50. JJ Woodford
JJ WOODFORD
A fter twenty-eight days, Finn is finally coming home.
If the doctors believe a short-term program is best for him, I’m not going to argue. We all know we have to come together to do better and support him in any way we can.
Andrea and James went to pick him up, and Ivy went to see Daisy because of the anticipation.
The second the front door opens, I push myself up from the kitchen stool and walk towards my best friend as he enters with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
“Hey, man.” I smile, drawing him into a hug. “How are you doing?”
“Glad to be home,” he sighs.
I pull back and hold him at arm’s length. My eyes roam his face. “You look fresh.”
“That’s what a month of no drinking does for you.”
“They give you things to work on at home?”
Finn nods. “Yeah, I still need to go and complete my therapy sessions and have them signed off by a doctor. Even though I’m not in the facility anymore, they’re still keeping an eye on me. And want to continue to support me so I don’t relapse.”
“That’s good. Proud of you, brother.”
“Thanks.” He smiles. “Ivy told me about your mum. I’m so pleased for you and your family.”
My eyes burn. “Yeah, we think she’s getting better.”
Finn hugs me again and I close my eyes. “Best news ever.”
I give Finn some time to unpack and find his bearings again. I head up to my room to tidy away the mess of clothes and a pair of Ivy’s underwear, swiping them from the floor faster than lightning.
A knock at my door stirs me away from my chest of drawers. “Yeah?”
Finn pokes his head into my room. “Mind if I come in?”
“You don’t need to ask.” I chuckle.
“What you doing?”
“Just tidying. Not a lot.”
“Oh.”
I shove some clean clothes into the drawers and hang up a few hoodies before turning back around to face Finn. My stomach falls out of my ass when I find him holding my video camera.
Without hesitation, I lunge forward and snatch it from his hold a little too aggressively. My heart thrashes in my chest when I remember what exactly is on there and should never be seen by Finn’s eyes.
Finn flinches and glances up at me as I twist the camera around. I release a silent sigh of relief to find clips of Ivy on the beach playing as she grins and the sea crashes behind her.
I place the camera down. “Sorry.” I clear my throat. “That’s expensive and I don’t wanna break it.”
He stares at me for a long moment, and I squirm under his scrutinising gaze. His eyes flick between mine as if he’s working something out in his head, and the silence around us is near deafening.
“You’re in love with my sister.”
Well, talk about being blunt.
My brows pinch together. “What?”
Finn gestures to the camera, his eyes vacant. “You love her. Don’t you?”
I suck in a breath and shift side to side, unable to hide this from him.
“Tell me,” he urges, tone heavy.
“Yeah, I do.”
And it feels like instant relief to admit.
Finn stares at me for a long time. I stand there rooted to the spot, unsure what to say or how to handle this. He runs a hand through his blond hair, then drags it down his face.
“Shit,” he curses.
“Let’s talk about this,” I say before the situation blows up. “Let’s go for a walk or something.”
Finn doesn’t move, and I wait for him to put up a fight or punch me square in the face. Neither happens when I walk out of my bedroom door, and he follows. We silently walk to the beachfront and sit on the stone wall.
I glance at him as he stares out at the ocean, shaking his head over and over. “Have you been sneaking around behind my back, hoping I don’t find out?”
“No. We were giving it time. We knew your recovery was more important and neither of us wanted to disrupt your progress.”
Finn scoffs. “So you lied to me?”
“Oh god, Finn.” I close my eyes. “We just knew how you’d react.”
“Like what?”
“Like this.”
His eyes simmer, and even though he’s calmer than I expected, I can see the betrayal in his gaze. We shouldn’t have kept it from him for this long, but we both agreed that we didn’t want to set him off before he had the chance to settle.
I want Ivy to be my girlfriend. I want her to visit us at university. I want all of it, and I don’t want to lose Finn because of it. I want them both. But I know he won’t accept it—not right away.
“A brother who is worried for his sister?” he grumbles.
My face recoils from his harsh words, and my chest turns to stone. “If you think I’d ever hurt Ivy, then you don’t know me at all. We met before I came here for the summer. Our paths crossed before you got the chance to introduce us. We didn’t meet because of you.”
Finn’s hands tremble in front of him, his forehead creasing.
“Wait—” His head shakes adamantly. “You knew each other before I introduced you?”
“Yes.”
“And you both just pretended in front of me?”
“I didn’t know how to react,” I confess. “Neither of us did, okay? I didn’t know she was your sister at the time.”
Finn scoffs. “Would that have stopped you?”
I pause for a moment. “No,” I say eventually.
I bite the inside of my cheek as I watch him.
When he says nothing more, I decide to open up my heart and be honest. “She makes me happy. Isn’t that what you want to hear?
She is a fucking amazing girl and the way she has made me feel over the last few months is genuinely indescribable.
This hasn’t been easy for her, she didn’t let me in until recently. ”
He scowls at me. “What are you talking about?”
“For months, she pushed me away and denied our connection, afraid of what you’d think.
She didn’t want to upset you. She ignored her own happiness because she was worried about how it would affect you.
She had your best interests at heart. But I told her that she needs to do things for herself, not for anyone else’s validation,” I say, dropping my tone.
