Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Theo
Morning light spilled across the bed in uneven bands, catching on Cameron’s shoulder, the curve of his throat, the slow rise and fall of his breathing.
I watched him for a while, aware of feeling calm in a way I hadn’t experienced before.
What filled me was the sense of having arrived somewhere that had always denied me access.
Until now.
In the past, the morning after was a time to catalogue what I’d done wrong, take stock of how much I’d revealed, and decide what I needed to lock back down. I could see that now, with a clarity that only distance gave.
Back then, I’d told myself it was desire, chemistry.
I’d wanted to please Luka, to be good at something when everything else in my life felt uncertain.
Luka had been older, confident, incandescent in the way people mistake for strength.
I’d certainly made that error, but looking back, I could see the fault line.
With Luka, control had been taken.
Even when I offered it, it came with conditions attached: quiet, stillness, and approval that had to be earned and could be withdrawn without warning. Luka decided when I was wanted, when I was tolerated…
When I was too much.
I hadn’t relaxed into it so much as disappeared into it. I remembered how my body used to go still, not in surrender but in vigilance. How I learned to mute myself, not because it felt good, but because it felt safer.
He never asked what I needed. He told me who to be.
And I’d complied, because compliance felt like love when you didn’t know any better.
That was the difference. With Cameron, nothing had been assumed. Control hadn’t been claimed as a right. It had been offered back to me, piece by piece, until the realisation hit home.
I chose this.
Cameron hadn’t wanted me smaller or quieter or easier to manage. He hadn’t rewarded obedience or punished need. He’d asked questions. He’d listened to the answers. He’d checked in, not because I was fragile, but because I mattered.
I didn’t vanish under Cameron’s hands—I’d arrived.
Trust didn’t come from giving up control, but from knowing it would be returned intact.
That’s what made last night different. Luka wanted power. Cameron wants a partnership.
And in that moment, lying beside him, I understood.
Surrender isn’t about silence or endurance or proving worth. It’s about safety, about being seen with all my imperfections and still being wanted.
Cameron stirred, his eyes blinking open. “Hey,” he murmured.
I smiled. “Hey. Good morning.”
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long. I’ve been thinking.”
He blinked. “Dare I ask?”
I chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’m not about to fall apart on you.” I paused. “Before today, I thought letting go meant losing myself.”
Cameron’s gaze was suddenly more alert. “And now?”
“It turns out that it just means trusting the right person.”
He turned fully onto his side then, his eyes focused on my face. “You don’t have to prove anything,” he said in a quiet voice.
“I know.” I smiled. “That’s the difference.”
Cameron
I sat on the couch, sketching out an idea for a new painting, but also watching Theo. He stood at the kitchen sink, rinsing a mug, the hum of the city filtering in through the open window.
“I know when you’re staring at me,” he murmured. “I can feel it.”
“Guilty as charged.” I smiled. “I like watching you.” Especially now, when there was a new calmness to him.
Theo leaned back against the counter. “Can I ask you something?”
I sat up straight. “Always.”
He paused before speaking. “I don’t want last night to be an exception. I want it to be… a direction.”
My breath caught in my throat. “You hinted at that yesterday.”
He nodded. “I’ve spent my life leading, deciding, managing…” He shook his head, his expression rueful. “I don’t want to live there anymore.”
“So where do you want to live?”
“With you,” Theo said simply. Then he added, “And sometimes—under your guidance.”
The air crackled between us.
“You’re not asking me to fix you,” I said at last.
His response was immediate. “No, I’m asking you to meet me. To hold the reins when I offer them, and to give them back when I ask.”
My heart stuttered. “Didn’t I mention last night something about being partners?”
He smiled. “Yes, you did, and that’s exactly what I want.”
I got to my feet and closed the distance between us. I stood in front of him, my hands on his upper arms, close enough to feel his heat.
“I won’t take more than you give.” I looked him in the eye. “And I won’t disappear when you need steadiness.”
Theo’s throat tightened, and his shoulders sagged a little. “I love you.”
I exhaled. “I know. And I love you right back.” I leaned in, our foreheads meeting.
“This is so new,” Theo murmured.
“What is? Loving someone?”
“No, no that. I’m standing here, and I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop.
” He closed his eyes. “I don’t think it’s going to be easy, but right now I’m not thinking about what could go wrong.
” He laughed. “In fact, for what must be the first time in my life, I’m thinking about everything that could go beautifully, joyfully right.
