24. Micah
MICAH
Why do all fifth graders get recorders for the Christmas program? Literally, why? I wonder this every year, but this year the constant squeaking is making me want to peel my skin off as I try to tune my guitar for the Christmas concert.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve talked to Robin. I am trying to move on and stay away like she said, but it’s impossible. One minute you have the woman of your dreams, and you have to pinch yourself, the next she leaves you in a parking lot.
I couldn’t even blame her. I would have done the same thing. Part of what I love so much about her is her strength, so of course she wouldn’t put up with what I did.
Why was I such a coward?
“Mr. Nottingham!” I heard a voice yell.
I look up and see one of my students calling me from a few seats away.
“I’ve been trying to get your attention. Do you know where we’re supposed to go sit?”
“Oh yeah, sorry. Go find your class in the gym. They will bring you into the auditorium when they’re ready.”
I set down my guitar and took a swig from my water bottle.
I really needed to get it together. The auditorium would start filling up with parents who want to chat, and I needed to act like a normal person.
That in itself seemed like a monumental task right now.
It was like Robin stole my heart and my ability to focus and I’ve just been lost in the deep space of sadness.
An old student waved and made their way over to me. It was time to compartmentalize this shit and be the professional I was. I would put on this Santa hat, straighten my periodic table tie and kick this Christmas concert's ass… or something like that.
After a couple hours of off-key Christmas songs and schmoozing over sugar cookies, I was ready to go. Only I saw one family that had lingered at the rest cleared out. Mine. There under the basketball hoop stood my mother and father talking to a few of the other teachers.
Anger flared at the sight.
I made my way over to them. “Excuse me, Denise. Can I steal my parents for a moment?”
“Of course, it was lovely to chat,” Denise said, shaking my father’s hand like she was a local celebrity.
“We’ll see you Sunday,” he said with a small nod.
“Well, that was rude,” said my mother as they trailed behind me.
Once out in the hallway, I turned, “What are you guys doing here?”
“We always come to your school concerts, sweetheart,” my mother said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
“No. You don’t.”
“We’re not doing this here. Come to the house tomorrow for dinner,” my father commanded.
“No.”
“Excuse me? Micah, this had gone on long enough. We will see you at the house.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not sure what you’re not getting? I’m not coming. Not until you’re interested in looking into the harm this church has caused and what you are going to do to make it right.”
“Micah,” my mother whispered harshly. “Keep your voice down.”
“No. You’re the ones who showed up at my place of employment. I will talk to you how I see fit.”
“What has gotten into you? Is this about the girl from Thanksgiving?” my father asked.
“Don’t put this on her. This is about me. I should have done this a long time ago.”
I took a deep breath and looked my parents square in the face. “I will not be returning to church. Ever. Whether I return to this family is up to you. We need to have a real conversation without pretense. We need to figure out how it looks if I’m not a part of the church.”
My father’s brow drew together as he took me in. “The church is our family. You can’t separate the two.”
“Well… then I guess you have your answer.”
“Honey, let’s just go. Give him some space,” my mother said as she pulled him out the door.
The cold of the tile wall steadied me as I leaned against it. Just a few short months ago that conversation would have been impossible. I was a braver man because of Robin, too bad it was too late.
“Is everything okay?”
I turned to see Jess standing next to me. She is the last person I wanted to talk to.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just taking a breather.”
“It was nice to see your parents here. It is always weird to see your dad out in public. It’s like when you see the local news anchor at the pharmacy.”
“He’s just a man,” I say as I start making my way down the hall. She doesn’t take the hint and keeps following me.
“Are you still seeing Robin?”
I stop and turn to her, “That is none of your business.”
“Ahhh, I see,” she said as she followed me down the hall. “You got Robin-ed.”
I turn back on her; irritation flared in my voice. “What is that supposed to mean?”
She put her hands up, “I’m just saying this is what she does. Let me guess, you did something she thinks is wrong and just like that she cuts you out of her life. She won’t even hear you out, just decided it’s over.”
I shook my head, trying to get a hold on the anger pulsing through me. This was not the place to unleash it no matter how much I wanted to. “I know what you did, Jess. I know the pain you caused her and your supposed friend. So don’t talk to me like you’re some great victim.”
Her mouth dropped. “She told you?”
“Yeah, she did. And not that it’s any of your business who I am seeing or why we’re no longer seeing each other, Robin did nothing wrong.”
