Chapter 2
Anastasia
“Back!” I announce as I breeze into my coffee shop. Katelyn Holt raises her head from the coffee she’s making and smiles at me. Her blonde hair is a few shades darker than mine and is currently braided back away from her face.
She’s three months pregnant with her second child—her first with her husband, Garrison—and is absolutely glowing.
“Gonna tell me what you were doing?”
“Not a chance.” I stick my tongue out at her, then shove the baby shower planning details beneath the counter where they’ll remain out of view.
I know it’s a little early to start planning, but after everything she went through when she was pregnant with her son, Thomas, I want to give her all the things she missed out on.
The baby showers, the mommy-pamper days, anything and everything.
After putting on my apron, I wash my hands then step up to the register to check any pending orders. “What are you working on?” I question once I’ve run down the list.
“A vanilla latte with cinnamon.” She tops it with whip, then puts a lid on it and sets the paper cup on top of the pickup counter. “Here you go, honey,” she says to the young woman waiting for it.
“Thanks so much, Mrs. Holt.”
“You’re welcome, Polly. Enjoy.”
As Polly leaves, I turn toward Katelyn. “Mrs. Holt. Does it ever get old hearing that?”
Her smile widens. “Not in the least.” Katelyn became one of my closest friends shortly after she saved the life of a man I consider a brother.
Garrison had been attacked in his apartment and left for dead…
until Katelyn rescued him. Not long after, the two of them became inseparable before marrying four months ago in a small ceremony.
And now I’m planning her baby shower.
How wonderful it is when pieces of God’s plan become clear. Neither one of them had been looking for what they found, yet now they’re going to be together forever.
Forever.
My gaze drifts around the shop, then out the window of the back door that leads to a small parking lot. There aren’t a lot of cars outside. Just a few patrons who couldn’t find curbside parking, as well as mine and Katelyn’s cars.
At least on my half.
Unfortunately, I share the other half of the lot with his shop.
Sawyer Maddox.
Ridiculously handsome.
Completely charming.
My former best friend.
That is, until he decided he wanted nothing to do with me once I was no longer single. As it so often does, my gaze travels to the table he used to occupy whenever he’d get a break at the shop. Which, with Drew to help with the workload, was fairly often.
I can still see him, sitting there and smiling at me whenever I’d glance his way. He always had a crossword puzzle with him, which was hilarious to me, given his love for computers. He’d spend all afternoon sitting there, just hanging out.
Ugh, I miss him. And I hate that I do.
“You okay?” Katelyn questions, her gaze narrowing on my face.
I hop up to sit on the back countertop where I keep the coffee syrups. “I ran into Sawyer today.”
She is one of only two people I’m willing to talk to about it. My brother’s wife, Tessa, is the other one. And still, I keep a good portion of the pain to myself because, what am I supposed to say?
That I have feelings for another man despite being in a serious relationship with a perfectly kind one? Jack is great. He’s sweet, attentive, and he didn’t wait six years to tell me that I should have seen the way he looked at me.
Ugh. Men. What was I supposed to do? Read Sawyer’s mind?
“He still being weird?” she asks, leaning back across from me and crossing her arms.
“I think it’s just the new normal. I mean, it’s been six months, Katelyn. If things were going to get better, they would have.”
“Has he brought up that night at all?”
“Oh, you mean the one where I confronted him and a car nearly ran me over? No.” I shake my head. It took me days to shake the memory off after that. I’d had three nights of solid nightmares before I finally managed to work myself into exhaustion so that I passed out and slept dreamlessly.
“I mean the one where he saved your life,” she counters.
He’d followed me outside and pulled me away from a speeding car when my tear-filled eyes had impeded my ability to actually see where the edge of the road was. I can still feel the hardness of his chest as I lay on top of him, trying to catch my breath.
I can still feel the way he’d run his hands over my arms, trying to ground me back in the moment. My heart flutters. Pull it together, Anastasia. A lot has happened since then.
“Of course not. Because he’s Sawyer and doesn’t believe in confronting anything. He makes jokes, sarcastic comments, and googly eyes at every woman with a pulse.”
“Googly eyes?” She snorts.
