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25. She Admitted Her Secret

She Admitted Her Secret

Gwen

I scooted closer to Toby on the picnic blanket, straining to hear the recording.

Too many years reviewing evidence meant I didn’t even flinch when I heard the crack of Toby’s punch, but the shock of Ian’s confession seized around my throat. I absolutely wasn’t ready to listen to the argument that followed.

Frantic, I stabbed my finger at the screen to stop the recording.

“That’s not true.” I barely choked out the words and pressed my palm against my thumping heart. “He doesn’t mean any of that.” He couldn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t have—

“Take a second, doll.” Toby nodded encouragement as I forced down gulps of air. “Don’t let the thoughts win.”

I shook my head. The thoughts were winning. I screwed my eyes shut. “How bad does this get? I don’t—I can’t—” My mind fractured, stuck somewhere between the picnic blanket and the bite of unwanted fingers in my skin.

“Big breaths.” Toby’s hand softened tentatively against the curve of my spine, his voice dropping lower. “Take it slow.”

My eyes darted everywhere, searching for answers that didn’t exist. Panicked, I blurted out, “I did nothing to encourage Ian.”

“I know that.” Toby’s hand squeezed my knee. “You’re not under the microscope here. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

I had. I had. “Ian told the truth about messaging me. It was harmless. ‘How are you? Do you need anything? ’ That kind of stuff. He’d drop by with milk sometimes.

We talked about books. But I’ve never done anything to encourage Ian’s feelings…

Not even the day he stopped by…and…and…” I shook my head furiously. “You understand that, right?”

Toby’s lips pressed into a thin line.

“Right?”

He waited for a beat. And another. He seemed to be at war with himself. His mouth opened and closed, and his expression was pained. In the end, he gave my knee another gentle squeeze. “He stopped by?”

“Toby… Please …”

“The day after the party, right?”

“Ye-yeah.”

Nerves sparked like tiny firecrackers in my stomach. Toby frowned, his eyes tracking me like a hawk until they settled on my hands. I’d knotted the hem of my T-shirt around my fingers and was twisting and twisting, desperately trying to distract myself from the pounding in my chest.

“Gwen, that’s the only time…right?”

“Toby, I didn’t want to.” My tone almost pleaded for forgiveness.

“What did he do?” The helpless look I threw at him to try to wriggle out of this conversation only made him more determined to find out the truth. “Tell me.”

“He, um… stopped by the house one morning when I was alone…and…” The salty sting of tears blurred the plaid lines of the picnic rug. I scrubbed my hand over my eyes to make any trace of weakness disappear. This was no time for self-pity. I gulped in a breath.

The line between Toby’s eyes only deepened. “Did he touch you?” His jaw clenched too tight as he waited for me to answer.

I scrunched back into a tiny ball and wrapped my arms around my knees.

“Gwen…?”

With my head between my legs, I managed to choke out, “It was all my fault. I was stuck in my head after looking at one of Kayleigh’s posts, and Ian told me she didn’t have to win…if I…”

“If you what?”

“If I kissed him.”

“A kiss? Just one?”

“I agreed to one.”

He barked a laugh. I hadn’t fooled him with my evasive answer. “And how many were there?”

“Too many. Ian was just…” My breath caught. “He was on me. I was against the wall in the kitchen… And his hands were on me…under my…my…”

“Gwen, did Ian hurt you?” A tremor tugged at the edge of his voice. There was a sniffle.

Scared, I was slow to lift my gaze, expecting Toby’s glare to be waiting. But I’d misjudged the situation. His face was drawn in harsh lines, his skin drained of every drop of color except for the pale rivers streaking down his cheeks. His chest heaved under labored breaths.

“Tell me what to do.” His whisper was almost frantic.

“Tell me, Gwen, because all I want to do is hold you and never let you go. I want you in my arms when I promise I’ll never let Ian hurt you again, but…

” His eyes went to the sky in frustration.

“I can’t hold you because you won’t let me.

I can’t do anything because I threw us away on that…

that girl …and… Gwen, I don’t know what to do . ”

I’d never expected him to say any of that. “You’re not angry?”

“At you?” Shock and fresh tears pooled in his eyes.

“ Never . At Ian? Yeah, I’m going to kill him for real this time.

He hurt you. He…” Toby shuddered in a breath.

“Gwen, I know you understand things better than me. Laws and stuff. But if you didn’t want him to touch you, that means he assaulted you—”

“No.” I wasn’t a victim. I was strong. I kicked ass in a job that made other people burn out in the blink of an eye. “I said yes .”

Toby dismissed my comment with a frustrated growl. “We need to report him.”

“I’m not walking into my old precinct and dealing with the pitying eyes of men who used to respect me by filing pointless charges over a couple of kisses.”

“Kisses that have you as freaked out and upset as the time you saw your mum in the damn grocery store. Gwen, come on. We might not be in a good place right now, but I know you. This reaction isn’t you regretting a couple of damn kisses!”

I reached out my hand and knitted my fingers with Toby’s. His eyes rounded. He wasn’t expecting the touch, but I needed it. “I just want to pretend this never happened, okay? It was my fault.”

