26. Raven
“Hey. How’s everything?”
I glance at my mother, Therese, who sneaks a peek inside my bedroom’s half-open door. Worry creases her forehead, a sight I’ve become used to since I returned here, but I try my best to ease it with a reassuring smile.
“Everything’s good. I’m reading up on some of the things that the doctor recommended, and I’m pretty much floored. Did you know that nausea can just vanish in the blink of an eye? Like you have it so badly at midnight, but when you wake up in the morning, it’s all gone and it doesn’t come back?”
She laughs, probably because I make it sound like it’s the craziest news there is. She comes inside the room and sits at the edge of my bed, humor lighting up the creases on her face.
“Yes, I know. I had it pretty badly in my first trimester, too, especially with Sophia. I hated smelling everything, including laundry detergent. And you know I love laundry day and all those fancy-smelling detergents.”
“Ouch. That sucks.” My hand goes to my stomach, a habit that’s become something so precious to me now. “Mine’s all gone now. Like I said, in the blink of an eye. It might come back. But for now…”
I turn to her, and I’m sure there’s mischief in my eyes. My mom catches on to it, too.
“Let me guess. You want to scarf down food like there’s no tomorrow.”
“Scarf down food sounds so bad. How about I just miss your home cooking so much and want those little waffles you make?”
“I can make them now.” She kisses my cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Emotion rises inside me—another thing that’s become a habit, too. But I manage a smile. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”
“I wish you told me about Sam earlier.”
“I know, but I didn’t want to burden you guys.”
“But we’re your parents. It’s not a burden at all. Anyway, it’s all done now. At least he’s gone and that’s all that matters.” She brightens. “I’ll let you know when the waffles are ready, okay?”
“Okay, Mom. Thanks.”
My smile stays in place until she leaves the room. When she does, I stare blindly at the pictures in the book I’m reading and try not to bawl over the one with the husband, wife, and kids laughing together. They’re models, for crying out loud, not something to cry over.
And I’ve made my decision, which has proven to be the best one as Christian didn’t contact me at all after I left Tennessee. That means he has moved on.
That means there’s nothing left for me there.
On cue, my phone rings and I pick it up immediately. Honey Lee’s warm voice fills my ear, checking up on me as she always does.
“How’s my little niece or nephew growing?”
“Growing well, I should hope.” I pause. “Aren’t you going to ask how your cousin is doing?”
“Let me guess. My cousin is gobbling books up about her pregnancy and eating every healthy food on the menu. She’s also thinking of writing a children’s book about a pregnant mom and her journey.”
Okay, she got me there. I laugh. “Jeez. What’s up with that intuition of yours?”
“I just know you that well, sweetie.” She giggles, too, but the following silence has me bracing. “Raven…”
“How’s Christian?”
I inwardly groan, already thinking I’ve made some progress for not asking, but here I am. I keep my mouth shut when she talks.
“I don’t know, actually. I haven’t seen him in a while. Either he’s just hanging out at home or somewhere in Nashville.”
“I’m sure he’s in Nashville. Handling the expansion and all.”
“Right. Maybe. Raven…”
“It’s okay.” I smile in reassurance, even if she can’t see me. “I was just asking because I wanted to make sure he still doesn’t know.”
“I didn’t tell him if that’s what you mean.”
“No, of course not.” And we really should stop talking about him. “Anyway, how’s Aaron?”
I manage to successfully divert the topic before we hang up, just in time as my mom calls out that the waffles are ready. I hurry outside my room, my mouth already watering at the smell wafting across the hall.
But the waffles are wiped from my mind as another sight greets me instead.
“Soph!”
My sister, Sophia, grins, her arms wide open and waiting for me. I promptly fall into it, hugging her back with gusto and all the emotions I have upon seeing her.
“I missed you so much, Sophia!”
“I missed you so much, too.” She croons it, her arms tightening around me before she steps back and scrutinizes me. An approving nod follows. “You look great. Pretty as always, which never changes, but…shit.”
She softens when her gaze lands on my stomach, even though it’s still flat. I take her hand and place it there, watching as her fascination evolves into something deeper.
“You’re pregnant.”
I nod. “I’m pregnant.”
She blows out a breath. “You know, I’m kind of pissed off that you didn’t tell me.”
