Chapter 36 So Mr DeLuca Has Finally Admitted He Has Feelings
SO MR DELUCA HAS FINALLY ADMITTED HE HAS FEELINGS
LILY
Early the next evening, my mind is still reeling from the events of last night. Having Sebastian flat out admit that he has feelings for me and that’s why he’s kept me at arms length for so long was not what I was expecting.
Despite the kiss we shared years ago, I never thought he felt anything more for me than friendship.
I’d always assumed he was just emotional and had been confused about the idea of me marrying Joseph.
That things in our lives would change. Even once he agreed to help me explore, I truly believed it would only be my feelings getting in the way, not his.
In Annika’s suite, I cling to a glass of wine as I lay it all out, giving her and Imogen the details of what happened last night. I’ve already thrown back two glasses, while she and Imogen are still on their first.
“Yeah, Imogen mentioned she’d found him brooding, but she didn’t give me any details,” Annika says, patting my leg as she sits beside me on the couch, shaking her head as she gives Imogen a mock annoyed glare. “So Mr DeLuca has finally admitted he has feelings. Never thought I’d see the day.”
Imogen just smiles, shaking her head, her own glass of wine barely touched on the table beside her.
I groan, sliding down in my seat. “I’m pretty sure this is just going to make him push me even further away.
I shouldn’t have pushed him into fucking me, but…
I wanted him, dammit! Fucking other people has been amazing, don’t get me wrong.
” I give Imogen a small smile, and she raises her glass towards me, before taking a sip.
“But I needed his cock in the mix, too. And now that I’ve had it…
God… Well, you both know, you’ve fucked that cock plenty of times. ”
Annika grins. “I love that you’re just throwing words like ‘cock’ and ‘fuck’ around so casually now. Throw a ‘cunt’ in there and my work here truly will be done.”
I glower at her. “Not helping here, Annika.”
She shrugs. “So you’ve realised that the man you’ve lusted over for more than half your life actually has some pretty deep feelings for you, too? This doesn’t sound like a problem to me.”
“It’s a problem when the man in question seems to think that having feelings for me means I expect him to become someone he’s not.
I’ve tried telling him repeatedly that I don’t expect anything from him.
I don’t want him to give up sleeping with whoever he wants.
I wouldn’t even expect to always be around when he does it.
But he’s got it in his head that being with me means monogamy. ”
“So… why not show him that you won’t be monogamous, either?”
I pause, studying her for a moment. “What… like, find someone else to sleep with? How would I even do that? I don’t go anywhere.”
She holds a hand to her chest. “Ah, what are we, invisible?”
It takes me a moment to catch on to her meaning. “What, one of you?” I look between them both, thrown by this sudden change in conversation.
Annika shrugs. “Or both of us.”
My mouth suddenly feels very, very dry.
Imogen sets her wine glass back down on the table. “Only if you want to.”
I let out a shaky breath. “What about Cam? I thought the agreement with him was just for Annika and Sebastian when he wasn’t around?”
She smiles softly. “After the other night, I mentioned to him that if you were open to playing again, I’d be up for it, if he was okay. And he agreed. I think he’s getting closer to seeking Sebastian out without me around, and he knew I enjoyed helping you explore your own limits.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “See, that’s what I want with Sebastian! Why can he not see that it is possible for it to be the same for us?”
Annika laughs. “Because you’re only seeing this end of it all.
You should have seen Imogen before I set the wheels in motion for our little night of debauchery a few months ago.
She’d convinced herself that Cam wouldn’t be okay with sharing her.
It took her actually seeing it happen before her eyes to finally believe it. ”
I bite my lip, uncertainty warring within me. “So if I play with you both, Sebastian will see that I’m okay with an open relationship?”
Imogen clears her throat, pulling my attention towards her. “Well, I’d like to hope that isn’t the only reason to play with us. You shouldn’t do anything just to keep him happy.”
I shake my head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like that would be the only reason.”