“Like hell it was. Ian planned this. He slithered on up and sunk his teeth into you when you were vulnerable. Fuck him, Gwen. Fuck him .” He swallowed hard, fighting to regain some composure. It took him some time. “You need to report him.”

“It’s ‘he said, she said,’ and I said yes . I’ve seen too many women dragged through the system, having their stories ripped apart, no one believing them—”

“ You believed them.”

“That’s not always enough. Sometimes, justice isn’t served. I just want to move on with my life, okay?”

Toby’s lips parted, but harsh words didn’t fly out. He tugged his hand through the tangle of his dark hair, taking a deep breath in. “Then Ian’s done.” He spoke with the firm voice of a man who’d already made a decision. “He’s out of the picture. Out of our lives and out of the partnership.”

“Toby—”

“Nothing will convince me to change my mind. Not even you. I won’t have any connection to the scumbag who hurt you. He’ll never get within an inch of you or Noah. If the courts can’t protect you, I damn well will.”

I believed Toby. Once he set his mind on something, he was more determined than anyone gave him credit for.

“You need to be careful then,” I told him, shifting back into the comfort of advice mode. “Get a good lawyer. You’ll need one separate from the partnership. Dot all your i’s and cross your t’s. Ian says he’s your friend, but people quickly become enemies when money’s involved.”

Toby nodded thoughtfully. “I won’t do anything to jeopardize our future. See how good I’m being?” His smile was shaky and uncertain. “I’m sitting here even though every bone in my body is screaming at me to storm over to Ian’s place and get rid of him permanently .”

“Knight in Shining Armor Mode activated.” It was my turn to force the wobbly smile before dropping my eyes again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Toby lifted our joined hands and pecked a kiss on my fingertips.

“You don’t trust me. I get it. But even if we’re not together, I worry about you keeping everything locked up in there.

” He poked a gentle finger against my temple.

“You’re great at being strong, but sometimes, being brave is letting someone else carry some of the load.

” Toby squeezed my hand. “It doesn’t have to be me.

Do you think maybe you need to talk to someone? A therapist or something?”

I bit down on my lower lip. “Maybe.”

“Can you promise me one more thing?” He nudged his shoulder into mine. “Can you stop looking at Kayleigh’s social media?”

“No.”

“Gwen, it’s not helping you, and every last word she says about me is a damn lie.”

“Not all of them.”

“ All of them.”

“It’s clear to the whole world you’re her boyfriend. Yesterday, she posted about how you snuck away from work to—”

“Never happened.”

“Like the party never happened?” I sighed. “If you’re doing all this because you think you need to protect your precious millions while you keep screwing around, don’t bother. I know you and Kayleigh are together. Ian—”

“Ian… what ?”

“He said—”

“Lies.”

“Toby—”

“You’re a smart damn woman. If Ian said some bullshit to you the day he came over and…

and… Christ, Gwen. Don’t underestimate what some sick jerks will say to manipulate you to—” He shook his head furiously from side to side.

He didn’t want that image stuck in his head.

He fixed his gaze on me, taking enough deep breaths to unclench his fist. “I have no contact with Kayleigh. I fired her. She’s gone. Full stop.”

“You don’t deny anything she posts.”

“Because I don’t see it. I have zero interest in whatever she’s carrying on about.

There’s no space for her in my life. Only you.

” A quiet ache flickered through his smile before he switched back to business mode.

“If you’re not quite ready to believe me and want to check my phone, my passcode’s your birthday.

If you want to give my phone to one of your cop buddies to do crazy stuff like they do on TV, say the word.

Call Judy if you don’t believe I’m at work late. ”

“What if I do all that and still have doubts?”

“Talk to me. Yell at me. Send me a message. Anything you want. But please promise you’ll stop hurting yourself by reading whatever fantasy life Kayleigh’s inventing for herself.”

I knew Toby. The crease between his eyes, the bob of his Adam’s apple on each painful swallow, the sag of his proud shoulders—all genuine. He was upset. He spoke the truth. I couldn’t give him my heart, but I could agree to this one request.

I managed a nod.

“Yeah?” His expression brightened.

“I won’t check Kayleigh’s social media anymore.”

“That means a lot to me.” He lifted his gaze to the clouds, and he was quiet for a few minutes, lost in his thoughts. “Nothing’s ever easy these days, huh? I always thought we could make our problems disappear if we just loved each other enough. Pretty dumb, right?”

“Not dumb, Tobes. I thought the same thing.”

“It’s wrong, though. I love you more than Noah loves bananas, but we still have problems. Do you think…” Shaking his head, Toby stopped there.

I huffed a sigh. “We suck at this whole rebuilding trust business if you’re holding back already.”

“Stop being so stinking cute and hitting me with facts.” His shoulder bumped into mine. “I was going to ask if you think you could ever love me again.”

Letting the next words slip quietly from my mouth took a lot of courage. “I never stopped.”

He shuffled closer to me on the blanket. “Really?”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop,” I admitted. “That’s why what you did still hurts so much.”

A helpless plea clouded Toby’s eyes. “What can I do ? Tell me. The only thing I want in the whole world is for us to be a family again. I’ll do anything if you’ll take me back.”

“Sometimes you can’t do anything. There’s no magic gesture. No secret words. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be there…to listen…and choose me.”

“Is that really enough?”

“Sometimes, that’s everything .”