23. JJ Woodford
JJ WOODFORD
I vy was with Isaac all day.
After our kiss.
After I pushed her against the wall as she moaned into my mouth and fisted my shirt.
After I heard how aggressively her heart thumped against mine.
After I told her that what we felt was not lust.
When in fact the desire to have her is so strong, I can barely function knowing she purposely avoided me while Finn was at work.
I’ve never really been good at voicing how I feel or what emotions I’m experiencing because I grew up thinking it was a sign of weakness. But when my mum got sick and I couldn’t keep everything bottled up anymore, it all came out and I realised… expressing how you feel isn’t too bad.
Last night I wanted to say a million different things, but none of them would have come out right. I probably would have pushed Ivy further away, knowing she was already in a fragile state. That’s the last thing I wanted after already upsetting her once.
The next morning, I wake up fairly early and decide to take a run down at the beach. It’s better to run in the mornings when it’s quieter and cooler; it helps me function, and it clears my mind.
My chest burns as I run down the seafront, earphones blasting music with my eyes set forward. I never realised how running in a beautiful setting like this would help calm the storm inside my head.
When I circle around and find myself slowing to a jog from where I started, I stop my watch and look down at the damage I’ve done. Yeah, I definitely needed this this morning.
My legs shake as I ease into a walk and catch my breath. I glance up at the beaming sun and shield my eyes for a moment. I turn back to the beach front, plucking out my earphones as the water crashes against the shore softly. A calm day. A day to refre?—
“JJ?”
My head whips to the sound of my name, only to find Daisy at the other end of it. Beside her is a massive golden retriever who is heading straight towards me.
The dog licks my arm and I grimace because I’m so incredibly sweaty. I dip my hand down and ruffle its head and scratch its ears as Daisy walks towards me in a tiny sundress.
“Hey,” I say politely.
Her blue eyes glitter at me, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She doesn’t bother to hide how she’s openly roaming her eyes over my sweaty body and arms. “Hey.” Her voice drops into a tone of seduction. “Went for a run?”
“Yeah.” I smile gently. “Who’s this?”
“Rufus.” She grins and strokes his back. “He’s such a good boy.”
His tongue hangs out as he looks up at me and I have to give it to him, he’s fucking adorable. “He’s sweet,” I say, stroking his soft, velvet-like fur again.
Daisy sways from foot to foot in front of me, but I keep my eyes on her dog. She clears her throat to get my attention, and I glance up at her slowly. My gaze flicks to her hand as she twirls a piece of hair around her finger and flutters her eyelashes not so subtly.
“You look so good right now,” she says with a glint of playfulness in her tone.
My hand raises to scratch the back of my head. “Bit sweaty,” I laugh.
“Hey.” She leans forward and grabs onto my bicep suddenly, my eyes gravitating to the action. “So I was wondering, we should go do something soon. Like just the two of us, we could?—”
“Daisy—”
“—go for a walk or go for dinner, then maybe we could go somewhere a bit quieter and?—”
“Daisy—”
“—I don’t know… have a bit of fun.”
I suck down a breath because this can’t keep going on, I have to end this now before it gets messy and out of control. She deserves to know the truth, she shouldn’t be parading around after me like a cheerleader.
“What?” She blinks.
I lower my head to the ground as I attempt to bring together my thoughts without making them seem rude or blunt.
“You’re a great girl, Daisy,” I say, and her eyes light up at my words. “But I don’t like you like that. I’m sorry if I led you on, but this isn’t going to work out. We’re different people.”
Her tan complexion turns to the colour of a sheet of paper, like she’s seen a ghost. “Is it something I’ve done?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I just want to be honest with you and myself, and I realise that this isn’t going anywhere. I don’t want to upset you, but I can’t keep stringing you along, and you know that wouldn’t be fair.”
She swallows thickly and glances away for a moment. “Right,” she whispers. “Silly me.”
“I’m sorry,” I say sincerely. “But you will realise this when you find the one, it’s just not me, Daisy.”
Daisy turns her back and grabs Rufus. “No worries, J,” she says, dark hair falling over her shoulders. “Thanks for being honest. I’ll see you around.”
She walks away so quickly that she almost stumbles down the steps towards the beachfront. I huff out a sigh and head back to the house, ready for a shower and a gallon of water.
