26. Hunter
26
HUNTER
Now
“ Y ou sure you got everything you need?” I ask Taurin, hovering outside his door as he packs his bag. “Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant? You’re going to be doing a lot of walking; you don’t want to smell.”
“Hey, Hunter?” He zips up his bag, turning to face me with serious eyes.
I step forward, worried that he’s about to get emotional or tell me that he doesn’t want to go. While it’d throw a definite wrench in my plans for the weekend, I’m confident that I could come up with a solution that would keep Taurin safe and not make Rae rethink agreeing to this overnight.
“Yeah, T?”
“I’ve got this,” he says, his voice confident and shoulders square. “Stop worrying about me and focus on you.”
Crossing my arms, I lift a brow. “Me? What about me?”
“You’re a nervous wreck, which is understandable since it’s your first time having Rae and Riley over, but you can’t keep projecting all of that energy onto me.” He points at his chest with a hooked thumb to drive home his point. “I’m good.”
I despise being called out so plainly, but I still find myself laughing. “You’re right. I am nervous about Rae and Riley coming over, but that doesn’t mean my concern for you isn’t real.”
“Of course it’s real, but you gotta limit it a little bit.” He holds his hand up, using his index finger and thumb to indicate the amount of worry I’m allowed to have for him. “I mean, you’re giving me advice about packing hygiene products like I’m a little kid or something when what you’re really worried about is me falling off the wagon as soon as I’m out of your sight.”
He’s right. Damn. I hate that I can’t even hide the fact that he’s spot-on with his assessment of my current state of mind. I hang my head in defeat. “I guess you’re right.”
Taurin moves over to the door and claps me on the shoulder. Brown eyes that used to be bloodshot and shifty are bright with humor and appreciation. “It’s important to know when you’ve been bested,” he tells me, smirking because he’s finally gotten the opportunity to use my own catchphrase against me.
“Shut up.” I laugh, shrugging him off. “Is Alyssa almost here?”
He pulls his phone out of his pocket. “She’s been downstairs for like ten minutes. I told her to give us a minute so you could get all your big feelings out.”
When I reach for him, intending to put his smart ass in a playful headlock, he dodges me with ease, ducking under my arm and dashing down the stairs leaving me no choice but to follow. We agreed that I’d get to meet Liz and Winston, Alyssa’s best friend and her boyfriend, before they hit the road, but Taurin still groans in exasperation when I follow him out to the Jeep Wrangler, idling in the yard.
“Don’t freak them out, okay?” He tosses the request over his shoulder before catching Alyssa in his arms.
“Hey, Hunter,” she says, grinning at me. “Thanks for letting Taurin come with us.”
In truth, I couldn’t have stopped him from going even if I wanted to. Despite the respect he has for me and the responsibility I feel towards him, I don’t have any actual authority over him.
“No problem, Alyssa,” I grunt in surprise when she moves from Taurin’s arms to mine, pulling me into an unexpected hug that’s over just as quickly as it began.
“You packed so light, T,” she says, teasing him as they walk around the back of the Jeep.
I noticed how little he’d put in his bag, too, but I didn’t say anything. Didn’t want to make him feel like I cared about him leaving his stuff behind because I don’t. As far as I’m concerned, the room he’s been sleeping in since his first night here is his, and it’ll be his for as long as he wants it to.
“Yeah, well, it’s just a weekend, and I knew you and Liz would have the trunk full,” Taurin says, making the girl in the backseat with teal curls and a septum piercing giggle into her hand.
“We didn’t pack that much, T,” she says. Taurin shoots her a doubtful look as he opens the trunk, and they all share a laugh when several bags come tumbling out, falling at his feet.
I’m about to offer my help when the back doors fly open, and Liz and Winston, a lanky, dark-skinned kid with deep waves and a friendly smile, hop out and help set everything back to rights. Once they’re done, and the trunk has been squeezed closed, Taurin sighs and looks at me. I’ve been quiet this whole time, just trying to get a feel for their group dynamic, so no introductions have been made yet. I figured I’d leave that to him.
“Uh, Liz, Win, this is Hunter. Hunter, this is Liz, Alyssa’s best friend, and Winston, her boyfriend.”
We exchange greetings, and I’m impressed when they both opt to shake my hand. Taurin’s relief is palpable when I smile at them both, and I laugh because he clearly thinks I’m some sort of monster.