“So… You want to, then?” Annika asks, shifting forward in her seat slightly.
They both watch me, their anticipation palpable in the air.
I swallow hard, trying to work out how to put my thoughts into words as I look between them both.
“I think… I am definitely interested in exploring that side of myself further. But at the moment… I have so many confused thoughts in my head, mostly because of your boss and the emotional whiplash he’s given me.
I’d hate to rush into something with you ladies unless I know for certain that I’m ready for it.
Emotionally, I mean. I know all of you are capable of keeping sex and emotions separate, and I think I’ll be able to do that eventually as well.
But until I get a grip on whatever the hell this is with Sebastian and I…
I worry I’d be rushing into that experience for the wrong reasons. ”
I look from one to the other, willing them both to understand that it’s only because of my issues that I’m not jumping into bed with them.
“Of course.” Imogen squeezes my knee. “It’s always important not to go into these experiences for the wrong reasons.”
“And we’re all about consent here. Enthusiastic consent,” Annika adds, wiggling her eyebrows as she grins at me. “But just to be clear - I think you’re hot, and the second you’re ready, I’m all in.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Thank you. I think you are both extremely hot as well.”
“Well, duh. Of course we are,” Annika replies, causing me to laugh again. She reaches for the remote, waving it in front of our faces. “So, seeing as we will not be getting down and dirty, who’s up for a chick-flick?”
Imogen rolls her eyes while I send up a silent thanks to the universe for sending me friends like these.
As I stare at the movie Annika has put on, a song comes on that is so reminiscent to how I’m feeling, causing the first little whispers of a routine to begin forming in my mind.
So quiet at first that I don’t quite know what’s happening, but by the time the movie ends, I have this burning need to let the music flow through me.
After Imogen leaves and Annika goes to see a client downstairs, I decide to head for the studio.
It’s rare for me to enter the gym in the evenings, and I stop short when I find a shirtless Sebastian going through his weights routine.
“Oh, sorry. I thought you’d still be in your office,” I say, not quite sure where to look, so I settle for looking at his beautiful face.
Seems safest.
“It’s no problem. Going to do some dancing?” he asks, moving to put the weight plates on the leg press without meeting my gaze.
“Yeah. Just had an idea for a routine pop into my head that I wanted to try.” I make a beeline for the studio and close the door behind me, leaning against it for a moment while I gather my wits.
I hate how weird things are between us. I have seen this man completely naked. I rode his cock last night. And yet, seeing him shirtless in the gym has me blushing once again.
Shaking it off, I busy myself getting the music queued up and going through some stretches. Once I’m warmed up, I shed my shirt, leaving me in a small pair of shorts and my crop top, making it easier to move.
Finding the song on my music app, I turn it on and move to the centre of the room to stand in front of the pole. I’ve been trying to work out how to incorporate it into routines, seeing as it’s right smack in the middle of the space, and this seems like the perfect routine to try it out.
Turning so that my back is to the pole, I reach over my head to grip it and wait a few beats for the song to kick in.
As soon as the lyrics start, I begin to move, rolling my body along the pole and swinging my hair in a series of provocative moves.
With my eyes closed, I let the music dictate my movements, feeling it flow through me.
It’s the first time since I started dancing again that I’ve truly connected with the music like I used to, and tears prick my eyes.
Opening them once again, I move away from the pole and begin using the rest of the space, leaping through the air and throwing my body to the floor as the tempo of the song grows faster, the rock music starting to overtake the slower guitar riff.
By the time the song finishes, I’ve become so lost in the music that I haven’t looked at the mirrors once, just simply allowing myself to let go.
“That was beautiful, Lily,” Sebastian says quietly from the open doorway.
I swing around with a gasp, placing a hand to my chest as my heart hammers away. “Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me.”
He smiles, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
Rubbing my chest, I shake my head. “It’s fine. I got so swept up in the music that I didn’t notice you there.”
