31. Chapter 31
Fitz
E very step toward my parents’ chambers drove my anxiety higher. I didn’t have a plan. At least, not a fully formed one. I only knew that what Sadie had described so closely resembled the future I hoped to have for my kingdom, that I was willing to seek it out at any cost. Even if that cost was irrationally upsetting my mother.
Bishop stayed close, uncharacteristically quiet. I never knew if he was going to be on my side or if, at the last moment, he would stab me in the back in order to get what he wanted. But Mother was fond of him and if his presence would tip the scales in my direction, then it was worth the risk.
Anastacia, Mother’s lady’s maid, spotted me before I made it over the threshold and stepped forward to stop me.
“Begging pardon, Your Highness.” She dropped her head forward but quickly rose again, eager to deliver her message. “The king has fallen ill. He’s not taking visitors today.”
My heart clenched. Every time this happened, I was left wondering if this was it. I hadn’t spent nearly enough time with him. In reality, I was stuck in denial, unwilling to face the fact that in a matter of weeks, he could be gone.
I shoved those worries aside for the sake of the country. “I’m actually looking for Her Majesty.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” She cast a quick glance at Bishop, who had the audacity to grin like we were meeting in a pub, not at my father’s possible death bed. As Anastacia hurried to deliver my message, I elbowed Bishop.
“Have a little decorum, yes?”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” he assured me. “She’s rather fetching.”
The doors to my parents’ bedroom opened. With the storm still raging outside, only pale light filtered in to illuminate the immediate space. Father lay in bed, pale and ghostly. The Craboon Blackwing sat on a perch near him, and yet he hadn’t recovered. I inhaled slowly, feeling the depths of my grief as it approached, a robber in the night, ready to strike at the worst possible moment.
With a few words, Anastacia delivered my message. Mother glanced toward the open doors, locked eyes with me, and rose. Her black skirts rushed behind her as she moved, not showing the slightest weakness despite her advancing years. As she crossed the threshold, Anastacia pulled the doors shut behind her, cutting off my view of my father.
I didn’t wait for her to ask. All thoughts of the ball were quickly abandoned in light of Father’s downturn.
“How is he?”
With her arm, she guided us away from the bedroom doors into my father’s study, walls lined with dark wood and old books. “He’s tired. He was feeling strong this morning, but it faded quickly as the afternoon arrived. The doctors still don’t know what to do. The bird hasn’t done anything to help him, and I fear my faith is failing me.” Her palm pressed against her forehead as though she had to hold her mind together. Fully exasperated, she asked, “What do you need, Leonidas?”
This was a fool’s errand. Compared to what they were facing, a ball was the least important concern for the country. I’d made a mistake, and the best possible course of action was to abandon it immediately. I started to open my mouth to apologize, but Sadie’s face drifted into my mind. Sweet and innocent, void of guile and eager to mend the matters of the kingdom. I had a chance to set us on a better path. Wasn’t it my duty to do so even if it meant upsetting the natural course of things?
“I’d like to start taking on more of my duties.” Every time I stood in her presence, I felt like a child. I squared my shoulders, determined to be the man I knew I was.
“Is that so?” Slightly dubious, she glanced at Bishop. “And I suppose you are here to lend a hand?”
“Help or hinder, it’s all undecided at this point.” Bishop shrugged. “I prefer to keep my options open.”
I didn’t have the energy for him to derail me this early. “The Christmas Eve Ball, Mother, I have ideas.”
“For next year…” Her eyebrows rose as if to tell me that was the only appropriate answer. “This year is planned. It’s too close to—“
“I’m meant to become king, yes?” The fire of my future kindled in my bones. If she thought she would rule through me, she was mistaken. I had no plans to be her puppet on the throne. “And you’re worried I’m not up to the task, so this would be a worthy opportunity to showcase that I am.”
She laughed lightly, but each shake of her shoulders weighed with frustration. “What changes?” She spoke to me as if I were a child. “The food? The dancing?”
I shot a glance at Bishop, hoping for some sense of encouragement, but he merely shrugged as if I was on my own.
“All of it,” I admitted. “I want to invite the whole kingdom.”
“You must be joking.” She looked to Bishop but received the same noncommittal response. At least he was consistent.
“I assure you, I’m not. This country is divided.” I motioned toward the small window in the corner as if to remind her what waited outside. “You have to have seen that in recent weeks. We are headed for a civil war, Mother.”
My words were no more than gnats buzzing around her head. With pursed lips, she brushed them off. “There has always been infighting. This isn’t the time to give into a few words of disdain—“
“Disdain, Mother?” Pressure swelled in my chest, angry with how flippantly she could disregard everything I’d been dealing with since the competition had begun. “A corpse before you’re ever a king. Those were her words, Mother. Or did you miss it? I heard it replayed eight times last week in case anyone had missed the threat on my life and this monarchy. She said that civil war was imminent and our bloodline is marked for death. Tell me how that is simply disdain.”
“What is the matter, Leonidas?” She ignored my point entirely. “You’re ignoring your parents’ wishes, sending away those we have chosen for you, and the hospital? Honestly. What if you’d caught something? It’s hardly the place for the future king.”
“They’re my people.” I felt the ground shifting beneath me as though her words had the power to reduce me to nothing. But I wouldn’t allow it. “Places like that are where a king absolutely should be.”
She turned away, frustrated. “You haven’t thought any of this through. You’re acting impulsively.”