“Okay, well, I guess we should be heading out,” he says, slipping his hand into Alyssa’s.
“Not so fast. You still need to—” My sentence dies a quiet death on my lips as I watch another car pull up into the yard, officially marking the collision of my two worlds.
Rae said she was going to arrive around five o’clock, but it’s not even four yet, which means she must have headed over right after picking Riley up from school. My heart starts to pound, and all the nerves and anxiety Taurin accused me of projecting onto him rush to the surface and distract me from finishing my thought.
“Still need to what?” Taurin asks, a teasing smile on his lips. He’s never seen me and Rae together, but he’s compared the way I look when I talk about her to the way he feels when he speaks about Alyssa. I respect what the two of them have, I really do, but I never miss an opportunity to tell him that what they have could never even come close to what I had with Rae or what I want to have with her again.
“Share your location with me,” I tell him, my eyes still on Rae. She’s parked her car next to my truck and is already out, holding Riley’s hand as they make their way over to me.
“Daddy!” Riley shouts, dropping Rae’s hand and running over to me. I crouch down just in time to scoop her up and into the air, spinning her around in a circle that makes her giggle and scream for me to stop. “You’re making me dizzy,” she says, still laughing as her eyes focus on Taurin, Alyssa, and the rest of their crew.
“Who are you?” she asks them as I set her back down on her feet.
“Riley.” Rae’s voice is all gentle admonishment as she walks up beside me, letting the warmth of her body and the scent of pears and vanilla mixed with a bit of coconut take over my nostrils. “Don’t be rude.”
Taurin steps forward first, splitting a smile between Riley and Rae. “It’s okay,” he tells Rae. “I have a little brother her age, so I’m used to the straightforwardness.” Then he turns to Riley and offers her his hand. “I’m Taurin, and you must be Riley. Your dad has told me so much about you.”
Riley glances at me for confirmation or permission to engage, and I nod, supplying both. She takes Taurin’s hand, holding it with just the tips of her fingers, which makes Alyssa and Liz laugh.
“You let my daddy get hurt building the tree house.” She delivers the accusation with narrowed eyes that make her seem so much older than her nine years.
“He didn’t let me get hurt, Ri,” I say, holding in a laugh.
“But he didn’t stop it, so I feel like it’s the same thing, right, Riley?” Alyssa asks, clearly trying to get on her good side.
Taurin’s mouth drops, and his head swirls around as he glares at his girlfriend. “Who’s side are you on, Alyssa?”
“Mine,” Riley tells him, her voice filled with authority as she shares a conspiratorial grin with Alyssa. “Girl power, right?”
I look to Rae, whose brows are reaching for her hairline, as she watches our daughter turn all of Taurin’s friends against him in a matter of seconds. Liz and Alyssa are fist-bumping her now, and Winston is trying to inch his way into her good graces by telling her about a time when Taurin let him run into a wall. She doesn’t seem fully convinced by his story, but she allows it, letting him claim something called ‘girl power by proxy’ while Taurin watches on helplessly. He looks to me for help, and I shrug.
“It’s important to know when you’ve been bested.”
Not one to go down without a fight, Taurin works his way in between Riley and his friends and crouches down to her level, choosing to use his knowledge of the house to his advantage.
“Riley, did your dad tell you that he has a pool?”
“A POOL?!” She shouts, her eyes growing five times their normal size, which makes the older kids laugh. “You never said you had a pool, Daddy!”
“I can take you to see it,” Taurin says, then pauses, looking up at me and Rae. “If that’s okay?”
I look to Rae, who’s looking at me, and it’s such a small moment, such an inconsequential decision, but it feels good that we’re making it together. “Yeah, T, just don’t let her get in.”
All of their eyes are lit up now, and I watch in awe as the entire group takes off behind Taurin with Riley in the center, allthoughts of the trip they were just so eager to leave for forgotten.
Rae sighs, and although I’m going to get to look at her all weekend, I find that my eyes are eager to consume every line of her face once they land on it. She’s so damn beautiful, but she looks tired, like she hasn’t been sleeping well. My heart twists in on itself, the need to hold her in my arms until she finds comfort and rest in my embrace, an urgent and demanding thump against my ribcage.
“You okay?”
She looks up at me and nods. “Sorry, we’re so early. Riley was so excited, she made me promise we’d come over right after school.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Sunshine. You could have shown up at the crack of dawn, and I’d still be just as happy to see you.”
