3. Koi #3
“Yea.” I looked down at the tracksuit I wore. Rae gave me an hour to be dressed and ready to link. I shook off the effects of the alcohol, grabbed my purse, and left the house. By now Belinda was on my mother’s sofa sleeping, making it easier for me to escape. “I’ll call you later, ma.”
She nodded before I closed the door softly.
“You look nice,” Rae stood up from the barstool she was sitting on. Not realizing the height difference at first, since in all our visits she had been sitting, I was taken aback when she pulled me in for a quick hug.
“How you feeling?”
“I’m alright.” My eyes roamed over her thick frame then back to her face. She smiled softly and patted the stool beside her for me to sit down. “I like that orange on you.” She wore an orange wrap dress that hugged her in all the right places, giving off a radiance against her mocha complexion.
“Thank you,” she blushed. “You look like you can use a drink. Can I order for you?”
“As long as it’s strong, auntie tied,” I said in my best hood girl voice. We both chuckled.
I watched her as she waved over the bartender, ordering me a tequila sunrise and then turning to face me. Nervous, my hands became clammy. Her dominant personality had me on edge. Rae was always direct when talking during our sessions, while I was usually quiet until she forced me to open up.
This was no different. She touched my hand, causing me to flinch.
“Relax. So I’m here to listen, but if not, I can tell you about my crazy ass day so you’re not the only one spilling tea.
” I had chosen Rae to be my therapist because she too was a young black woman, so she understood how life worked for us.
We both knew what it was like to work in corporate America as black women.
“Let’s talk about you for a change.” I took a sip from my drink, turning my stool slightly so I’d be facing her.
Opting for a black maxi dress, I was happy it wasn’t as form fitting as my other dresses because the way Rae stared at me at times made me feel like she was undressing me instead of just glancing.
I spotted her ring on her finger, pushing the thoughts I had in the back of my mind.
“Where do I begin? With my husband or my family?” She laughed, looked away, and took a gulp from whatever drink she was having.
“Umm, husband, let’s hear it,” I told her in between sips of my drink. “I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through, but yea.”
“The late nights that involve work,” she quoted the word work.
“We are us just coexisting in our house, and while it could work, it just isn’t.
So, I guess, I’m kind of upset that I’m invisible in my own home, and then my family is supposed to be visiting next week, and he has told me that he will be occupied and not in the mood to host.” She sighed, and for once, I looked at her like a person, not just my therapist.
“Damn. That’s tough.” I sympathized with her. I had a ring, but I hardly claimed that shit with Marcel. Engagement was fun and cute for the first few months, and then that turned into years, and well, here I am, unmarried with a big ass rock in my top drawer.
“It is what it is. So, I’ve noticed the first two visits you wore a ring. Now, you don’t have it on.”
“Well, shit. What else have you noticed?” I laughed nervously. Rae must have studied all her clients, given the way she pointed out everything.
“A lot, but that’s not what’s important.” She smacked her lips. “So, you gonna leave me hanging?”
“Engaged, have been for some years. Not married, and at this rate he can kiss my yellow ass,” I said with finality.
“Sassy and feisty, I hear you.” She lifted her glass. “Do you want another drink or are you a lightweight?”
“I’ll have another.” Not sure if it was dangerous to be out drinking with my therapist, but here we are, two women talking about the bullshit we are dealing with due to the men in our lives.
For two hours we munched on sushi, gossiped, and drank until we were fanning ourselves and giggling at everything. “I drove, so this has to be it for me.”
“Same here. Besides, I need to be able to control myself.” She said with a slight chuckle. “Let me pay the tab. You’ve paid me a few times for services, and tonight you listened to me as well.”
“Hmm, okay then. I ain’t passing up on a free meal and drinks.” I stuck out my tongue. “But on the real, thanks for not dropping me. Shit. It’s only been a few sessions, and I know I’ve been a handful.”
“With all that you’re dealing with. You’re good. I get it. That’s why I counsel black women.” She paused, looking at her cellphone in disgust. “We are often overlooked or played with because of our attitudes.”
“Yea.”
“But I got you. Trust me, I’m not giving up on you that easily,” she reassured me. “Stick wit me.”
“And will,” I sighed, thinking about leaving and stepping back into reality. Marcel would probably be waiting for me to talk about this bullshit. And as much as I wanted to say fuck it, I did need to tell him face to face what this was. We were through, and someone had to move out.