26. Ivy Thompson
IVY THOMPSON
I t’s been three days since the party. Three days since my head has been scrambled like a goddamn egg.
JJ knows about Ben. I’m not entirely sure how much, but he knows something.
Joel and Cal can never keep their mouths shut.
I should have known that Finn wouldn’t have told him. I know that he’s not over it. He blames himself for what happened to me, for allowing the relationship to happen. Which is why he’d pin JJ down and kill him before he ever got the chance to be intimate with me again.
I spent the afternoon having a walk on the beach. I grab an ice cream and sit on the seafront, kicking off my flip-flops so I can dig my toes into the sand.
I wrap my arms around my legs and inhale the salty air, taking my time to study each wave as it plummets onto the shore. It’s therapeutic because every wave is different in the way it looks and sounds.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I tug it from my denim shorts before staring at Daisy’s name on my screen. I press my thumb to the notification, and the message fully pops up.
Daisy:
Hey, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now. But could we meet up? I’ve had the week to think about everything, and I’d like to speak to you in person. No shouting, just talking.
I blink rapidly at the text. She wants to talk again in person?
Daisy isn’t the usual type to start shouting and spurting her words, but when she’s upset and hurt, that side does tend to come out.
I rest my thumbs over the keyboard and contemplate how I should respond. A part of me wants to ignore it altogether, but I know that having this argument between us has made my anxiety spike.
Ivy:
Hey… uh sure. Do you want to talk today?
Daisy:
Yeah, I do. Everything is eating me alive.
Ivy:
I’m on the beachfront if you want to join
Daisy:
Okay, I’ll be about twenty minutes
I don’t reply, I lock my phone and throw it onto the sand before lying back. I stare up at the baby blue sky, my eyes flickering across the candy floss-like clouds.
As I count down the seconds in my mind, I tell myself not to freak out. This might be good, might give some closure to our past. It was messy when we last saw each other, and considering we’ve been friends for almost ten years, I don’t think it should have ended like that.
I glance to my left and sit up, watching as Daisy strolls towards me. Her dark hair is up in a ponytail, and she’s dressed down in a simple pink playsuit that makes her tan glow even more than usual.
“Hi.” She pauses, and I place my hand over my eyebrows so I can see her.
“Hi,” I respond. She stands awkwardly for a few moments until I clear my throat. “Do you want to sit down?”
“Thanks,” she whispers before perching beside me.
The air is filled with silence, and I swallow.
“I’m sorry,” her voice trembles. “For how I acted the other day. I was out of order and I said some really nasty stuff. This time apart has made me think about our relationship in school.”
I stay quiet and let her do the talking.
“I wanted the attention, I always did. But I get where you’re coming from with your insecurities, thinking you were competing with me.
I found myself becoming insecure with the girls who would judge me and spread nasty rumours about me because I was catching boys’ attention,” she says gently, and I finally turn my gaze to meet hers.
“I struggled with my own image because I wanted to look the best, be the best. Hell, when I was sixteen, I wanted lip filler, which is crazy because I was a child.”
My lips purse, and I play with the sand between my fingers.
“But what I’m saying, Ivy, is I understand how you felt.
I’m sorry for not paying better attention to it at the time.
I should have been a better friend, and I wish I didn’t care about what other people thought of me, but I did, I still do. ”
Emotion clogs my throat as I glance at her to see the sincerity and honesty etched onto her expression.
“And you were right; rejection is hard for me because I take it out on myself. It does happen to everyone.” She drags her tongue over her lip.
“I’m sorry for what I said to JJ at the party.
I was pissed out of my mind, but I meant it positively, that if you’re not his type, then fuck him.
I’m sorry if it didn’t sound like that. You are beautiful, and you don’t need to be defined by someone’s type.
You don’t need to conform to societal norms about beauty, because everyone is beautiful in their own way.
And it’s taken me a while to realise that. ”
“Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling in school?”
Daisy shrugs and releases a long sigh. “I thought if I ignored my problems and my insecurities, they’d go away.”
“I felt the same,” I admit. “We could have helped each other.”
“I know,” she says, her shoulders drooping slightly.
“I wasn’t a great friend because I was too busy focusing on my social status, but I want to be better.
I want to be that friend who doesn’t give a fuck if a boy doesn’t like them or when I don’t look like a top model from Instagram.
I’m over having to compare myself to everyone.
I just want to be me. I just want to be happy. ”
I swallow quietly. “We’re not perfect. None of us are. And I know, high school was a crazy time with all our fresh hormones. But I want you to be happy, too.”
