Chapter 26
MATT
Itried her again, listening to the dial tone as I raked my hand through my hair.
Did I want her brother to find out we were together by catching us in his house when he had been out? Absolutely not. But it was getting to a point where something had to give, and we couldn’t pretend forever.
I groaned and slumped onto my bed as it went to voicemail again. She was being immature about this. Noah would be mad, sure, but he’d get over it. The longer we waited, the worse it was going to be.
I tried her again, but this time, it went straight to voicemail without ringing. I tried to text her instead.
ME: Sweet pea, please. We need to talk about this.
SWEET PEA: Fine.
Okay, not great, but a start.
I needed to eat first before talking with her. Telling Noah wouldn’t be so bad. Worst case, he punched me, but I didn’t think he’d do that. At least not in the face. Even if he did, I’d take the hit. Might lean into it.
I shoved my phone into my pocket, put on a shirt, and climbed the stairs to the main level. Dinah was in the kitchen doing dishes.
“Hey. I thought you went out,” she said.
I opened the fridge and pulled out all the Thanksgiving fixings. “No…”
Dinah angled her head at me, studying my grief-stricken face. “Oh my God! You had your girl over here. She didn’t have to leave.”
I didn’t have any reply to that. I grabbed a plate from the cabinet, piled food onto it, and popped it into the microwave.
“Sorry to be a cock block. My mom was driving me nuts about looking to adopt so she could have more grandbabies that we left early.”
I nodded at her but hoped she would go away.
The microwave beeped, and I stared at it for a second.
“Matt, what’s wrong?” she asked.
I shook my head and took my food out of the microwave. I sat at the large kitchen island and shoveled food into my mouth. Dinah’s brother was such a superb cook that even reheated, this Thanksgiving meal was great.
Dinah put a hand on my shoulder. “You can talk to me if you need to, okay?”
“I know,” I muttered.
“What happened with the girl?”
“She freaked.”
“Why? We’re not scary. Noah and I were looking forward to meeting her.”
I swallowed hard. How could I tell her they already met her and knew her pretty well? I needed to talk to Maddie. We needed to be on the same page. I was tired of lying to this woman who welcomed me into her home and of brushing off my mentor.
Dinah gave me a little squeeze. “I’m here if you need.”
She grabbed two beers out of the fridge and headed up toward the owner suite where she and Noah resided.
I ate my dinner in silence as I thought about what to say to Maddie. I needed her to understand why we had to quit this charade. Noah and Dinah coming home early was the sign I needed. One day, we were going to get caught in the act. It would be so much better if we told Noah on our own terms.
I finished eating and set my plate in the sink. Then I ordered a car and made my way over to Franklin.
The car took longer than I wanted, probably because it was a holiday. Once I got to campus, it was like a ghost town. I texted Maddie I was here, and she came down to let me in, but she didn’t look happy to see me.
She scanned us into her building, and we rode the elevator in an uncomfortable silence. Once inside her room, she sat on the bed, playing with a thread on her sweater.
I took a deep breath. We both knew this was the big fight we had been dreading. “I don’t like what happened today.”
She dipped her head down, staring intently at the floor.
“I can’t keep on doing this.”
Her head snapped up, and her eyes were cloudy. “What?”
“I can’t keep sneaking around with you.”
“But my brother?—”
“What about him?” I snapped. “Does he control you?”
“No.”
“Then why can’t we tell him?”
I paced her bedroom floor. I didn’t understand her logic. Noah would get over me breaking the code. He had to.
“Matt, you don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand? Because I love you, and I hate the fact that I don’t get to tell anyone that. We can pretend everything’s fine here on campus because we think Noah will never see us together. But what happens one day when he shows up out of the blue? What happens then? What are we supposed to do? Continue to pretend we aren’t dating until he’s on his deathbed? When does it end, Maddie?” I ranted.
She stared back at me, her mouth agape, but she wasn’t saying anything.
“I can’t keep doing this. Do you know how much the guilt is weighing me down? I just had a conversation with Dinah where she was trying to console me, but I couldn’t tell her the reason my ‘girlfriend’ literally ran away was because that girl is her very off-limits sister-in-law.”
“Matt…”
I held up a hand. “No. I need you to hear me. I love you, Madison. God, I fucking love you, and I know it’s too fucking early to drop that on you, but that’s why I can’t keep doing this. I can’t lie to your brother. Do you understand how hard that is for me?”
She continued to stare at me, her eyes big and doe-eyed. “You…you love…me?”
I breathed in as the weight of all the words I spat out fell back on me. She looked terrified. Had I misjudged everything? Did she not feel the same way? Was that why she resisted telling her brother? Because I was just her guy for a good time, not a long time?
“If you can’t be an adult and tell your brother we’re together, then maybe you don’t feel the same way.”
“Matt…that’s not it. I…you… It’s complicated.”
I glared at her. She was stumbling over her words, but inside, my heart was aching. If she felt the same way, she would agree to tell her brother about us.
“Matt, it’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is. You know what?”
“Can you please listen to me?” she asked.
“No, I’ve listened to your excuses enough. I’m done.”
“You what?”
My irrational brain was speaking before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
“Until you decide that you actually give a shit about us, I’m done. When you’re ready to be an adult and tell your brother about us, maybe I’ll still be waiting.”
“What?”
I didn’t let her get another word in and stormed out.
I wasn’t sure giving her an ultimatum was the best course of action, but something had to happen. We couldn’t keep going in circles with this argument. I couldn’t stand that every single day, I looked her brother in the eyes and lied to him.
I ordered another car and waited impatiently in the frosty November night for it to take me back to Old City. I didn’t feel good about what happened. Not one bit. I didn’t want to break up, but what was the solution? If she didn’t want to tell her brother, there wasn’t a point in continuing this relationship. That didn’t stop the way my heart felt like a heavy lump in my chest.
After what felt like forever, a car pulled up, and I got inside. I was pensive on the drive back to Noah and Dinah’s. By the time I got back, I went into the basement, through the garage, and stomped into my bedroom.
I flopped down on my bed, and I looked up at the ceiling.
I made a mistake, but I couldn’t take it back now.
No matter how much my brain told my heart we did the right thing, my heart felt like it had been split in two. If she loved me, she’d come to her senses. And if she didn’t, then it was better we ended it here.