27. Christian
“How are you holding up?”
It’s a question that Nick has asked me twice now within the same phone call. I glare at the phone, then remember that he can’t see me. I also remember that I was constantly asking this, too, when he and Clara hit a rough patch before they got together for good.
Essentially, that’s what best friends are for.
“I told you.”
“That you’re a grouchy bear who keeps denying how miserable he is?”
I switch the audio call to video, then glare when he appears on the screen. He grins good-naturedly, then studies me. Nick shakes his head in disapproval, but there’s also a hint of sympathy.
“You look like shit, Christian.”
“Gee, thanks for the heads up.”
“And I wasn’t kidding about the grouchy bear part. I heard you snapped at everyone who tried to visit you and get you out of the house, which I must say sounds just like me when I was lonely and heartbroken, too.”
“I’m not—” I bite back the words because there’s no use lying to him. Then I sigh. “Honey Lee told you, didn’t she?”
“Not me, technically. You know she and Clara talk all the time.”
“Right.” And she’s right. I’m a miserable asshole and now I feel ashamed. “They caught me at a bad time, okay? I already apologized. But I’ll try to apologize again.”
“Hmm.”
“Is there a point to this call other than to keep asking how I’m holding up?”
“Well, that was the main point. But since you don’t want to discuss it…”
“I don’t.”
“Right.” He sighs in resignation. “My second purpose for the call was to ask you when you’ll be in Nashville. I got word from my contractor that they’re ready and can come anytime you are.”
I perk up at that. “They can start building now?”
“Yeah. They just need your word.”
We discuss dates, which triggers my eagerness to head back to Nashville as fast as I can—anything to get away from the cabin fever that’s already making headway while I’m at home. I pack my bags in record time, something I’m used to with my line of work needing me to travel spontaneously.
I haul the bags into my Jeep, then drive out of my street in silence. I also try not to glance around because, every time I do, I’m reminded of the places in town that Raven and I visited—and I’m not going to lie, but it still brings that now-familiar prick to my heart. The last time I passed by the other town’s fair area, I had to drive straight to the bar and drown my sorrows in some whiskey.
I miss her so badly that it’s bordering on physical pain, but I try my best to get out of that state of mind in any way I can. I can’t stop thinking about her, but with those thoughts is a reminder that she must be happy now. Free, like she wanted all along.
And no matter how tempted I am, multiple times, to beg her to come back, I can’t take that away from her.
She never contacted me again, which means she probably forgot about me and is moving on. I should be happy for her, shouldn’t I?
“Yep. Don’t be a miserable bastard.”
When I pass by Honey Lee’s and Aaron’s street, I’m almost tempted to stop and ask how Raven is doing, but I refrain myself. It’s a good thing I have the expansion to keep me distracted now; otherwise, I’d probably drive myself crazy with thoughts. But I still glance at their driveway, wanting to at least wave and act like a decent human being after acting like an ass these past few days.
And that’s when I spot Honey Lee in the garden…swaying.
Alarm bells ring in my head, already aware of what’s going to happen next. My tires squeal at my abrupt break, but I ignore it and jump out of my Jeep. I catch her just in time as her knees crumple, but it’s a good thing that her reflexes are fast, too, as her hands clutch my shoulders for support.
“Oh, dear.”
“Shit, Honey Lee. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just having a dizzy spell…” But when I try to steady her and release her, she sways again. “Never mind. Hold me?”
My hands automatically come up, already supporting her before she even mentions it. I glance at the flowers scattered in pots and the soil she already dug up, then shake my head.
“What were you even doing? You could have fallen and gone unconscious. That’s dangerous.”
She huffs. “I was gardening, something us regular folks do.”
“Count me out.”
“You have terrible landscaping in your yard, and I’m sure you have tons of gardeners at your disposal in your hotels…and oh, dear, I’m still dizzy.”
I try to direct her back toward the house. “Where’s Aaron? I should call him…”
“He’s not in town. He went on a work trip and won’t be back until the weekend, and…” She sways again and groans. “I’m fine. I just need to rest on the couch. Were you headed out of town?”
“Yeah. To Nashville.”
“Then just leave me on the couch. I swear I’ll be fine.”
But I’m already shaking my head. “Not a chance. You’re not okay, Honey Lee.”
