Chapter Twenty-One
KAYDEN
I got back in the car and leaned my head against the headrest, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight my wrists ached. The taillights of the campus shuttle blinked out in the distance, but my mind was stuck in the quiet of the car, exactly where she had been sitting ten minutes ago.
Her cherry, vanilla scent filled the interior, a reminder that this wasn’t a good idea. In fact, it was a very, very bad idea.
My knuckles were raw from the game, my thigh was bruising from a heavy check against the boards in the second period. My chest tight, something lingering there that I couldn’t quite figure out. I hadn't planned on telling her any of that. Why did I tell her that? What the fuck is wrong with me?
"Friday night," I muttered to myself, shifting the car into drive and pulling out of the dorm lot.
What the hell did I get us into?
The plan was dangerous and stupid. Trying to play a doting boyfriend to the girl I despised was going to require acting ability I didn’t possess. Did I really despise her though? Could I keep telling myself that?
As I navigated the campus streets back toward the hockey house, not wanting to go to the apartment I refused to stay in, the heavy ache in my chest shifted into a hard focus.
He’d told me he wanted us to stay there together, but I refused.
We were being pushed together because of this, and with the way my...
feelings were towards her, I couldn’t be around her anymore than I had to.
Feelings? What the fuck are you saying, Kayden? Snap the fuck out of it.
If Dad thought he could glide into a new life, blending our families together while ignoring the giant, gaping hole my best friend left behind, he was wrong. Lex and I were going to hand him a reality check wrapped in a scandal.
When I pulled into the driveway of the house I shared with four of my teammates, the lights blazed and the bass vibrated from the living room speaker, probably keeping the whole damn street awake. The guys were celebrating, and normally I would be too, but I wasn’t in the mood anymore.
I killed the engine, but didn't get out right away. Pulling out my phone, my eyes stared at the blank text thread with her. My thumb hovered over the keyboard for a little too long, trying to figure out what to do. What should I do? I can’t give in...I can’t. Even if I wanted to.
Fuck this.
I locked the screen, shoved the phone into my pocket, and grabbed the gear bag from the trunk. I had worked hard at ensuring that there was a giant boundary between us, and we needed to keep it. I needed to keep it, or I’ll be haunted for the rest of my fucking life.
Come Friday, when we walked through the front doors of Dad’s house, the line between fake and real was going to get blurry. I needed to make sure I didn't lose my footing before the game even started.
The front door swung open, and a wall of heat, beer, and blasting music hit me right in the face. Maybe the apartment isn’t such a bad idea after all.
"There he is!" Kellan yelled from the kitchen island, raising a red cup in my direction. "The man of the hour!"
Definitely not the man of the hour, Kellan.
A chorus of rowdy cheers echoed from the living room couch, but I offered a tight nod, slinging the bag onto the floor by the entryway.
The adrenaline from the game-winner had completely evaporated, replaced by the lingering weight of her tears.
Not in the mood for this. I wanted to plant face first on the bed and completely forget about all responsibilities for the next week.
"Hey, lover boy."
Fuck, not right now. Not fucking now. I didn't even have to look to know it was him.
My teeth grated. Why was he here? Did we have to invite him to every party?
He leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, still wearing the team jacket.
He hadn't showered yet, and the bitter stink of a guy who had spent the entire game riding the bench radiated off him.
"Not tonight, Garcia. Not in the fucking mood.” I muttered, brushing past him to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
"I saw you after the buzzer," he said, his voice lowering so the rest of the guys in the living room couldn't hear.
Does the guy know how to butt out of one’s life? Fuck, my life isn’t a damn television show for him to watch.
He stepped closer, invading my space. "I noticed you chasing after her in the parking lot. Alexis, right? The figure skater? Hasn’t it only been a year since her brother died?
Pretty convenient that you're suddenly sniffing around his little sister right when the draft scouts are asking questions about your focus. "
This motherfucker...
Every muscle in my body locked up. The water bottle in my hand crinkled loudly under the violent grip of my fingers.