“You know what I mean. Anyway, it’s fine. I’m over it.” My thoughts drift back to before, when he was still showing up, and I’d made fun of him for using that exact term to describe the way Garrison looked at Katelyn.
Ugh, how it hurts.
“Are you, though?” she presses.
“No,” I admit. “It’s just—I miss my friend, Katelyn. Sawyer was always there, and now—”
“He’s not,” she finishes.
“He’s not,” I repeat, then let out a breath. “Ugh, I’m annoying myself with this. I have Jack now, and things are good with him.” But I don’t even convince myself. It’s not that they’re not. It’s just…there’s something missing, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Probably my fault. I’m hung up on a man who has always been just out of reach.
“Is he still coming into town this weekend?”
“He should be here by dinnertime. We’re going to dinner at Mom’s.
” I hesitate a moment, then add, “He’s staying the weekend in my guest room.
” When Katelyn eyes me with a half-smile, I shake my head.
“The hotels are all booked, and I wanted to see him. No funny business. You and Garrison shared an apartment.”
She touches her slightly swollen stomach. “And now look where we are. Married and expecting.”
I laugh. “Yeah, not anywhere close to that with Jack.”
“It’s been almost a year, right?”
“Not all of us move at the speed of light.”
Katelyn lets out a laugh and shakes her head. “Fair enough.”
“Anyway, it’ll all be fine. Like I said, Jack is great. He’s respectful of my boundaries, kind, and handsome. What more could I want?”
A spark.
That’s the one thing missing with Jack. Being around him is nice, but there are no butterflies.
No anticipation of what’s next. And shouldn’t there be?
Shouldn’t there be some kind of spark? Katelyn talks about the one she still feels with Garrison, and anyone who spends more than ten seconds with Zane and Tessa practically gets zapped by theirs.
The way simply seeing him smile at her gives her the best kind of butterflies.
So where are mine?
With Sawyer. His name rings in my mind, but I shove it aside. No. Not with Sawyer.
“Anastasia, you deserve the best,” Katelyn tells me. “And I want you to find it.”
“Maybe I already have.”
The bell over the door dings, so I hop down from the counter as Katelyn takes her place behind the register. As I wait for the order to come through, I start checking syrup bottles, desperate to distract myself from thoughts of sparks, marriage, and babies. It’s a future I desperately desire.
But do I want it with Jack?
And if not, then why am I still with him?
“Hey, gorgeous.” Jack leans in and presses his lips to mine.
“Hey. How was the trip?”
Jack lives in Savannah, Georgia, working at the FBI field office there. He specializes in homicide, and we met because he was investigating my sister-in-law for the murders of the owners of an environmental agency she briefly worked at.
Of course, she was innocent, and Jack fought to prove it. Over the weeks he spent here, we hit it off. And we’ve been together ever since, making time to see each other whenever possible. More often than not, he comes here, but a few times, I’ve flown out to him.
“It’s better now.” He sets his bags down and lifts me, pressing his lips to mine again as he spins me in a slow circle. His smile is wide, his grey gaze bright. He’s genuinely happy to be here. To be with me.
So what is wrong with me?
“I’m glad.” I start to lift his bag, but he grabs it before I can.
“Nope. I’ve got this. You point the way, and I’ll follow.”
I smile at him, hoping that he can’t see the void slowly growing in my chest, thanks to the Sawyer-shaped hole that won’t stop expanding.
Jack is wonderful. So what is wrong with me?
“Right this way, roomie.” I lead him through the small apartment that Zane and the guys helped me build when we converted the old house into my coffee shop. It’s not much: two bedrooms, an office, a small kitchen, and a living room big enough for my couch and a TV.
But it’s home, and I love it.
I push open the door directly across from mine and reach in to turn on the light. “I changed the sheets and put some towels on the dresser.”
“Thanks, it looks great.” He leans down and presses a lingering kiss to my lips. I pull away quickly and smile up at him.
“You’re welcome. I’m going to go finish getting ready so we can head to my mom’s. You’re still okay with dinner? If you’re tired from the trip, I can postpone.”
“Nope. I am absolutely okay with dinner,” he replies. “I’m looking forward to it. But what else do you need to get ready? You look gorgeous already.”
I laugh. “I look like I just worked a twelve-hour shift at a coffee shop.”
