Chapter 11 #3
There was no immediate response from Jasper, just a quiet nod. A sick part of Ryan hoped that meant maybe Jasper had been staying home moping, too. But, considering he was here with a handsome dork wearing an ugly sweater, he didn’t think so.
“I thought you were bringing someone tonight.”
Ryan turned his head to look at him, his eyebrows pinched. “What?”
“I thought… I heard that.”
He narrowed his eyes in Jasper’s direction, secretly enjoying the awkward shuffle of Jasper’s feet because he wanted him to feel a fraction of the pain he was.
“What do you want? Why’d you come out here?”
“I just… I saw you walk outside and you didn’t have your coat, so…”
Ryan glanced at Jasper’s empty hands, then back to his face. He raised an eyebrow and watched as the thought behind Jasper’s eyes died before turning into words. Nothing to say to make this less awkward.
“I don’t know,” Jasper said finally. “I just wanted to check on you.”
Ryan scoffed. “Right. You do so much checking on me these days.”
Jasper flinched. Barely, but Ryan was sure he saw it.
“That’s not fair,” Jasper said quietly.
“No?” Ryan said, stepping closer. Heat rose in his chest. “You walked away from me. From us. When I was lost and I needed you, you left me. You’ve spent nearly two months showing me nothing but contempt.
And now you want to tell me you were worried I was cold?
On a heated deck, by the way.” He pointed to the warming lamps above them, the same ones he’d installed two years ago, with Jasper sitting nearby.
Jasper took a step back, placing some distance between them. “I know,” he said. “But…”
“Tell me why you came outside.” Ryan stepped forward again, crowding himself into Jasper’s personal space. He couldn’t help it. He was hurt and embarrassed, but he needed to be close. “And tell me why you gave away my watch.”
“I gave away the watch because I forgot to find a gift, and it was still in the box in my dresser. I grabbed it on my way out the door, and Stevie wrapped it for me.”
“Did you do it to hurt me? Because you knew I’d see it?”
Jasper sighed and scooted further back. “To be honest, Ryan, I have no emotional connection to that watch, despite you buying it for me. And I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”
“Well, that’s really nice of you to say.”
“Do you remember when you bought me that watch?” Jasper asked.
“Not the specifics…” Ryan wasn’t sure why now was the time Jasper was choosing to get into the history of the stupid watch he apparently didn’t like. “I know I bought it for you years ago, when I found out I was going to win my first Heavyweight title.”
“Do you remember what happened after that?”
“What do you mean what happened after that? I won the title at the end of the tour.”
Jasper smiled grimly. “What I was going to say is that I graduated with my master’s degree that year. You sent me that watch from the road because you missed my graduation.”
“Is that a problem? I’m not allowed to give you gifts for your achievements?”
Jasper sighed again. Ryan was missing something, he could tell, but he was still reeling inside—whatever Jasper was trying to say wasn’t coming through, not after the embarrassment of seeing the watch regifted to someone he’d never met.
He stepped closer, until Jasper’s back pressed up against the wall.
“Just tell me why you’re here.”
“There’s no big reason. I saw you leave, and I followed.”
Jasper swallowed. Ryan watched his throat move.
A shaky breath passed through Jasper’s lips and Ryan closed his eyes, letting the warmth of it brush against his neck like the countless times he’d felt it in the dark, in their bed.
Hidden from everyone in this corner of the deck, he shifted his body until he could feel the fabric of Jasper’s coat against his own shirt.
Jasper cleared his throat, and when Ryan opened his eyes, he braced a hand on the wall—not to trap him, but maybe to prove he could if he wanted to.
“The truth this time,” Ryan said.
“You looked sad. And lonely, and I didn’t want you to be. That’s it, Ryan.”
Ryan let out a dark laugh. “Yeah, okay.”
“I’m sorry,” Jasper said.
“For what?”
Jasper shook his head.
“You’re here with a date,” Ryan said.
“I know how it looks. But it’s not like that—”
“You don’t have to explain it. It seems like you’re doing fine. Better than me. I’m happy for you.”
“I’m not, really.” Jasper’s voice was barely a whisper.
Their lips were so close Ryan could feel each word brush against him.
Jasper’s eyes darted to Ryan’s mouth for a brief moment before flicking back up, and Ryan could almost see his restraint failing.
Breaths coming fast and uneven, hands hovering over Ryan’s waist like they wanted to reach out.
“Ryan…”
“Tell me you don’t want it and I’ll back off.”
Jasper didn’t say a word. He just shook his head gently and looked back at Ryan’s mouth—and that was all it took.
Ryan closed the final inch between them.
Their lips met in a gentle kiss, soft and ruinous, achingly familiar in the worst way.
Ryan pressed a little harder, because his body remembered, because he’d been craving this, and because he’d been dreaming of it in ways he’d only admitted to himself.
Jasper widened his stance and Ryan moved forward, shuffling his feet so they were the same height. He pressed their bodies together, the familiar heat of their touch waking Ryan’s body in a way he hadn’t felt in months, because he’d been too forlorn to remember how good it could be.