” He swallowed. “And you know what?” Theo straightened and locked gazes with me.
“I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we’re going to make it. ”
I kissed him, slow and tender. Then I smiled.
“Ditto.”
Theo rolled his eyes. “That’s what you’re going with? I come out with that heartfelt speech and all you have is Ditto?”
I shrugged. “I’m saving my words for later.” I grinned. “Because now I know a certain musician loves it when I talk dirty.”
He groaned. “Don’t. I have a rehearsal later.”
“I promise I won’t make you late.” I kissed him. “I also promise you’ll walk in there smiling.”
Theo
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
I glanced at Max and smirked. “I hadn’t planned on it, because I had the impression you already know everything.”
Max flushed. “Ah. He told you.”
Laughter and chatter filled the studio. We’d been at it for an hour, and I’d called for a break. Cameron was sitting with Julian, both of them smiling.
The old me would have been concerned Cameron was oversharing.
The new and improved me recalled Cameron’s words.
No one else gets to see you like this.
This is just for me.
I believed that extended into our life outside the bedroom.
“You’re different today.”
I peered at Max. “Different how?
“You didn’t snap at Finnley when he came in half a beat early. You also let Julian argue with you for a full thirty seconds before shutting him down.”
I snorted. “Maybe I’m evolving.”
Max tilted his head, studying me. “You’re centred,” he said in a low voice. “Relaxed. You’re still in control, but not like you’re strangling it.”
I took a breath. “I like… giving up control. On purpose. With rules. With trust.”
What shocked me was that the words didn’t scare me.
Max smiled, and he gave me a warm look that spoke of approval. “Welcome to the club.”
I let out a sigh. “I used to think control was all I had. That if I loosened my grip, everything would fall apart.” I paused. “But it turns out that choosing when to let go makes me stronger.”
Max nodded. “That’s not submission as weakness. That’s submission as self-knowledge.”
I met his gaze, unashamed. “I’m not embarrassed. I like who I am when I trust him.”
Max’s voice softened. “You should. You look like someone who finally stopped fighting himself.” He grinned. “Cameron is clearly doing an excellent job.”
I laughed. “And of course, I have nothing to do with it.”
“Far from it.” Max looked me in the eye. “I’m also very proud of you.”
I blinked, caught off guard by the raw emotion in his voice. “Thank you.”
“Now it’s time to get back to work.” Before I could agree, Max raised his voice. “Okay, kids. Playtime is over.”
Liam snorted. “Yes, sir.”
What surprised me was the flinch Max barely concealed.
I stood in the middle of the studio, waiting for the others to gather around in their usual places. When they were all assembled, I closed my eyes.
“Give me a second.”
I felt the stillness settle on them like a soft blanket.
This used to make me nervous, asking for space without filling it with instructions.
Now, I trusted the silence.
I inhaled and let my shoulders drop, allowing all my tension to drain away. When I opened my eyes, I addressed them in a calm voice.
“We’re overthinking the blend. Stop trying to impress each other. Listen.” Julian opened his mouth, but I raised my hand, not sharply but decisively. “Julian, sing less. Trust the harmony.”
Julian blinked, then nodded. “Okay.”
I turned to Finnley. “You’re pushing because you’re nervous. You don’t need to.”
He swallowed. “Right.”
After that, I didn’t micromanage—I guided, letting the group breathe, settle, find each other. And when we sang again, it clicked, not perfectly, but with raw honesty.
I felt something ripple through the room: a change in focus, a connection, trust.
Max caught my eye from across the room, his eyebrows raised in impressed disbelief.
Cameron stood near the back, his arms crossed, watching me with open admiration.
In a rush of insight, I understood, and the realisation was both quiet and profound.
Letting go in private has taught me how to hold space in public.
Submission hadn’t diminished me. It had taught me restraint, taught me how to listen, how to lead without panic.
I lifted my hand, guiding the final chord to a close, and afterward, silence fell for a few seconds.
“That felt different,” Sebastian observed.
I smiled. “Yeah, it did.”
He glanced at Cameron.
With him, I can be a leader and a lover.
I can be whole.
“We’re all going to Balan’s,” Cameron said as he stuffed his ever-present sketchbook into his bag. “Are you and Max coming?”
“Give us a minute.” I wanted a word with Max but not within earshot of everyone.
“There’ll be a beer with your name on it.” Cameron kissed me, amid whoops and calls from the others. He rolled his eyes. “Better get used to it, boys, because there’s a lot more where that came from.”