He leans in and takes a deep breath. “Is that the smell?”
Feeling a bit lighter than I did even a few seconds ago, I gently smack him on the chest. “You’d better watch it, Agent Weathers, or I’ll leave you to sleep on the curb.”
“Worth it.” He kisses my cheek, then goes inside the room to set his bags down while I cross the hall and close the door to my bedroom behind me.
Even though I trust him, I still flip the lock so I can change.
This is the first time I’ve had a man I’m seeing in my guest room.
Most of the time, it’s just been my brother, Zane, or one of the guys.
Everyone except Sawyer. He’s never stayed here, and now I can’t help but wonder if it’s because he’d been trying to keep whatever distance he could.
Axel, the stray cat Sawyer found living in the engine cavity of an old car he towed, looks up from where he’s sleeping on the sherpa blanket at the edge of my bed.
“Hey, buddy. We have company.” I gently run my fingers over his orange fur, and he starts purring, rolling onto his back and showing his belly.
This guy is probably the only cat in the world who loves having his belly rubbed. As they do more times than not, my thoughts drift back to Sawyer. He may never have stayed here, but he did come over all the time for dinner and old movies.
We’d stay up late, eating popcorn and laughing.
Those were the days.
And now my heart aches whenever I think of him.
Bowing my head, I close my eyes and try to push the thoughts of him out of my mind.
Lord, please help me let him go. You have blessed me with so much, including this wonderful man who cares for me. Please calm my anxious heart, and help me to be content. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Moving quickly, I change into a white sundress, then pull a lavender cardigan over the top. After slipping into a pair of brown, strappy sandals, I run a brush through my hair and reapply my mascara. Then, I grab my purse and head back into the hallway.
Jack is not in the spare room, but when I step into the living room, I see that he’s changed into dark jeans and a blue button-down shirt. He’s looking out of my balcony doors, toward Sawyer’s shop.
My heart hammers. Is he out there? Is that why Jack is looking?
“Ready?” I ask.
He turns toward me, and his grey eyes shine brightly. “You look fantastic.”
“You already said that.”
“It deserved to be said a second time.”
He starts for me again, so I quickly grab my keys and head for the door, hoping to get a distraction in before he reaches for me again. Ugh, come on. He’s my boyfriend and a man I trust completely.
Just to prove to myself that I can be in control of my own mood, I reach out and thread my fingers through his as we head down the stairs and through my empty coffee shop.
“How is business?” Jack asks as I lock up behind us.
“Really good. With the hotels and the B&B completely booked for the Shrimp and Grits Festival, I’ve been even busier than normal.”
“Shrimp and Grits?”
I laugh and climb into my car. “It’s a lot more fun than it sounds.”
“Well, good. Because it sounds fun.”
See, he’s so sweet. “You’ll see what all the fuss is about tomorrow.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
As I pull out of my parking spot and head down Main Street toward my mom’s house, I go over all the reasons Jack is perfect for me.
He’s kind.
Reliable.
Even-tempered.
And, best of all, he doesn’t hide something from me, then get angry when I can’t read his mind.
On paper, he’s absolutely perfect, and I know that as soon as I move past these pesky feelings for a certain sarcastic mechanic, I will feel exactly what I’m supposed to for him.
The seven-minute drive to my mom’s house passes in near-constant conversation. That’s another great thing about Jack, right? There’s rarely any silence. He always has something to talk about. Some case, or thing he saw back home. He shares every thought in his mind and encourages me to do the same.
With Sawyer, there were times when we would sit in complete silence. Whether I was working at the shop and he was sitting at the table working on his puzzles, or nights when I’d go over to the shop and we’d sit together and go over our business ledgers.
Silence.
Maybe constantly talking about things is something that will be really nice once I get used to it.
Yeah. I can do this.
But when I turn the car onto my mom’s street and see Sawyer’s black Harley parked right outside, my treacherous heart leaps in my chest. It’s been nearly two months since he attended a dinner. And then he’d only come because Zane cornered him at his shop and convinced him to show.
Now he’s here.
Tonight, of all nights.
I glance over at Jack and force a smile when I see him watching me. “Hungry?”
“Very much so.”
“Good.” I force my attention ahead and park, my hands trembling just slightly. Get it together, Anastasia.