Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TYLER
“Where is it?” I grumble to myself while digging through my closet, trying to find my guitar case. It’s got to be in here somewhere. I’ve already checked under my bed and the small cupboard in the wall, so the only other place it can be is in here.
After a few minutes of cursing under my breath at how messy it is, I find the case wedged behind a suitcase, but the moment I pull it free, several pieces of clothing fall from the hangers, and I let out a low groan.
Damn, I really need to start thinking about packing soon.
There are only ten days before graduation, and I haven’t done a single thing to prepare for what comes after.
I haven’t even booked my flight because, in all honesty, I’m avoiding it.
Every time I think about heading back home to Arizona, it’s like my stomach turns to lead.
I’m overcome with nausea burning my throat, and I get this tight feeling in my chest that makes it hard to breathe.
I know I need to have a difficult conversation with my dad when I get back, and I have a feeling in my gut that says it’s not going to go well.
He doesn’t believe in the studies that have proven working remotely increases productivity and mental well-being, so I doubt he will agree to any form of arrangement that sees me moving outside of Arizona.
He likes to be in control. Have everyone around him where he can see them.
But if Colby’s taught me anything over the last couple of months we’ve been getting closer, it’s that I’m the only one who can change the direction of my future.
I don’t want to live the rest of my life under my father’s thumb.
But I wouldn’t be surprised if my decision causes friction between us or triggers an argument so big our relationship is beyond repair, but if I don’t try, I’ll only live to constantly wonder what if, and I don’t want to get to eighty and regret not putting myself first.
Colby’s worth it, and selfishly, so am I.
Since the night at the park, I’ve tried to see Colby every day. Sometimes it’s at his, and other times I pick him up, and we go for a drive until we find an abandoned parking lot where we make out on the back seat and make each other come with our hands or our mouths.
Tonight, however, I’m spending the night with him, and I figured it would be the perfect time to play for him.
I haven’t played in front of someone since I left high school, but since Colby fired that question at me the other day, I haven’t been able to think about anything else.
Aside from him, of course. Colby takes up most of my conscious thoughts when I’m not elbow-deep in textbooks or writing papers.
Stepping over the fresh mountain of clothes on the floor, I shove some clothes and toiletries into my backpack and zip my guitar into the case before heading downstairs, leaving the mess of my closet to worry about tomorrow.
I find my housemates sitting in the living room, watching a playoff hockey game on TV, when I walk past the open door.
“Yo! Becksy, where are you going?” Eric calls out.
I take a few steps back until I can peer around the doorframe and try to keep my face neutral to avoid any awkward questions. “Out.”
“Obviously.” He rolls his eyes. “But where? You’ve gotta be going somewhere if you’re taking your guitar with you.”
“Who are you? My mom?” I snark, trying to keep my tone light and playful, but I can feel the heat crawling up my neck as I catch Liam watching me, his eyebrows pinched in a frown. “I’m taking it over to a friend’s, who’s going to look at something for me. It hasn’t been sounding right for a while.”
“Fair,” Batesy replies, taking a sip of his beer.
“Didn’t realize I had to get my plans approved by the housemate committee,” I grumble, and as I’m about to walk away, Colby’s face appears on the TV during intermission. One of the show hosts is talking about the upcoming draft.
“Ha! Look who it is. Whilton U’s superstar,” Ritchie quips, pointing at the screen.
“Do you think McKay will end up being first overall?” Eric asks.
“Oh, yeah. I’d bet my left nut he’ll be first,” Liam adds with zero hesitation. “Kid has got killer talent.”
My lips curl at Liam’s choice of words. Colby is far from being a kid.
“Do you not think the whole thing with McKay is a bit… overhyped? I mean, yeah, he’s good, but is he really that good? Plus, he barely speaks. Like, how can you be the face of a franchise when you have the personality of a doorstop,” Ritchie snorts mockingly. “I don’t get it, man.”
My hands clench into fists at my sides, teeth grinding as I resist the urge to walk in there and make him shut up.
“You ever thought that maybe he didn’t want to speak to your boring ass?” I snap.
His head whips around to where I’m still standing in the doorway to the living room, glaring at him like I wish I could make him disappear into a puff of smoke.
His mouth opens and closes a few times, like a fish breaking the surface, but I don’t give him the chance to respond. I turn on my heels and head toward the door.
