Chapter 19
Cordelia woke to sunlight streaming in through her window, and she was glad that Anna had not woken her, for she felt deliciously rested. Smiling to herself, she thought about the evening before, and even if she was embarrassed, a blush covering her cheeks even then, she was somehow happy.
She had allowed herself a moment to relax, letting pleasure in, and had taken Nicholas boldly into her mouth as well, bringing him to heel at last. It had been exhilarating and refreshing at the same time.
She hardly recognized herself anymore. And even if he had fled her once they’d returned home, he seemed to rather enjoy her company.
She thought of his behavior at the ball and with her family, when he’d pulled her close after rescuing her from the handsy Lord Dempshaw.
He is almost likeable…but he can’t seem to think anything more of himself than being a charming, handsome, devilish man.
It was infuriating, but Cordelia would somehow figure out why he resisted it.
The evening before had already been full, but then Olivia had spoken to her in the night, and Cordelia now woke with some semblance of hope, however feeble, that things were going to work out.
She turned over in bed with a smile still on her face, her hands under her cheek when she stopped, her eyes widening.
“Father’s watch,” she whispered, slowly sitting up in bed and rubbing at her eyes to make sure she was not still in some sort of dream.
“I cannot…” She paused, staring down at the beautiful, beloved watch she had seen so many times as a child, a watch that had stayed on her mother’s bedside every day since her father’s death.
It was no dream. It was there. She wondered very briefly how it had appeared there and then she knew.
Nicholas.
“But how?” she asked herself, hurrying out of bed and pulling the bell for Anna.
This was a mystery she had to unpickle, and excitedly, she picked up the watch and brought it to her chest, tears filling her eyes.
It was back, and she could return it to her mother, and things could be as they once were.
They would have one last piece of their father.
Anna arrived, and Cordelia refused tea, but only wished to be dressed and to go to Nicholas at once.
But when she appeared downstairs, she found him in the sitting room interviewing a young woman. She lingered in the doorway, wondering if she’d forgotten an appointment when Nicholas spotted her and rose from his seat.
The man is far too handsome for his own good.
He looked so at ease in his fine clothing, and he’d bathed and prepared, his hair slicked back, his chin shaven, his cravat and coat just as they ought to be, stretching against broad shoulders, a strong chest, and thick arms. For a moment, she let her mind wander to the image of her legs being flung over his shoulders while he brought her more pleasure than she’d ever known, but then she quickly pushed it away as Nicholas approached her, a knowing smile on his lips.
“Wife, this is Mrs. Browning.” The young, dark-haired woman rose and curtsied. “A pleasure to meet you, Your Grace.”
Cordelia was as polite as she could be, but she had no knowledge of this interview, and she wondered what Nicholas was up to.
“Join us, Cordelia, and we can finish.”
Cordelia agreed and sat next to him. He was calm and professional as he asked a few more questions.
“And where was your last posting?” Cordelia asked.
Mrs. Browning looked a little sheepish. “I have already told His Grace that this would be my first appointment.
However, I was the eldest of seven children, and my mother died at a young age, leaving me to raise them while my father worked.
“I have all the necessary experience,” she added confidently, and Cordelia looked to Nicholas, who seemed calm and serene.
“Well, Mrs. Browning, thank you for your time. We shall make our decision in a day or so and be in touch.” He shook the young woman’s hand and Cordelia did the same before he led her out of the sitting room.
Cordelia wasn’t sure what to feel. While the young woman was new to being a nanny, she had kind eyes and an eager look about her. She was certain both Olivia and Tim would love her, and yet she continued to have misgivings.
Who would Helen have chosen?
Nicholas returned and pulled her out of her reverie when he shut the door and said, “I think Mrs. Browning the perfect choice. She has no pretensions and no past negative experiences in the houses of the upper crust. She is young enough that I think the children will take to her. I think we’ll hire her. ”
Cordelia tensed. “You are simply deciding, and that is that? How did you even get this interview?”
“She was recommended through a friend of a friend, and I took them up on the offer to interview her. You can tell that she’s very eager.
Her husband died soon after their marriage a few years ago, and she needs an opportunity to make her own way.
She has no children of her own, either, if you’re concerned about her time. ”
Cordelia frowned. “But what of the lack of experience?”
Nicholas stepped toward her, his face tense.
“It is time to find a nanny. That’s all there is to it, Cordelia.
We can no longer interview dozens of perfectly good candidates, only to not choose them.
I know that last night was the first time you’d been out doing anything for yourself, but before that, you’ve been taking it upon yourself to act as a full-time nanny, even taking over duties for the maids we’ve put to the tasks.
You are worrying too much, not thinking about eating or resting, and it’s time that you stop that.
Helen and David would have never wanted this for you when they’d given you the children. You know that.”
He reached out and put his hands on her arms, looking down at her with a soft, yet stern expression.
“Very well. She can start with us, but I will be watching her closely. I feel I owe it to Helen to do so.”
He frowned. “Do not crowd the woman. She will be nervous when beginning, and she will need time to adjust. Just think of yourself. You did not have the requisite experience either before all this began.”
Cordelia was annoyed at his good sense, but she agreed. Stepping away, she went to the window and looked out for a moment, a sudden nervousness overtaking her.
“You found it,” she said softly.
“What are you talking about?” His footsteps sounded from behind her, and she turned around, a small smile on her face.
“The watch. My father’s.” She pulled it out from a pocket in her gown and showed him. “I almost couldn’t believe it when I saw it appear on my nightstand. However did you recover it?”
He stared down at the watch, and she could see his expression shuttering. “I had a feeling it was your father’s when I spotted it, and now I am certain it is. I’m very glad to hear that it is.”