I turned around slowly, letting my shadow completely take over. I stepped into his space until his back hit the edge of the kitchen counter, my jaw clenched. The C I wore proudly across my chest during a game was about to vanish, the inability to ignore his bullshit ramblings out the window.
"Keep her name out of your goddamn mouth," My voice was low, dangerous. If he wasn’t careful, I’d gladly rectify the situation, putting him on his ass, consequences be damned.
Voices around us stopped talking. I leaned in, my eyes narrowed on his. A flicker of doubt crossed his face. "You want my minutes? Earn them on the ice. She is none of your fucking concern. Do you understand me?"
He swallowed hard, his chest heaving, but he didn't say another word. He pushed past my shoulder and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
My chest heaved as the silence settled back around the music. My hands shook slightly. Why was I acting like this? Things between us were blending into territory I had no permission to enter.
I leaned against the counter and pulled my phone out of my pocket.
“Are you okay?” Kellan asked, but I didn’t look up. No dude, I’m fucking not okay.
A memory I’d pushed to the very back of my mind was trying to get through, and as much as I wanted to ignore it, Jake’s words were ringing in my ears...
“Can I be honest with you?” he asked, as we sat in his parents’ basement, playing video games on winter break.
“What’s up?”
“I know you like my sister.”
My body stilled; all movement on the controller ceased. Play it off, Kayden. Play it off.
I scoffed, “You’re delusional, man.”
He stopped playing and turned to face me, his brow raising a hair. His blue eyes held a warning. “I’m not stupid. I’ve known about it for years. You claim to hate her, yet you can’t date anyone else. When you do find a girl to talk to, they end up leaving because you hang out with us all the time.”
I shook my head and stood up. “You’re off base. Get your head in check, Jake.”
He stood up as well, and there was a different kind of energy coming from him. It wasn’t a best friend energy; it was a big brother type of energy. Threatening. Dangerous. “I’m not off base. You’re my best friend, have been for years. But you’re going to make a deal with me, right here and now.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, my gaze narrowed. I didn’t say a word, but I knew where he was headed with this. He wanted me to stay away from her.
He took a step toward me, his hand going to my shoulder. "Promise me,” his fingers dug in, his claws like iron burning into my shoulder. "Swear to me on everything we’ve got, Kayden. You'll keep an eye on her, protect her but nothing more."
I kept my eyes glued to his, not backing down. "I know the rules."
"Not when I'm around," he snapped. "When I’m not around. If I die in a crash tomorrow or when I’m fifty, you’ll step in and be her brother.”
Brother? Why the fuck was he asking me to do this? I don’t want to be her brother.
“You’re serious?”
"Yes, it’s the only thing I want. She’s my sister...I can’t handle knowing if I leave this Earth that she’ll be all alone," he whispered, his eyes lost in thought. "Make the deal."
I shook my head. The fact that I was putting blind faith in my best friend, swearing off the only girl who ever sparked fire in my veins, was some fucked off bullshit.
“Deal.” I gave him my word, not knowing that soon after, he would be gone.
“Daniel, you good dude?” Kellan’s voice brought me back to the present. He wasn’t the only one standing in the room with me this time, Dylan and Torin had made their way in.
I didn’t know how long I’d been there, but all music from the party had stopped, and everyone that was making the living room jump had disappeared.
I cleared my throat, “I’m fine. Where did everyone go?”
Torin grabbed a beer from the fridge and tossed it to me. “We sent everyone home. Saw your little tiff with Garcia and knew we needed a guys’ night. Pizza is on the way.”
“I’m really not in the mood...”
“I don’t give a fuck if you’re in the mood or not. You’ve been off lately, you need to re-center. Get your head back in the game, and let whatever shit that’s bothering you go.”
It was easier said than done. He didn’t know that I’d made my dead best friend a deal that broke me from the inside out. I shook my head, opened the beer and chugged. There was no practice tomorrow, and no classes. Sleeping the day away would be a thing, and getting fucked up was a necessity.
Jake was an asshole for making that deal with me, but wasn’t I one for having Lexi make a deal with me?
It didn’t matter what my intentions were, by the end of this, one of us would end up suffering.