I’m so fucking angry my hands are shaking as I reach for the door handle.
“Tyler, wait,” Liam calls, the sound of his feet loud against the wooden floor of the hallway.
I pause with my hand on the door handle and turn to face him. “What’s up?”
Liam stands in front of me, eyes searching my face, seeming to think carefully through his next words.
“Is there something you wanna talk about?” he finally asks, keeping his voice low so the others can’t hear in the other room.
My spine stiffens, heart dropping into my gut like a block of iron.
I’ve had a hunch for a while that Liam has clocked on that I have feelings for Colby.
He’s not as dumb as he acts, but there’s no way I will ever tell him, because that means exposing Colby’s secret, and I’d never betray Colby’s trust. No matter how much I know Liam is a good guy and would only have Colby’s best interests at heart.
“Like what?” I ask, trying to act oblivious.
His gaze drifts to the ceiling as he rubs a hand over his face.
“I’m just worried about you… I’ve noticed you and McKay have been spending a lot of time together. I’m worried that you’re getting yourself into something that’s just gonna end up with you getting hurt.”
And there it is. My closest friend here at Whilton U can see through me like a pane of glass. It pains me to have to lie to him, but I have to.
“We’re just friends,” I say, the words leaving my lips in a reflex, the lie tasting bitter on my tongue.
“I’ve been in that position before, dude, having feelings for someone who will never return them.” He gives me a sad smile, pity gleaming in his eyes. “It can fucking break you, bro. I don’t want to see you get your heart broken, that’s all.”
“I won’t, because there’s nothing going on. We’re just friends,” I repeat with a slight bite in my tone.
Liam’s silent as his eyes bounce between mine. A long minute passes before he lets out a sigh and holds his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll take your word for it.”
I give an incline of my head in thanks.
“You know I’m here for you, right? I like McKay. He’s a good guy, but you’re one of my best friends, and I’ll always have your back.”
Acid claws its way up my throat, leaving a path of fire in its wake, chest aching in a way that has tears pricking the back of my eyes.
I hate lying to him. He’s been one of my closest friends since freshman year, and we’ve gone through so much together, but this? This isn’t something he can know. Not now, maybe not ever.
Needing to get out of this house, I clap a hand on Liam’s shoulder and give it a squeeze, offering what I hope is a reassuring smile.
“I appreciate it, but there’s nothing to worry about.” I let my hand fall to my side and take a step toward the door again. “I’ve gotta go. My buddy will be waiting for me.”
Liam tips his chin in a nod, but he doesn’t return to the living room. He follows me outside and stands on the porch, watching as I put my guitar in the back of my car and reverse down the driveway. His concerned frown is still visible in my rearview mirror as I head down the road.
Fuck, this is a mess.
The dark, moody cloud follows me as I head over to Colby’s and park my car further down the block. I’m sure no one will see my car parked outside and instantly know I’m visiting Colby, but Liam’s words linger in my mind like a shadow.
I’ve tried so fucking hard to keep my cards close to my chest when it comes to my feelings for Colby.
Sure, we’ve sat next to each other on the bus and shared a hotel room on the road, but when we’re around the facility, we’re separate. I force myself not to look at him in the locker room, afraid someone will catch a glint in my eye at how fucking gorgeous he is.
I’ve tried to do everything I can to protect him, to protect us, and I’m worried I’m fucking it all up.
I fire off a text to Colby as I take the steps up to his building to let him know I’m outside, then press the call button. The buzzer comes seconds later, and the loud click of the door unlocking eases some of the tension in my neck.
Pushing open the door, I make my way up to the second floor. I raise my hand to knock on his door, but the sound of another door opening behind me has my hand freezing in the air. I turn around and see the pink-haired pixie from the party.
She stomps over and stands in front of me. She’s at least a foot shorter than me, and the way she’s glaring up at me could break a man in half.
“Hey, you must be Stassie,” I say, plastering on my most charming smile, and hold out my hand.
She looks at it with a sneer before her narrowed eyes drift back up to me.
“Tyler Beckmann,” she starts, crossing her tattooed arms over her chest. “I need to have a word with you.”
My nerves spike, and I give a small shrug. “Sure.”
Her eyes dart around, maybe to check if we’re alone, and then she focuses on me again, her voice quiet so it doesn’t carry up the stairwell.