27. Ivy Thompson
IVY THOMPSON
W hen I get home, the sun has already set and the orange sky is fading into darkness. I don’t hear anyone when I get in and I decide not to call out, Finn might be at work or asleep—who knows.
I head to my room where I get changed into my silk pyjamas and I climb into bed, reaching for the book that sits on top of my bedside table. I sink into my sheets and fold back the page, exhaling a little breath.
This is the life.
My eyes scan the words, and I find myself smiling. The events of today have put me in a mood I didn’t realise I needed. I allow myself to be sad far too often, but why would I want to be sad? Daisy was right, I deserve to be happy.
Taking a chance with JJ might upset Finn, but it might be worth the risk.
What if it works out?
A noise echoes from outside my window, and I turn my head towards my blinds. I frown at the noise, it sounds like a whimper or a quiet cry. When it doesn’t happen again, I turn my attention back to my book and try to engross myself in the story.
I chew on my lip as I flick my eyes over the words, only for the sound to reach my ears again. It’s now louder than before, and I feel my heart hammer in my chest because I know it’s coming from the garden, which is directly below my bedroom.
Without hesitation, I push back the covers and walk to my window. I tilt the blinds slowly and glance outside, but I can’t see anyone or anything. I hum to myself and turn towards my door.
I lean over my desk and grab my dressing gown before sliding it over my arms and around my body. I crack open my door and head downstairs to find the back door shut but unlocked, someone must be home.
My fingers wrap around the handle and I pull it back. As I step outside onto the patio, I instantly regret not putting on any shoes because the stones are freezing now that the sun has gone down.
I glance down the side of the house, my eyes squinting as I find a body hunched over, head in their hands. A sob wracks the back of their throat as they choke, the sound making me pause for a moment because it’s haunting.
“JJ?” I call out.
He doesn’t move as I take a few steps forward, not wanting to startle him. When my bare feet come into his view, he sniffles and wipes his nose with his wrist before more tears spring out of his eyes.
A surge of panic rushes through me.
I lower down to his level and flick my eyes over the shadows on his face from our dim garden light, and it shatters my heart to pieces when I find his eyes red and cheeks damp from his tears.
“JJ,” I whisper his name this time, the two letters becoming lodged in my throat. “What’s happened?”
I study him as he buries his palms into his eyes and shakes his head. My eyes wander to his wrist, and I dig my teeth into my bottom lip. I want to comfort him, but I don’t want to push him away if it’s not what he needs right now.
“Oh fuck,” he curses and glances up, then he sniffles again.
This time, I don’t hold back. I can’t let him sit here and sob his heart out without a bit of comfort, even a light touch to let him know that I’m here and he’s not alone. I lean forward and place my hand on his inked arm ever so gently.
He twists his head towards me, and I flick my eyes over his face. If he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t have to. I’m the queen of bottling things up, so I understand if he doesn’t say a word.
I’m certainly not one to judge.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I offer softly.
JJ glances down at my hand as I smooth it over his forearm in slow circles. He watches the action as I do it, and I notice that his breathing finally begins to even out after a few seconds.
“My mum,” he says hoarsely.
My heart twangs. Oh god. Oh god. Please, no . My palms begin to sweat when he speaks.
“The treatment she’s having.” He takes a shuddering breath. “It’s taking too long to work, and now I’m starting to worry that there is nothing that can help her. This was our last hope, and I’m fearful of what it means.”
My face crumbles at the sadness in his words. I sit up on my knees and lean forward to wrap my arms around him, his head resting on my shoulder as he sniffles.
“I am so sorry, JJ,” I exhale as I hold him tightly. “But don’t give up hope. There might be something, and the treatment might start working, or they might have something new for her to try. Don’t give up. She needs you to stay positive for her.”
His arms snake around my back and he grips onto my dressing robe, fisting the material as his body shakes against mine. I close my eyes and tell myself not to cry, even though my throat feels like I swallowed razor blades.
But I need to be strong for him.
He’s far away from home; he’s far away from his parents. My lip wobbles at the thought, he’s here and can’t do anything to help. I couldn’t even imagine that pain and isolation.
