Chapter 35
Calvin
Iam dragged into a conversation with Christopher and Kenneth as they try, for the millionth time, to convince me to work for them. Kenneth is moving into a senior leadership role since Britney wants no part in actually running the company. While Christopher remains a silent partner, he has teamed up with Kenneth for a repeat of a conversation we’ve already had before.
“I told you, I’m happy where I am,” I say, keeping my tone as calm as possible, even though I am itching to get out of this conversation.
“I’ll double your salary!” Kenneth says, slamming his glass down on the table spilling some of its contents, “Hell, I’ll triple it.”
A drunk Kenneth will throw money at whatever he can.
“How can you turn that down?” Christopher asks, his tone disapproving.
I place a hand on Kenneth’s shoulder, “Ken, thank you, but I’m good.” Giving his shoulder a squeeze, I stand up out of my chair, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and find my girl.”
Christopher mutters something under his breath as he brings this glass to his lips. I don’t pay attention to him. While I would usually stick around and reinforce a positive view of me to him in an effort to seek his validation, right now I can’t be bothered.
I am more interested in finding Nikita since I haven’t been able to think of anything else but her lips since we kissed.
I have every intention of doing it again, but when I return to where I left her, she is nowhere to be seen. I turn towards the exit, but am stopped by a hand wrapping around my wrist.
I turn to find it is Violet, “Calvin, I need to speak to you.”
“Now’s not a good time, Vi.” I try to sidestep her but she follows my lead and steps in front of me.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m looking for Nikita, have you seen her?”
“No,” she mutters, hostility coating that one word.
I wait for that guilty feeling to appear in my stomach, the one that prompts me to do what I can to rectify this situation. Violet clearly has something she wants to say, but there’s nothing.
She isn’t the one on my mind right now.
“Okay,” is all I say before I head towards the exit since she is nowhere inside the venue. There’s something freeing about putting myself first. I spent years molding myself into what I thought people would want - what I thought Violet would want - and where did that get me?
She still left me.
And I was left with no idea of who I truly was. I am getting tired of playing the role they cast me in.
I move to dial Nikita’s number as I walk on the wooden pathway leading to the beach. When I look in the direction of the ocean, the moonlight against the water allows for enough light to catch a flicker of Nikita’s orange dress.
It doesn’t take me long to reach her. She stands by the water, her heels in her hand. The only movement coming from her is her hair and dress blowing in the wind. The evening sky’s glow glistens on the water in front of her.
“Hi,” she says without looking in my direction.
“Hey.”
Silence.
We stand side by side, taking in the view. I’m not sure how to approach this when all I want to do is grab her and kiss her, but I stay put. The ramifications of what we did slowly seeps into our reality. Besides the fact that Jay will kill me, there are a hundred different reasons why this is a bad idea.
And all I need is someone to tell me otherwise because my self-control is paper thin right now.
“We should probably talk about what happened.” She stops the strands of hair that are escaping from behind her ear thanks to the wind as she looks over at me.
“You mean when you kissed me?” I opt for a light-hearted approach to this conversation. If I play my cards right, I will get to see that smile of hers again.
“Me? You kissed me first.”
I definitely kissed her first, but how could I not? Even looking at her now, there is something about her that lures me in, wanting to disappear into the abyss that is Nikita Da Silva.
“Maybe I did.”
Her eyes narrow playfully, a smile on her lips, “You did.”
Silence settles around us along with a fresh wave of tension and there is no shaking the memory of what she tastes like or the feeling of her body in my hands. I turn my body to face hers and she mirrors my movements. I step forward, closing the space between us but still not touching her. It pains me to have to be careful right now. I can’t think straight around her.
“What are the rules on doing it again?” Her voice comes out small, but full of intention. Her eyes dip before reaching up to mine, looking up at me from behind her long lashes.
“What does that matter? I don’t think either of us is good at following the rules.”
“You usually are.”
“Not when it comes to you.”
My words take both of us by surprise, but it’s the truth. Everything I think I know or want, she has me thinking otherwise. Whatever I promised myself I will not do becomes void.
“Kissing is something you would do with your girlfriend, so I don’t think this strays too far from our original arrangement.”
Wait, what?
Disappointment turns hard in my stomach. “The arrangement?” I pause for a moment, hating that she has said that, “Right.”
“That’s why you kissed me… isn’t it?” She asks, revealing that there is a flicker of something in her voice. Something resembling hope.
This is an opportunity for me to tell her straight - no, Nikita, I didn’t kiss you because of the arrangement. I kissed you because I wanted to. I still want to. I don’t want to stop kissing you if I don’t have to because nothing has ever tasted as sweet as you.
But that would be a bad idea.
Nikita and I would be a disaster waiting to happen.
Or the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Before I can stop myself, my mouth runs off with the truth.
“What if I said no?” My voice is low and I can’t stop my eyes from dropping to her lips. I hear a soft gasp, her lips slightly parting as she tries to keep her eyes on mine, but they constantly drop to my lips.
“I’m not sure how smart that would be,” she murmurs.
My hand lifts, caressing her cheek before my fingers move into her hair, “Since when are you the one to think things through?”
“One of us has to.” Her eyes move to meet mine, “Because this would be a bad idea.”
“Indeed.” I don’t move from her - instead I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck, guiding her closer to me. “Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it though.”
She doesn’t fight me. Instead, she allows herself to be guided closer to me, “You just want to kiss me again.”
“As much as you want to kiss me.” My voice is a whisper on her lips as they brush up lightly against them, waiting to see if she will stop me.
She doesn’t.
Her lips part, tilting her chin upwards giving me more access to her, and making my groin throb in response.
“Maybe you’re right.”
And with that, I reach for her.