21. Sean
The last thing I want to do after being on an airplane is drive forty-five minutes home with Tommy’s words echoing in my mind. My body aches from being folded up in tiny spaces. Every mile of the drive that I cover seems to only add two more. I’m exhausted, sleep weighing heavy on my eyelids by the time I make it into the neighborhood. The one thought that keeps me going is seeing Violet.
And Astrid.
I owe it to her to explain why I was acting weird before I left. I’m certain that she’ll understand. It’s not her I’m doubting. It’s the time and focus. It’s how deep my feelings are for her already. It’s a good thing, really. And I feel as if I’ve come to a good decision.
I just can’t let myself get distracted. But I know that I can do both.
I talk myself up as I drive from the highway to the residential streets. I even tell myself that she’ll be happier once she knows that choosing her was something I did understanding the potential consequences.
But by the time I make it home, I walk in to find Astrid and Violet asleep on the couch. Violet on one end and Astrid on the other. Both are curled up with a blanket. An empty bowl of popcorn on the table along with cans ginger ale.
The girls really had a night, I guess. I sigh. The conversation will have to wait until tomorrow. I walk over, careful to keep my footsteps light, and place the smallest kiss on her head.
Whatever movie they were watching is over now and the tv screen stuck on the home page of the streaming service they’re on. I clean up the table first, then click off the tv.
This is nice, I think to myself, the vision before me makes my chest ache in the happiest way. This is what I’ve always wanted to come home to. And Astrid so perfectly fits into that role. Seamlessly.
I should never have doubted that.
I’m not sure I thought I’d ever fall in love with someone again. I dated, if I can call it that. But since my divorce, I haven’t even entertained the idea of a relationship again. I’ve steered clear of anyone that wanted to get too close.
Until Astrid.
Her quiet strength and gentle, warm presence shattered any reluctant reservations and went straight for my heart, winning me over long before I realized what was happening.
I grab another blanket for Astrid and tuck her in, careful not to wake her. She’s so beautiful, even asleep, snoring with a bit of drool on her chin.
I don’t know why she didn’t talk to me while I was gone, but I’m going to figure it out tomorrow. And if it’s my fault, I’m going to make it up to her. I tuck her hair from her face and kiss her forehead. Her hands curl around the blanket as she stirs and lets out a small huff. For a moment, I think I’ve woken her up, but she snuggles back into the cushions.
“Good night, Astrid,” I whisper, leaning over. I can’t help myself. I stroke her hair one last time. The silky, blonde strands slip through my fingers. I wish I knew if we were on better terms. I would carry her to my bed and tuck her in if I knew that’s what she wanted.
But I don’t, just in case her lack of response was her way of letting me know that she’s mad.
I sigh as I lift Violet into my arms and carry her to her bedroom. She doesn’t wake up either. They must’ve really partied hard without me.
I come back downstairs and pause to look at Astrid one last time. She’s perfect and deserves the world. And I can be the one to give that to her… right?
Coach’s words start to replay in my head. Am I overly distracted? And even if I am, is that so wrong?