Noting her light tone, I raise a brow. “I couldn’t contact you. You were off the grid for a while. How did you find out…?”
We both peer at our mom, who already has two plates ready on the table. She gestures casually. “You guys catch up. Your dad and I already had some, and we have some errands to run. But we’ll be back shortly.”
It’s her way of saying that she wants to give us some privacy, which has us hugging her before she leaves. I can’t help but devour the waffles and the chocolate chips on them, not caring that they’re not as healthy as I would have liked. While eating, I also watch my younger sister.
She’s wearing the most fabulous clothes and looks like she just stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine. I suppose it comes with the territory of her working as a model, one who jet-sets into the most exotic places and gets to experience a lot of cool things. Her connections made it possible for her to keep most of the stuff she models, too, a lot of which she sells and adds to her bank account.
Yes, she’s smart that way. We both are for saving up and thinking about our financial future, which is also why I can take a lot of time off work without going broke. But the nice clothes and fashion can’t quite hide the bags under her eyes.
“How was your trip? And your modeling gig? Last you texted me, you got to work on this big project with a famous designer. Is that still the project you’re on?”
“No, I’ve moved on to another one, but that one was a success. This one…” She shrugs. “It’s okay. Nothing too special, but I did it. It’s done.”
“So, you don’t have projects now?”
“Hmm.”
My gaze narrows. “Or did you give it up to come home when you heard the news?”
“No, nothing like that. I just don’t have anything lined up at the moment.”
I study her some more, noting that while her tone is casual, there’s a weariness and fragility to her, too.
“Soph, what’s going on?”
Sophia shakes her head, her lips quirking. “Nothing is going on, Raven. I came home to see you.”
“But…”
“What, are you worried about my career?”
“Well…”
“Did you know what my first thought was when I found out you were pregnant?” She leans over the table, her eyes wide. “I thought it was a shame that I couldn’t be there for my big sister and I hated that I had to be so far away. But now I’m here. A few weeks late, but I’ll be here for a while.”
My eyes widen, too. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” She grins again, her dimples showing. “So, let’s stop talking about projects I don’t have and start talking about you, starting with who got you pregnant. Is there a name I should curse or put on my hate list?”
“You don’t have a hate list. You have a love list because you love too easily and end up falling in love with everyone and everything, including the tiniest animal there is.”
“Hey! If you’re talking about the kitten we found by the road, it was super cute and you couldn’t resist, either.” She gives me a pointed look. “And you’re avoiding the subject.”
She’s right. I avoid it for a few more minutes as we continue eating and I ask her all kinds of questions about her life in Europe, which distracts Sophia as she launches into tales of her adventures that sound so glamorous and extravagant. It goes on as we wash the dishes and clean the table, but I know there’s no delaying it anymore as we head toward my bedroom.
“Well, it all started with Sam…”
“Your ex? What about Sam?”
When I find out my parents didn’t tell her about Sam, I delve into that first, with my sister reacting with horrified gasps and angry growls. Then she stands up and looks ready for war.
“That bastard! I can’t believe he did that. I should break his nose for hurting you like that.”
“He’s already in jail, Soph. There’s no need for all that.”
“But still.” She sits back down with a huff. “What an asshole.”
“I know. I’m just glad that part of my life’s over.”
“He’s lucky I wasn’t here to kick him in the?—”
“Soph!”
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s good he’s in jail. What about the guy who got you pregnant?”
No more delays. I square my shoulders. “His name’s Christian. Christian Benson.”
“Asshole?”
“Not at all. Sweet guy. Nice guy. He’s a former Navy SEAL and he owns a protection agency. I hired him to protect me from Sam. But I already knew Christian before that.”
“Oh? You were friends through Honey Lee?”
“No. I met him at the bar in Nashville and we hooked up.”
Sophia blinks. Then her mouth drops. “Hold on. Back up. You hooked up with a stranger?”
“Yeah. Call it one of those reckless nights. We all have them.”
Her eyes gleam. “Then let’s start with that. The bar meeting leading to this.” She points at my stomach. “And don’t leave any details out, sis.”