When I get home, I know Finn is already at work; he’s been called in to pick up a lot of shifts this week. I don’t know if Ivy is home or out—probably with Isaac. That thought sends tsunamis of frustration through my body.
After I shower and get changed into fresh clothes, my phone buzzes with a message from Cal, asking if I want to grab a beer with him and Joel over lunch.
I head into town to meet them at a pub with a beer garden. It’s fairly quiet for the week, but at least the weather is pulling through despite the clouds that are rolling in. I greet them both and find out they’ve already ordered me a beer for my arrival.
“How’s it going, man?” Cal asks, swiping a hand through his mousey-brown hair.
I take a sip of my drink. “All good, just went for a run this morning. Nothing crazy.”
“Can’t believe Thompson got himself a job,” Joel chuckles. “I cannot imagine that guy serving tables.”
The corners of my lips twist. “Me neither, but money is money at the end of the day.”
Cal raises his glass as a salute and nods. “True. What’s he need all that money for anyway? His parents are well-off.”
My eyes flick between the pair of them, and I realise they don’t know what he’s like at university. Spending almost every last penny on alcohol, going out, takeaways. I have no idea what’s changed in that guy recently, but getting a job is the most responsible thing he could possibly do right now.
“He’s an animal,” Joel comments. “He told us some crazy stories about your time at uni.”
I almost snort into my drink. “Most about him then?”
They both laugh. “Of course.”
“Did something happen a few years ago to make Finn…” I pause for a moment. “I don’t know, a bit off the rails?”
Joel and Cal share a glance, narrowing their eyebrows. “You mean when Ben became a total asshole and changed fucking everything? Then yeah.”
I lean forward on the bench. “Who’s Ben?”
“He was a friend of ours,” Cal comments, resting his lips on his glass. “Dated Ivy for a bit.”
My heart skips a beat. One of Finn’s friends dated Ivy? I didn’t know that.
My gaze switches between the two of them frantically, desperate to know more. “What happened?”
“I can’t believe Finn didn’t tell you.” Joel scratches his head, clearly feeling awkward about the conversation. “Maybe he just wanted to forget.”
“Forget what?”
My skin crawls with the desperation to know. With the way Finn’s been acting, it’s clearly bad.
Something has happened between them—Finn, Ben, and Ivy. Did he do something to her… is that what this is about?
“Finn should probably be the one to tell you. I know he hated how people gossiped and spoke about it behind his back; that’s why he’s so protective of Ivy. He’s got to be. Ben was a really close friend,” Cal explains, and now I’m left feeling even more confused.
What the fuck did this Ben guy do?
“Did Ben hurt Ivy?”
Cal sighs and glances at Joel quickly. “Put her in the hospital.”
“He what?”
The poison that drips through my veins is sharp. My nostrils flare at Callan’s words. He put Ivy in the hospital. Ivy in the hospital. Those are words that should never end up in the same sentence.
I hope this man is dead because if he’s not, best believe I’m?—
“He didn’t put his hands on her like that,” Joel clarifies. “But yeah, he put her in danger.”
I lean back slightly and let all this information sink in. They’re right, Finn or Ivy should be telling me this, but at the same time, how did I not know? He’s kept this bottled up for three years.
Now things are starting to make sense. Ivy was so adamant that Finn couldn’t know about us because it would be unfair to him. Because he’s already been through that pain once, he couldn’t possibly do it again with another friend.
Then I think back to Ivy. Who on earth could even think about hurting her? My chest turns to stone at the thought of her lying in the hospital. Confused and scared. I have to close my eyes to shut out the haunting thoughts.
My stomach churns. She didn’t deserve that. Finn didn’t deserve that.
When I open my eyes, I remember the scar running down her chest, when she said that she was in an accident a little while ago, and she almost died. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. He did that. He put that scar on her body, and I feel my fists begin to tighten.
That scar she hides with shame. All because he took away the confidence she once had. Her body is beautiful, perfect in every way, with each freckle and scar. I would kiss over any insecurity and flaw she believes she has to prove to her that it’s all in her mind.
God. I want to wrap her up in my arms and promise her happiness. Because I knew someone or something had sucked the soul out of her body, leaving nothing but a hollow shell.
She’s not living, she’s just surviving.
And I want to help bring that soul back, a soul that is in need of some tender care.
Even if Finn forbids it.