Chapter ThreeEating My Heart Out
Chapter Three:
Eating My Heart Out
Levi
I’m four shots deep and staring at this dickhole Sid brought way too much. I just don’t get it, he doesn’t seem like Sidney’s type at all, and everything he says is fucking stupid.
“It’s going to be me,” Jonah says, and my attention shifts to him abruptly.
“Huh? Why the fuck would you be the best man when I exist?”
“Because Bash wants someone he can count on, not someone who gets fucked up on Wednesdays for fun,” he snaps back, sticking his tongue out and laughing at me. “No fucking way it’ll be you.”
“Wouldn’t the best choice be Sidney?”
Oh great, dickhole has an opinion. Who gave him permission to speak?
“Are you saying Jonah’s a piece of shit too? That’s fucked up, you just met him.”
And he’ll hate you like I do, we all will. Fucking leotard twat.
“Actually, we’ve met a few times,” Jonah says. “And I’m not a piece of shit, I’m a bassist.”
A few times? Why am I just meeting this dude?
I open my mouth to argue further, but before I can say anything, we hear a loud moan come from upstairs.
I knew Bash was lying when he said they had to go check on something, but I can’t believe they left us all down here so they could fuck.
It’s rude. I want to fuck. I lock eyes with the one I’d kill to be inside of, and hastily look toward the one I’d kill.
Hell, I’d kill Leotard for free. “What the hell happened to the music?”
Sidney jumps up so fast, it scares fuckface. “l’ll fix it. Any requests?”
“Anything but Bash moaning baby girl again. That shit will haunt me forever.”
Jonah tells him to put on Bring Me The Horizon before turning back to finish our argument. “We all know it’s going to be Sidney, by the way. I just think it should be me.”
Not a chance. “Again, I stand by what I said. I exist, therefore you’re third... oh shit, fourth. He might like Yas more than either of us.”
“Fuck me. Whatever, I’d rather have fun instead of responsibility. He can have it.”
The music kicks up, but Sid doesn’t come back.
I give him ten more seconds before I hop to my feet and make my way towards the liquor table and find him there. “You want more?”
I look back and see the dickhole didn’t follow me. We’re alone.
He turns slightly to face me, but doesn’t take his eyes off the tequila. “Yes, but that’s not a good idea. Which you already know, because you cheated earlier. Thank you for that, by the way.”
He’s looking at me now, and this time I’m the one that breaks our stare. I wasn’t going to let that fuck peer pressure him into drinking more than he wants to. “Yeah, well. We all know what a lightweight you are.”
“Yeah,” he says quietly. “I fucked the speech up, didn’t I?”
“Nah, pretty boy. I thought it was great. I was hoping you’d keep going actually.”
It’s his fault really. He has an adorable blush, one I’m happy to see is making another appearance.
“I’ll do better if he really does lick me.” He pauses, jaw dropping. “Pick!”
Scrunching up my nose, I snatch that bottle of tequila and take a drink. “Gross. Doesn’t Leotard lick you enough?”
Don’t answer that. I’ll jam my drumsticks into my eardrums if you do.
“He doesn’t like it, so no, actually. But the rest is great, don’t get me wrong. That’s not why I said lick.”
Doesn’t like what? Blowjobs? Does he also not like smiling and clean sheets? The fuck kinda guy is this? I have so many questions, but for some reason I blurt out one I shouldn’t ask. “Why’d you say lick then, Sid?”
“I... was trying to say two different words at once and they meshed. That’s all.”
Yet he’s always been the worst fucking liar around. His eyes are on the ground, hands are twitchy. And his cheeks are so goddamn red.
Two different words. And what was the other word? Lick? He said what he said, and boyfriend or not, I’m not someone who can let that slide. So I step in closer. “Why were you thinking about licking?”
I swear I can hear his heart beating faster. “I wasn’t.”
He wasn’t, yet his eyes just darted to my dick and back to my face.
That flash of his attention is all it takes for me to feel blood rushing to the tip of my cock. I need to get laid. “Well, I have something you can lick. All you gotta do is ask.”
“Should I ask my boyfriend if he wants to watch?” he scoffs. “I think that’s enough tequila for you.”