“It’s just the heat.”
“And after I leave, what? Were you planning to return to your gardening?”
“Well, the flowers aren’t going to plant themselves, are they?”
I sigh. “Were you always this stubborn?”
“Sure. It kind of runs in the family.”
I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I know one thing for sure.
“Come on. I know I can’t stop you from gardening in the damn heat, but at least let me drive you to the doctor first so he can check on you. Then maybe you’ll finally listen to a professional’s orders.”
“Were you always this bossy?”
“It comes with the job. And the job is to make sure you’re not sick or something. Come on. Walk with me to my Jeep.”
Thankfully, Honey Lee finally listens and lets me escort her to my Jeep, where she closes her eyes and rests her head against the head support. I chat with her to keep her awake, asking about her flowers and what Aaron’s work trip is about.
I’m worried that she’s still pale when we get to the local clinic, but Eric has always been an efficient guy and gets to work right away, taking tests while taking care of her. It helps that we’re the only ones there. I stay in the lobby to wait, but when Eric walks back to the clinic room with papers in hand, I hurry over to him.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“I need to tell her the news first.” He opens the door to the room where Honey Lee is waiting, then pauses when I hover. “And Honey Lee might want to hear it first…”
But Honey Lee waves a hand. “It’s fine, doc. He’s practically family. You can say whatever it is in front of him.”
“In that case…congratulations, Honey Lee. You’re not sick.”
She shoots me a pointed look. “See? I told you.”
“You’re pregnant.”
Her eyes widen in shock. So do mine. Her head whips back to stare at Eric.
“For real?”
“Yes.” Amusement lines his features as he hands her the test results. “The blood tests say so, including the fact that you’re cleared in other aspects.”
I slowly back away when he discusses more, relieved that it’s nothing negative and wanting to give her some space to absorb the news. Hell, Aaron should be the one here, not me. But I don’t wait in the lobby for long as the two come out of the room shortly, with Eric patting Honey Lee’s shoulder.
“We can set up the next appointment in a few weeks. For now, take it easy and take your vitamins.” He nods at me. “Good call to bring her here, Christian.”
“Of course.”
“Glad to see you’re not grumpy today.”
I raise a brow, then remember that Eric was one of the few who witnessed that grumpy side of me in the supermarket last week. “Yeah. Bad week.”
“Nothing a beer or two can’t fix. Let’s grab a few sometime.”
I grin. “Sure. After I return from Nashville.”
We chat a bit before I head back to my Jeep with Honey Lee. But I don’t drive yet when I observe her face, which seems to still be absorbing the news. When she doesn’t say anything for a long time, I clear my throat.
“Congratulations, Honey Lee. I’m happy for you.”
Honey Lee blinks as if she just remembered she’s not alone. But my words don’t bring a smile to her face.
“Thank you. I’m happy for me, too, but…oh, God.”
I’m alarmed when she hyperventilates. My hand immediately goes to her back, soothing her while I instruct her to breathe in and out more slowly. To my relief, she listens to my words and attempts to control her breathing.
“There, now. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay…”
She opens her mouth, then closes it. She takes a deeper breath, then nods.
“Yeah. Of course.”
When I’m assured that she’s not going to hyperventilate again, I finally turn on the ignition and drive away from the clinic.
“Do you want anything to eat before I drive you home?”
“No.”
“How about those vitamins? Should we buy them now?”
“No.”
Grasping at straws, I try again. “Ice cream? Cake?”
She perks up. But it doesn’t last long as tears prick her eyes, and soon she’s bawling her eyes out in my passenger seat.
Taken aback and feeling just a bit out of my depth, I stop the Jeep again in a quiet area and hand her some tissues. Then I just sit there quietly, giving her time to process her emotions and whatever she’s going through. Again, Honey stays quiet for the longest time, her bawling turning to little sniffs in the long run.
“Did you and Aaron have a fight or something?”
“Or something.”
“What?”
She sighs. “Sorry, I meant we didn’t fight. Or we’re not fighting. We’re okay. More than okay, actually.”
“Oh, that’s good.” I chuckle. “Because I was ready to do some counseling if you were. I’m glad that’s not the case.”
“Me, too.”
“Is it just hormones, then?”
