23. Crack In Our Souls #3
I find myself in Owen Deacon’s office, and my gut tightens. When I flip on the lights, memories flood me in a way that steals the oxygen in my lungs.
The entire room is dark stained wood from the flooring under my old worn flip flops to the box trimmed ceiling.
Bookcases flank me on two walls. The bar cart even sits in the same corner it always did, but today there is no liquor.
Instead, bottles of mineral water are stacked in neat lines next to an ice bucket and a single crystal glass.
It's amazing how things can be so different, and yet, so little has changed.
The rising moon barely lights the back of the property. When I turn to the bookcases, gone are the golf trophies and pictures of Owen Deacon with every politician and powerhouse between here and Washington D.C.
The shelves are filled with everything Payne.
Diplomas.
Pictures from college.
Law books. So many law books, it makes my head hurt but it also doesn’t surprise me. Payne is the most intelligent person I know.
Pictures of Payne and Dean hiking, fishing, and another where they’re both sweaty and exhausted with numbered tags pinned to their shirts. The background is the finish line of the Boston Marathon.
I run my fingers along the edge of the polished bookcase when I see it.
I freeze.
Behind more accolades and honors, is a small frame tucked in the very back. Emotion rushes through my veins and tears instantly prick my eyes.
It’s a towheaded little girl in worn, stained clothing, and a brown-haired boy who looks like he was dressed by Ralph Lauren himself.
Her blue eyes squint in the bright day, and his defy the color wheel as light brown tends to do in the sun.
These two tiny humans have no clue what’s ahead of them.
We were in the gardens beyond the very window where I’m currently standing.
Our lips are stained red from popsicles.
We look like a duo that could never be broken—arms draped around each other’s necks and laughing at who knows what.
“Sadie took that.”
I jump and spin when his deep voice fills the silent space. Payne stands at the entrance, arms crossed, with a shoulder to the doorjamb. I’m boxed in, but this time I feel nothing but peace.
I hold the precious picture to my chest. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to watch you go through the desk drawers.”
My expression falls. “I did no such thing.”
He smirks and walks the rest of the way into the room.
“I’m just giving you shit. You can go through whatever you want.
You’ll find ridiculously boring financial market research and recent legal journals so I can at least stay current.
You know, light reading that will put you to sleep unless you’re crazy like me and love that shit. ”
“Still as smart as ever.”
He lifts his chin and motions to the picture frame pressed to my heart. “I remember that day. Hotter than hell. My parents were away, probably trying to wine and dine the scum of the earth. When Sadie was in charge, we could do whatever we wanted.”
I smile at the memory but feel the need to correct him. “We always did what we wanted, but when your parents were gone, we didn’t have to sneak around to do it.”
“True. You taught me everything when it came to that.”
“You can thank me for not living a boring and depressing life.” I look down at the picture. “I had an entire box dedicated to us in my closet at Grandma’s house. It’s gone. Every picture and memento ... gone forever.”
Payne rests his fine ass on the edge of the desk. “I’m no chick. I don’t have a box, but I never threw away a thing you gave me. Though I do admit to packing it up and shoving it into a corner in a closet. You can have anything you want.”
I look up and swallow over the boulder in my throat. “Thank you.”
He pauses a beat before he lowers his voice. “I’ll give you anything, baby. Everything.”
I don’t let the picture go and turn, taking another, closer look around the room for the simple fact I can’t look him in the eyes. “I know you will, even though I don’t deserve it. The last thing I ever wanted in life was to hurt you.”
The air in the room turns stagnant and thick. I hear him move before I feel him. His arms wrap around me from behind and his wide chest warms my back. I had no idea how cold I was.
When a shiver runs down my spine, his hold on me tightens. “It’s been over a decade, Ruby. Let’s move on.”
“No. We can’t move on with this between us.
” The tears spill down my cheeks—not for me, but for him.
“I can’t go another moment without telling you.
” I pull away enough to turn in his arms. My sweaty fingers grip the picture of how we used to be.
Right now, it’s the lifeline I need. “I don’t want anything between us.
Not one secret or one painful crack in our souls.
You can say it doesn’t matter, but it does. You have to know.”
Payne doesn’t hesitate. His hands frame my face as he looks deep into my eyes. “Nothing you say will change anything.”
He’s right, and I’m grateful because I need him now more than ever.
Still.
He needs to know...