Chapter 13
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
Sawyer
I stare at this beautiful woman, unable to resist kissing her on the forehead as I pull my fingers from her soaking pussy. My, my, she is the sweetest thing.
The concern in her eyes has me worried until she says, “Are you okay?”
I chuckle. “I’m fine. I’m great. What about you?”
“I’m-wow, that was freaking amazing. I’m just sorry you couldn’t, uh, free yourself.”
It’s not the most comfortable situation I’ve ever been in, but it still felt good. “I do want you,” I say, swallowing hard. “It’s just I need to take things slow.”
“Baby steps,” she says, a small smile on her lips. “I get it, and it’s fine. I just want you to know I’m here no matter what. Even if you change your mind.”
“After that?” I chuckle. “I don’t think so.” Suddenly, I frown. “Wait, was I okay with you? Not too rough?”
Her pretty lips curl up. “No, you were perfect. You are perfect.”
“You’re givin’ me compliments I don’t deserve.”
“Yes, you do. You deserve every one of them,” she says. “We’re exploring this together, at our own pace. It’s just…” She puffs out air from her cheeks. “I like it just being us.”
I grin. “I just told you I haven’t had sex before, and you think I’m gonna find some other chick?” My lips meet her nose in a kiss. “Not gonna happen, Princess.”
That makes her shoulders sag. I’m glad we’re on the same page because imagining another man touching her makes me want to rip his arms out of his sockets.
She tilts her head. “So, we’re good?”
“Yep,” I say. “We’re good—”
“Hey, Nova! I’m home!” Payden calls from the hallway.
“Shit!” Nova says, covering her breasts as she whispers, “I totally forgot she was coming home!” She leans back and almost falls backward as I catch her with both hands.
There’s no time for her to put herself back together so I smooth her hair down and pull her off my lap, wrapping her in the blanket.
“In here!” she calls out, silently mouthing ‘thank you’ as she continues to tuck her hair behind her ears.
I turn and wave at Payden as she appears. “Hey, P, don’t know if you’ve eaten yet but there’s a killer casserole on the stove.”
She eyes me, then her eyes flick to Nova’s. “I ate hours ago,” she sighs. “And what the fuck happened to your face?”
I wince, momentarily forgetting my injuries. “Got into a fight with an alligator.”
Her eyebrows raise slightly. “Who won?”
“Who do you think?”
“Jesus,” I hear Nova mutter.
“What are you guys watching?” Payden asks, though she’s not lingering.
“Some romcom,” Nova says at the same time I say, “A documentary.”
She rolls her lips. “Okaaaay, then. Well, I’m gonna…” She thumbs behind her. “Go to bed.”
“Okay, won’t be far behind you,” Nova says, then her eyes widen. “I mean, me, not Sawyer and me, we’re just watching TV.”
I smile at Payden as she finger waves, grinning. Maybe she smells sex in the air but it’s fairly obvious she doesn’t believe that for a second.
“Oh my god, how embarrassing,” Nova says, one hand slapped over her mouth. “Do you think she suspects anything?”
I shrug. “Who cares? Payden’s cool, she won’t say shit… will she?”
Nova shakes her head. “No, she won’t. She knows we hang out, but she had that smirk on her face. She’s a lawyer, she knows when people aren’t being truthful.”
Well, shit. I forgot all about that.
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” I assure her. “But she’s probably right, I do need to hit the road. I’ll, uh, clean up first if that’s okay?”
Her eyes dip to my lap, and she bites her lip. What I’d give for her to touch me. But not tonight.
“Of course,” she says quickly. “You know where the bathroom is.”
I smile. “Thanks, I’ll be right back.”
I head down the hall toward the large bathroom and clean myself up. Well, that was a load and a half. I splash my face with cold water and grab a hand towel.
Baby steps.
That was a big one for me. I’ve never had pleasure before like that with a woman I actually wanted, and it was magical.
If Payden hadn’t come home, maybe things could’ve gotten even better, but that feeling washes over me.
Suffocation. The feeling of not being in control, but I dampen it down.
This is Nova. She’d never do anything to hurt me.
She’d never dream of that, and the truth is? This is different.
It’s different because I chose it. Someone did not inflict it upon me. It didn’t hurt, and hearing Nova’s soft moans when I made her come were the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard.
All the things that are supposed to be pleasurable were, and I admit, I get off more seeing her get off.
Was that embarrassing coming in my pants?
Sure, but she won’t judge me for it. Plus, nobody could really blame me with my girl in my lap rubbing up against me like that. There’s only so much a man can take.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself because I really don’t want to go. I want to stay and cuddle.
When I exit the bathroom, I find Nova in the kitchen. “I promised Tiramisu,” she says when she hears me. “And I delivered.”
I smile. “I can take mine to go, if that’s okay?”
Her face falls slightly. “Okay.”
I move closer, tilting her chin up. “What’s wrong?”
She shrugs. “Nothing.” Those walls are back up again, but I don’t want that. I don’t want to be a schmuck, either.
“Nova,” I say gently. “Do you want me to stay?”
She swallows, not meeting my eyes. “No, it’s fine, you’re tired.”
“I can creep out really early if you want me to stay.”
She blinks, and I notice her wet lashes. Has she been crying? Come to think of it, her cheeks are a little pink. Alarm rings through me. “Nova?”
“You don’t have to creep out.”
“But I can stay?”
She nods. “If that’s okay?”
“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Did I hurt you?”
“No!” she says quickly. “You could never.”
“Then what happened?”
“I just… I’m so used to people coming and going when they are, well, basically done with me,” she says softly. “It just brought back an unwelcome memory, but that’s not on you. You did nothing wrong.”
