25. JJ Woodford
JJ WOODFORD
I greet Finn for breakfast the next morning. Yesterday felt like a fucking whirlwind.
At least my shoulders feel ten times lighter now that I’ve told Daisy the truth.
“You got work today?” I ask as I grab the milk from the fridge.
Finn shakes his head. “Nah, man, party tonight. I got someone to cover my shift.”
I snort quietly and peer over my shoulder at him. “Already?”
He shrugs effortlessly. “They offered, why would I decline? It’s my turn to get absolutely smashed.”
“Great,” I murmur to myself and pour some cereal into a bowl, followed by the milk. I perch beside Finn as he reads through something on his phone. “Can’t wait for that.”
Finn’s idea of a good night is getting so blackout drunk that he has no recollection of it, what he’s said, what he’s done, and how he got home. I started noticing his increase in drinking at university.
He’s always loved to drink, but over the last year, it’s become increasingly worse. He’s not drunk every day, but it still concerns me, and I fear bringing it up in case he takes a bad turn.
So I wait for a better time, especially if he repeats history tonight.
I hear the floorboards creak upstairs. I still haven’t had my conversation with Ivy, even though she said we’d talk eventually.
I’ve gone over what I want to say in my head a thousand times, but I already feel myself cracking under pressure and going off script.
I didn’t even want a script in the first place but if I don’t think about it, it’s going to be an absolute shit show.
I glance up to find Ivy walking towards us, her eyes down on the floor. I wait for her to look at me or even Finn, but she doesn’t. Something has been bothering her since yesterday, and I want to know what it is.
“Hey,” Finn calls out. “You good?”
Ivy hums as she reaches the fridge and pours herself a glass of apple juice. “You okay?”
“Yeah, party tonight. You up for it?”
“No, I’m gonna stay in.”
“Why?”
I watch as Ivy drags her tongue across her bottom lip and turns towards her brother, barely acknowledging me. She seemed somewhat fine with me yesterday, what has changed all of a sudden?
“Not feeling it,” she sighs.
“You might later,” Finn says quickly. “Why don’t you invite Daisy? Haven’t seen her around for a few days.”
I cringe at the sound of her name. Finn doesn’t know I’ve turned her down. It’s not been something I’ve wanted to talk about, not when all I can think of is Ivy, and I can’t exactly tell him that.
“No thanks.” She raises the glass to her lips. “I’ll pass on inviting her.”
Finn turns to her slowly. “Is that why she hasn’t been around? Has something happened between you two?”
“Don’t know, don’t care,” she mumbles into the glass before emptying it and placing it inside the dishwasher.
“Iv.” He reaches out to grab her wrist, and she stops walking. “What’s going on?”
Ivy tilts her head to the floor. “Nothing.”
“ Nothing ? It’s not nothing, what happened with Daisy?”
She raises her eyes to meet her brother. “We fell out. It’s not a big deal.”
My brows hike. They fell out? Shit. I wonder if it has anything to do with her drunken non-confessions of mine the other night.
Finn tugs her back gently and twists in the stool. “Come out with us tonight, I don’t want you to be alone if you’re all sad. I’m sure Isaac will be there.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Right, sure, Isaac will save the day, the ultimate cock-blocker.
But Ivy said we’d talk, and I will do everything in my power to get her alone, so I can drop all my feelings on the table.
Even if the thought alone terrifies me.
“I’m not feeling it,” she whispers.
“For a little bit? It might make you feel better. I promise I won’t make a fool out of myself.”
Ivy’s lips tilt at his comment. “You always make a fool out of yourself. What are you talking about?”
He gasps loudly, and her smile brightens, turning my stomach into a clump of cement. I wish she’d smile at me like that. And yet, I might as well be dead to her right now because she hasn’t even acknowledged me.
“Well, I’ll try extra hard today then.” Finn puffs out his chest.
“Please don’t. None of us needs that. And I’ll think about it,” she pulls away from his grip. “I wanna go into town and do some things, I’ll see how I feel later.”
“Alright.”
Ivy turns, catching my eye for the first time, and I offer her a smile. “How are you feeling today?” I ask.
I feel Finn’s eyes boring into the side of my face, but I couldn’t care less what he thinks right now. I have to talk to her, even if it’s for a second, before I drive myself to the brink of insanity.
“I’m okay.” She smiles weakly.
“What was wrong?” Finn frowns in our direction.
Ivy sucks in a breath and grabs a yogurt from the fridge. “I had a headache yesterday, and JJ left some painkillers at my bedroom door. Thank you for that.”
Her eyes collide with mine when she speaks, and I stare back into those stunning green irises. God, my chest is crumbling. “You’re welcome,” I say softly.
Ivy’s gaze lingers for a moment too long before she thinks better and finally looks away. I immediately miss the warmth of her eyes.
I’m pleased when I spot Ivy as she joins the party on the beach.
I’m not pleased when the first person she goes to is Isaac.
Daisy is nowhere to be seen, which is convenient. Now I’m curious about what happened between the two of them.
I keep track of Ivy as she sits with Isaac and a group of people I vaguely recognise. I’m at the beer pong table next to Cal, and on the other side, Finn stands next to Joel. He said he wouldn’t make an idiot out of himself if Ivy came but he’s already halfway to fucked.
As usual.
I sip on my drink, not wanting to be intoxicated when I finally get to speak to Ivy tonight. It’s been too damn long, and I can’t stand another second of her thinking that I don’t find her attractive, because I do. It’s unhealthy how much the chemicals in my brain alter when I look at her.
After losing three games because Finn is too busted to even throw the ball, I spot Ivy walking towards the drinks table alone, and I excuse myself, saying that I need the toilet.
But I make a beeline straight towards her.
