Chapter 28 #2
“How are you doing?” he asked.
I looked down at the spoon and the ice cream on my lap. “I think I’ve hit rock bottom. I’ve opened the ice cream.”
“That bad?” he teased.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I think I might have made a mistake with Mark.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
I put the ice cream and spoon down. “I’ve tried everything but he won’t talk to me.”
“You want me to go talk to him?”
“No. I think it’ll just make things worse.” I put my feet up on the coffee table.
Mark had cut off every avenue, ensuring I couldn’t get to him. Once I got off the phone with Sebastian, I picked up my ice cream, ready to slide back into my pity party, when I began to think about all the things we had overcome to get to the point we had been at before I had ruined it.
I didn’t want to let go, I didn’t want to give up. So what did that leave me with? I was determined. I put my ice cream back in the freezer. I wasn’t done yet.
Even though it was already dark, I refused to allow my fear to stop me. Even though my hands shook, I grabbed my keys and purse before heading downstairs.
I was nervous the whole drive to his apartment but I eased my nervousness with encouragement. It had been easier to drive earlier when the sun had been out.
“Slowly,” I murmured when the cars passed me quickly. It made my stomach somersault. Each time I felt the panic rise, I took a deep breath and released it.
What felt like forever only ended up taking fifteen minutes before the familiar building entered my line of sight.
It took so much courage to get out of my car and walk back into his building.
The doorman approached me. “I told you—”
“Just tell him I’m here and I’m not going until he sees me.”
The older man studied me for a few seconds before he agreed. He called up to the apartment.
“Mr. Bishop, Miss Weiss is here. Yes, I know, but she refuses to leave until you come down to see her.”
When he put down the receiver, he shrugged.
“What did he say?” I asked, wondering if he was going to let me in to see him.
“He said you can do whatever you want.”
I frowned. That hadn’t been the response I had been expecting.
“Thank you,” I murmured, turning around. I would wait outside. The pity in the doorman’s eyes was too much to handle.
It was getting chilly, but I was determined to wait it out. For an hour I walked up and down the front of the building. A few times I looked up to see the lights on in his apartment.
Eventually I sat down on the sidewalk, beside my car, and waited another hour, but still nothing. It was getting really dark and I wondered if it was time to throw in the towel, when I heard the determined footsteps.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Mark yelled at me.
I stood up and turned around to find him glaring at me. “You won’t see me, so what did you expect me to do? ”
“I expected you to leave me alone, not risk your safety waiting out in the middle of the night.”
I had gotten to him. Somewhere in there he still cared too much.
“You left me with no choice.” I gave him a one-armed shrug.
“You get ten minutes and then I want you to leave, do you hear me?” he said angrily.
It was all or nothing. I nodded.
He strode back into the building and I followed quickly behind him, struggling to keep up with his strides.
He barely contained his anger until we entered his apartment. He looked down at his watch as he closed the door. “Your time starts now.”
“I know I screwed things up….” I faltered, twisting my hands, very aware of the time restraint.
He looked bored, which made it more difficult to continue.
“I—I didn’t realize what I had done until afterward.” I searched his steel features but there was no chink, nothing. I could have been talking to a brick wall for the lack of reaction.
“And what exactly did you realize, Tracy?” He arched an eyebrow.
“I made a mistake. I’ve never let anyone in like I did with you.” I lifted my shoulders and let them sag. “When you went on the assignment, I was scared something would happen to you. But I should have handled it differently. I realize that now.”
My heart was beating so loudly in my chest, it echoed in my ears.
He looked down at his watch. “And how should you have handled it?” He was checking the time. I felt a panic that I wouldn’t have enough time to get through to him.
“I should have talked to you about it to try and find some common ground, a way forward.” I tucked a hair behind my ear. “I shouldn’t have let you go.” I took a deep breath. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Your job is important to you and I didn’t want to make you choose.”
I thought I had said everything but he was still watching me with a hard expression. His jaw twitched. It wasn’t a good sign. Oh, God. I could feel him slipping through my fingers, I was losing him—if I hadn’t lost him already.
“I love you,” I professed, hoping it would sway him in some way, but he didn’t budge.
The realization that none of my words had made the slightest difference was heartbreaking. This had been my last hope but there was no point in dragging out the inevitable.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, feeling I was on the verge of tears and not wanting to break down in front of him. I dropped my head and walked past him to the door.
When I reached the door, I tried to yank it open but it wouldn’t budge. I tried again. It still wouldn’t open. It was locked.
“Can you open the door, please?” I asked, still not wanting to look back. I wished he would hurry because I wanted nothing more than to get out of there as quickly as possible. I could feel the burn of tears.