9. Sam #2
“I didn’t give him a choice. Once I knew I was pregnant, it was never an option for me not to have Dylan.
I told Jameson what I decided to do and I felt so guilty for not giving him a say.
Instead, I just changed our lives and didn’t once look back.
I wanted him to have an out, a choice to be part of her life, but he didn’t have to be with me.
” I shrug, even though the weight of those moments rests heavily on me still.
“You guys know I almost went to Minnesota. Jameson was accepted too. He had plans. We had plans, and I changed those plans.”
“I hate to point it out, but Jameson is also responsible for your pregnancy. You both chose to have sex,” Emma says gently, her eyes filled with fierce understanding.
“But Jameson never went to Minnesota,” Riley says quietly, and her words make my heart squeeze painfully.
“He stayed in Crimson Bay. Worked at his dad’s shop and drove every weekend to my aunt’s to spend time with Dylan.
” I finish the thought they’re all thinking.
The truth that kills me a little every time I see him.
I broke us and it didn’t matter in the end because his life plan changed too.
“He put Dylan first. Jameson is a good dad.”
All three girls fall silent, watching me carefully. Isla looks unsure while Riley is contemplative. Emma looks a little pale.
“What?” I ask her, nudging her arm. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
Emma shakes her head. “I’ve just been so hard on him. I thought he chose to leave you like Hawke left me. But Sam, I don’t know. I think if he’s here, maybe it means things aren’t as broken as you think.”
Riley bites her lip, her eyes moving between us. “Has he moved on? Has Jameson dated anyone in the two years you’ve been separated?”
I hate the flare of jealousy that hits my chest. I’ve never asked.
I’ve never wanted to know. I even stopped talking to Braysen and Luca because I was scared they’d mention it.
If I’m honest, I also quit talking to them in case they thought I was just the bitch who broke their best friend’s heart.
“I don’t know. But, I did see a woman hug him outside the shop two weeks ago. ”
“What? When did you go home?” Riley asks.
My head falls into my hands and I groan from the memory.
“I–it was stupid. I forgot to pack something for Dylan and felt bad making him drive to get it or meeting me halfway. In hindsight, she didn’t even need it.
I was going to drop it off at his dad’s and drove past the auto shop.
He was helping this woman out of her car and she hugged him. She was really pretty.”
“She hugged him or he hugged her?” Emma questions, before taking a bite of her carrot stick.
“I don’t know. It looked like she initiated it, but he wrapped his arm across her back.” I shrug and feel my cheeks heat. “He’s never said he’s seeing anyone, but I haven’t asked either. His time is his time. I don’t really have a say.”
“Ah, I mean I could find out,” Isla says quietly, her cheeks pinkening.
My hand reaches for hers and I squeeze gently. “Thanks, but I think I’d rather not know.” I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to stomach it if he has moved on. My actions lately fully reflect this notion. “Anyway, that's the real reason why I said yes to the date with Mac.”
“Now that makes sense.” Riley laughs a little. “I’ve never seen someone look so awkward on a first date.”
I can feel my blush creep down my neck, and I throw a piece of popcorn at her. “Hey! To be fair, as Mac so kindly pointed out, I don’t think I’ve ever really been on a first date.”
“I’m confused?” Isla says, reaching forward to grab a little cheese cake slider off the table.
“Girl, same.” Emma giggles.
I shrug again, avoiding their eyes. “Jameson was always my friend. My best friend for so long. We ate out together all the time. We did everything together. Then one night he was like I’m your boyfriend and he kissed me and then we were dating. There was no first date, really.”
“Awww. I both love and hate that for you.” Emma sighs, her eyes turning misty. “He was your one but at the same time you didn’t get the good first date butterflies and excitement.”
“I mean anytime I was with Jameson I had butterflies,” I tell them, leaning back on the sofa. “I never cared about the before moments because I was just happy to be with him.”
Once again, they all fall silent. I can feel their eyes on me.
“Sammy,” Riley starts, and I can tell she’s choosing her words carefully, thoughtfully, the way a best friend does. “I think if you have any feelings at all for Jameson, you guys need to have a discussion. You owe it to him to tell him your reasoning.”
“And if it's too late?”
“At least then you’ll know. Then you can let go of the guilt and start to heal and move on," she finishes.
Isla gives me a small smile. “I’m new here. I don’t know the whole history, but I think if a man moves his life to be here for his child, that's pretty serious. And if he goes out of his way to make sure you know it's also because of you, then I think maybe that hug you saw wasn’t what it seems.”
“I’m with Isla,” Emma adds before her smile slips. “Despite my current outlook on relationships, I think Jameson is trying. And you’re right Sam, he is a good dad. He always has been since the day my little bestie was born.”
I dip my head and quickly wipe away the tears on my cheeks. “I love how good of a dad he is. I’m so scared. I was so foolish back then and trying to make everyone happy.”
“You weren’t,” Riley assures me, her hand on my arm. “You guys were young. In high school. That's a lot for anyone who isn’t expecting or trying to get pregnant. I agree with Emma and Isla. I think Jameson is open to talking if not trying. He’s been fitting himself into your life all week.”
He definitely has and not one time did I question it or dislike it.
If anything, I’ve been soaking it up, my heart gorging on every moment that felt like we were a real family.
I’ve missed time with Jameson. I’ve missed having his attention and the easy smiles he gave me this week.
Smiles that weren’t directed just at our daughter alone.
Maybe it’s stupid, but I couldn’t help the small twinge of hope that gave me.
My phone lights up in front of me and even from my spot on the couch I can see Jameson's name.
Riley snorts. “His ears must be ringing."
Biting my lip, I reach for it with numb fingers. “I hope nothing is wrong with Dylan.”
I swipe open the notification and see our string of messages. My eyes widen when I take in his text.
KANE: Want to get dinner together tomorrow when I bring Dylan back?
KANE: Dylan is good, just finished watching her movie again an hour ago and is in bed.
My lips twitch just imagining him quickly typing out the last part. He knows me well enough to know I like hearing updates on her, especially the days I don’t have her. Just as I always try to do for him too. I glance up at my friends and see them watching me, knowing smiles on their lips.
ME: Dinner sounds good. Tell my girl I love her.