“Not at all.” I stopped myself, knowing she was right. Changing the ball days before it was supposed to take place was absolutely impulsive but I didn’t care. “Even if I am, I have Lady Sadira to assist me. She’s helped to create similar gatherings in her province.”
“Lady Sadira?” Mother whirled back, a faint expression of horror etched on her face. “You mean Sadie from Eshein Province? The raffle winner?”
I bristled at her reaction, immediately protective of Sadie. “That may be who she is and how she got here, but that is not how I see her.” My words and conviction surprised me. Did I really feel that strongly about her?
“What then, Leonidas? Where will you put the whole kingdom? They won’t fit in the palace ballroom. We’re at capacity with the lords and ladies and visiting dignitaries.” She crossed her arms over her chest, challenging me to disprove her.
“Then we’ll move it outside into the square. It will be a boon to the shopkeepers in town. We’ll even set up the maypole in the heart of the city.” I swallowed my nerves, knowing it was all on a wing and prayer.
“The maypole? It’s pouring outside. Do you hear yourself, Son?” She stared as though I’d lost my mind. Setting her jaw, she went at me from another angle. “And how will you handle security in the square?”
“We have security, don’t we?” I frowned deeply at her assumption that we would be in more danger in the heart of our people. “And must you assume the worst of your subjects, Mother?”
She scoffed. “Weren’t you the one who quoted the threat against us verbatim?”
“Yes,” she had me there, “but I trust my team to keep me safe. Perhaps this celebration the olive branch we need to unite our people.”
Done with me, she turned to Bishop. “Do you hear him? Can you talk any sense into him?”
Bishop’s smile spread easily, as though this whole conversation was a movie and all he needed was popcorn to enjoy it a little more.
“Not likely, Auntie.” Bishop shrugged. “Besides, he may have a point. And hey, if they off him in the process, you and I can have it out to see who will take the throne.”
What was he talking about? I shot him a dirty look. “A lot of help you are. Surprised you aren’t leading the rebellion at this point.”
“Always looking out for number one, Cousin.” He opened his palms as if to proclaim his innocence. “At least I’m dependable that way.”
Mother’s hands called for our silence. “Fine. You children think you can pull this off, so be it. But I won’t be there to witness the calamity.”
With a rustle from her skirts, she rushed from the room, leaving us to stare after her. My thoughts turned inward, worried I’d mucked it all up.
“See?” Bishop nudged me. “Told you I’d help.”
Michaela
I waited until late, hoping Fitz would find some way to reach me. Finally, around midnight, I took matters into my own hands. Using the passageway, I made the trip quickly, small flashlight in hand. I knew he’d probably fallen asleep, perhaps on the couch while watching his fire burn. Was it bad to hope that maybe I could curl into his arms for a little while and breathe in some comfort? I wouldn’t stay, but I needed to understand where we stood after everything that had happened. We could be friends, but somehow, I didn’t even feel that as securely as I used to.
The outer wall pushed back easily as I arrived at the far end of the tunnel. I cut the light on my flashlight in case he wasn’t alone. Warmth curled into the chill of the passageway. Evidence that he was still awake enough to stoke the fire. My heart quickened at the thought of seeing him. He’d gotten busy and probably didn’t want to wake me. That was the only reason he hadn’t sent me a note. At least that was the story I kept telling myself so I would feel better about his absence.
Rain pelted the windows, angry and insistent. The storm hadn’t let up for days. When she wasn’t complaining about missing the prince, Gwen had spent most of the day educating everyone on the overabundance of rain and lack of snow. I felt like I’d gotten a crash course in Nolcovian agricultural needs.
“But what if we put this here?” His voice spoke easily. “I think it would work for the flow of traffic, don’t you?”
Was he on the phone? In a meeting? Who would be up this late? Carefully, I crept through the entry into the darkness of his room. Like before, the light of the fire flickered over the carpet, creating a dance of flames that drew me forward, too curious for my own good.
“You’re right, but if we have the corn vendors here, then the firebreathers will simply be making popcorn and all the chocolates will be ruined at the confectionary.” Sadie’s voice surprised me. Why was she in his room?
“And that’s why I need you, Sadira. Because you are the brains of this operation.“ Adoration seeped into every word. That was new. What had happened on their date? “But then, you’re also the beauty as well.”
I couldn’t help myself. I had to know. I had to see.
“Your Highness, you flatter me too much. I’m a plain girl from the poorest province and—“
“And I don’t care,” Fitz cut her off. “Truth be told, I’m smitten by you, Sadira.”
With my final step, they came into view. Seated on the couch, he cradled her face in his hand as it slipped over her ear and threaded into her hair. Tilting forward, his lips brushed hers.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t think.
He deepened the kiss, drawing her closer with every passing second. She gave in easily, leaning into him as if he was her refuge.
My heart sank and shattered on impact. I reversed my steps, desperate to escape. The chill of the passageway cooled my hot cheeks as I stepped inside and latched the doorway. I pressed forward, needing space, but my feet faltered in the dark without my flashlight’s beam. My palms smacked against the walls, grating hard on the ancient stone. Breathing deeply, I paused, knowing I couldn’t outrun it any longer. Palm over my mouth, I smothered the sob before it burst from my chest.
It was stupid. What drove me to tears? This was why I’d come. I was supposed to help him find love and find it with the right person. Was there anyone better than Sadie?
There in the dark, without the world watching, with not even a reflection to give me away, I faced the truth.
Yes, there was someone better than Sadie.
Me.
And it looked like I’d missed my shot with him.
He was falling in love with someone else.