18. Koi #2
“Thanks ma.” I couldn’t help the emotional state I was in. I got comfortable, cut on the AC and slid under the blankets in Duke’s old room. A sense of familiarity was probably what I needed. I closed my eyes, exhaled and dozed off.
“Koi, I can’t believe your ass! You tell Rae some shit that you have yet to tell me and then I go to ya’ crib and I can’t get in then now you ghosting me?
What type of shit is that shorty? I thought we were bigger than that, but I guess you on ya’ little girl shit,” he sighed.
“If you ain’t trying to keep my seed then you need to let me know wassup.
It’s your body, but shit that’s my sperm up in there, but aight love, I’m good.
” I listened to my voicemail shaking my head.
Roman’s age was showing. I hadn’t received a voicemail from a dude in years and the first one I got came from him.
Rae telling on me was not on my bingo card. I trusted her ass with information so instead of calling Roman back, I called her ass.
“Hello.”
“Seriously Rae? You couldn’t let me tell him myself? You that mad that I’m not choosing to be with you?”
“First of all, killer relax, I didn’t tell him to be malicious. It slipped out when we were in the middle of an argument, and it was about you. After I said it, I couldn’t take it back “
“My name should not have come up at all!”
“We were fucking you, Koi! Your name is gonna come up!” She yelled back at me.
“But trust me, I won’t speak on you ever again!
” She hung up in my ear. Annoyed that I didn’t have her address to pull up on her, I hopped out the bed, pacing back and forth through the room, when a knock came to the door.
“Who is it?”
“Sicily.” I pulled open the door. “That man is out front and he’s asking for you.” My eyes bucked. Sicily had met Roman the night she had come to my building. I didn’t know how he had found me, but now I was standing in Duke’s room, panicking. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Where is Ma at?”
“Her and daddy are up there now.”
“Oh God. Let me go and talk to him.” I hurriedly got dressed, left the room and walked to where my parents were talking to Roman.
“Oh good. I didn’t think you were ever going to get up,” my mother chuckled. I looked at her to avoid looking at Roman, but the hole he was burning in the middle of my forehead had me biting down on my bottom lip.
“Can I take you for a drive?”
“Yea, I guess.”
“You better not do nothing to my daughter. I will come and find you. Besides, you are too old for my baby anyway.” My stepfather usually stayed out of my business, but I guess today he needed to make it known that he didn’t play about me.
“Baby, she’s grown. Call us if you need us, Koi.” I nodded at them both before following behind Roman.
No words were exchanged until we got in his car. He opened the door for me as I climbed into his Range Rover. “So, you really weren't gonna tell me?”
“Hi Roman, how are you?” Sarcasm laced in my voice. “I planned to tell you, but I didn’t think your wife would violate patient confidentiality.” I rolled my eyes up in my head.
“All that shit went out the window once I found out you were fucking my wife.” He gripped the steering wheel. I could tell he was pissed, the way his jaw clenched told me all I needed to know. And while I was used to a nigga who yelled when he was mad, Roman’s voice didn’t rise.
“Okay, damn. I didn’t know she was your wife!
You and Rae keep making it seem like I planned this.
I’m tired of it and that’s why I wasn’t gonna tell you about the baby because I’m not keeping it.
I will not be reminded of this shit every day.
” Unlike him my voice couldn’t stay leveled.
I turned to him, index finger pointed in his face.
“You and she can have each other! I will remove myself”
Roman didn’t respond. He pulled over, killed the engine and got out of the car. I watched as he pulled out a cigar, lit it and smoked it. Livid, I stepped out of the car, rounding to the driver's side. “Get back in the car. I am smoking and you don’t need to be around this shit.”
“I just said-”
“I don’t care what you said. Until you go to the little chop shop, I don’t want you around the fucking smoke.”
“Fine, shit.” I pouted just like the brat I was acting like. The car door slammed harder than I wanted it to, but what was done was done.
“You just wanna push me to my limit, huh? Answer me this, why the hell do you want to get rid of the baby?” Roman didn’t know all about the failed pregnancies. While he probably thought I was doing it to spite him, it wasn’t.
“I can’t have babies, Roman. I’ve been pregnant and not once did I give birth to a living child, so when I say I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby!” It wasn’t my intention to take my frustration out on him, but it was an emotional topic.
“What could be done differently if you tried? You need a specialist? I got you. You need bed rest? Quit ya’ job.
Whatever you need, I got you!” His eyes were locked on me.
“You acting like I’m some slouch of a nigga.
Have I made you feel like you can’t depend on me?
From day one I’ve had your back, so enlighten me. ”
“I don’t want to get attached again.” My voice cracked. “I’ve been down this road too many times.”
“Can I set up an appointment for you and if after the appointment you’re not happy with what the doctor is saying then the ball is in your court.”
“Why are you doing this? You are married. I’m the side bitch or whatever I’m known as now, a homewrecker, something.”
“Koi, shut up. You ain’t a homewrecker or a side bitch. You’re the mother of my child, or whatever you decide, and you know I have always wanted a child. That wasn’t something Rae wanted to budge on. Our marriage was an agreement, she’s the homie, but you are who I want to be with.”
“You’re still married at the end of the day.”
“Can you stop stressing shit that can be changed. I’m not gonna tell you to let me lead and blindside you. If I say I got you, don’t question nor doubt me.”
Everything Roman was saying sounded good, but after dealing with a nigga like Marcel, it was only right that I had doubts. Being let down time and time again only made me develop trust issues.
“You are guarded, Koi. I get that but I’m not that nigga. Stop placing me in the same boat as him. Let me in and I promise you that I can show you better than I can tell you.” A sucker for words of affirmation and acts of service, I lay my head back on the headrest.
My mind was all over the place but the words that stuck with me was that Roman had me. As scared as I was to leap, I was willing to dip my feet in and see what happens.