Chapter FourDying To Love
Chapter Four:
Dying To Love
Sidney
Two months without a word from the little shit, and now it’s time for the rehearsal dinner and he’s nowhere to be found.
I’m so angry with him that I’m practically vibrating as we all sit around the table and wait for the drinks to come out, and just when I’m about to call his handler Carter and let him have it, Levi himself walks through the door.
He’s groomed but not clean-shaven and it looks like he got his hair cut at least, but everything about him makes me want to deck him. He shows up now? After a dozen unanswered texts, ignoring me in person when I showed up at his house, and skipping Bash’s bachelor party, he wants to show up now?
Leo grips my thigh under the table. “Breathe, Sid. Just ignore him.”
How can I when his face is just so punchable?
“Who the fuck let you in?” Bash says, but he’s grinning and walking over to give him a bro hug he doesn’t deserve. “I didn’t think you’d show.”
Levi shakes his head and moves over to hug Alaina. “I wouldn’t miss your wedding, Bash. I’m not that big of an asshole.”
I beg to differ.
After a few more handshakes, his eyes finally meet mine as he takes his seat across from me and does something that only makes me want to punch him more. He nods his head. After months of silence, this motherfucker has the audacity to nod at me?
Fine. Turning to Leo, I nearly ask him to let me suck his fingers until my nervous system regulates, but decide against it. Not here, not now, and never in front of Levi. “They’re taking their sweet time with those drinks, huh?”
“Yeah,” he mutters awkwardly. “Where have you been, Levi? Sidney was starting to get worried.”
Those piercing green eyes lock on him with a frown, but as he opens his mouth to say something, the waiters come pouring in with drinks in hand.
Thank God.
I take my wine before the waiter even sets it down and drink about half the glass, then shake my head, refusing to look at Levi again.
“I wasn’t worried at all. What were you thinking of ordering, Leo?
So many things sound good, but the portion sizes are ridiculously large. Do you want to split something?”
Let me Lady and the Tramp this shit right in front of him, c’mon.
Chuckling, he shakes his head and leans in to whisper, “Hell no. Bash is rich enough for us to order our own food, Sid. Just ask for a doggy bag.”
Levi’s hand tightens on the table telling me he heard, but all he does is ask the waiter for something stronger than wine. Yasmin starts telling a story about Bash that has everyone’s attention, and it gives me an opportunity to glare at Levi unabashedly. Has he lost weight? Why do I care?
“Damn, where were you at, Sid?” Jonah asks, and I have absolutely no clue what they were just talking about. Shit.
Probably making sure Levi didn’t overdose, if I had to guess.
“If none of you remember, how should I?”
“Fair,” he chuckles. “Plus, it was much harder to keep track of Bash back then. He’d just vanish sometimes, but not anymore.”
“Nah,” Levi pipes in for the first time. “He still vanishes, we just know exactly where he went.”
He holds up his fresh glass of amber liquid toward Alaina, and chuckles when she rolls her eyes fondly. It’s gross how much I missed that stupid laugh.
I only end up eating about five bites of the chicken romano I ordered, but down what I have to assume is an entire bottle of malbec. Everything is fuzzy, Levi is stupid, Leo’s annoying, and if I have to hear one more story about how nauseatingly happy Bash and Alaina are, I might vomit.
I’m happy for them even now, but I’m losing my best friend here.
He’ll always be around and he’ll always need me because I’m his handler, but he hardly has any time for me these days and Leo has seven-fucking-teen other people he’s hooking up with — okay, two, but it feels like seven-fucking-teen — so I’m lonely. I need this tour to come sooner.
Once the final plates are cleared, Bash announces he rented the restaurant for the whole night, so the music kicks up, our crew joins us, and Jonah makes a joke that we’re rehearsing the reception now too.
At least it gives me an excuse to get up and move away from stupidhead.
I’m pouring myself another glass when Leo holds up his phone and disappears outside, and naturally that’s when Levi chooses to approach me. “You know that’s not water, right?”
The little voice in my head mocks him, which makes me feel a little better.
“It started out as water, but look! I’m Jesus. Wine for everyone. And for my next trick, I’ll turn it into pee.”
He scrunches his nose and tries to pull the drink from my hand. “Yeah, okay. No more for you, Sid.”
“Sorry, did you go to rehab while you were gone for two months? Is that why you didn’t answer a single one of my text messages and now you’re the captain of the fun police?” I let him keep the glass and grab the bottle instead, sticking my tongue out at him.
“Fucking brat,” he hisses, stepping in closer to snatch the bottle and hold it above my head. “I’m doing you a favor, short stuff. Has Leotard been slacking on your spankings?”
Fuck me running, I hate my cock. I have two brains that never once communicate with each other.
As it stirs at the thought of Levi (or anyone) spanking me, my upstairs brain creates a delightful little daydream about hitting him over the head with that bottle.
He’s lucky I'm not tall enough to reach it. “His name is Leo, but I’m glad to see you finally remember who he is. Actually, I don’t care.