“Okay,” she shrugged. “I’m sorry, I just thought I might understand.”
“Well, you don’t. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go.”
I turned and made my way down the hallway to my classroom.
“I’ll see you at church,” she called behind me.
“No, you won’t.”
I made it into my classroom before collapsing into my chair, burying my face in my hands on the desk. When was this going to get easier? I took a deep breath. This was my own fault. If I was going to be a bigger man, a strong man, I needed to put in the work.
After another fortifying breath I head back into the gym to find the risers already taken down and the custodian cleaning up the last of the chairs. I grabbed my guitar and headed to my car.
“Merry Christmas!” the custodian called out as I walked past.
“Merry Christmas to you too.”
The cold air hit me in the face as I entered the parking lot. Winter had definitely come to Briar Glenn sometime over the past two weeks. It was fitting. I got in my car and started the engine. Pearl Jam came on as Black filled my car.
Have I been listening to my bad day playlist on repeat? Yes, yes, I had. It'd been bad day after bad day lately.
Then I saw a flash of red hair under a hat bundled in a coat making her way down the sidewalk. She looked familiar.
I got out of the car and I was right. “Ariel!” I called.
She turned and grinned at me. “Hey, Micah! Long time no see!”
“Where are you going? It’s freezing out.”
“I’m just headed back to Lantern House.”
“Do you want a ride?”
“Are you serious?” she said jogging over. “I would love a ride.”
She made her way to the passenger side and got in. Pearl Jam was blaring, but I turned it down.
“I had to walk to the rink today for my shift. The van the shelter uses sometimes has a flat. I couldn’t fix it.”
“I can fix a flat.”
“Can you? That would be amazing. I mean I’m sure someone there can, but everyone has been so busy.”
“No, I would love to do it.”
“Well, if you would love to do it, who am I to stop you?”
When we pulled up to Lantern house the lights were on and it looked warm and inviting.
“Thanks for the ride! Ohio is so much colder than California.”
“I didn’t know you were from California.”
“Yep, I grew up around Berkley, but Briar Glenn is home,” she said with her signature grin.
“Is that the van?” I said looking over at the fifteen-passenger van with a flat in the driveway.
“Yep.”
“I’ll stop by tomorrow and fix it.”
“You’re the best! See you around!”
And just like that she hopped up the stairs and disappeared into the house.
The next day when the sun was up, I returned and knocked on the door. The van was still sitting there in the drive with a flat. After a moment, an older woman with gray hair pulled back in a loose braid and wrinkles bracketing her kind eyes answered the doors.
“How can I help you?”
“Hi, I’m Micah Nottingham.” I reached my hand out and shook hers. “I brought Ariel home last night and she told me your van has a flat. I would love to change it and get it all fixed up for you.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary.”
“Please. I would really like to help you out.”
The woman took a beat before she shrugged. “Yeah, that would be really helpful. I’m Maggie.”
“It’s nice to meet you.”
“There are tools in the garage, let me get them for you.”
Next thing I knew I was jacking up the van and getting the flat off. For the first time in weeks, I felt useful, like I wasn’t just surviving. I needed to find more things to do to make amends. This wasn’t for Robin as much as it was for me.
The next day I headed over to Nate’s for our weekly game. I missed the last two Sundays. Too busy moping around my house, but it was time for me to get back to things. After standing up to my parents at the concert and helping out at Lantern House I was ready to join the land of the living again.
As I walked into Nate and Jordan’s house, Maya was already at the table setting up. “Hey! Welcome back! Nate tried to kill off your character, but I wouldn’t let him.”
“Thanks,” I said, dropping my bag next to my usual seat.
“Well, look who finally decided to join us,” Nate said.
I knew this was coming. The price of blowing off your friends was getting shit but then support. I deserved this too.
“I know, I’m sorry man. I was just going through some stuff.”
“Welcome back,” he said before pulling me into a hug. “Now, let’s get down to killing some stuff.”
We all got out our dice and started the game.
After a while I got up and went into the kitchen for a drink. Jordan was in there fixing some snacks.
“Hey Micah. How you holdin’ up?” The pathetic tone in his voice set me on edge, but I had just been MIA for a few weeks, so I guess it was warranted.
Lie or honest, that was the only choice now. Surprisingly I went for honesty, a new choice for me really.
“It’s been rough, but I’m doing better.”