We both know it’s true, but I keep forgetting that our shared knowledge doesn’t give me the right to speak those things out loud. To make Rae face my constant desire to share air with her and Riley.
Lifting my hand, I rub at the back of my neck, hoping to dispel some of the awkwardness I’ve infused into the air. “Do you need help getting your stuff out of the car?”
There’s no mistaking the relief on her face at the change of subject. “Yeah, that’d be great.”
I follow her over to her car and balk when she opens the trunk to reveal two duffel bags, one for her and the other for Riley, and several bags of groceries. Red tints her cheeks when I turn a questioning gaze on her.
“I didn’t know what you’d have.”
“Clearly, you didn’t think I’d have anything,” I say, laughing as I grab everything in one hand and close the trunk with the other. “If you would have called, I could have saved you the trip to the store.”
We haven’t spoken on the phone since the night of the dinner from hell. Just quick texts and greetings during my daily FaceTimes with Riley, so I’m not surprised that she didn’t, I just hate that she preferred to spend a hundred dollars on unnecessary items rather than talk to me.
“It’s fine,” she says, following me up the steps of the back porch that will take us right to the kitchen. “I needed to get out of the house anyway.”
“Are things that bad?”
The question slips out on its own accord, adding another pound of tension to the weight that began to settle between us the moment we entered the kitchen. I walk into this room every day, multiple times a day, and it still hits me like a brick every time I’m in here. Our history, but more specifically, the unexpected beginning of us that happened right where Rae is standing. I see it descend on her with a quickness, harsh and unrelenting, exacerbated by the presence of my knowing gaze on her face and the question she’s yet to answer lingering in the air.
I set the bags on the counter and wait. For a reaction. For an answer. For something that’s real, even though I know chances are, she won’t give it to me. Sure enough, she reaches over the counter and pulls the grocery bags over to her side.
“Rae.” I hadn’t planned on starting our visit off by begging for details she doesn’t want to share, but I’m concerned about her. She was sad and disoriented the other night, and even though she rushed me off the phone before they came, I know she shed tears over the fact that Riley overheard her argument with Aaron. “You can talk to me,” I tell her, watching as she pulls out various snacks and sets them on the counter.
“No, I can’t,” she says, turning to put the jug of milk she bought in the fridge next to the one I replaced just this morning. “It wouldn’t be fair to Aaron.”
“What about what’s fair to you?” I ask, pushing even though I know I should be pulling back. “You’re not happy, Sunshine. Even a blind man can see that. I just don’t understand why?—”
“You don’t have to understand, Hunter,” she whispers, focusing her attention on the door because there are now footsteps and voices on the porch. “Look, I want this to be a good weekend for Ri, okay? Let’s just concentrate on her.”
My opportunity to respond is stolen by the sudden appearance of Riley, Taurin and the rest of the crew. I take one look at Riley’s hand, which is clutched in Taurin’s, and smile.
“Your plan worked, huh?”
He smirks. “Like a charm.”
“I wish I would have packed my bathing suit,” Riley says, pouting as she walks over to hug Rae around the waist. She’s clearly laying it on thick, trying to get Rae to offer a solution to a problem she hasn’t even fully voiced yet.
Rae runs a hand over her head, smiling down at her. “Your bathing suit is in your bag, Nugget.”
“Really?!”
“Yes, it was the first thing I packed.”
“Yes!” Riley shouts, pumping a fist in the air as she turns to Taurin and his friends. “Are you guys going to get in the pool too?”
They all look at each other, none of them wanting to break the bad news to Riley.
“They can’t this time, Ri,” I say, swooping in to save them. “They’re about to leave for a trip.”
“Sorry, Ri,” they all say in unison, clearly regretful.
“Oh, man.” The pout is back in full effect. “I don’t want to get in the pool alone.”
“You won’t be alone, Nugg. I’ll get in with you,” I tell her.
“Me too,” Rae adds, which immediately makes our daughter’s face brighten while my mind struggles not to conjure images of Rae in a bathing suit.
“Alright, well, we’re going to get going,” Taurin says.
“Don’t forget to share your location with me,” I remind him, walking over to give him a hug. “And make good decisions,” I say, keeping my voice low so only he can hear. I’m sure his friends know about his struggles, but I don’t want to embarrass him. “Call me if you need me.”
