Chapter 11
SERANA
“I’m not sure I can take it anymore,” I said as I set my phone on the table. “I’ve hit a wall, and I don’t think I can go any further.”
Garvey looked over at me. “Do we need to step into my office to talk?”
“Unless you want to give me advice on how to resist breaking my promise - by ripping off Dr. Hamilton’s clothes and turning into a sex-crazed animal - then no, we don’t need your office.”
Garvey’s mouth dropped open. He stammered, “Does she . . . I’m not sure that . . . we should . . .”
“There you go! That’s why we can’t have nice things, Serana! You broke him!”
I glared at Shivon before turning back to Garvey.
“I am not sure I can keep our relationship in the friend zone much longer, but I’m so close to my goal that I feel like I have to.
I'm at war with myself. On one hand, I think ‘What’s a few more weeks?’ But on the other hand, I think, ‘Seriously, Serana, what’s a few more weeks? ’”
“Maybe you should stop talking to your hands and open up to your therapist,” Moe suggested sarcastically.
“I hate your face,” I muttered. I looked back at Garvey and said, “It’s maddening, because the same thing can be argued from either angle.”
“I think we should speak about this alone in my office, and I feel like I should call Emerald in to consult.”
“Because she’s talking to her hands?” Moe asked.
Ginger giggled. “Or because she wants to get laid?”
Garvey’s frown deepened. “No. Because I think we should discuss maintaining a respectful doctor-patient relationship with Dr. Hamilton.”
“I’ve never been disrespectful toward her!” I insisted.
“If you’re developing feelings for her, I think . . .”
“Not that Dr. Hamilton, Garvey! Good grief! What is wrong with you?” I yelled.
“Roscoe! You were talking about Roscoe!” Garvey announced just as loudly. He looked down at the table and blew out a relieved breath before he frantically whispered, “Oh, thank God!”
“I don’t generally burst into these meetings, but I heard yelling, and I’d like to remind everyone that I’m the only one allowed to yell at Garvey,” Zoey said from the doorway.
She looked around the room, assessing the laughing women and the poor lone man who was traumatized at the thought of me falling for our therapist. “What’s going on? ”
“Garvey uttered the words ‘developing feelings,’ and we all got a little skeeved out,” Moe announced.
Shivon was still cackling when she said, “He thought Serana was crushing on Emerald and got all flustered about it.”
“I got the Hamiltons confused!” Garvey insisted, still flustered and blushing. “It happens! There are so many of them!”
“Says one of the million Forresters,” Zoey muttered, rolling her eyes. Before she pulled the door closed, she said, “Just this once, I’ll give you a free pass and let you yell at him.”
“Thank you!” Shivon, Ginger, and Moe called out in chorus.
I felt bad for flustering Garvey so badly, so I offered, “We don’t have to talk about our relationships, Garvey. I know that’s not really a man-thing to do, and . . .”
“You’re wrong. Our relationships with each other here, and with outsiders who haven’t experienced the same things we have, are an important part of our meetings.
You know I like for us to check in with each other, so let’s do that today.
The crossroads you’re at is definitely something we should talk about. ”
“Or we could talk about the fact that she talks to her hands,” Moe said cheerfully.
Garvey gave her a stern look, but I voiced what he was thinking. “There are worms in the garden with better jokes than yours, Moe.”
“And there are worms in the garden who get more action than any of us here other than Garvey. What’s your point?” Moe retorted.
“Is that what this is really about?” Garvey asked.
“He does things that get me all worked up and says things that are just as . . . interesting. I know that if I went to him right now and said, ‘Take me, I’m yours!’ he’d rip my clothes off. I’m just not sure that’s a good idea because my year isn’t up.”
“Do you feel like you’ve accomplished what you set out to do in the timeline you’ve given yourself?”
“Yes. I have a stable home. I’m sober and attending meetings. I’ve got a dependable job and a circle of people I can depend on. I’m making headway in therapy, and I have my eye on the future.”
“How long do you have left in this self-imposed incarceration?”
“Is that what you think it is?”
“Maybe we really should call Emerald in for this one, because I’m out of my element here,” Garvey admitted.
“You’re a man, and I could use some man-brain input,” I assured him.
“No offense Garvey, but we all know where a man's brain is located, and it’s much farther south than their shoulders,” Moe said, grimacing at him before she looked over at me.