He studies me for a moment, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. “Can you show me?”
“Ah… You mean, dance for you?” I ask, my heart thumping erratically for an entirely different reason now.
“Yes. I used to love watching you dance, and that was so similar to how…” he trails off, but I know it’s stirred up memories of our past for him.
We study each other for a moment, and after a few seconds of silence, I pick my phone up from next to the pole and go back to the previous track.
Without meeting Sebastian’s gaze, I move back into position in front of the pole, gripping it above my head once again.
He moves to stand in front of the mirror opposite, watching me intently, and it’s like all the air has been sucked out of the room.
The lyrics start, and I take a breath, finally meeting his gaze as I start to move.
He stands perfectly still, his eyes never leaving mine while I run through the routine again, making changes based on how I feel.
The atmosphere is electric, the unspoken desire between us both thick in the air as he tracks every movement with his gaze, his body never moving an inch.
When I’m done, I’m on my knees in front of him with my head bowed.
Keeping my eyes on the floor, I take a few steadying breaths, attempting to get my emotions under control.
He steps forward and lifts my chin, gazing down at me with so much emotion in his eyes that it takes my breath away.
Dropping to his knees in front of me, he grips the back of my head and crushes his lips to mine.
Taken by surprise, I don’t respond immediately, but once I’ve come to my senses, I wrap my arms around him, allowing him to pull me in close as he kisses me like a man starved.
Rising to his feet, he pulls me up with him before lifting me so that I’m forced to wrap my legs around his waist. Backing me up against the mirror, he grinds his hard cock against my centre.
Neither of us says a word as we devour each other, my moans beginning to fill the room as he pushes me towards orgasm with each thrust against my clit.
Just as I’m about to come, he unhooks my legs, letting my feet hit the floor before spinning me around and taking each of my hands, lifting them above my head to rest against the mirror. Gripping the band of my shorts, he rips them down along with my underwear, kicking them aside swiftly.
“You have consumed me, Lily St Clair,” he grinds out, pushing two fingers inside me from behind.
“All I can think about is how badly I want to fuck you. To make you moan for hours and bury myself deep inside this delicious cunt.” He pumps his hand faster as I moan, watching in the mirror as he brings his other hand around to find my clit.
He takes me right to the edge of orgasm again, and I whimper when he pulls both hands away.
But the disappointment only last a moment, as he reaches into the pocket of his athletic shorts and pulls out a condom.
Breathing heavily, I watch his reflection as he rolls it on, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror.
The hunger in his gaze is unlike any expression I’ve seen from him before, and I swear my heart stops entirely.
The mask of control is completely gone, and in its place is the face of a man who wants me and has absolutely no problem with me knowing it.
He grips my hips, thrusting inside me hard and fast, and the orgasm that had been right there crashes over me.
“See what you do to me? No one has ever made me lose control like this. No one,” he says, setting a punishing pace. “It’s always been you, Lily.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to catch my breath, continuing to fuck me hard and fast. Using me for his pleasure in a way I’d never thought possible from him, and I fucking love it.
With one hand still gripping my hip, his other hand finds my clit again, stroking it expertly until my moans fill the room again.
He pulls me backwards so that my back is pressed against his chest, his arm wrapped around me just under my breasts.
“My fucking kryptonite,” he says, burying his face into my neck and sucking hard as I explode around him, pulling him over the edge with me.
He groans against my neck, his body shuddering as he holds me tight against him.
I have no words, my brain complete mush. But his desperate words float to the surface of my mind.
You’ve consumed me.
No one has ever made me lose control like this.
It’s always been you.
My fucking kryptonite.
And as he slips out of me, refusing to meet my gaze, I know that we’ve just crossed a line that I’m not sure we can turn back from.
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, before moving towards the door.
I stay where I am, my legs just barely holding me up as I rest my hand against the mirror again, and our eyes meet in the reflection.
And neither of us utter a word as he opens the door and leaves the room.