I laugh, missing her frankness more than anything. But the laughter turns into gloom as I talk to her about how Christian and I gave in to our attraction when we were already in Sweet Haven and how it evolved from there—at least, how it evolved for me. By the time I tell her about how I discovered I was pregnant and left Tennessee as fast as my feet could carry me, my eyes are prickly and my hands are shaking.
Sophia’s quiet during it all, just listening to me. She’s always been a good listener. When I finish, she takes my hands and squeezes them.
“Can I say something?”
I nod. “Of course.”
“First off, I appreciate what Honey Lee and Aaron did for you. They’re champs and I should call them and tell them that. You were right to head to that town to lie low.”
That warms my heart. “You should call them. I’m sure Honey Lee misses you, too.”
“Hmm. As for this Christian guy…”
“He’s not an asshole, I promise you that.”
“Either you have a skewed view of things, considering you’re in love with him, or he’s really that awesome. Either way, I’m only going to ask this once.” She bites her lip. “Are you sure you’re not going to tell him? It’s not in the plan at all?”
I feel like I’ve had this conversation with Honey Lee and my parents already, and every time I do, it’s painful. But Sophia is just as important as them, maybe more, since we’ve always been close growing up together. Before she got busy in Europe, she always knew my greatest dreams and deepest, darkest secrets.
So, I try to be my most honest self with her.
“A part of me wants to tell him.”
She studies my expression. “But?”
“But that’s my selfish side talking. It wasn’t a relationship and it was better to leave on a good note…to have good memories of him than ugly fights about this. He let me go, Soph. If there was something deeper between us, wouldn’t he have fought for me?”
I’m right about this. Sophia knows it, too, as she reluctantly nods, accepting my words without any arguments.
“Well, it’s his loss, then. But you…” She sidles closer and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “You won’t miss the loss, sis, not when you have us by your side. I promise you that we’ll support you no matter what, and I swear that your baby is going to be so well-loved, especially by his or her auntie.”
They’re simple words, but they’re so heartfelt that I can’t stop my tears from falling. Sophia wipes them away, then finally pulls me into a hug. But I’m startled when I find wetness on my shoulder, too, and realize I’m not the only one being emotional.
“Why are you crying, too?”
As if the question is a trigger, Sophia cries harder, then laughs and shakes her head. Then she hugs me tighter.
“I’m just so happy for you. And I’m excited to be an aunt. I’m going to be the best one.”
I can tell it’s not just that, but she doesn’t seem ready to tell me. So, I let it go and try to lighten the mood.
“You might need to fight Honey Lee for that title. She claims she’s going to be the best aunt, too.”
My sister gasps dramatically. “Two best aunts? This kid is going to be spoiled to death.”
I giggle, which also makes her giggle. We end up talking about the things we can do around San Diego while I’m pregnant, and I can already tell I’m going to enjoy my time here more with my sister around.
“I’m tempted to say we can go out now, but you’re looking pretty tired and I think you need a nap.” She gives me a firm look. “And when I say nap, I mean closing your eyes and not spending so much time with these books. You’ve read enough. Now that I’m here, it’s time to live your life and proceed with your goals, okay? Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean we’re letting those go.”
“We?”
“Yes, we.” Sophia nods. “I’ll be your personal cheerleader from now on, sis.”
She tries to make me laugh again by going into a silly cheer routine, then finally leaves the room to unpack her stuff and give me time to rest. I glance at my books, then set them aside when I remember her words, but I don’t nap yet. Instead, I return to my words, particularly one statement that still stands out to me.
He let me go, Soph.
My heart squeezes, then pricks. The constant reminder that Christian accompanied me to Nashville until I got to my flight still hurts, especially because a part of me was expecting at least an invitation to extend my stay…
“Stop it, self. There’s no point rehashing it.”
I’m home. I have all the emotional support I need from the people I love, and not many people can say they’re that lucky. I’m financially stable and my health is great, so really, I’m more than ready to give this baby everything it needs and more.
I’m going to be a mom. I’m going to be the best mom there is, and that’s a promise that I’m ready to fulfill.
But what I didn’t tell my family, including my sister, is that I miss Christian to the depths of my soul, and it’s the kind of ache that I know will stay with me for a long time. My sister was right.
I was in love with him. I am in love with him.
And while forgetting him is the best step forward, there’s no denying that I feel miserable, heartbroken, and just a bit incomplete without him.