You don’t get to do what you did and then vanish for two fucking months and then waltz back in pretending you’re looking out for me. Give me the bottle.”
“Make me,” he growls, and I can see I’m not the only one angry here as he brushes past me to take that bottle with him to the bathroom.
How dare he? And what the fuck did I do to deserve his anger? Fuck this.
Stomping after him, I let the last several years of pent-up frustration build all over again until I'm cornering him next to the urinal. “I did everything for you, even shit that wasn’t my job. I helped you, I looked out for you, I protected you, and I made sure none of the little whores you fucked surprised you with babies you didn’t ask for.
And don’t think I don’t know you responded to everyone but me while you were gone.
So you know what? Fine. You’re on your own tonight, you’re on your own for the tour, and with whatever fucking illegitimate crotch goblins you spawn.
I’m done.” Turning to leave, I pause, still too angry to walk away. “Oh, and another thing.”
Thwack.
My fist connects with his nose so satisfyingly that I don’t care I might’ve broken my hand.
“I should have done that a long time ago.”
He’s balking at me in shock, but before I can take a step toward the door, he tugs me back in so roughly my chest slams into him.
“What the fuck was that?” The bottle crashes to the floor a split second before he spins us around and presses me against the wall with his knee between my legs, his hands pinning mine so I can’t escape.
My body responds to him instantly even though I beg it not to.
“Are we fighting or fucking, baby boy? Because your eyes are telling me something different now.”
Oh God. Oh my fucking God. How many times have I fantasized about this? Too many to count, but I hate him right now and my boyfriend is outside. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
“We’re fighting, but thanks for reminding me I need to find Leo. Wine just does something to me.”
“He left you alone in there.” His leg moves against my crotch and I have to fight a whimper. “And we both know it isn’t the wine.”
His grip tightens on my wrists painfully, and the sensation only adds to the fire building inside of me.
Fuck. I want him so badly, I can taste it.
Everything I ever wanted is pinning me to the wall and all I’d have to do is kiss him.
But not like this. Please, not like this.
Don’t make me a cheater. “Fuck you,” I mumble, tears springing to my eyes that I will absolutely blame on the wine. “Let me go.”
“Fuck. Fine.” He shoves himself off of me and reaches down to adjust the bulge in his black slacks, then exhales a breath that leaves his shoulders slumped. I still can’t bring my legs to move. “Was that supposed to be a punch? We’re going to have to work on that, Sid.”
He’s staring down at the spilled wine that feels a lot like a metaphor for my life, but I can’t stick around to console him. It would be cool if my muscles understood that.
“I’ll try harder next time.”
“Good.”
He pulls out a small container with a skull sticker on it, and I immediately know he didn’t come in here to actually use the bathroom. He plans on getting fucked up.
Suddenly, I can move just fine. I know I’ll have hell to pay for it at some point, but as I make my way past him, I flick the container and watch it crash to the ground. “There. Now none of us get what we want.”
The door shuts behind me as I leave, and I find myself staring at four people staring at me — Bash, Alaina, Jonah, and Leo. “What?” I snap. “Never heard a guy get punched in the nose before?”
Something else breaks in the bathroom that has me flinching, and Jonah laughs out loud as he maneuvers around me to check on Levi.
Leo looks far too entertained to be my real boyfriend, and it kind of makes me hate him too, but it’s Alaina’s pitied expression that nearly undoes me. “Shit,” Bash responds, trying to calm some of the tension still radiating around us. “Is your hand okay? Levi’s got a hard ass head.”
He’s the only other person here who’s punched him before so he’d know better than anyone, but his attempt to make me laugh fails.
I’m ruining yet another big night for them. “My hand is fine, I’m fine, we’re all fine. Is it time to dance yet?”
“Yeah, almost. Can you two give us a minute? I have to ask him something.” Bash kisses Alaina on the cheek and nods for me to follow him down the hall. “What happened?”
I owe him an explanation at least, so I don’t respond with the sass I gave Levi.
“Now that he thinks I’m unavailable, he keeps trying to fuck me.
It happened first at the dinner where you announced your engagement, then he vanished and ignored me for two months, and now he’s back.
He took my wine so I went to retrieve it and I punched him in the face.
The wine bottle broke, he tried to fuck me again, I knocked his drugs out of his hand, and here we are.
Oh, and I told him he’s on his own this tour. He’s Carter’s problem now.”
Bash slumps back against the wall and cusses under his breath. “Sid, I know he’s fucked up and I’m busy all the time now, but please don’t quit.”
Quit?
“I’m not leaving you, Bash. This is the best job I’ll ever have in my whole life, I just plan on doing it for once instead of splitting my time and helping him when he doesn’t care.”
He seems relieved I’m not leaving and stands straighter again. “He cares. It’d be easier for all of us if he didn’t. Come on, let’s go dance.”
Finally, an idea I can get behind. I probably have a solid thirty minutes before I violently disrespect the bathroom once again, so for the next half hour, I’m giving them fun Sidney.
I think I’ve done enough damage for today.