“I will,” he promises, maintaining eye contact with me even as we let each other go. “Bye, Ri. Bye, Ms. Rae. I’m sorry we didn’t get much time to talk.”
Rae smiles brightly. “Just Rae, please, and that’s okay. I’m used to coming in second to this little one. We can get to know each other better next time.”
“I’d like that a lot.”
“Me too, so have fun on your trip and get back safe, okay?”
Something in Taurin seems to come to life under the warmth of Rae’s kind words and the maternal lilt of her voice. It makes my heart hurt for him, knowing that his own mother won’t even pick up the phone for him.
“Yes, ma’am,” Taurin says finally, stepping back to allow room for everyone else to say their goodbyes to Riley, Rae, and me. When they’re gone, I turn back to Rae and nearly melt under the heat of her gaze.
“What?” I ask, trying to decipher her mood.
“Nothing,” she shakes her head. “Taurin seems like a good kid.”
“He is. He’s just had a rough go of it.”
She’s still looking at me. Her eyes warm and steady on my face, making it feel like I’m bathing in sunlight. “I’m glad he has you.”
I don’t know what to say to that. In fact, I can’t find a single, proper response to her words, her eyes, or the way the combination of the two makes me feel that doesn’t involve grabbing both sides of her face and kissing her, so I just nod and exchange her confusing expression for Riley’s curious one.
She’s still standing by her mom, looking around the house like she wants to explore but doesn’t feel comfortable enough to just yet.
“Hey, Ri? You want a tour?”
Her eyes light up. “Yes!”
I drop down on a knee in front of her, offering my back. “Do you want to ride on the Daddy Express while you get one?”
She doesn’t even answer; she just clambers up onto my back and giggles when I bounce her around and instruct her to put her seat belt on. With Riley secured on my back and Rae carrying the duffle bags behind me, we make our way through the house, going room by room until we make it upstairs, where all the bedrooms are. Rae has been quiet for most of the tour, letting me tell Riley stories about growing up here while she looks around and catalogs the few changes I’ve made since we lived here together.
There aren’t many. Some of the furniture is new, some of the finishes have been upgraded out of necessity, but it’s not the tribute to modernity that her house is. It’s a home, not a shrine. It’s old, but clean and comfortable. Well loved and lived in, which is what we always said we wanted the place we raised our children to be.
“And this—” I say, pausing just outside of the bedroom closest to mine “—is your room.”
Still holding Ri with one hand, I push the door open with the other, smiling when she lets out a gasp of delight as everything comes into view.
“Let me down!” She orders, wiggling out of my hold until I do exactly as she says. When her feet hit the floor, she makes a mad dash for the bed in the center of the room. It’s a twin-size bed with a white canopy around it and fairy lights woven around the posts. The comforter set is the one she picked out when we were on the phone the other night, and I got plushies to match it, which she’s now clutching in her hands as she rolls around on the bed.
“Don’t mess up the bed, Ri,” Rae warns her in a voice that’s pure indulgence and therefore carries no weight. “She’s not even listening, is she?”
“Nope, not even a little bit.”
“You did a good job with her room.”
We’re both in the doorway, but I’m taking up most of it. Rae is turned to the side, her breasts brushing my arm every time she pulls in a breath.
“Thanks,” I grind out.
“Me and her are going to have a time in that twin-size bed, though,” she says, shaking her head, completely unaware of what our close proximity is doing to me.
My brows pull together as I look down at her. “You’re not sleeping in here.”
Rae’s eyes snap up to mine. “Oh, but I thought, well, with Taurin in the other room and you using the guest room downstairs as an office…”
“You’re going to take my room, and I’m going to sleep on the couch.”
“Hunter, I don’t want to put you out of your bed.”
“You’re not putting me out of my bed. I’m putting you in it.”
The innuendo hangs between us for several long moments, during which Rae waits for me to take it back, and I wait for her to accept that I’m not going to. In the end, neither of us gets what we want because we’re forced to turn our attention to Riley as she sits up on the bed and says, “Can we get in the pool now?”
Rae answers first, probably because she’s used to having to be the primary person to address Riley’s wants and needs. “Yes, Nugget, just let me figure out what we’re going to do for dinner first.”
“Or,” I cut in. “You two can go ahead and get in the pool while I take care of dinner.”
Riley stands up on the bed and whoops with delight while Rae looks at me with surprise that breaks my heart etched into her features. I’ve always known that Aaron wasn’t a great co-parent—his lack of a bond with Riley has shown me that—but seeing it written on Rae’s face so plainly makes me want to break something.