I tilt his head up from my shoulder and hold his handsome face between my hands, using my thumbs to push away his tears that keep rolling.
“I know it’s easier said than done, and you have every right to feel the way that you do right now.
But there is still time, there is still hope that something might work for her.
She’s in the best place she can be, where all the treatments are and the best doctors. ”
JJ squeezes his eyes shut. “But what if there isn’t?”
“Try not to think about the what-ifs. You could spend hours, days, spiraling, thinking about what might be. Instead, channel that energy into positive thoughts. She needs your love and support right now,” I whisper and tilt his head a little.
“I know this is hard for you and your family, but don’t give up. Keep going. I’m right here with you.”
His eyes glisten, water in his lash line. He raises his arm and wraps it around my waist before tugging me into him. I practically tumble into his lap as I latch my arms around his shoulders and cup the back of his head.
JJ’s face remains in the crook of my neck as I drop my head and swirl my fingers into shapes over the skin above the neckline of his T-shirt. “Don’t give up,” I say softly. “There is still time.”
He squeezes me harder, and I listen to how fast his heart rattles inside his chest.
After a few moments, I pull away, feeling his arm slip from my back.
I reach down and take his hand, attempting to tug us onto our feet, but he is literally twice my size.
“Come,” I beckon towards the grass and lower to the ground, patting the space beside me.
“Stargazing always helps to calm me down.”
JJ steps forward and lies beside me, both of our heads parallel to each other. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. We lay there, our hands merely an inch apart. I reach out my finger and brush his, and I listen as he takes a deep breath.
Then I reach for his hand, giving it a light squeeze. I shouldn’t enjoy the way his hand fits against mine, but I do. It practically swallows mine whole.
For a moment, we both look up at the night sky, stars shining across our beautiful galaxy. It humbles me in a way because I always think there is so much out there that we don’t know about, why do I fret over the small things I can’t change?
“Tell me about her.” I smile, turning my head towards him. “If you want to.”
His eyes flick over the stars, and I notice that his tears have dried up and his chest has slowed down. I give his hand a quick squeeze again, to which he returns it, sending a zap of comfort to my heart.
“My dad has always been hard on me and my brother,” he says after a few moments. “In a good way, he wants the best out of us. But our mum, she just wants us to be happy. Whatever it may be that we do, she only wants us to be happy.”
I smile at him, but he doesn’t glance my way; his eyes continue to roam the night sky.
“She got me into ice skating, remember when I told you?”
“Of course,” I hum.
“But when it didn’t work out, she was never angry with me.
She was just happy that I gave it a shot.
She always came to my football games to cheer me on.
When I wanted to start video production, she was always my first viewer.
” He smiles at the memories. “And she was always so biased. I remember my first video was so crap but she told me it was amazing and how she wanted to show all her friends.”
My lips lift to a grin at his words. “Biggest fan.”
JJ turns to me this time, the light in his eyes beginning to show again. “Original fan club member.”
I chuckle gently. “I love her already.”
His throat bobs as he flicks his gaze to my eyes.
“She always puts other people first, no matter her situation,” he carries on.
“I like to think I took after that trait of hers, it’s one of my favourite things about her because she cares so much.
If she had five pounds on her and someone else needed it, she’d give it away in a heartbeat, even if she needed it herself. ”
“People like her are the best type of people,” I say sincerely.
JJ rolls onto his side, our bare knees brush, and I forget that I’m in nothing but a tiny crop top, shorts, and my dressing gown has come undone. But right now isn’t the time to care, not when this moment with him feels so raw and real.
I want to make sure that he’s okay. That he doesn’t have to go through this alone when he’s miles away from his family, when he feels like no one can relate to him. I might not be able to, but I want to support him regardless.
“Are you close with your brother?”
JJ hesitates. “We’re not super close because we’re very different, but I still love him. We’re just not best friends.”
“I get that.”
“Thank you,” he tells me sincerely. “For being with me.”
“I’d never leave you out here by yourself.” I focus on his silver nose ring because those eyes are too much for me right now. “I’d never want you going through this alone.”