raven: free. Freedom.
Freedom is what she hasn’t had since her turmoil started…and it’s what she has now.
So how can I take that away from her?
She looks excited over her news, but I can see hints of apprehension as she waits for my response. It’s as if she’s expecting me to shoot her down, perhaps because that’s all she experienced before she came to Sweet Haven. My heart aches at the thought.
My heart also can’t bear the idea of disappointing her when I know I have the power to make her smile.
“It’s amazing. Probably the best news I’ve heard since I got home. And I’m truly happy for you, Raven.”
Raven’s eyes widen, but yes, she does smile—and while it’s a wistful one, it’s still one of the most beautiful and raw I’ve seen from her. Tears fall on her cheeks, which then become my weakness as my calmness snaps and I tug her in for another hug. This time, I don’t let go that easily.
Maybe I need this contact more than she does, but she doesn’t need to know that. She doesn’t need to know that having her in my arms makes me want to fight and do everything to make her stay here, either, not when it’ll only serve me and not her.
And she doesn’t need to know that she broke my heart, and I don’t think I will recover from the hurt anytime soon.
“I’m glad you’re okay with this, Christian.”
“Of course I am. You’ve been waiting for it for so long. It’s the end goal, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Then congratulations for reaching that goal.” I kiss the top of her head. “For being brave. For getting through this like a champ.”
She peeks up at me. “We both got what we wanted. You reached your goal, too.”
“That I did.”
Lies, lies, lies. But I clamp down on my internal protest, not wanting to taint her victorious moment. Our heads draw closer, like a magnet is between us, and the sight of her soft lips tempts me like no other.
I want to claim them and let her feel my hunger, one that has been building inside me for so long. I want to make her gasp and melt against my touch until she’s moaning my name and begging for more. And maybe, just maybe…I want to change her mind through this, knowing the attraction is still as potent as ever between us and I can make her succumb to it.
But it’s foul, especially when she’s more than ready to leave that attraction behind and start on the life she missed out on. My heart hates it to the depths of my being.
But my mind? It already knows what it has to do.
Before our mouths can meet, I back away first, stepping out of the hug until there’s a reasonable distance between us. Then I clear my throat.
“Your flight is this evening, you said?”
“Yeah.”
“Then let’s not waste time. I’ll drive you now.”
“But you just got here! Honey Lee and Aaron already offered to drive me?—”
“And I know Nashville more than they do, and I don’t mind driving some more. You can stay at my place there until your flight. Come on. Before we miss it.”
I offer my hand. She looks at it, hesitating for a few seconds before she nods and takes it. Electricity zaps at the touch, but she’s unfazed.
Or maybe she just didn’t feel it because she feels nothing for me.
I swallow that bitter pill and tug her out of my house for good.