Still, it doesn’t stop the panic rising through me. “I just thought with Payden bein’ here,” I say. “It would be awkward. I don’t want to go, honestly, I wanna hold you tonight, if that’s okay?”
In all of my anguish, I forgot about hers. “We can talk and eat our cake in bed, if you like?”
She nods. “Okay.”
“Why were you crying?”
“Not because of you,” she says, cupping one side of my face. “Never you. I’ve just never felt complete happiness like I have when we’re together. Being wanted, it’s different with you. You look at me different.”
I pull her to me, folding her into my arms. “I feel exactly the same way.”
“We don’t have to do anything,” she tells me. “Just sleep.”
“I’d like that.”
“You don’t think I’m weird?”
I pull back. “Now, I didn’t say that exactly…”
She whacks me playfully. “Very funny.”
“I’ve gotta be up early for work, so I’ll sneak out before Payden gets up.”
“There will probably be fewer questions that way.”
“Consider it done.”
It hurts my heart she cried. I never want her to be sad.
As we’re sliding under the cool duvet on her bed, she turns to me. “I cried because my heart hurts; they hurt you, not because of anything you did. I didn’t want you to go to bed thinking it was you.”
I smile slowly. “I know, babe, but honestly? It’s okay. I’ve spent the last five years gettin’ my shit together and puttin’ all of that behind me. There are certain scars that last forever, they always will, but I am capable of more.”
She sinks against my shoulder when I pat my chest, just like on the couch, but all sexual connotation is done. It’s just us now, our raw, emotional, broken selves. “I know.” She takes a breath. “When I was with B—”
I place a finger over her mouth. “Don’t ever use his name when we’re like this. Just call him asshole because I’d still know who you meant.”
“Okay, when I was with that asshole, I’m pretty sure he drugged me a few times.
I’d wake up the next morning groggy and he’d blame it on the alcohol, even though I didn’t even drink that much.
” She takes a breath as I tighten my hold on her.
“I don’t know what he did to me during my blackouts, but I know he was a sick individual.
It would give him a pleasure to see me grappling for answers when I asked him what happened. ”
“Sick fuck,” I mutter. I kiss her hair, trying as hard as I can not to leap up and put my clothes back on to go visit this fuckface in jail, even if I have to end up in there myself just to get to him…
actually, that’s not a bad idea… maybe I’ll work out the logistics of that, for now, I’m not gonna dwell on how to get him back.
His time will come, and I will be waiting.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know any of that. I mean, I knew he was a piece of shit.”
“Don’t say anything to the boys.”
I swallow hard. “I already told them he was in jail. I had to, they have a right to know, and it was only a matter of time before one of them asked me.”
“I know, I just meant about the stuff we talk about privately.”
“I’d never do that.” I would never betray her trust, but if it’s keeping her safe, I will stop at nothing to do so. “I’m glad you got away from him, that’s what matters.”
“I was pretty fucked up for a while,” she says, her voice soft as I rest my forehead against her hair, taking in her scent. “I thought he loved me because he was sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault,” I say. “You tried for somethin’. You believed him, and none of that is your fault because he chose to lie.”
“The thing is, I never really loved him. It was just a habit, I guess. I was at rock bottom so I didn’t know my worth back then.”
“I hope you do now.”
She nods, then yawns. “I do. It’s taken a long time to really believe it, but I’m never going to settle for less, not after what he put me through.”
“I hate that he put his hands on you.”
“It’s like you said; in the past. I just wanted to share it with you because when you said you’re broken, you’re not alone. Something broke in me, too. I have fractured pieces that don’t quite fit, and that saddens me the most. What if I don’t get it back?”
“You will. It takes time to heal. They tried to break us fully, but they didn’t succeed,” I say. “It’s like I get it now. I’m here for a purpose: to stop them — to stop anyone from sufferin’, and that’s what gets me through.”
“You do bad stuff to bad people, just like my cousins, don’t you?”
“Yes, sometimes.”
“They deserve it.”
“Yes, they do, and I’m not gonna lie about any of that. Not gonna fill you in on the details either, but this burden comes at a price. That price is freedom for others.”
There’s silence for a long time. “You’re the bravest person I know,” she whispers.
I chuckle. “Nah, I’m kinda boring.”
“You are far from boring, Saw. You’re the sweetest, truly. And I am kinda smug that you chose me to do all this stuff with.”
“I wanted to do more,” I admit. “For the first time in a long, long time, I feel safe and at ease.”
“You’re always safe with me,” she says, echoing my words. “You don’t have to do or say anything, please don’t think I expect it now we’ve gotten to third base.”
I kiss the back of her head. “Go to sleep.”
“Bossy.”
“Or maybe you talk in your sleep too?”
“I do not!” she chastises.
“Uh, huh.”
“This is nice, though,” she adds, snuggling back against me. “Just being like this. It’s like nobody can get us here. We’re in our own little bubble.”
Maybe that’s why I like it so much, because it is our own little bubble. It’s a shame I have to leave it in the morning, but I try not to let that sour my mood.
“I like the bubble,” I whisper. “I also like you doin’ that thing you did.”
She huffs out a laugh. “Oh, my god, you’re never gonna look at me in the same light again.”
“I’m the one who came in his pants, I’m never gonna live that down.”
“It’ll be our little secret.” She yawns again. “Nobody has to know.”
Her breathing lulls, and when I know she’s asleep, I close my eyes. “I love you,” I say. “I really fuckin’ love you, Princess. Nobody is gonna touch what’s mine ever again. That I can promise.”
I mean every word as I fall asleep to the rhythm of her heartbeat.