He spoke each word in such a monotone that Cordelia was confused. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hit him or hug him.
“Don’t you know how happy this has made me and will make my family?”
He stepped away, rubbing his neck in obvious discomfort. “Yes, I think I do.”
“You have done another selfless thing, finding this for me, going out of your way to do so.”
The usual line formed between his dark brows, and his jaw clenched. “It was hardly selfless. You being happy and content is part of my role. It only serves me to make you so.”
Cordelia wasn’t sure if she wanted to hit him or kiss him. The man was infuriating!
“You are going above and beyond the duties of an arranged husband, Nicholas. Not only did you find this watch, but you have paid the debts of my father so that my family can now live in ease and comfort with no stress for the future.”
She smiled at him, hoping that it would somehow crack that terribly hardened shell of his. Why did being complimented in such a way anger him to such a degree? She couldn’t fathom it.
“Stop it, Cordelia. You do not have to thank me for any of this. As I said, it is my role. David would have wanted this from me when they made the plans for the will.” She saw his fists forming at his sides as he stood in such obvious tension.
She shook her head. “I cannot accept that, Nicholas. What is wrong with seeing the good in oneself? Especially when it is others who are telling you? I wish to show my gratitude, and yet you scoff.”
She was hurt by his behavior, and it angered her. He, however, continued to look just as angry.
“Listen, Cordelia, and I hope you take this in. Everything I have done was to serve a purpose. Taking you and the children in keeps them safe, and it keeps their money with them. At the same time, since you are my wife, it is my duty to keep you and your family safe. I have built a business and am a duke and thus need a certain public image. Leaving your family to starve would not help me in that way. Everything I do is for the sake of what I have built. That’s all that matters to me. ”
Cordelia felt a lump in her throat but at the same time she wanted to stamp her foot.
Before she could stop herself, she asked, “And last night? Was that all to serve a purpose as well?”
Nicholas narrowed his eyes, and a muscle ticked in his jaw. “Do not ask such things of me, Cordelia. I am not the romantic hero you seem to think, and you will find yourself only disappointed if you continue to think that.” He turned to the door. “I’m off to my club.”
“Fine. Then I will take the children today to visit my family.” She brushed past him as he opened the door for her, furious and unable to think clearly.
All she knew was that she needed to get out of that house or she might commit a murder.
* * *
Nicholas was so irritated, he went straight to his study to gather a few things before leaving.
He had had no plans to go that day, hopeful that he could spend a day with Cordelia and the children, wanting to linger a little bit longer in her presence after the miracle that was last evening.
He flopped down in the chair behind his desk for a moment and stared off into the fire at the far end of the room.
Last night had been nothing short of incredible.
At the ball, he’d been so proud to have her on his arm, even if he’d had to wrestle her out of the grasp of Lord Dempshaw.
He’d been able to prove to the world of the London ton that they were married and at least showed an interest in one another, even if they had not been a love match.
An interest. Coward.
Perhaps he was a coward, but that was far better than being a disappointment.
He would never be the cause of the bright light of hope going out of Cordelia’s eyes when his darker nature came to the surface.
No, it was best to disappoint her from the beginning, keeping her from thinking anything better of him, from expecting anything more from him than nights of pleasure.
And he’d done a good job of it too by restating his cold purpose of being none other than a provider.
The hope in her eyes had been too much, had touched something far too deep inside him, and he had to look away or keep to the surface.
The surface was an easier place to remain.
For he had to admit that that taste of her and the sounds of her cries of ecstasy had driven him mad.
And that feel of her taking him in hand and in her mouth, bringing him over the edge with bold, innocent skill, had sent him straight to the heavens above, and he lost all thought or ability to be reasonable.
We have an attraction. That is all. Common enough.
He rose to his feet, gathering a few pieces of paper together to bring with him that day, ignoring the little tug at his conscience, that what had happened between them was not common at all, and if he was ever able to fully bed her, it would shatter every notion he’d ever had of what could happen between a man and a woman.
He looked up when he heard the squeak of the door, and both Tim and Olivia looked in, Tim’s little hand holding onto the door.
His brows lifted in surprise to see them there.
They had spent mealtimes together, but he’d been as good as his word, keeping out of most of the tasks, even though the desire to check in on them had come upon him occasionally.
“And what are you two doing here? Snuck out from under the maid, have you?” he asked, coming around the side of the desk.
“To see you.” Tim pointed, and Olivia nodded, rushing toward him, arms outstretched, and she laughed as she reached his knees.
Nicholas swallowed, annoyed at the tug that made on his heart, and he reached down and picked her up, for she would never be pleased otherwise.
“Me too.” Tim reached for him, and sighing, Nicholas picked him up as well.
“No wonder your godmother is exhausted. The weight of you two is enormous!” He was surprised at their sudden laughter, and he bobbed them up and down in his arms. “Now, I think we find where you’re supposed to me. I heard you’re going to the viscountess’s home today.”
“Is there cake?” Olivia asked, and this time it was Nicholas who chuckled, carrying them out the door to his study, only to nearly bump into a frazzled Cordelia.
“Oh!” she said, looking up at him, a stray strand of hair having fallen from her coiffure. “They slipped away from the maid, and we’ve just been trying to find them. I heard something here, so I thought I –”
Nicholas could tell she was surprised yet pleased at the sight of them in his arms, so he quickly let the smile drop from his lips.
“Oh, yes, well, they came in to find me here.” He deposited Tim into her arms and let Olivia down on the floor. “I’ll let you get on with things.”
He then said goodbye and left, feeling three gazes on his back as he walked out of the house to call for the carriage, without the papers he had earlier assembled.