“Maybe.”
“I see.”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay…”
Her face crumples, halting my amusement. Then she’s sobbing and starts blubbering.
“I’m lucky. Aaron’s going to be thrilled when he finds out, and he’s going to be the best daddy to this kid. I know it deep in my heart.”
“Yes, of course he is. He’s a good guy.”
“He is. And I’m ecstatic. We’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while, so this is a dream.”
“Right. That’s good.”
“But I’m just so sad that not everyone gets to have this.”
That’s the problem?
“Honey Lee, you should focus on yourself, not others. This is your dream. Yours and Aaron’s.”
“Yeah, I know. I will, but also…I can’t. It’s so unfair that I get my happiness and others don’t. It’s just so devastating to me. And Raven…”
She freezes mid-sentence. So do I. We stare at each other, and it feels like something passes between us that sends my heart pounding hard in my chest.
“What about Raven, Honey Lee?”
Honey Lee clamps her mouth shut again, but this time, I’m on to her. I lower my head to her level, searching her gaze. She’s reluctant to meet mine, but I’m a persistent bastard and she finally relents.
When she does, the pain in her eyes is enough to blow me away. So is the guilt.
And just like that, I know.
“She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”
She shakes her head, but again, I don’t relent. Honey Lee starts crying again, which makes me feel guilty, but this is a topic that I can’t let go of. So, I wait her out, handing more tissues her way until she’s all calmed down.
When she is, her shoulders straighten and she meets my gaze again.
And I see the truth in her eyes.
“I think you should talk to her, Christian. It’s the only way to get answers.”
* * *
I drop Honey Lee off at her house after making sure she’s settled and Aaron’s booked an early flight home. I keep my emotions in check as I continue my drive, but as soon as I leave Sweet Haven, everything comes pouring out and battering me from head to toe.
I’m angry. It roars like a vicious fire, refusing to abate until I’m trembling all over. But the anger doesn’t last long as confusion comes into the mix because…well, why didn’t she tell me?
Why does Honey Lee—hell, and maybe even Aaron—know, but I’ve been kept in the dark?
I’m baffled. I’m hurt. I’m beside myself trying to figure it out, but soon, that evolves into worry over her condition.
Is Raven okay? Is the baby okay? Is she healthy and happy, or is she having a hard time?
She chose to leave.
The anger returns in full glory, but soon it wanes, and all I feel is that same hollowness in my stomach. I think back to when she was sick at boot camp and wonder if that was already a symptom of what she was keeping. Then I think back on other things, including every conversation we’ve had since then.
And that’s when the realization hits me like a truck, and I have to park the Jeep to the side before my distraction causes an accident.
My mind flies a mile a minute, a jumble of memories that keep hitting me with a vengeance: the week-long silence when I was in Nashville. Her determination to leave before things were even settled with our contract. Her last words to me.
And my last words to her, particularly…
Between the expansion and my second building, I’m going to be so busy.
It’s been my dream for so long.
Raven didn’t leave because she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. She left because of the things I said and how I made her feel—that there was never a chance between us. That the business was my top priority.
That there was no more room for anything else. Then it replays in my head again…
Between the expansion and my second building, I’m going to be so busy.
Oh, fuck.
I call a number. Honey Lee picks up on the second ring, sounding better than earlier. But I still ask.
“Hey. How are you holding up?”
“Hey. I’m no longer dizzy and Aaron’s coming home tonight.” There’s a pause. “How are you?”
There’s an even longer pause from me as I rub a hand over my face, still stuck in a state of disbelief and shock. But the wonder is seeping in, too.
“Shit. I’m a dad. Honey Lee, I’m going to be a father.”
“Christian…”
“I know you’re not supposed to say anything because you’re her cousin and she probably swore you to secrecy, but just tell me one thing.”
“What?”
My hand grips the wheel hard. “I love her, Honey Lee. I made a mistake not telling her that. I should never have let her walk out the door without letting her know exactly how I feel.
“I need to know if there’s still a chance for us. That I can make this right.”
Silence. It’s the longest one yet, and I almost feel dizzy as I anticipate a cold, hard no.
But Honey Lee’s answer gives me hope.
“That’s up to you now, Christian. Are you willing to fight for it?”