Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Pen couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun talking and laughing as she did with these women. She truly believed she’d found her friends. It was a little intimidating to think she had friends now.
She was staring out the window into the dark, thinking about life before being abducted. Had she really enjoyed life back then?
“You good?”
Pen turned to see Bree beside her. “I am. I was just thinking that you all are good people.”
Bree nodded. “You know, sometimes you trust the wrong people, and it screws you over. I’ve trusted the wrong people too many times, but I found that these people are good. They are the right people.”
“Are you two talking about us?” Wren asked.
“I am. I’m telling her about all of your faults.”
Wren threw back her head, laughter spilling out. “Don’t tell her everything. I don’t want to scare her.”
For a moment Pen thought Bree was actually talking about scaring her. Then she realized they were joking around. There wasn’t anything scary about any of them.
“You’re all being way too nice. Before being abducted, I had an attitude. I mean, I still have an attitude. At least I think I do. I just don’t know when I can show it and when it will get me hurt.”
“Recovery takes time,” Wren said.
Willa nodded. “It does. You can’t just expect life to return to normal at the blink of an eye. And I don’t think it actually will ever get back to what it was before.”
Pen shook her head. “I was held for so long. I don’t know how much of me changing is what would have happened just by getting older and what changes happened because I was held.”
“How long were you held?” Wren asked.
“It was close to two years.”
“That’s a long time,” Willa said.
She nodded. “Honestly, living beside you helps. I know you’re there so if I need help, you’re right next door.”
Willa took her hand. “I’m here for you.”
“We all are,” Remi said.
“I’ve not even gone grocery shopping or clothes shopping.”
“Oh, we can go to My Sister’s Closet and pick up some stuff,” Remi said.
“I don’t have money.”
Remi shook her head. “No, it’s a place you can get stuff very cheap. The person who runs it wants to help women in need.”
“Oh. That might work.”
“I’ll make arrangements with you, and we can pick up some clothes.”
Pen had to force herself to calm. These women were too nice. “I know I’ll never be normal again. That nothing will ever be normal again. I haven’t actually processed much. I’m meeting with a psychologist early next week. Medically, I have a long road ahead. Like now, standing is exhausting.”
“Oh, I bet,” Willa said.
Pen pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, hugging them close. The other women talked about their lives, things they were doing and work. It was nice to listen to them discuss mundane things, life that was as close to normal as she’d ever seen.
Her exhaustion must have taken over at some point because she jerked awake. It felt weird falling asleep in front of these women, but none of them were staring at her.
Maybe she’d found a group of people who accepted her for who she was. The only issue was she hadn’t figured out exactly who she was. She needed time to know what drove her.
Before everything that happened, she’d planned on getting her degree in business. But there was no way she could do that now.
Willa met her gaze and smiled. “You’re awake.”
“I guess I’m tired.”
“I’m sure,” Remi said.
She let go a heavy sigh. “I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.”
Remi patted her knee. “You don’t have to make any decisions now.”
She shook her head. “I feel like I’m making progress, then it’s like I’m walking through thick paste and stalled out. I don’t know that I’ll ever get past this.”
“You will,” Willa said. “It may take you some time, but you’ll recover. You’ll figure out a way to live. Learning how to build resilience is worth it.”
She let go a heavy sigh, wishing everything didn’t seem so desperate. Since being rescued, it seemed like everything was just harder.
“Is it weird that sometimes I wish I was back there where I didn’t have to make any decisions? I didn’t have to think about anything.”
Willa shook her head. “No. It makes sense. Life is complicated. You have to decide everything from what you eat to when you eat.”
Bree chuckled. “I like making my own decisions, but I get where you’re coming from. It would be difficult for anyone to go from being a captive to being free.”
Pen shrugged. “I don’t want to be ungrateful, though.”
“I don’t think it’s ungrateful,” Willa said.
She winced, asking what she really wanted to ask. “Do you think Foster would think I’m being ungrateful?”
“I think if you explained how you feel to Foster, he would understand,” Wren said.
She nodded. “He’s very understanding.”
Willa chuckled. “When I met Cy, I thought for sure he was going to be a jerk. But then again, working at a bar I’ve run into a lot of jerks. But Cy was different.”
“I haven’t been to a bar in ages. I don’t even know if I could sit in one and not freak out.”
“Well, if you want to try, we’ll wait until the guys are back and we’ll all go together,” Bree said. “That way, if you feel antsy, you’ve got a lot of people there for you.”
“Thank you.” Did she deserve such good friends? While in captivity, they’d tried to beat her down. Physically they had harmed her, but she felt like she’d kept her spirits up for the most part. But now that she was home, she was beginning to have some doubts about how much of her was still there.
Before she made any big decisions, she had to really think.
Should she go back to school or get a job?
Could she actually work anywhere without freaking out?
Nothing she’d been interested in before sounded like something she wanted to do.
She needed to come up with something, but she had no idea what would work in her new reality.