“I’m not gonna lie, I completely forgot he was alive.” Fucking leotard — aren’t those underwear or some shit? I don’t care, it’s his name. Taking another drink, I don’t stop until he’s rolling his eyes. “Fuck it, I’m game. I’ll lick you since he’s dropping the ball. Let me see it.”
I set the bottle aside and step in close enough to smell him, and for a second, I think he’s gonna let me get away with it.
But Sidney would never.
“That was a joke, Lee. I don’t share.”
“I didn’t ask you to share. I don’t want him.”
Isn’t that obvious? Has it not been painfully obvious to everyone around?
“You didn’t want me either until tonight,” he counters, stepping back. “It’s just because you can’t have me.”
“I can’t?”
Wait, is he for real?
“I don’t cheat, Levi. So no, you can’t.” His brows pinch and his gaze drops to the floor. “You didn’t have any interest when I was single, and you don’t really want me now. I have a good thing with Leo. It’s not perfect, but it’s... good.”
And that’s why I hate Leo already. Sidney deserves perfect, nothing less, and that’s something I could never be.
It’s why I stay away, why I’ve never made a move until right now, and even now I hate myself for it.
I don’t really want you? Pretty boy... I don’t want anything else.
You’re the only reason I keep going. “I forgot he existed again. Guess it’s the tequila. ”
I drink more and stare at the bare wall that used to have a huge canvas of Roman Stag’s bare ass as he streaked across stage, but I guess Bash decided to move that for his girl.
That’s what people do when they find the one, they grow, and I’m just a stagnant motherfucker with no roots. I’ll never reach the sky with him.
So I’ll stay where I belong.
“Right.” He snatches the bottle from the table and takes a sip larger than a shot. “Maybe I can forget this conversation since it seems to help you forget so much.”
Yeah, be mad at me, Sidney. Don’t thank me for anything because your kindness makes me weak, and I need to stay strong to keep myself from kissing you every second I’m near you. “So grouchy. It’s probably because you miss getting blowjobs.”
It catches him off guard a little, but he shrugs, and he’s still standing here so I guess I’m not doing that badly. “Yes and no. I prefer giving, but every once in a while it would be nice I guess. But he puts up with my weird shit so I put up with his.”
Of course he’s a giver. I pegged that the moment I met him. Wait, did he say — “Weird shit? What kind of weird? What are your kinks, pretty boy? Now you gotta share.”
He glances behind him like he’s desperate for someone to interrupt, but no one does. “It’s not that weird, okay? I just... prefer a little pain, I don’t like to get off until I’ve earned it, and I... that’s it. Just the two.”
The blush on his cheeks says otherwise, but I don’t think I can handle more.
Every time I’m near him he only proves that he was made for me.
“Those things aren’t weird to me at all.
” But I hate that he’s the one giving it to you.
I scan his frame wondering what marks are hidden from view and squeeze the bottle of tequila in my hand. “Do you like being bitten, Sid?”
His fucking pupils blow and I swear his jeans stretch. “We should get back to the others, they’re probably wondering where we are.”
Fuck. I’m not strong enough to be alone with him.
Even now my fingers twitch with the desire to pull him in and bite that neck so everyone can see how he looks when he’s truly claimed.
I want to reach out and rub his cock through his pants so I can hear how he responds.
Something tells me he would whimper, that he’s a vocal little bottom not afraid to beg.
I don’t just want you, Sidney. I fucking need you. “Go ahead. I’m not done drinking.”
Leave me behind.
“Levi... just come with me. You’ll feel like shit tomorrow if you keep drinking.”
The concern in his eyes nearly has me melting, but I look away before I cave. “That’s my secret, baby boy. I always feel like shit.”
Setting the bottle down, I walk past him in the opposite direction to go get some air, Bash’s balcony giving me the space to breathe and internally kick my own ass for what I just did.
I told myself I’d never try to hook up with him, and not five minutes after meeting his boyfriend, I was plotting and trying to find a way to get him alone. A way to make him mine.
But he will never be mine, because I’ll only break his heart. I think it’s time I disappear for a while.