She’s covered up despite the warm weather, and her wavy blonde hair rests against her shoulders with half of it shoved up and wispy pieces framing her face.
I clear my throat as I approach her. “Are you avoiding me? You said we’d talk.”
Ivy glances up at me as she fixes herself a drink. “No. I’ve been collecting my thoughts.”
“What happened between you and Daisy?” I straighten out my spine, suddenly conscious of the height difference between us.
Her eyes close tightly. “You mean where she came crying to me because you said you didn’t want anything to do with her anymore?”
I feel my brows pinch together painfully. “How is that my fault?”
“Because you decided to have a conversation about me with her.” She turns to me with deep frustration burning in her eyes, and I realise how hurt she really is.
“I don’t know why she brought it up, probably because it made her feel good knowing you guys went on a date.
It’s not the first time she’s had to make it obvious that I’m never anyone’s first choice. ”
Her words ripple something inside my chest. I’ve never heard her speak so freely about her struggles, about how I made her feel. Guilt clouds my mind, and I wish I could go back in time and change how everything played out, but I can’t.
I can only try and fix the future.
“I’m sorry about what I said to her, I didn’t mean it. I was?—”
“Look, JJ, I don’t care.” She folds her arms over her chest, shaking her head as if this situation could just go away. I wish it would. “I don’t care about this anymore. It’s such a mess and it’s exhausting.”
She takes a step away, and alarm bells start ringing in my mind. I have to take control of this situation. I have to say it now, even if the words are barely forming on my tongue. I reach forward and take her wrist in mine, tugging her back gently.
Ivy glances up at me, and as I look at her pretty face, the words fall a lot easier than I thought they would. “Don’t you realise that every time you catch me looking at you, it’s because you are so damn beautiful that I can’t tear my eyes away.”
She blinks once, and her throat bobs, a small sound falling from those lips.
“The night we met, I told you you were gorgeous. And I said it because I meant it.”
Never in my life has my chest felt so tight and so relieved at the same time. She stands there in surprise, but she doesn’t move, so I take a slow breath and run my finger along the inside of her wrist in soft motions.
Ivy’s lips are now parted, inhaling as much air as she can. Goosebumps run along her skin as I continue to move my finger over her wrist, warmth stretching through me.
I step closer to her, my body towering over hers.
“From the second I saw you, Ivy. I—” I pause to admire her all over again.
Those big eyes are staring at me with awe, they’re crumbling, and I hope she realises that everything I’m saying is true.
“I had to have you. Even if it was for one night. But I don’t want just one night with you. I never wanted just one night.”
My heart pounds against my ribcage. I’ve opened my heart and laid it out for her.
“JJ—”
Listening to her whisper my name makes me shiver. My spine tightens and then relaxes because it doesn’t come from a place of mistrust. She’s trying to wrap her head around this, too.
“I wanted you to stay,” I confess. “I wanted to wake up to you.”
Ivy’s throat bobs. “I didn’t want you to wake up and regret it.”
“That wouldn’t have happened.” I shake my head. “All I regret is not asking for your number that night.”
“I-I didn’t feel good enough for you,” she exhales.
My forehead aches from frowning so deeply. “What are you talking about? You are more than enough. You will always be enough.”
Her eyes glitter at me before she pulls away, but I continue to hold onto her.
“Come back to the house with me. Away from the party. Let’s just talk. No one to distract us.”
“Finn will know we’re gone.” She glances over her shoulder, but I couldn’t give a shit who is looking at us right now.
All I see is her.
“Then we make something up.”
Ivy’s lip trembles for a second, but she doesn’t remove her wrist from my grip. She lets me hold her. “I can’t do this to him. Not again.” She sounds so defeated. I wish she’d do things for herself, not for anyone else.
“Not again?” I repeat. “Ivy, I don’t understand.”
Her eyes falter for a second, and I notice her jaw tenses at my question.
“Is this about Ben?”
Ivy rips her hand from my grip, eyes glittering with sadness, within a matter of seconds. My fingers turn ice cold without the comfort of her skin, and I regret it.
Shit. Why did I say that?
“Did Finn tell you?”
“No.”
“Then who?”
“Joel and Cal. They didn’t say much, but they mentioned him.”
Ivy lowers her head, and she’s back to hiding away in her shell. I had her for thirty seconds and I fucking ruined it. She bunches her hands into her cardigan and attempts to shield herself from me.
“ Stop . Stop shutting me out.” I plead with her.
“I can’t help it.” Her voice tears through my soul. “I can’t talk about the past when it still hurts.”
I step closer, but I don’t attempt to touch her. “I would never judge you.”
“It’s not about being judged, it’s about—” She pauses. “It’s about having my chest ripped open again, having to go through those memories, when the last thing I wanted was to come home to relive them. I want to move on.”
“I’m sorry for pushing you,” I rasp when I see the twisted agony in her eyes.
“What’s going on over here?” Finn’s voice echoes into our space. I groan internally as he pauses between us. “Why do you both look weirdly cosy? I told you not to flirt with my sister, Woodford. And I meant it.”
Ivy is still looking at me, and I draw my eyes away from her to look at Finn. “I’m not flirting with her.” I clear my throat, mentally murdering him for interrupting us. “We’re talking about Daisy.”
The lie is quick and easy.
Her shoulders relax when I don’t tell him the truth, not when she’s so caught up in what happened in the past.
“Oh.” Finn frowns. “Ahhh, well, let’s ignore her for tonight. Let’s have fun.”
He wraps his arm around Ivy’s shoulders, and she slumps under the weight of him. “Yeah.” She nods before pursing her lips. “Sure.”
When he pulls her away from the table, I grind my molars. The conversation might not have been as in-depth as I wanted, but at least now she knows where I stand.