Seven years.
He’s had them for seven years, and he hasn’t spent a single day cherishing them, supporting them, or loving them the way they deserve.
“Does that sound like a plan?” I ask, aiming the question in Rae’s direction but unsurprised when Riley answers with a resounding yes.
“Alright, then!” I clap my hands and force myself to start moving because if I don’t, I’m going to tell Rae she’s never going back to that worthless asshole again, and I’m not sure that will go over well. “I’ll see you two downstairs in your finest swimming gear.”
When Riley and Rae emerge in their bathing suits, sunglasses, and matching hats, I’m standing next to the grill, tending to the burgers and hot dogs—the only meat Riley eats—while my brother, Cal, demonstrates his ability to make the same conversation we have every month feel even more awkward than it did four weeks ago.
“And, you’re still,” he hesitates, never knowing how to ask if I’ve relapsed even though he inquires about my sobriety every time we talk.
“Yeah, Cal,” I snort, pulling a hot dog off of the grill before it burns. “I’m still clean, still working, still going to meetings and keeping my shit straight.”
“Good. Good,” he says, and even though it’s been years since I’ve laid eyes on him in person, I can see the curt jerk of his chin as he nods his approval in my head. Usually, I’m annoyed by this point in our monthly call, when it’s more of an inquisition than conversation, and everything, from the sharp, clipped tone he uses to the silences that follow, reminds me of our dad. Nicholas Drake.
Cal and I never talk about him, so he doesn’t know how much I hate the way he reminds me of him, the way their similarities make me think of all the times growing up when he would demand that I be more like Cal. How those comparisons made me feel worse when I was already at my lowest, and made it easier for me to convince myself to use.
None of that is Cal’s fault, though, so I try not to take it out on him. Besides, I’m sure he’s got his own trauma surrounding our dad to deal with.
“How are you doing?” I ask him, feeling a little more patient with him than usual.
He clears his throat, surprised by the question. Usually, I don’t ask because I don’t expect him to share, but today, I’ve decided to take the chance, and he seems appreciative. “I’m good. Work has been hectic.”
I don’t bother asking for details because I know he won’t give them; being a special agent in the Federal Bureau of Investigation for almost twenty years has made him incredibly secretive, and making the move to the Secret Service has only made it worse. The one and only time I got details about his work was some years ago when he and his partner, Lance Beckham, headed up a task force that took down some white supremacist group plotting to kill the President, and that was only because it was all over the news.
“How’s Beck?”
“He’s good.”
Closing the grill, I turn my attention to the pool where Riley is trying to coax her mom up onto one of the huge floats Taurin, and I blew up earlier today. Rae doesn’t look convinced that the oversized swan can hold her, but she tries anyway, giggling as she tries to climb aboard. If she wasn’t laughing, and I mean hard down, cracking up, she’d probably be able to get a better grip, but since she can’t seem to control herself, she ends up slipping off of the float and taking Riley down with her. They scream loudly and then come up for air, sputtering water and grinning.
“What was that?” Cal asks; those fucking Secret Service agent ears trained to hear everything. I didn’t tell him I had company because I didn’t want to tell him about Riley and run the risk of him tainting the situation with his doubts about my ability to be a father. “Hunter, you good?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I push the words out past the lump of fear in my throat, knowing that if I don’t give him further details, he’ll probably have a drone flying over the property in a matter of minutes. “That was just Rae and Riley you heard screaming. They’re in the pool, and one of the floats flipped over.”
“Rae? Your ex-girlfriend, Rae?”
The qualification burns, but I don’t correct him because it’s not like it’s wrong. “Yeah, that Rae.”
“And Riley is…?”
I bite my lip, pride swelling in my chest. “Our daughter.”
“You have a daughter?” There’s no mistaking the incredulity in my brother’s voice, but I’m surprised that I don’t hear disapproval. “Since when do you have a daughter?”
Blowing out a breath of relief, I launch into the full story, telling him everything about how I came to learn that the most perfect kid on Earth belongs to me.
“Wow, Hunter.” Cal sighs. “That’s a lot. How are you doing with all of that?”
“I’m good,” I tell him. “I’m really good, happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
As I look across the yard at the two lights of my life, paddling around on the float they just capsized mere moments ago, I realize that it’s true.