He looks at the ground, jaw clenching.
“Do you think I wanted this to happen? Do you think I wanted to keep this from you? I’ve felt guilty these last few months.
But when I finally saw Ivy step out of the shell I know she’s been in for the last few years, I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore.
Because you know what? She’s happy. She’s finally letting that light inside her shine like it always should have.
” My chest rumbles with all the emotions that I’m pouring out.
“And I know I can make her happy. Isn’t that what you want for her? ”
Finn meets my eyes. His mouth opens once and then twice.
A wave of uncertainty washes over me when he looks like he’s about to give me an ultimatum. My stomach churns at the thought, and I tighten my hands into fists.
“If you make me choose between you, then I automatically pick her,” I state with all seriousness.
He blinks rapidly and then furrows his brows at me. “I would never make you choose. I just can’t—” He abruptly stops. “This isn’t something that I can accept and be fine with straight away.”
“Because of what happened with Ben?”
Finn flinches.
“Yeah, Ivy told me. Everything . You know me, Finn. You fucking know me better than any of my other friends, and you know all I want is peace and calmness. And I want to make Ivy happy because we both know she deserves it.”
His eyes gravitate to the ground.
“You blame yourself for what happened with Ben,” I say gently. “I know you’ve got a lot to work through. But that girl has lit up my world in a few months and has given me hope for lots of things. And I don’t want to lose her; I don’t want to lose you, either.”
Finn remains silent, and I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. He’s not screaming his head off, demanding to get drunk—so I guess that’s a start.
“I’m sorry,” I sigh. “For keeping this from you, for not saying anything. But I am not sorry for loving her.”
He runs his hands down his face, releasing a strangled breath. “Knowing you guys have slept together and been intimate together is making me feel nauseous.”
I grimace at his words. “It’s more than the physical stuff, Finn. She was there for me when I found out the news about my mother’s treatment. I was there for her when she came home in pieces when Tom and his shitty friends were harassing her. The moments you haven’t seen.”
Finn meets my eyes when I finish my sentence. “God, my head is spinning.”
I sigh. “I know this isn’t easy for you. After everything with Ben, the rumour, the car crash. But she’s capable of making her own decisions.”
“You’re in love with her,” he repeats absently.
I nod and say nothing more. I don’t think he needs to hear me say it again.
“All summer?”
“Mostly. I couldn’t stay away from her, and she put up a good fight.”
Finn breathes out through his nose sharply. “You said she was being a good friend to you and now I realise… that’s not what you meant.”
“Please, can we not lose our friendship over this. I’m sorry for keeping it a secret, but Ivy wanted to wait, and I wanted to respect her wishes. She’s been living with so much guilt herself, and she doesn’t deserve that. We both know it.”
“Yeah, I know. She should hate me,” he rasps. “She should never want to talk to me ever again, but she has. I’ll never understand that girl.”
“She has a big heart,” I comment. “And some people take it for granted.”
“I promise I’ll never hurt her.”
“I know, bud,” I say, grabbing his shoulder. “I know this is hard for you to accept, but if you want her full forgiveness, I think you need to accept us for what we are. Don’t come in the way of her happiness again. I need to see her smile, Finn, more than anything.”
He swallows audibly. “Okay,” he murmurs, the word a struggle.
I chew on the inside of my mouth. “It’s your turn to be happy, Finn.”
“Doubt anyone is going to want my sorry ass. I’ve got an alcohol problem and I ruin people’s lives,” he grumbles. “And besides, the girl I want wants nothing to do with me. I fucked it up. It’s all I keep on doing. Fucking up.”
“You didn’t ruin my life.” I shrug.
Finn snorts. “Yet.”
“No.” I shake my head. “You won’t, because you’re getting the help you need.”
“I suppose.”
“And as for Maya, you know you can talk to me about her, right?”
Finn shrugs and looks away.
“I don’t know what went down, but it’s not healthy to let it fester. Talk to me about it. I know you love her.”
He sighs deeply. “Maybe soon. I’m not ready to face it yet.”
“Okay. I’m sorry you found out like this,” I confess. “Ivy wanted to tell you first.”
Finn’s shoulders rise. “It’s obvious now that I think about it.
After the fair, and when you punched Tom, and the way you look at her, and those shots of her at the beach.
When you described her to me when I asked what you’re looking for in a girlfriend.
I’m not stupid, JJ. I know when my best friend is in love. ”
I drag a hand down the back of my head. “Not so subtle, am I?”
“Nope,” he exhales, a ghost of a smile gracing his face. “I guess I just didn’t want to believe it. It’s going to take some time getting used to this.”
“And I totally respect that. We’re both here for you.”
His eyes shine against the light. “I’m starting to realise I don’t deserve either of you.”
I tug him into an embrace and slap a hand on his back. “Don’t let that negative shit get into your head, brother,” I say quietly. “We’re here because we both love you and want to see you get better. You need your loved ones around. I’ll be damned if we don’t see you through your journey. Okay?”
Finn swallows and pulls away, wiping his eyes as if he didn’t want me to see. “Okay.”
My chest heaves as I take a breath. It’s one step forward, but I pray it’s not a million back.