“I know, Ivy.”
“And I’m sorry. I wasn’t being a good friend when you came over the other day. I should have been more supportive than bitter,” I sigh. “I wish we had just talked it out instead, and I feel awful.”
She chews on the inside of her lip as I look at her out of the corner of my eye. “The reason you got so upset when I said that thing to JJ is because you like him, don’t you?”
My mouth falls open and I attempt to shake my head, but somehow I can’t move.
“I know I asked if I could talk to him, Iv, but if you had told me you liked him, I would have backed off. I would have never gone there; I got the impression that you didn’t really like him,” she says slowly.
“I lied,” I blurt. “I lied about the night we met.”
Daisy frowns. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I didn’t lie. I withheld the truth.”
“Go on.”
“I slept with JJ the night I met him.”
Daisy’s eyes widen. “What the hell, Ivy? Why didn’t you tell me? I would never have tried to go after him if I knew that.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess it was so out of the blue and unlike me, it felt weird voicing it to you.”
“Did you think I’d judge you for it?”
A sigh escapes my lips and I roll a hand down my face. “I thought everyone would judge me for it, not just you.”
“I don’t care who you sleep with, Ivy. As long as it’s consensual and you’re safe doing it,” she says sincerely. “Fuck, I wish you told me.”
I close my eyes for a brief second. “All my emotions have been a mess since coming home.”
“Which is understandable, given you haven’t been here in years.
I wish you had said something to me so I wasn’t going around making an absolute fool out of myself around him when it’s obvious he likes you.
I thought maybe he was just protective, considering you’re Finn’s sister, but he looks at you with stars in his eyes,” she says, and a lump forms in the back of my throat.
“It won’t work out.”
“Why?”
“Because of Finn, because of everything in the past.”
She shuffles closer to me on the sand. “I know you’re not the same Ivy since before the accident.” Her hand rests against mine. “But you deserve to be happy, you deserve to do what you want with your life. If Finn doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to. But it’s not his choice.”
“It would break him.” I press my hand to my chest and take a long breath. “Not after how guilty he felt after the accident. Ben was his friend. A friend he trusted. He’d never trust any of his friends with me again.”
Daisy hums. “Yes, and I get his concerns. But you can’t be bubble wrapped for the rest of your life; any guy could turn out to be an asshole. It might not be his friend, but it could be someone; he can’t protect you from everything.”
I stay silent for a few seconds.
“So it’s true… you like him?”
My eyes fixate on the clouds resting above the sea.
My stomach churns as I open my mouth. “Yeah,” I whisper.
“I do. I have since the day I met him. He teased me, he bantered me, he tried to understand me. And then he treated me with care, he was gentle, and it felt so real. Like we had known each other for years.”
“Does he know?”
“I’m scared to admit it to him.”
Her arm slides over my shoulder, I can’t remember the last time we had a heart-to-heart like this. It’s been years, but it makes me feel so comfortable and seen. It’s rare I talk about my feelings, but right now, I want to pour them out to her.
“Sometimes, Ivy, we just need to take life by the horns. Things are going to be difficult and tricky, but that’s how we get the best out of it. How will we ever know if we don’t take risks?”
My head falls onto her shoulder gently. “I’m not the sort of girl who takes risks.” I laugh quietly to myself.
“No…” She trails off. “But it might be the one risk that is worth it.”
Her words stick with me for a few moments, and I keep my eyes on the ocean and the way it crashes into itself.
“Finn will come around eventually.” She squeezes my arm. “You’re an adult, Ivy. You make your own decisions, and I have a feeling that JJ is the type to be an absolute gentleman.”
The corners of my lips twitch because I already know he is.
My head turns to Daisy, and she stares back at me with her pretty eyes. “I feel awful for what I said,” I tell her. “We weren’t very nice to each other.”
She breathes through her nose with a laugh. “Tensions were high, I’m glad we had this talk. I promise to be better; I never want you to feel like we’re competing for anything. We’re best friends, not on rival teams.”
“I know. It was an explosion of feelings.”
“Do you forgive me?”
“Yeah,” I say gently. “Do you forgive me?”
Daisy grins. “Obviously.”
“I think we need some more deep chats like this, without the boy drama. More about ourselves, and how we’re feeling. I could do with a support system for life in general,” I say.
She tugs me into her side again. “Me too,” she murmurs against my head. “I feel like I just got my best friend back.”
“Same.”