Garvey looked like he was about to argue, but he snapped his mouth shut when Moe added, “You’ve denied yourself for a year even though there’s a hot doctor who looks at you like you’re an all-you-can-eat buffet and he’s been on a diet for three years. ”
“The heat in his eyes when he looks at you should be enough to set your panties on fire, but you’re oblivious,” Taylor pointed out, chiming in for the first time. “Sometimes it makes me want to punch you in the face.”
Shivon laughed. “Only sometimes? You’re nicer than I am.”
“Let’s keep our inner thoughts where they belong and focus on Serana’s dilemma,” Garvey suggested.
“You made a promise to yourself that you’d wait for a year before you even considered getting into a relationship, and I applaud that.
Generally, dating while in recovery or just getting out of rehab is frowned upon because it can take the focus away from the goals a person has set for themselves - namely, their sobriety.
Since you were in prison for years, you’re well into your recovery process, although focusing on building your life after so long away is commendable. ”
“That’s where I got the idea for a year,” I admitted.
“It’s a rule for a reason,” Garvey agreed. “I’ve known Roscoe for years, so I assume that he meets the criteria for a partner for someone whose sobriety is of utmost importance.”
“He doesn’t have any addictions, other than carbs and working out.
He knows I’m in recovery and my main focus is sobriety, and he has never once minimized what it takes for me to stay that way.
He knows how I got addicted and he understands that my addiction is what put me in that position in the first place. ”
“Those are all points in his favor. And although it doesn’t really affect your sobriety, I think as far as relationships go, it would be a good idea for you to level with him and explain what you did and why.”
“He knows all of that.”
“It’s not a secret. The internet is forever, and I’m sure your crime made the news,” Taylor suggested.
“Oh, it did. But if he’s looked it up, he hasn't mentioned it.”
“Hell, I’ve lived within yelling distance of you for months and I don’t know what you got sent up for,” Shivon said with a shrug. “I’ve always assumed you got busted for possession or something.”
“Actually, that was the one charge I didn’t get,” I admitted with a dark laugh.
“As much of a faux pas as it is to ask this, I can’t help myself. What did you do?”
“I was a nurse before I went to prison. I injected drugs that were meant for a patient half an hour before the end of a sixteen-hour shift, and then I drove home - if that’s what you want to call it.
Let’s just say I got behind the wheel, because obviously what I was doing could not be considered driving.
I sideswiped a car at a red light before I ran it, drove through traffic on the highway headed in the opposite direction of my house, hopped the curb doing at least fifty miles an hour, drove down an embankment, across three lanes of feeder road, hopped another curb, plowed through a fence, and planted my car into the front of a house, coming to a stop less than three feet from the bed where a little girl was sleeping. ”
“Oh, holy shit,” Shivon said with wide eyes.
“If you ask me, the deal the DA’s office offered me for four years in prison and ten years of supervised parole was way too generous. I don’t even have any stipulations about getting my license back!”
“But you haven’t tried.”
“I’m terrified of driving. I’ve only done it twice since I was released, and those times were under duress and completely freaked me out.”
“Maybe you should have listed conquering that fear in your one-year wish list,” Taylor suggested. “Not that I mind driving you around when you need me to, but at some point, you might want to try it on your own.”
“That’s on next year’s agenda. This year, I wanted to stay sober and start a new life.”
“You were a nurse?” Fallon asked. When I nodded, she frowned. “Unfortunately, doctors and nurses are more prone to addiction because of the stress, hours, and the easy access to medications.”
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about,” Moe teased.
Shivon looked at Fallon when she asked, “Were you a nurse?”
“Nope.”
“Were you a substance abuse counselor?” Garvey asked with a confused look.
“Nope! We’re not talking about Fallon today,” Fallon said. “We’re going to focus on helping Serana decide if she’s comfortable with the track she’s on or if she needs to readjust her goals.”
“This late in the game?” Moe asked. “She’s only got a few weeks left! Why would she change things up now?”
“Because he’s hotter than a fresh tortilla on my abuela’s comal, and I want to rip his clothes off with my teeth,” I blurted without thinking.
“I’ve always thought you were the whitest Gonzales I’d ever met, but that little glimmer right there? That definitely impressed the Medina in me,” Fallon managed to get out through her cackling.
“Oh, yippee! My sexual frustration impressed Fallon. Now my life is complete,” I muttered.